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#2226012 02/29/12 03:45 PM
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Hello-

Man! I am glad something like this exists- I have been fit to be tied over and over again with our marital problems, and now can tap into another resource with this forum.

I have recently bought the SSM book and am starting chapter 6 today with the hopes of finishing the book by tonight. I will re-read to figure out a strategy- and hope to share this book with my husband.

I am the HD partner- my husband is LD, but probably doesn't want to admit it- He doesn't want to talk about this issue- but acts as if I should live without any sex life. After years of trying to be seductive early on, I have gotten angry and withdrawn. We have successfully born and raised 6 children- however it amazes me how much begging I had to do. Especially early on there has been significant porn issues and I caught him doing phone sex (not in the act, but by investigating a phone bill) just before we got married. I was naive and trusting of his sorrow and remorse and we got married, although I was crushed by it. He prematurely ejaculates- and I was sooooo patient with him, and tried to be encouraging to find solutions. After a while I figured out he was not going to do anything about it- and I felt very dejected and dismissed. Because we are not in the stereotypical roles-in my pursuit of any solutions, I have felt very odd and very lonely. On a sort of related note, I converted to Catholicism about 13 years ago- from another Christian denomination to match my husband's religion and to raise our children in a unified faith life. I am profoundly happy to be in the Church- it has largely vindicated me on many beliefs I had on marriage- however their are sticky points that I need to learn more about as well. Anyway, I have lived this married life for so long in utter disbelief that any husband of mine could have so little interest in sex. In low (most) moments I resign myself- and in lower moments I get very bitter. I do have to say IMO that the poor quality of our sex life (now non-existent for many years since last child born and menopause) has either caused, or is a result of, every other aspect of our married life- which is not very good. I think the barometer is a true indicator, but I'd bet my husband would disagree.

I guess I have some work to do- but I feel like throwing the book at him with my unedited remarks in the margins- however I don't think this would be very productive, probably should buy another book.

I have read several posts here this morning, please forgive me if I am not finding the appropriate posts yet for helpful advice- but the amount of information here is a bit overwhelming to me right now. I am grateful to have found this forum and am sharing my story- I know you all will have good advice for me, hoping, anyway. Thanks.

Last edited by Virginia; 03/01/12 06:55 PM.
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Hi real there is a section dedicated to sexual issues that u should check out. I think it is called the sex starved m. Good that u found this site. More experienced DBers will chime in soon. Post often until u are no longer in moderation.


M 53
D 20
Separated 6/22/11 moved out 10/24
Together 26 yrs
Married 16
W Filed for D 7/21/11
Served 9/6/11
D final 8/28/12

“Failure is not fatal, but failure to change might be.”

John Wooden





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thanks, Rick, will check it out- feeling my way around the site- looks like terrific support here.

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Ok, on the advice of Rick1963, I will continue to post, mainly for me to remember how things are going.....I am almost finished with the ssm book and have been discovered by H. He said he wants to read. Ok. we'll see how far that goes. I am feeling my way around the site and do wonder about this moderation and how long it will take (how many posts)for me to get out from under it. Thanks for any replies.

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Real tell us how old u guys are how long M any children? Has he ever told why he is not interested in sex? Any other complaints from H about u or the R? Writting down things in here will be very helpful to you. Hang in there


M 53
D 20
Separated 6/22/11 moved out 10/24
Together 26 yrs
Married 16
W Filed for D 7/21/11
Served 9/6/11
D final 8/28/12

“Failure is not fatal, but failure to change might be.”

John Wooden





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OK- we are in our season of birthdays- and haven't been back here in a few days- sorry for not getting back in a timely fashion- anyway- I'm 50 my H is 49 we have been married almost 22 years- we have 6 children- only by the grace of God and my (our- he is from a family of 5 boys) interest in having a larger family. I am glad, I love our family. I don't know how to say this, but most of the work of growing the family rested on my shoulders......every act that resulted in conceiving, as well as the others...all which were meant to foster a R...if it were up to him I don't think any of it would have happened. He just doesn't seem to have interest in being with me. He will say that he does when I talk about it- but nothing comes from his words. He promises things will be better in the future, that he will change, etc... but to me it feels like lip service, a big fat lie, and I wish he would stop talking. He doesn't like my anger. I feel like he wanted a barbie doll or a Stepford wife. I have said it to him, but I don't say it as often as it crosses through my thoughts., I am on another board working on Marriage Fitness and the focus is working on myself and my flaws...I do have a lot of work to do. Thanks for your questions-

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My reference to a Stepford wife has made me think.... not to be nasty or anything, but those 'women' were probably programmed to be pleasing physically- hmmm. have to watch the movie again, I guess.


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