Hi I was reading this morning and I wondered if anyone would has been down this road for a few years wanted to update on what happened and where their situation is going now
After 4 1/2 years here, my life is very good.. I am D for over 2 years.. have a great career, 2 awesome kids who are thriving well and a nice boyfriend.. My XH has no contact with me or the kids for almost 2 years..not a word..his mother is dying at the moment, in the hospital for 2 weeks and she nor his sisters have heard from him I believe he has been drinking again, so that explains most of it he was recovering alcoholic for over 20 years He is remarried to the OW who was 28 at that time. so im not sure if hes living or dead?? Ive given it all to god..I pray for him and his wife hope he finds his way My children and I have let go..
married 14 years H 42 bomb 2/07 IDLYA D final 3 /09 M ow D ow
So good to hear from you Peace....... My sitch is a little different. Ex is coming out of replay. Sold all his midlife crisis toys, the convertible, motorcycle, speedboat, etc...... He is less angry and only communicates via text to me. He seems somewhat embarrassed and less arrogant. He is still living with OW, but clearly they don't seem to have much of a connection. Kids are not connected to her in any way. I have moved on with my life, but have not found a significant other. I have dated a lot but I am struggling with trust issues--- what a surprise. I am happy and have told ex this and wished him well. He has apologized for his actions once. He texts me sometimes several times a day and started this shortly after I told him that I forgave him and wished him and his bimbo much happiness. Ex is is much more receptive to my advice regarding kids and has been very accomadating to me.
Me: 46 H:44 Together: 25 years Married: 20 years Separated: 11-30-06 Divorced 12-21-07 OW: EA began 2005 PA began end of 2006 3 children,20, 16, 6 ex asked for forgiveness 01/16/11
Peace, Like you, my life is good and it took a veryy long time to get to that place. Your xh reminds me so much of mine. He has totally walked away from his family and they seldom, if ever see or hear from him. He's had an aunt, uncle and several cousins pass away and not a peep out of him. He's become a full fledged kid once again. He attends every home game baseball game, out drinking and celebrating earth quakes and hurricanes, and plays vintage baseball with people that could be his own grown children. For someone who tolerated his job as a firefighter and couldn't wait to retire, after 9/11, he became gung ho with the career and joins every party the local station has. All of this is the mirror image of the person that I once knew. He did marry the affair "HO" and I guess they are a happy pair drinking and partying all of the time. All I can say is God bless them and keep them safe, for his mother has to be rolling over in her grave because of his behavior.
I pray for all of the lost souls and I pray for all of us who have to walk this path. Peace, you are not alone when it comes to the odd behavior.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
I was so glad to hear your xh seems to be more cooperative and possibly coming out of this I have also realized more recently how my M has affected my ability to commit and will probably need further healing assistance in that area
Snodderly
I feel at this time it is all about the partying and drinking maybe the MLC was just a set up and all an excuse for my XH to go back to the life he once knew..addiction...It is a powerful disease and some, many will never recover
Thanks for posting ladies and have a great day Peace
married 14 years H 42 bomb 2/07 IDLYA D final 3 /09 M ow D ow
Peace, I'm like you in thinking the mlc was a set up and an excuse to go back to the ways of old. I do believe m xh will never recover from this and will remain stuck until the day he dies.
You've come a long way and are an excellant example of a "success story".
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
I've been divorced for 4 years now ... and I still keep checking in here a couple times a week (co-dependent anyone??)
My x married the woman he left with (had to hurry through the divorce papers so they could make their planned date ... I think the papers came through on the day of the wedding ... oops!)
Our divorce was the best, worse thing that ever happened to me. I think it triggered a bit of a MLC in me and the first couple of years were TOUGH.
I took the opportunity to really follow my dreams and I left my successful, but boring and soul destroying job in the Capital and moved to remote outback Australia where I worked in Aboriginal communities for 3 years. Now I work for a mining company advising on community affairs at their sites all over the world. I love it. I wouldn't change a thing.
My x tried to reconcile a couple of times (once not long after he was married????) but after all we'd been through - and who I was becoming - I realised that it would have been easy and it may have been good for a while, but ultim
I agree the D was the best and worst for me as well I am so grateful that I landed on my feet though for a while it was very tough so important for the LBS to know that we can come out of this for the better and most of us do peace
married 14 years H 42 bomb 2/07 IDLYA D final 3 /09 M ow D ow
You were one of the key ones to help me through a very rough time of my life. Thank you!
My initial bomb was 4 years ago and I have been divorced for two years. My XH has remarried - one year after the divorce. And he married a former friend of mine. He sees his teenage children maybe once a week for about an hour. His wife, other than hello, does not speak to them.
I don't see him and prefer it that way. Our communication now is very, very limited. I only text for medical matters or anything along those lines. Last spring, a very dear family friend passed away. I went to the funeral home and was rewarded with scathing text messages from XH ordering me to stay away. It was at that time that my communications with XH changed. I have been trying for four years to be civil and keep the peace. This situation was the proverbial straw for me. While I am not nasty in any way, nor do I speak of him in a derogatory manner, I will no longer put myself in a position to be treated like that again.
I still have some work to do on myself. Recently, I have found myself somewhat bitter at the change of circumstances in my life. I do know that I am in a better position because I have a great relationship with my girls. But I do worry about finances and it is difficult to see him living large. I have been dating, but that is challenging because I have the girls all of the time. I am not complaining about this - I am very blessed to have them. But it is difficult to develop a relationship when you can't put any time into it. But I would say that my biggest hurdle is the continued hurt he causes the girls. It is constant that they talk to me about what he has said, or done that is hurtful to them. It is hard to move on because I think that in order to do that, you must deal with the anger. It is hard to deal with anger when it is constant and it is because of your children. I sometimes ask myself how long will it be until he no longer invades my thoughts..... I just feel that at this point in this journey - I should be completely done with him but he is still there. I am counting the years until I can move - I have to wait for my youngest to finish school. That will be the biggest and best step for me.
But all in all, I am far better than I was a year ago, and a completely different person from two and three years ago. DB did wonders in saving me....which is really what it is about.
So nice to see you I totally hear what you are saying and Im sorry your XH continues to hurt your children the scars are so deep and although my kids have no contact with their father they still talk and express feelings of abandonment about his departure..
I also understand how hard it is to have a relationship when you are a full time parent with no help I also love my kids, but it is by no way an easy road alone with no support. It is what is is though and I like you am grateful that my kids are healthy and strong and made it thru
married 14 years H 42 bomb 2/07 IDLYA D final 3 /09 M ow D ow
