Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Joined: Mar 2012
Posts: 4
L
New Member
OP Offline
New Member
L
Joined: Mar 2012
Posts: 4
Hi. I'm new to the site. My husband and I have been married for 27 years. Much of the time it has been very good. But when we fight it's usually over the same issues. Lately that has been that we cannot seem to not disappoint each other. He has told me several times over the past 10 years that he wants out. Then we'd reconcile and there were moments even weeks of a very good relationship and then here we are again. Life is like a roller coaster, like I'm sure it is for many. The problem for me is that when we're down my husband wants to bail ship. The last time was yesterday. We haven't talked for about a week because I confronted him about using a credit card. We were in fiancial trouble a few months ago and I agreed to use retirement money to pay debt. We agreed that he would not use credit cards anymore. I happened to see one in his wallet, and he said he needed is for his business. I said I understood but that to satisfy both of us the only things I could think of were for him to pay back the fund or allow me to be more involved to make sure that the credit card bill was being paed on time. When we finally sait down yesterday to talk about this he basically said that he decided he wanted peace in his life without always feeling like he was disappointing someone. He did not want to say he was "committed" to his decision to end the marriage but that he was "certain" our marriage had issues that were irreparable. He likened the situation to a line of prisoners walking to their death and one running out of the line knowing he would be shot - but he would be killed staying in the line as well. There could be no happy ending. He got very angry when I said that I could be friendly but not friends. I explained to him that I was not in the same place as he was emotionally because I feel that in any relationship there are issues but if the relationship consists of 2 reasonable people who have a will things can be worked out. He likened this to him seeing a bus that needed to be lifted. Even if he was reasonable and had a will to lift it, he couldn't. I told him that for me to emotionally separate as it appears he has, I need to be more physically separated. He seemed to understand but it is so hard to reason this in my head and to not try to convince him otherwise which is what I have done in the past. Look where that has gotten me in the past 10 years - to this hopeless and very sad place - again. Looking for advice or comments from anyone out there.

Joined: Nov 2009
Posts: 13,533
Likes: 78
C
Member
Offline
Member
C
Joined: Nov 2009
Posts: 13,533
Likes: 78
Welcome to the board.

Please hit carriage return when you post so it is easier to read.

He is asking for SPACE, give it to him.
Get out and GAL.
DETACH.
Believe none of what he say and half of what he does.
Have NO EXPECTATIONS.
Take care of yourself, breathe, eat, sleep, exercise.

You are on moderation right now on the forum.
SO post in small frequent posts until you get off of it.

Your H is giving you a GIFT.
THE GIFT OF TIME.

USE it wisely.


Me-70, D37,S36
Joined: Aug 2011
Posts: 2,906
Likes: 1
R
Member
Offline
Member
R
Joined: Aug 2011
Posts: 2,906
Likes: 1
^^


M 53
D 20
Separated 6/22/11 moved out 10/24
Together 26 yrs
Married 16
W Filed for D 7/21/11
Served 9/6/11
D final 8/28/12

“Failure is not fatal, but failure to change might be.”

John Wooden





Joined: Apr 2006
Posts: 477
K
Member
Offline
Member
K
Joined: Apr 2006
Posts: 477
It is a sad place, but not necessarily hopeless. Cadet is right about taking care of yourself now...but the key is that when you do have contact...you can't have the same old discussions. The routine you two have is not working and it won't ever work, if you don't take a different approach. If you are not talking to a DB coach and learning how to change your mindset on how to interact with him, so that you can get a different result...I hope you do asap. It can make all the difference in the world. Good luck.


Karen, Resource Coordinator
The Divorce Busting Center
303-444-7004
karen@divorcebusting.com

Give me a call if you'd like to schedule an appointment to speak with a Divorce Busting® Coach.

Moderated by  Cadet, DnJ, job, Michele Weiner-Davis 

Link Copied to Clipboard