Struggling to Breath

[Chrysalid]

It's been about a year since I last posted here and it will be 2 years this June since I separated from my ex.

It's been one rollercoaster of a year. I almost lost my home, I've been battling my ex and my depression.

My ex is still with the woman he left me for and he's still refusing to pay any of his debts which has put a huge financial strain on me.

I pretty much gave up and tried to accept that my husband had moved on and was dealing with it the best I could by going to therapy, GAL, going on dates etc. but I couldn't ever get my husband out of my mind. He's the man I want to be with even though everything about him should be telling me to run as far away as possible and be thankful we're not together anymore.

I question my sanity constantly, I wonder if i'm lonely or desperate but most of the time I truly believe I love him and don't think my heart could ever belong to anyone else.

I've never told any of my family or friends how I feel because I'm quite sure they'd have me committed. He's been absolutely horrible to me, he's been cruel and hurtful but I still know him better than anyone and know why he does the things he does.

I saw him and his gf out on St. Patricks Day. I've had to see him for short bouts here and there but it was the first time I saw her since she stole my husband. It shocked me but I didn't let on that it bothered me or even acknowledged them.

I cried all day yesterday, it must have affected me more than I realized. Partly because I know through a close mutual friend that OW told my husband that she loves him and he couldn't say it to her in return.

I'm devastated that my husband continues to be with a woman he doesn't love.

I filed against him right before NYE asking for support only for the debt he owes and he counterfiled with Divorce papers. That stung.

What do I do now ? I know he loved me, we had a great marriage and he lost his way and got led astray by OW being in the right place at the right time when we were having marital problems. She's a manipulator and I KNOW he doesn't love her and stays with her because she is buying his affection.

I'm having panic attacks thinking about all this

[mimivac]

It's been about a year since I last posted here and it will be 2 years this June since I separated from my ex.It's been one rollercoaster of a year. I almost lost my home, I've been battling my ex and my depression.

Wow, you've had a long road and so much to deal with.

My ex is still with the woman he left me for and he's still refusing to pay any of his debts which has put a huge financial strain on me.

Good for you for filing against him in this regard. You need financial security and your ex should be held accountable for his part.

I question my sanity constantly, I wonder if i'm lonely or desperate but most of the time I truly believe I love him and don't think my heart could ever belong to anyone else.

I've never told any of my family or friends how I feel because I'm quite sure they'd have me committed. He's been absolutely horrible to me, he's been cruel and hurtful but I still know him better than anyone and know why he does the things he does.

I don't think you're crazy. I think you're incredibly hurt and the situation is made all the more unbareable by the OW and the financial burden he has put on you. What is it that is blocking you from moving on? It seems you've done a lot of activities to help you to move beyond this, but you are in somewhat of a holding pattern. Can you identify the emotion that is holding you back? You can love someone who you have let go of. But it seems that you are having a hard time letting go. Can you explore this with a therapist?

I saw him and his gf out on St. Patricks Day. I've had to see him for short bouts here and there but it was the first time I saw her since she stole my husband. It shocked me but I didn't let on that it bothered me or even acknowledged them.

Ouch. I understand that this must sting. Don't be too hard on yourself. If this is the first time you have seen them together, of course you are going to have a reaction.

I cried all day yesterday, it must have affected me more than I realized. Partly because I know through a close mutual friend that OW told my husband that she loves him and he couldn't say it to her in return.

I'm devastated that my husband continues to be with a woman he doesn't love.

Don't spend your precious time and energy contemplating what the OW says, feels, or does. You don't know how your H feels about her and speculation will only drive you crazy. Who cares if he is with a woman he doesn't love? Those are his actions and they don't reflect on you anymore.

What do I do now ? I know he loved me, we had a great marriage and he lost his way and got led astray by OW being in the right place at the right time when we were having marital problems. She's a manipulator and I KNOW he doesn't love her and stays with her because she is buying his affection.

I'm having panic attacks thinking about all this

As hard as it is, I think you get on with your life now. This is not to say that the R is over for good or that you have to completely close the door to it, but your H has made a choice. You cannot control, change or influence that. Now you have to make a choice to live. Talk to your doctor about anti-anxiety medication (it does wonders for me when I need it) if you want to go that route. It can really help. Maybe you need to do something major to shake up your life. Is there something you have always wanted to do? A dream career? A dream city? I know you are going through finanical trouble right now, but why not start to plan something? Why not do research in the library or find people who have done those things and talk to them?

I wish you all the luck in the world. You can get through this.

Mimi

[Chrysalid]

thanks for your reply MiMi,

My husband has mentioned the same thing to other mutual friends, that he doesn't love her which I find bizarre, why get that out there knowing that there is a chance they would tell me ? He's generally a closed book when it comes to those things.

He also mentioned that he had to buy her an expensive gift in return for all the money she spends on him. She's trying to buy his affection.

I know the reasons why my husband left and I guess I never gave up hope for him or us and I have tried everything to better myself. I've been in therapy for over a year, I take anti-depressants, I've joined groups and changed so much about my life. I've been on trips and dated but yet I still hold that man so dearly in my heart.

I don't want to move away I want to figure out how to get closer to him. If he's unhappy I'll never stop caring for him and wanting to help him. I try not to dwell on the OW or him too much but hearing this news has really shaken things up for me.