It all just hit me last night, again. He slept at her house for the third time this week. Just friends. Ha.
He has password protected his computer now. Everything I had is gone. I have no say. I can't leave. I feel trapped and helpless and he knows this. He knows I can't forbid anything, or leave, or make him leave. He doesn't tell me anything but I know that's where he is. He basically rub it in my face and I'm powerless to stop it.
Me 30 H 29 DC 9, 7, 2 M 4 years, T 6 years ILYBINILWY Bomb: 8/8/10 He doesn't want to work, I'm slowly getting there too Physically separating end of September
He just said 'i'm perfectly happy that we are breaking up'. He said those words. Out loud. To my face.
My fault, for asking if he was happy. I shouldn't ask if I don't want to know the answer. I know it hasn't been a long time since the bomb dropped but holy crap that hurt. And feels so final. It feels like I'm dying. What the heck happened to my life.
Me 30 H 29 DC 9, 7, 2 M 4 years, T 6 years ILYBINILWY Bomb: 8/8/10 He doesn't want to work, I'm slowly getting there too Physically separating end of September
Well, you probably are going to continue taking hits to your self-esteem if you continue to live with him while he has sleep overs with his female "friend".
Things to do:
1. Expose the affair to those who will be supportive of your M. You will no longer lie to people about his affair.
2. New living arrangements. You need to protect yourself from this behavior, and that means him not coming home to where you live. Without particulars it's tough to make recommendations, but the general advice is to ask him to leave, give him a week to find a place, etc.
3. Then we work on making you fabulous.
M-47,W-40,No kids D-filed 5/27/2010 Piecing - 10/21/2010 -=Soon to be banned=-
That's the biggest problem right now. I can't afford to stay here, and if I get too tough he has a way to get us evicted. I have zero power there. I'd have to move out of my kids school district and find aftercare for them them that I can't afford, and help for that takes time. I'm scared to disrupt the kids' lives too much. I feel like I have to stay here and suffer for their sakes. I truly don't have any options that won't hurt them. I would also lose my 'free' babysitter so GAL would be even harder. I am stuck. And he knows that. And really he spends so little time at home or with the kids that I don't see how leaving would help anything other than emotionally. It would hurt them, hurt me financially and logistically and make my life 1000x harder. It seems a small sacrifice to be hurting so bad emotionally to maintain that stability.
Me 30 H 29 DC 9, 7, 2 M 4 years, T 6 years ILYBINILWY Bomb: 8/8/10 He doesn't want to work, I'm slowly getting there too Physically separating end of September
'I'm perfectly happy that we are breaking up' Who f'ing says that, even if it's true?? Who DOES that to someone they still love? Or someone they ever loved??? He's only sad that he still wants to be friends but I'm not 'into that idea'
What the hell? Ya think? You just told me you're HAPPY we are divorcing. I don't think most people ever admit something like that to their once spouse. It's cruel and heartless and unnecessarily hurtful. What the hell.
Last edited by Ihavehope; 08/30/1012:49 PM.
Me 30 H 29 DC 9, 7, 2 M 4 years, T 6 years ILYBINILWY Bomb: 8/8/10 He doesn't want to work, I'm slowly getting there too Physically separating end of September
Im so scared. I can't afford it. I don't know how to do that. I desperately want them to stay in their school. They have already changed schools so much. This is all kept from them. They jaw no idea anything is wrong other than we are not going to stay married. We are pleasant to each other and I don't show any emotion to them regarding this. I focus on them all the time. I'm so confused.
I'm trying so hard to do right by them that I'm losing sight of why's right for everyone. I don't know what to do. I apparently need a 2x4
Last edited by Ihavehope; 08/30/1001:05 PM.
Me 30 H 29 DC 9, 7, 2 M 4 years, T 6 years ILYBINILWY Bomb: 8/8/10 He doesn't want to work, I'm slowly getting there too Physically separating end of September
That's the biggest problem right now. I can't afford to stay here, and if I get too tough he has a way to get us evicted.
IHH,
You have been saying this since Day One. Have you ever even VERIFIED if this is true? States do have tenant/landlord laws that govern such things; have you talked to an atty, or even Legal Aid about this? I doubt he can simply evict you, simply because you didn't sign the lease.
He's using this as his MAJOR weapon (of several) over you, to keep you paralyzed in fear. You need some OBJECTIVE INFORMATION about what rights you may have, if any, on this issue in my opinion.
Yes I talked to my L about it. If the lease is not signed it is considered a month to month rental and they can at any time give me 30 days to vacate. He HAS offered to get the lease and we can sign it, so they won't be able to do that. However then I'm locked in til June and I still won't be able to afford it alone.
It was the first thing I asked him during our consultation.
Me 30 H 29 DC 9, 7, 2 M 4 years, T 6 years ILYBINILWY Bomb: 8/8/10 He doesn't want to work, I'm slowly getting there too Physically separating end of September
Is there NO ONE in your family you can go to that can take you in?
Don't sign a lease there with him under these conditions.. HE's trying to bury you there...
Get to family or a friend and take the things somewhere SAFE...
I am having it hard to believe you can't get out of there...
I understand you want the kids lives stable... BUT if YOUR health gets worse then their lives will be unstable anyways.
For the kids to be stable YOU need to be, and you can't be there...
They can deal with a school change... They can't deal with a mother who's emotionally unstable...
You cannot fight an affair like this while living there... You need to get OUT of there to someplace SAFE.. If the kids have to have their lives uprooted for a SHORT TIME that's ok
YOUR health is most important here.. if you arne't healthy the KIDS SUFFER
GEt yourself to a healthy place and stop making excuses ...
