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#2234842 04/02/12 12:42 PM
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Part 6 here: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2234801&#Post2234801

Thanks I will continue to pull back. Continue to council. Continue to read my books. I do get nervous because no matter how much work I do on me my W needs work. So even if we decided to R I would have to have a very tough conversation with her about going forward. I can't move back to that home the way things are now. Anyways that is way down the road right now. I'm very proud of myself and the progress I had this weekend on MYSELF.

My W actually thanked me for coming by last night and giving her a little help. But the key was I didn't give her any Fri, Sat, and all day Sunday

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When you continue to work on yourself and you continue to improve, your W will notice. Maybe, and there are no guarantees here, but maybe your changes will be a catalyst for changes in your W. Just don't expect it.

You need to make a note someplace where you can see it, of the progress you see when you pull back. This will serve you well when you become discouraged or angered by actions or words your W may use to bait you into reacting negatively.

Pull back and watch and learn and continue your inner work.


Me51 W53 S17 S14
M22 T25
Bomb-9/11; A-11/11; I move out 11/11

It's easy to find our bottom, it is our top that requires cultivation.

Every rough spot adds to our emotional constitution. -Barney Fife
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Well I mean do I completely pull back. There was a video game we were trying to get for S for Easter and she wasn't having luck and I told her I would grab it just now cuz i was down the street from the place where they might have it. I mean that stuff is ok right. But just not pursuing her. Not pursuing MIL. Not being there to bail her out all the time etc..

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Quote:
"But just not pursuing her. Not pursuing MIL. Not being there to bail her out all the time etc.."


Exactly! And no unnecessary contact, unless it relates to the children.


Me51 W53 S17 S14
M22 T25
Bomb-9/11; A-11/11; I move out 11/11

It's easy to find our bottom, it is our top that requires cultivation.

Every rough spot adds to our emotional constitution. -Barney Fife
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How NOT to get excited when you see positive progress. Hmmm

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Well came over to pick up kids and saw she rescheduled appt with lawyer sort of bummed me out

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Originally Posted By: netmaster
Well came over to pick up kids and saw she rescheduled appt with lawyer sort of bummed me out


That's actually kind of funny. I would think that rescheduling the L appointment would be a positive for you. But, your reaction is good. Keep it up.


Me51 W53 S17 S14
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Bomb-9/11; A-11/11; I move out 11/11

It's easy to find our bottom, it is our top that requires cultivation.

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Originally Posted By: netmaster
How NOT to get excited when you see positive progress. Hmmm


Guess just as how not to lose all hope when there is a bad day. We all struggle with this. You are not alone.


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Well the appt was canceled by lawyer and W rescheduled today so that zapped me a little thinking after the therapy story might change her mind completely . Oh well

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This is the stuff I really need work on. I know her original appointment was canceled by the L cuz lawyer had court duty. I'm sure L called her today to reschedule. I just had my hopes up that my W would not want to consult after talking to her friend who told her to think long and hard before you divorce because it truly [censored] and her kids have been in therapy for over a year.

This is truly the stuff I need support from this forum and my counselor and myself. Ive been doing deep breathing since 3 pm and it helped a little.

What is odd is she actually offered for me to sleep over last night in the spare room cuz it was late. (i turned that down)

She was still being cool to me but just seeing the apptment on the family calendar bit me in the azz.

I have the kids today so I took them out to try to get my mind off it but for some odd reason it is bothering me more then it should. I know I can't control her and what she decides to do. So that is what Im trying to work off. But the hamster mind wonders. Sometimes I think is it because I didn't help her enough all weekend or I turned down the overnight is why she decided to reschedule L appoint. I know KD. This is projecting and I truly SUCK here. But i'm aware at least

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