I have a thread on newcomers, but had a specific question about sex. I've been more available in this area and decided not to withhold because H didn't treat me well. Lately he says after sex, that we shouldn't have sex, and that he's giving me mixed messages. Also, that he doesn't love me.
How should I respond?
Been married 22 years three children, been at this board four years.
I hear you. I'm in a SSM (regular poster on that forum) and I love my wife dearly. I feel fairly connected with her but can only imagine how connected I would feel if we also had a semblance of a sex life. I do not want to leave her, as there are kids involved. I won't leave her. She is really wonderful in so many ways, and has helped me grow as a person. But I miss physical intimacy and connection so much.
It sounds like your H doesn't have all these stellar qualities. Why would he say that sh!t to you? Is he getting ready to leave?
Are you wanting to DB this through? My H said the same things, early on. I just told him that he wasn't giving me mixed signals, I was a woman and I had needs that needed fulfilled. ML can be a way of reconnecting. It's up to you if you want to do it.
I don't know how to do this. She is so checked out. She thinks I don't have the capacity to get her. She thinks we are too different. She doesn't want to wait while I work on me (which is also working on us). She says she has never felt more connected to someone than the person she is having an affair with. My heart is breaking. I know I need to get out and have fun, but it's so hard. And ignoring her is what got us in this mess. I'm just having a really hard time with all of this. I don't know if we can ever come back from it.
