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#1837495 09/14/09 07:17 PM
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my wife and i started having problems last nov of 2008..i am 50 years old my wife is 31..we had a great relationship till things started to go wrong.
it was dece. of 2007 i went to a company christmas party with out my wife..and met some lady after i had been drinking..like a dummy i gave her my cell number before i left that nite..well anyway we started talking alot on the phone and texting..my wife found out when she see some text in my phone..she called the lady and was mad and then she hit me up about it..i told her i would stop..but i kept talking to her off and on for a few more months just talking..my wife found out again by looking in my phone and seeing a text message..she was really mad and hurt so i did stop.
later in the summer of 2008 my wife keep bring up what i did..and she said she wanted to start going out with some of her friends with out me to have a girls nite out..well it was once or twice a month..then weekly.
well she liked going out with out me..and then the sex stopped in aug. of 2008 and we have not had sex or kissed or anything.she met a man where she works..she works at a bank..and this man is a customer..he drives a concrete truck for a living he is 44 years old..well anyway they have been seeing each other that i know of since dece of 2008..ive followed her over the last 5 months off and on and caught her out with him..at a bon fire..at his friends house..at a park going for a walk..she has stayed out all nite and not come home about 9 different times..she never did this before..ive confronted them so many times that my wife has called the police and is threating a restaning order.
she still lives in the house with me..but sleeps in another room of the house..its gotten so bad she wont even talk to me any more..i know ive push her to far away but chasing after her..ive caused her to want this man more..im so upset with everthing thats happened.
the man was married for 22 years with 5 kids..he filed for a divorce in april of this year hes in love with my wife..his divorce was over last week sept. 8th 2009..his wife moved out this weekend..anyway my wife has told me since may she wanted a divorce and she was leaving as soon as she found a place..we have no kids together..she told me this weekend she was moving out this week..i think she is going to move in with this man his name is mark..im so upset and sad i dont want it to be over..i know ive made some mistakes but i love my wife and i want her back..but i really think once she leave its over..she told me she hates me and does not love me any more..and she calls me all kinds of names and is just plain mean to me..ive tried to get her to go to counceling and church..but she said no way.
she goes out almost every nite and if she does come home its late like 12 or 1 oclock in the morning..its killing me ive never done anything like this to her..ive never stayed out all nite ever..we have been together for 12 years and been married for 8 years.
is there anythig i can do or is it over..i love her so much i just cant and dont want to let go..is there anything i can do to stop here or change her mind..all messed up meeks

meeks #1837517 09/14/09 07:42 PM
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Sorry that you find yourself here.

Can you give us some stats? How long were you M? Is this the first M for both of you?


M-43 W-40
2D - 9 and 5

Emotion, yet peace.
Ignorance, yet knowledge.
Passion, yet serenity.
Chaos, yet harmony.
Death, yet a new life.

RECONCILED AND WISER
meeks #1837563 09/14/09 08:38 PM
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IVE BEEN MARRIED FOR 8 YEARS..THIS IS MY SECOND MARRIGE HER FIRST..WE HAVE BEEN TOGETHER FOR 12 YEARS.

meeks #1837608 09/14/09 09:22 PM
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It's not much from me, but I really recommend the DR book. It set my mind at ease quite a bit and while it hasn't (yet) staved off the divorce, it did give me some measure of control and let me know what to do so I didn't make the situation worse.


Me: 35
W: 31
D10, S7, S2, S11 months
M: 11 years
Tricked into separation.
In Last Resort.

My story:
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1800530#Post180053
meeks #1837699 09/15/09 01:07 AM
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The only way you stand a chance of even getting your W's attention is to completely detach from her. Let her go. Set her free. She will never go back to you if you try to force her.


It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
sandi2 #1838437 09/16/09 01:16 AM
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i did read the divorce busting book..i felt good for about 2 weeks then it all went bad again..i wish i had more time but i think im all out..its over and i cant stop it.

meeks #1838438 09/16/09 01:17 AM
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what do i have to do by detach..no talking no nothing..what?

meeks #1838443 09/16/09 01:28 AM
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she talks to him every nite on the phone for over an hour..she goes in garage and sits in her car so no one can hear what is being said..she does this when ever she is home..she goes out about four or five nites a week..she does not hardly say anything to me..and when she does its in a mean tone and pissy..it hurts the way she treats me.. its like shes afraid if shes nice or talks to me things mite get better and she doesnt want that to happen..so its easier to be mean to me..i cant believe the way we loved each other so much that its turn to this..i miss her so much..her huggs and kisses and touch..i would give anything to have her back in the bed in the same bed room..i miss my wife so much..i hurt all the time 24-7

meeks #1838464 09/16/09 02:10 AM
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Meeks, you are getting desparate and that shines like a new penny to your wife. You are not attractive when you are feeling this desparation. So, you must calm yourself. You cannot think when emotions are ruling your mind.

You felt better for two weeks after reading DR but then it stopped? That is b/c you stopped applying the techniques like the book explains and you walked right into "panic palace". These problems do not just magically stop and begin to fall into place. I believe a couple will either split, or learn to live in a loveless marriage, or one of them will work his/her a$$ off to turn things around. It is your choice, but right now, you are talking like a defeated man. If you "think" that way....you will project that to your W and it will not be attractive either! You need to have a good talk with yourself about all the ways you aren't being attractive and ask yourself why she would want to stay with you? What does the OM offer her? You figure she doesn't want to be a mommy to five kids, right? So, there has to be something else he is showing her that you aren't.

Quote:
its like shes afraid if shes nice or talks to me things mite get better and she doesnt want that to happen..so its easier to be mean to me


Well, that's pretty close. She is being mean to you b/c she knows that if she gives you an inch.....you will get all gushy on her and think that everything is honky dorey.....and she's making sure that doesn't happen.

Forget the hugs & kisses.....it is not coming for a very long time. Plan on going to work and the first step is acting like a man instead of a whipped pup! No woman is going to respect her H until he shows her strenth, honor, character, and demands her respect. He does that by not putting up with her cr@p! You have allowed her to disrespect you and she sure isn't going to adore you over the OM at this point. What do you think would turn her around? What did she find attractive about you when she fell in love with you?



It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
meeks #1838471 09/16/09 02:23 AM
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Quote:
what do i have to do by detach..no talking no nothing..what?


What did the DR book say about detaching?

The more you pull back from your wife, the more likely she'll start to notice. No acting mad or cold, but keeping things "light" and with a self-confidence that says, "A woman would be a fool to leave a man like me!"


It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
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