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Maika Offline OP
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No one is coming to save you!

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Maika Offline OP
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Not going to do a recap, but just jotting down some things that W is holding against me:

1. I didn't open up to her about my fears, aspirations, challenges etc. about life.
2. She felt like I did not view her as a safe person for me to be vulnerable with.
3. I didn't share with her what I wanted out of our sex life.
4. We never spent quality time together in the last few years.
5. We had different ideas about finances.

Her LLs are physical touch and quality time - both which are hard to accomplish while DBing, but I am taking a slow approach with some gentle steps.

I've been working on having zero expectations, but I realized last night that I was not even close. I thought about it more today and saw that I was expecting things to turn around fast. GAL has suffered lately, but I am getting back on it. I did feel a sense of love towards W in a detached way when I started thinking about not having expectations for my actions.


No one is coming to save you!

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Originally Posted By: Maika
Not going to do a recap, but just jotting down some things that W is holding against me:

1. I didn't open up to her about my fears, aspirations, challenges etc. about life.
2. She felt like I did not view her as a safe person for me to be vulnerable with.
3. I didn't share with her what I wanted out of our sex life.
4. We never spent quality time together in the last few years.
5. We had different ideas about finances.

Her LLs are physical touch and quality time - both which are hard to accomplish while DBing, but I am taking a slow approach with some gentle steps.

I've been working on having zero expectations, but I realized last night that I was not even close. I thought about it more today and saw that I was expecting things to turn around fast. GAL has suffered lately, but I am getting back on it. I did feel a sense of love towards W in a detached way when I started thinking about not having expectations for my actions.



I feel you, brother. Remember what you tell me.

Marathon, not sprint.

You will get there. We all will.


Married 9: Together 11
M:37 W:35
S:2 D:7
Bomb dropped 6/3/2017
W moved out 7/1/2017
Separation Filed: 8/1/2017
Modified to Divorce: 8/21/2017
Divorced: 10/5/2017
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Maika Offline OP
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Originally Posted By: Jmstl
Originally Posted By: Maika
Not going to do a recap, but just jotting down some things that W is holding against me:

1. I didn't open up to her about my fears, aspirations, challenges etc. about life.
2. She felt like I did not view her as a safe person for me to be vulnerable with.
3. I didn't share with her what I wanted out of our sex life.
4. We never spent quality time together in the last few years.
5. We had different ideas about finances.

Her LLs are physical touch and quality time - both which are hard to accomplish while DBing, but I am taking a slow approach with some gentle steps.

I've been working on having zero expectations, but I realized last night that I was not even close. I thought about it more today and saw that I was expecting things to turn around fast. GAL has suffered lately, but I am getting back on it. I did feel a sense of love towards W in a detached way when I started thinking about not having expectations for my actions.



I feel you, brother. Remember what you tell me.

Marathon, not sprint.

You will get there. We all will.


Ha ha yes!!! Definitely a marathon.

I realized this early through my IC that I was not comfortable living in ambiguity. I needed some clarity about whatever that was happening. I kinda dropped that when I started DBing, but it crept back up yesterday. And reading the post about wanting to have a sense of control can drive the LBS to not wanting to live in uncertainty. But, that starts to wither away as soon as you start detaching and having zero expectations.

All in all, I just need to be start being comfortable in this ambiguity and give up this idea of trying to constantly strategize or control the sitch. It seems like nothing has come out of it that has been productive.


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Maika Offline OP
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FIL and MIL left a few days ago and BIL and his wife are in town - yesterday and today. Yesterday W invited me for dinner outside with them and it was good. I get along really well with BIL and his wife. After the dinner, W thanked me for coming and said it was probably weird for me. I said, no it was great and I had a good time - upbeat and chill.

W invites me for dinner again tonight at her place with BIL and his wife. I'll go and see how things are, but will have a good time any ways.

These invites make it easy for me to engage in LL for W as she does see this as quality time.

Again, putting the hat of zero expectations on.


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She invites you over for dinner a lot smile. I would $hit my pants if my W did that. Do you feel any awkwardness from the in-laws?


Married 14, Together 17
M: 44, W: 43, D: 8, D: 6
M: 46, W: 45. D: 10. D: 8 (CUR)
Bomb Dropped: 5/28/2017
Separation Date: 6/17/2017
Divorce Filed: 2/7/2018
Divorce Final: 4/12/2018
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Maika Offline OP
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Yehhh thats why I'm so tripped up. W wants S but then keeps inviting me for dinners and wine and sleeps in my bed for a week straight. I'm like WTF is going on?

In-laws are pretty alright. I'm just a bit more guarded but they do worry how I'm doing. They're definitely in the pro-marriage camp and want this to work out.


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It would definitely be hard to detach and approach with no expectations. Sounds like you are handling it well and taking her up on the offers as when you went cold turkey on her I remember she didn't like that.

Just keep your guard up.......


Married 14, Together 17
M: 44, W: 43, D: 8, D: 6
M: 46, W: 45. D: 10. D: 8 (CUR)
Bomb Dropped: 5/28/2017
Separation Date: 6/17/2017
Divorce Filed: 2/7/2018
Divorce Final: 4/12/2018
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Posts: 1,920
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Maika Offline OP
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Yeh she flipped out. My GAL got her to breakdown cuz I went dark about what I was doing. So that didn't work. But this slow approach seems to be working alright for now. I just have to have no expectations and continue GAL and improving myself. I got a new dope shirt in the mail yesterday and I was rocking it to work this morning and W noticed and liked it. I love the shirt and I knew I was looking fine as hell. She loves my dressing style and I slacked off on it during MR but now I'm back.


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LOL......you see your W is interacting with you in a positive way which is a good sign.


Married 14, Together 17
M: 44, W: 43, D: 8, D: 6
M: 46, W: 45. D: 10. D: 8 (CUR)
Bomb Dropped: 5/28/2017
Separation Date: 6/17/2017
Divorce Filed: 2/7/2018
Divorce Final: 4/12/2018
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