Hi! Where to start?? I've been reading this site for a couple of weeks now. I think it's time I put my story out there.
In June I will have been married for 10 years. We've been together nearly 14 years. In December I asked my H if he wanted it to be just 'him' without me. At the point he told me he hasn't been happy for a long time. I asked him if there was an EA or PA. He denied both at first & admitted to OW pretty quick, within minutes, afterwards. His relationship started with OW 11/20/12.
It is someone he works with. H works from home & travels quite often to corp office out of state-where she is. He approached her. They have been fast & furious ever since. Some background on her: OW is divorced & has a 20mo old daughter from a different relationship she had with someone she met online after her D & an additional long term relationship before meeting her Ds father. She got D & left her other BF due to being cheated on. (ironic that she is now that woman)
He says he is trying to make a decision. He doesn't want to give up his relationship with OW, but doesn't know if he can leave our daughters. He would be moving 8+ hours away & our girls are everything to him.
He says he is trying with me as well. I've made many changes & he sees them & says that they make a difference.
His work knows of the relationship & has not been letting him travel to the corp office unless it is absolutely necessary. I believe this has helped me somewhat. I also know that it has caused strains on their relationship as well.
I know I'm on moderation & will post more of the sitch later and answer questions as they arise.
Right now I'm standing & fighting for my M. I'm in it for the long haul, but man some days are worse than others.
M 34 H 35 D 7 D 6 M 10 T 14 Pregnant w/ boy/girl twins-due 12/2013 BD 12/15/12
I've read that as long as he is still in our home I will have a better chance. Some days are for sure better than others.
It's like he is living two completely different lives. There is obvious tension between us, but we continue to do everything normal couples do…go out with friends, out to eat, we went to Las Vegas last week.
He has told me he admires me for how strong I've been & it shows him I'm serious when I say I want our marriage & I love him.
I know it's mind reading, but I sometimes think he is just keeping me around as a backup plan in case he can't move & relocate with work or bring himself to leave our daughters.
M 34 H 35 D 7 D 6 M 10 T 14 Pregnant w/ boy/girl twins-due 12/2013 BD 12/15/12
Working on acting 'as if' with every moment. Since OW is out of state & all they have is the phone to text &/or talk I need to get better at pretending 'as if' they aren't communicating. When I'm able to do this it's easier for me to GAL & go about my day.
180's are hard as well. How do I do this without H constantly asking what's wrong or pushing him away? When H asks that I usually just say something like…'nothing' and move with whatever it is I'm doing.
M 34 H 35 D 7 D 6 M 10 T 14 Pregnant w/ boy/girl twins-due 12/2013 BD 12/15/12
Journal: We will be traveling to see my family this weekend for Easter. These times are the hardest. Will there be tension? Probably so. I pray for there not to be any, but in these situations there is always awkwardness. I have to stay strong and not show my sadness of the life I'm currently living in.
Staying strong for my daughters at this point is the most important thing. If H could only see what it would be like without him here with his girls I think it would be a real eye opener for him. I know if he was to choose me just for the kids that it would be wrong. I want him to choose us, me & the girls. I want him to see the future with us being together like I see it.
OW lives at home with her parents. She won't let her Ds father spend more than 3 hours every other weekend with their D, but preaches the importance of H being able to be a part of our two Ds lives & that she will support that & wants it for him. She keeps telling him she wants to have his baby. If that was to happen I'm afraid it would hurt his R with our Ds even more & in the end it would cause more pain to him. I think it would probably make him realize that be left his Ds & I'm afraid it would be too late. Can he really think that this would work for him. Why can't he see all the red flags I see? Is the 'fog' I've read about real? I'm thinking more & more it is.
I need to quit focusing on their relationship & focus on me. I need to channel my energy to letting H see me & my changes. Constantly thinking of them being together is hard to stop. How can I do this?
M 34 H 35 D 7 D 6 M 10 T 14 Pregnant w/ boy/girl twins-due 12/2013 BD 12/15/12
Journal: Had a decent day with H & Ds today. D7 had a soccer game & we enjoyed it as a family with a nice dinner afterwards. Then once our daughters were put to bed out comes his phone. Errrr, I don't know why I think each day is going to be different? I can say that he doesn't text her nearly as much as he use to.
Tomorrow morning I'm going to get up early to GAL before D5 soccer game. H will have to feed the girls breakfast & get their bags packed for our trip to my parents for Easter because I won't be here before the soccer game. We are leaving straight from the game. This is something different for me. I typically would have made sure they had breakfast & bags packed before I even considered doing anything. Well, mister I have news for you…I'll be gone & off to run before any of you are even out of bed!
good night, in it
M 34 H 35 D 7 D 6 M 10 T 14 Pregnant w/ boy/girl twins-due 12/2013 BD 12/15/12
Looking for strength to continue this fight. Just found out that H is leaving for OWs in mid April. He told me it is for work, but he will be gone Thur-Mon. It is OWs daughters 2nd bday. By him doing this he will miss both of our Ds soccer games.
Question is, do I tell him I know why he is going & about the bday? Help!
M 34 H 35 D 7 D 6 M 10 T 14 Pregnant w/ boy/girl twins-due 12/2013 BD 12/15/12
Do I tell him I know why he is actually going out of state in a couple of weeks? Or just let it go & act as if it's just another trip for work? When he goes for work he knows I know he's seeing her while there. He's not dumb & knows my assumptions of him being with her while there aren't just assumptions.
I don't know what to do? I haven't asked about us for a couple of weeks. The last we spoke about anything he told me he thought he was finally in a position to start making a decision, but not to expect one in a couple of days. What's that?
In the back of my head I fear that he is just waiting to work it out so he can move & leave us behind & is stringing me along so he can be with the kids as long as possible before he makes the move. Do I ask him this or not?
M 34 H 35 D 7 D 6 M 10 T 14 Pregnant w/ boy/girl twins-due 12/2013 BD 12/15/12
Since I'm still on moderation I'm going to continue to journal my thoughts wile waiting for my posts to be out there.
Journal: I need to focus on my 180's. These are hard. I have done well with not confronting the situation, which is what I would've done in the past. Now I'm able to just go about my day & not bring it up. The old me would've followed H around the house like a puppy dog begging for answers.
I've done well with living in the moment (I'm a planner). I've done well making decisions without consulting H first. I use to ask his opinion on everything. Not anymore!
I wish I could come up with more. I don't want to stop talking to him. We actually have good conversation.
My biggest battle is not confronting/telling him about the things I know he's lied or is lieing about. I feel like a fool with him just getting away with it. He must think I'm clueless. But, if I do tell him it will for sure push him away.
What to do?
M 34 H 35 D 7 D 6 M 10 T 14 Pregnant w/ boy/girl twins-due 12/2013 BD 12/15/12
