She agreed to meet for Lunch -- NOW WHAT?

[DBinSF]

Ok, so my WAW (ex-fiancee, technically) has agreed to meet me for lunch on Wednesday. This will be only the second time we have purposefully met up in over a year. The last time was in April, again for lunch, but that time at her request.

My instinct is to go in there like a bull in a China shop, tell her it's now or never, tell her that her little emails and texts every two/three weeks or so only aggravate the wound and prevent me from moving on. And if she meant what she said in April that she wishes we had worked it out, then we should speak more seriously about it.

I really do want another chance, but she has denied me every time I've brought it up. I have been GALing like nobody's business, but she hasn't let on that she's noticed. At least she hasn't said anything to that effect. She's still with the OM, a guy she's repeatedly told me she has no passion for. If she won't have me, I'd love to move on, but I'm kinda stuck in limbo...

So, what is my game plan? Play it cool? Ask her about her life? Laugh and be light?

Or lay the law down and let her know that her little emails without any real intention to reconcile are driving me batty?

Any guidance or a little Pep talk would be much obliged.

- DBing in SF

[vera be fierce]

Do you respond to her texts/emails? You sound like you are not very detached - they are causing a lot of emotional grief for you. Have you worked on that?

My instinct is to go in there like a bull in a China shop, tell her it's now or never, tell her that her little emails and texts every two/three weeks or so only aggravate the wound and prevent me from moving on. And if she meant what she said in April that she wishes we had worked it out, then we should speak more seriously about it.
I really do want another chance, but she has denied me every time I've brought it up.

This is not DB. This is pursuing. Did pursuing work for you before? You admit that it has not. Stop doing what doesn't work. Do what works.

I have been GALing like nobody's business, but she hasn't let on that she's noticed. At least she hasn't said anything to that effect. She's still with the OM, a guy she's repeatedly told me she has no passion for. If she won't have me, I'd love to move on, but I'm kinda stuck in limbo...

So, what is my game plan? Play it cool? Ask her about her life? Laugh and be light?

Play it cool, calm, confident, composed. Be light. Be your best self. She wants to meet with you, let her lead the conversation. Given your past behavior, it sounds like she won't be expecting that, so it will be a 180 for you.

Or lay the law down and let her know that her little emails without any real intention to reconcile are driving me batty?

Again - just ignore the emails if you have to. They are driving you batty because YOU are allowing them to. Stop giving her control over your emotions.

Good luck!

[DBinSF]

Thanks. Great advice. It's SO hard to resist clinging, needing, wanting, asking. I love her so much, and I know inside she still loves me. She is using someone else as a barrier between us to keep herself from being hurt again. She was SO LOOPY in love with me for so long, and I treated her like [censored]...

I know I need to keep it light. I will do my best. Perhaps this is a total mistake to meet at all. The good news is I'm stronger, happier, and more attractive than I've ever been. Perhaps all I can hope for is that she will notice that on her own.

So, let her lead, eh? Good idea. Ask questions? Be interested? Show support and love without showing need or desire?