What could this ow be thinking? She's been carrying on with a married man for a year. H's told her how cold and uncaring his wife is...blahblahblah. But, he has not left me. So, after a year and the break-up of her own family, does she really think that she and my H are going to live happily ever after? How long does the ow stay hanging around? She still buys H presents and acts like his wife but she rarely sees him except for "lunches". H's even told her to cut back on her calls on evenings/weekends. How long does a person stay in such a seemingly unfullfilling relationship? I don't get it.. Can someone please help me understand the dynamics here?
I guess the answer to my question is that he must be telling her that he is going to end it with me at some point. So, he's leading her on just like he's leading me on, right?
I think you hit it when you said he must be leading her on to something and making her false promises. She is getting something out of it to keep staying.
At times I also believe it turns into a win/lose thing for them as well. My exh's OW (see my sitch in Piecing) is still lurking even though I now am 15 weeks pregnant and we are working things out. I do also believe he is keeping her as Plan B just in case or maybe its an ego stroke for him.
Must be a sad and desperate place to be in for them. Getting crumbs here and there....but bottom line is the H's have the power to end it.
Me: 46 FWS: 36 Married and Divorced 4/07, Pregnant 7/07,False R 7/07 Baby Girl born 3/08 Kicked him out because OW: 7/08 5/10 He realized what he had and lost. Moved home! REMARRIED 3/14/11!!
SO2 - "plan B's" suck. Why can't they just commit 100%? My H loves his life with me but wants the other thing on the side. It's just all a sick game - who's going to give up first? me or ow? I have a feeling it's going to be me.
So, what happens when I declare that it's over? The cat is out of the bag. I wonder what the church will think of one of it's leaders who won't give up his affair, how will he like being shunned by my family, what will his friends think of him????
I feel for you. I'm teatering on the same sitch. Not sure on advice but, I'm thinking of setting a timeframe in my mind (not setting a time limit for her) and if my w hasn't came around by that time then tell her lets start the d. Then it comes back to, What if I had waited a little longer?
Anyway it sucks! Just wanted you to know I'm thinking about you and your not alone in this sitch.
I suspect she figures she'll keep playing this for what it's worth, but she's got her eye out for a new man too. If someone new comes along, and starts dating her, then she might move on. Otherwise, she's still got her foot in the door with him and some free lunches and titilation.
When are you going to tell us what's going on? I guess your wife is still living with you, so that is something. But obviously OM is still in the picture too. So maybe really she hasn't changed at all.
I'm in the same sitch, too. I think in my case OW is thinking/ hoping he'll leave me for her. I wonder if they've talked about having a life together.
I know H thought about moving out - actually after I suggested it. The first thing he did? Called OW and she ran out and got a paper to find an apartment! I'm sure she was in her glory. But then I told him to stay. (Didn't want to throw him out in an angry moment.)
I know he told her early on that "I didn't want him" so like you he was telling her how cold and uncaring I was. But he is still here - and so am I.
But now I'm trying to R, and apparently neither of them understand why. So I think for her it is competition on some level. I'm thinking she's behaving like a small child that has a toy taken away from them, and has a hissy fit about it when it wasn't even their toy to begin with!
She also calls him when she's stoned drunk, apparently demanding to know what he is going to do, etc. She even called one night (1:30 am) pissed off because she thought we were probably having sex. That floored me - excuse me but I am his WIFE.
So, she is definitely jealous. I keep thinking, go ahead, honey, put on the pressure, keep making your demands, he's going to get tired of that. Let him see what a "nice" person you are and how it would be to live with you. I'm just going to go on being exactly the opposite!
So I think OW is hanging on to the fantasy, trying hard not to give up the addiction. Thinking, it was so good, he will never give me up, not when it was ‘so bad' with his wife. But if it so was bad, how come he's not gone? If it was so good with her, how come he hasn't left me to shack up with her? (I'm sure OW is surely thinking about that, too) Hmmmm....
Sex is obviously a big currency for them. Thing is I get the feeling that it is for some of our H's when it's happening but when it comes to all the 'trimmings' OW just haven't got it - and there in lies there problem. Often the W is better the devil the H knows as opposed to OW who is the devil he doesn't.
My H's OW actually told my H to tell me that I had won. I didn't know I was in a competition. I felt that we were all losers in the situation. I may still have my H and my family but I grieve for the exclusivity that we lost in our physical relationship and I grieve for the absolute trust I had in my husband. His pedestal crumbled to dust. He can try and rebuild it but it will never be as strong or as high. He broke something in me, my heart, my self confidence, my faith in mankind. I love my H but I HATE what he did to me and I HATE OW and how she makes me feel cruel inside with hatred for her. Saffie
Saffie me 46 H 46 M in 1986 D20,D18,S16,D13 H's A 01/05 to 07/06 H recommitted to M 07/06 renewed vows 09/06 Going from strength to strength
