Here it is: Went through divorce in '06. This board helped me through the darkest times.
Met someone new and we moved fast. It was wonderful. No children together but I had two (two boys 7 & 11) and she had one (6 year old boy) from previous marages. Her boy never took to me. He would throw things at me: shoes, books, etc. We broke up for a week last August but got back together when I promissed to stay on my meds (diagnosed with bi-polar earlier last year) and not drink. Was doing really good until end of November / early December. Went off the meds. Thought I was doing ok.
I started getting angry. Outbursts. Never hit her or threatened her in any way but I would get angry. Mostly due to her son's behavior. Came to a head the day after Christmas. At a restaurant and her son said hey Jack then squirted the ketchup bottle in my face. I lost it right there in the restaurant.
Needless to say that was the final straw for her. I know I screwed up real bad. Went back on my meds btw. I broke all the rules and begged her to take me back. Forced her to make a decision. She called me today and told me to come get my stuff out of the house when she is not there this weekend.
I am in so much pain right now. I haven't been eating. Throwing up every day. I can't believe I messed up again. I am being real hard on myself. Crazy thoughts. I need help. I lost my insurance so I can't afford therapy. I just can't believe I threw it all away again. 40 years old and sleeping on my parents couch. I am such a loser.
Jack honey - Yes, you need to stay on your meds, and yes, you have work to do - but really, a kid who squirts ketchup in your face??? And a mom who doesn't take control of the situation when the kid does?
Yes, it's normal for kids to resent a new guy in their mom's life, and to act out. But this sounds extreme. And it makes me question whether her parenting skills are up to the challenge, regardless of whether yours are or not.
I know it hurts to let go, but really, this sounds like a now-win situation. You can do better.
AS for your mood disorder - are you taking your fish oil? (Pretty good data on fish oil and bipolar). Can you go to a community mental health clinic to get help? Have you ever been checked for thyroid problems or iron overload (hemochromatosis)?
Meanwhile - although I know you don't feel like it, I want you to get outside and exercise today, okay? It's the best therapy. Just do it.
kml - I'll try. I am just so sad right now. I can't function.
What you are saying makes sense. Her son would totally disrespect me in every way and she wouldn't do anything. She would constantly make excuses for him. I'll be graphic for a sec....a couple weeks prior I was sleeping on the couch. He pulled his pants down, put his but on my face and passed gas.
As for mood disorder....just made appoint with doctor for next Tuesday. Don't take fish oil. Never heard of the other things you mentioned.
Thanks for the kind words. Just real sad and lonely today.
Go and get some fish oil ASAP. Taker two capsules a day. Nordic Naturals or Carlsson brands are two reliable good-quality brands that most health food stores carry.
There are good studies on the use of fish oil in bipolar depression:
Thyroid disease is more common in families with bipolar disorder. Hemochromatosis is a genetic condition (present in about one out of two hundred people) that causes excess iron to accumulate. Mostly it causes arthritis, type two diabetes, heart disease, hormone imbalances - but it can also sometimes cause bipolar, it seems - at least thwere are case reports of bipolar patients with hemochromatosis getting better when their iron levels are reduced through blood donation.
kml - forced myself out of the house. Picked up fish oil. Got a cup of coffee. Picked up a couple books at b&n. Thanks for the heads up on the fish oil.
I am totally embarassed. My whole family is telling me this is a blessing. That she is not good for me. That a year from now I will be grateful. Bla bla bla. Still doesn't take away the pain. At least the dark thoughts have eased up a bit. Sometimes I just go to that dark place and I feel like my life is a waste.
Thinking about joining the gym. I put on 20 lbs in 2011. Time to take it off. - Jack
All is not lost when you are willing and able to recognize your short comings to address them head on...
Now isn't that time. You have to get to a more rational state of mind.
Take care of yourself in the meantime Jack.
This is true. I am not going to make any major decisions until I get to that rational state of mind.
My one question is - should I rent the truck like she wants and move all my stuf out of the house? I don't want to. I really don't want to but she is dead set on it being done this weekend. What do I do?
kml - forced myself out of the house. Picked up fish oil. Got a cup of coffee. Picked up a couple books at b&n. Thanks for the heads up on the fish oil.
I am totally embarassed. My whole family is telling me this is a blessing. That she is not good for me. That a year from now I will be grateful. Bla bla bla. Still doesn't take away the pain. At least the dark thoughts have eased up a bit. Sometimes I just go to that dark place and I feel like my life is a waste.
Thinking about joining the gym. I put on 20 lbs in 2011. Time to take it off. - Jack
She does sound like she and her son need to put some serious work into themselves too though. I can't see this working unless they do. And to parrot what others have said - stay on your meds. When you feel better, just know that they are working. Good luck!
Good job on getting out of the house and getting the fish oil. Gold star!
Go ahead and rent the truck and move your stuff. Remember that this doesn't necessarily mean you won't be back together IF THIS IS THE RIGHT RELATIONSHIP (but DO listen to your friends and family if they think it's not! They're often more objective and can see what you can't).
But either way, she DOES have a lot of work to do on her parenting skills before this would ever work between you, so let go of it for now and focus on yourself.
