Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Page 1 of 11 1 2 3 10 11
Joined: May 2011
Posts: 1,432
Likes: 50
V
Member
OP Offline
Member
V
Joined: May 2011
Posts: 1,432
Likes: 50
Too Tired to Fight
Grace, Love, Compassion, and Faith
Grace, Love, Compassion, and Faith - Good Stuff
Grace, Love, Compassion, and Faith - EVEN BETTER

I saw that my thread was locked so I started a new one. I haven't been able to post and find myself wanting to spend less time on the board.

It is not because I care less about the people on this board, or that I no longer want to save my marriage... I just feel like almost every aspect of my situation is in God's hands now.

The D is almost done. I don't expect my w to reach out to me during the holidays. I may not have told her what I am doing, but she reads my FB and I'm posting all the time about my vacation. I know I'm supposed to be "mysterious" but I find myself caring more and more about myself and my happiness vs. what my w thinks about my status.

I find myself frustrated that I still think about her constantly. I find myself wanting to move on with life. Not in an angry way or out of hurt, but because I am getting happy, and if I wasn't dealing with a D... I think I might be the happiest I have been in a long time.

I find myself becoming impatient because I have only a little bit of negative and I just want to cut it out. I long for my heart to be mended. I'll accept the new scar on it.. and will be grateful for it.. but I'm tired of putting the pieces back together.

I'm just feeling ready to be "done".. ya know? I feel like I put in the good fight. I still love my w and would be willing to reconcile and am working hard to forgive....

.... but I don't want my sitch to be my focus of my life anymore.

I have committed to getting healthy and becoming a better Val.. That's where I want my focus and that doesn't have anything really to do with her.

I never had a timeline.. but I feel like I've done my part. Until God shows me something else, I'm gonna live my life and turn this relationship over to him. Whatever the outcome, he knows what's best for me.

And I just want to be grateful for what I have and where I'm going and let go of the pain.

Maybe this is just ramblings under the influence a new book I'm reading. It's small and called "Gratitude". It's written by the same author of "Codependent No More".

I don't know if the feelings will last but both my heart and my head are ready to let go of this negative situation. Ready to start thinking about all the joy life is bringing vs. battling the negatives from ONE situation.

These feelings may be why I'm not posting.

Because...

If I'm honest, I just feel like me posting about my sitch keeps me stagnant. Maybe it's because I'm not posting about the right things..

I guess I'll have to think about that.

Enough ramblings for the night.


M(f): 40
D'ed: 8/12

Show empathy when there's pain. Show grace when warranted. Kindness in the midst of anger. Faith in the face of fear.

Love at all costs because you are loved well.
Joined: Aug 2011
Posts: 2,906
Likes: 1
R
Member
Offline
Member
R
Joined: Aug 2011
Posts: 2,906
Likes: 1
Val sounds like you are in a good place. That is always a good place to be. Let the healing begin and have a great holiday.


M 53
D 20
Separated 6/22/11 moved out 10/24
Together 26 yrs
Married 16
W Filed for D 7/21/11
Served 9/6/11
D final 8/28/12

“Failure is not fatal, but failure to change might be.”

John Wooden





Joined: Dec 2011
Posts: 524
G
Member
Offline
Member
G
Joined: Dec 2011
Posts: 524
Good luck brother, sound's like you have reached a turning point. Wish I was there.


Me: 44
Bomb: 11/27/11
Divorced:6/12
Life goes on: 6/13


Dogs still like bacon...a lot.
Joined: Mar 2011
Posts: 1,949
~
Member
Offline
Member
~
Joined: Mar 2011
Posts: 1,949
Val-

I know exactly how you feel.
I don't post as much on here as I did, and like you it isn't because I don't care about the people here, it is because I don't want to keep thinking about my sitch all the time.

I think I've come to accept that what is done is done, and I am actually ok with it. I have gained so much through the loss of my marriage, and I am thankful for what I have.

I also want my heart to mend. I remind myself that it takes time and I've come a long way in almost a year and I need to celebrate that.

I wish nothing but the best for you V.


"Everyone you meet has baggage. Find someone who loves you enough to help you unpack."
¤Formerly DelinquentGurl¤
Joined: Sep 2011
Posts: 1,987
B
Member
Offline
Member
B
Joined: Sep 2011
Posts: 1,987
I here you Val. I sometimes think posting and checking this board too much prevents me from GAL but for me right now I still need it. I still need to know that I am not the only one.

Even if you post less, keep us updated on your story - your journey has helped so many simply by reading your transformation.


----
M 39
H 35
D5,D4
M 4
T 9
ILYBNILWY 5/18/11
Left 7/11/11
Divorced 12/1/13

Joined: Dec 2011
Posts: 825
P
Member
Offline
Member
P
Joined: Dec 2011
Posts: 825
I agree with BklnMom. It's comforting to come to this board and be reminded that I'm not suffering alone. I have found that reading other's stories has helped me gain new perspectives, get advice and find encouragement... You're story has helped many of us that you don't even know smile


M-31, H-31
T-9, M-7
S-6, s-20mth
sep 8/1/11
ILYNILWY 11/29/11
Creating separation papers.
Discover H has feelings for BFF, she does too 1/11/12
H moves out 1.20.12
Joined: Dec 2011
Posts: 335
K
Member
Offline
Member
K
Joined: Dec 2011
Posts: 335
Originally Posted By: purgatory
I agree with BklnMom. It's comforting to come to this board and be reminded that I'm not suffering alone. I have found that reading other's stories has helped me gain new perspectives, get advice and find encouragement... You're story has helped many of us that you don't even know smile


Could not agree more - well said!!


Me: 36
Her: 35
Together 7/09
Married 8/7/10
Separate rooms since at least April 11
"I've decided I want a divorce" 12/5/11
She moves out of state/files 2/7/12
Dissolution final 5/12
Joined: Jul 2011
Posts: 308
W
Member
Offline
Member
W
Joined: Jul 2011
Posts: 308
I'm in agreement with many here. When my sitch first unfolded, this place was like a haven -- so many people who knew exactly what I was going through and had so much helpful advice! I posted almost every day. After enough time went by, though, I only started posting if something really different happened. You can only be on the boards so much before you start getting too fixated.

Enjoy your life, Val. I'm very glad that you're at the point where you've let God take the reins. You will find happiness wherever you end up -- that's for sure. You're too good of a person not to.


Us: mid-20s
T: 5.5 yrs
M: 2 yrs
S + OM: 6/21/11
Legally S'd: 9/9/11

In this life, you have a limited amount of mental currency. You get what you pay for, so spend it wisely.

So it goes. --Kurt Vonnegut
Joined: May 2011
Posts: 1,432
Likes: 50
V
Member
OP Offline
Member
V
Joined: May 2011
Posts: 1,432
Likes: 50
Thanks Everyone!!

@DG - I wish you all the best too sweetie! You've come so far and been through so much. Our sitches sukk for sure but I'm thankful for your support.

@Bklym - I completely understand. As time passes and as you grow, the support and use of the board changes as well. For now - just take it a day at a time. It really does get better.

I'll continue to post for sure. It's time I start healing and truly detaching. If anything, I'll use the board to journal about that.

@ west - Thank you so much! I really feel like I am starting to get the old Val back. I think that I've always been kind and loving, but just spent the last 8 yrs putting all of my energy into my wife.

I've come to realize that my w is not as loving as I thought. She is very angry, hurt, fearful, and so many other negative feelings. She choses to run, she choses not show grace, she chooses not to forgive.

She is not me and although I accept where she is in her journey.. I've come to realize that in the last 8 yrs, she brought me down. Like a victim who is drowning and who almost drowns the lifeguard when all the lifeguard is trying is save them.

She almost drowned me...

Which brings me to this..

Journal:

This is my first Christmas without my wife. Today.. I woke up feeling sad... Then I got pissed off (what nerve for my w to tell me her Xmas will be "interesting")

But it stops now. I refuse to give my w any more power today. Yes.. I am bruised and battered.. I am tired and I am emotional.. But I am not broken.. And no matter what... I will not break!

For as much as I am struggling, I am convinced that God loves me and although I am sad that my w is not part of that love, I will not allow that to overshadow all the love and blessings in my life.

My mom is currently cooking my favorite meal. I will head over later and spend Christmas Eve will my sister and family. In the morning, my eldest niece is going to make the most "bangin" chocolate chip pancakes ever. I will play Xbox with my nephews and take part in being one of the princesses in the youngest new castle.

..... If I'm really lucky... Maybe the bears will beat the packers too!

I will count my blessings and will accept that right now, God has me exactly where I need to be (as graciously as possible).

I hope you all can find the blessings in your lives this holiday! We are all truly loved!

Merry Christmas Everyone!


M(f): 40
D'ed: 8/12

Show empathy when there's pain. Show grace when warranted. Kindness in the midst of anger. Faith in the face of fear.

Love at all costs because you are loved well.
Joined: Aug 2011
Posts: 495
I
Member
Offline
Member
I
Joined: Aug 2011
Posts: 495
Yay Val!! Merry Christmas!! You really have come a long way. I completely understand about wanting to reconcile vs. your own happiness, etc.....

I am agnostic, as you know, but I am beginning to believe god or something has made sure we are all where we NEED to be at the moment so we can grow into what we are meant to be--- which we wont see for a while.....unfortunately!!!

Please continue to pray for me, Val, as I am about as low as I've been through this whole journey. I've had almost suicidal moments (saved by my thoughts of S honestly!!!) and moments when i feel completely useless due to W's opinion of me and her casual dismissal of our THIRTEEN years...... You are an inspiration and I do hope you will keep us updated --- and as I say, please pray for me. I need it really really reallyyyyyyyyy right now. smile

And in my own way, I've been praying for you my friend as well. ((((((((((((((Hugs)))))))))))))))))))


Me (f): 45
W(f) 35
T: 13 y
C: S4 adopted at birth
6-18-11 bomb: I want to break up
8-28-11 OW confirmed
Page 1 of 11 1 2 3 10 11

Moderated by  Cadet, DnJ, job, Michele Weiner-Davis 

Link Copied to Clipboard