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A Message from Michele
Active Threads | Active Posts | Unanswered Today | Since Yesterday | This Week
For Newcomers
11/09/18 07:13 PM

So as I have previously wrote I have been trying to really clean this house from top to bottom, my S21 comes to me on Wednesday and says Dad I want you to take this $200.00 and hire a cleaning company to clean this house. I was in complete shock! What a kid, he says you are working way too much and let the cleaning company do the work for me. This brought a tear to my eye, this kid has such a heart.

D19 has been texting that she does not know if she is spending Thanksgiving with her mom. I explained that I cannot answer for anyone but me and I am cooking dinner for whoever is here, and also we will have food for the week. We have spent every Thanksgiving with my inlaws since we have been married. D19 said she doesnt know what to do, I said text mom and ask her, she said she did and is not getting a response. I said I am sorry but I am not able to help with this situation. Its now Nov. 9th and these children do not know where they will be spending Thanksgiving.

SIL61 (W's sister) called me to ask about Thanksgiving, I explained that I will not be there. She said this is going to be weird as we were very close with her and her H. She asked if she could stop over my house the night of Thanksgiving to say hello. I said sure no prob, she wants to see all the kids plus I am having some friends over for late night drinks. For anyone who believes this is a bad move just remember I do not care what W thinks anymore if her sister wants to come by and say hello I do not have a problem with that.

S21 asked if mom invited you to Thanksgiving dinner would you go? I said that would be something for me to think about but prob not. He said the reason he asked was that him and S23 will not be going without me there. I said that was a bad move on their part and they should go and see that side of the family. MIL is 82 and not sure how much longer she will be here. He said that he still has not talked to his mom since his graduation and he doesnt even know if she wants them there. ugh..............

D24 is coming home next Friday for 9 days, she already ordered all kinds of food for us and she wants to drink some beers. I said no prob, lets have a blast! No one can beat me in beer pong.

S23 started new job and is all signed up for college beginning in January. He wants to be an accountant-actuary. He has a friend who wants to hire him.

GAL is slowed a bit, except for working out and especially running. The running is what really helps with any anxiety or stress. It feels so good when I am done, I also have been sitting in a sauna which has such great health benefits.

I am still in Newcomers bc I am still not D'ed. At this point it looks like its going to be a while. W has been told that currently she owes me for 3 months child support. All of a sudden things got quiet again, no response from her L. Funny how that works.
85 2,615 Read More
Midlife Crisis
11/09/18 12:36 PM

just click your username, click show posts and the click topics created
8 198 Read More
For Newcomers
11/08/18 10:19 PM
Realized my last couple of posts were posted so late that most people were probably in bed.

No real update on the M front. My health seems to be getting worse, but I have a plan of action to address my neck issues hopefully in the next couple of weeks. Funny, I went to see my PCP for my annual check up this week, and the lab work showed high cholesterol and really high blood pressure. I've never had these issues, so no doubt it's related to my current season in life. Cholesterol can be explained from my horrible diet. I'm normally extremely healthy, but have fallen back a bit. No weight gained, so I didn't have an issue with it, but I need to get those numbers down.

It's been about two months of horrible sleep. Mostly due to my neck, but when I can't fall asleep, my mind immediately goes to my sitch. I yoyo back and forth between my wife being incapable of marriage to I am at fault for the majority of issues. This is something I'm working on with my IC. My Dad was a perfectionist growing up, and everything I did that wasn't 100% perfect was deemed a failure. The blessing with my sitch is my Dad has owned up to his own dysfunctions and asked for forgiveness for being so hard on me, which is great. Our relationship has grown so much the last 10 months. For that I'm grateful. I've made great strides, but I think I need to focus on forgiving myself for what I contributed and realize this is not my fault.

Part of me wants to cut bait and run considering we were only married less than a year, but I am using my newfound faith in Christ to do the hard thing, to be longsuffering and forgiving. Not the easiest path, but I know my faithfulness will be rewarded.

Lastly, my marriage counselor introduced me to his "great match" at a fundraiser for his practice this weekend. She seems like a good Christian girl, but I had no attraction at all. I immediately compared her to my wife who is beautiful, at least on the outside, and I had no interest whatsoever. Obviously I wouldn't get into a relationship while still being married. I am clearly not over my wife, and won't be for a long time. I think I'm going to find a new MC, as it was totally innapropriate for him to do. For fellow Christ followers, I have learned that just because someone is a Christian means absolutely nothing. I now focus on their fruit. Not in a judgemental way, but to gauge them and the advice they provide. The only advice I take at this point is from this board (when dealing with a WAW) and scripture. That's all I need.

Longwinded, I know, but I had a lot to journal.

Thanks all,


28 873 Read More
For Newcomers
11/08/18 06:04 PM
Originally Posted by burned
Could use some advice on how to make this happen.....go out like an alpha male....

I can not claim to be an Alpha male, but I can claim to be a dominate male.

If I found out my woman was having an affair with another man, I would not be happy about it, but I would not tolerate one part of it. I would happily help her pack her stuff up and send her out the door to be with OM. I would file for D. Anyone asks, I would reply "It ran it's course."

I would make it absolutely clear that she is not welcome back. "I will not share my woman with any man" "I do not want to be with a woman that does not want to be with me"

IF SHE started begging be to take her back, I would be very hesitant and first insist on a "I am ending all contact text,email,letter"....lots more I would do, but that is where I would start.

102 1,757 Read More
Midlife Crisis
11/08/18 05:35 PM

I love the advice from DNJ

He is right

Feelings change quickly

Too quickly to drive actions

I would add

Beliefs can change too

But those changes are decisions

And you control your decisions
59 1,901 Read More
For Newcomers
11/08/18 01:49 PM
Originally Posted by burned
Originally Posted by Hero18
I put an * next to the OM, because I am not sure how to solve that issue since it is a co-worker of hers and there will be contact at work. I don't think it is reasonable for me to expect her to quit her job in order to stop contact, right?

This should be your #1 non-negotiable. Unemployment is at an all-time low. Sandi just posted on someone else's thread about the addictiveness of A/OM. My W and I were doing quite well for about 2 months, until she went back to school and saw OM. Within a week she wanted S and it was all downhill from there.

I say try it out, see how she reacts. If she says, "Oh but that would be such a pain," then be skeptical. If she says, "Ugh, that stinks, but if it's what needs to happen then I'm open to it," you're good to go.


Many LBSs with WASs that had As with coworkers have fallen into this trap. "But we need the money." "She loves her job."

R is about her putting you back to the proper priority in her life that you should be. Make finding a new job a stipulation for R. Personally, I do not understand how a LBS could tolerate moving into MR 2.0 and piecing and Ring if the WAS still has regular contact with OP.

Hero18, if you think your sitch has been difficult, wait until you start piecing and Ring. It is by far the hardest endeavor I've ever embarked on. Bar none. This is why the D rate is so high, because it is actually easier to throw in the towel, give up and get a D. Piecing and Ring will require tremendous effort, self-control, and patience. I cannot imagine that being possible with the OP still in the picture. So cut him out of it.
74 1,817 Read More
Surviving the Big D
11/08/18 01:47 PM
Originally Posted by AndrewP
He just takes the logs to a local sawmill and has them rough-sawn to size.


That's a good idea. Right now, I'm limited to logs that will fit in the trunk of my car (that's probably a good thing). I'm planning to get a trailer and I'll install an A-frame and winch specifically for picking up larger logs.

And yep, drying the wood is a major hurtle; I can't have stacks of wood in my yard because the homeowners association will crucify me.

Speaking of picking up logs, did I tell the story about picking up some Osage orange logs one dark night and unbeknownst to me the logs were covered with fire ants...

Originally Posted by AndrewP
He's got (literally) several tonnes of wood stickered and drying in his driving shed. Birdseye maple, cherry, a lot of oak among others.


Since Hurricane Michael, the city has picked up 150,000 tons of debris. At least 90% of the debris was trees of all kinds. There's a lot more waiting to be picked up. The city is putting the trees into larger chippers and making mulch. So much good wood was chipped away. I wish I'd had 10 acres and a large truck.

Originally Posted by AndrewP
He used to work as a tree surgeon who seem to have a similar attitude to horse doctors - "nope can't save this one - but I can take the log off your hands for a small fee if you like".

Your brother is a righteous dude.

Originally Posted by AndrewP
When he took down the large Manitoba Maple on my property for me the fall before bomb-day he had it sawn up into boards for me when he was getting other work done. I think it cost me like $20 and a case of beer for the whole tree. I made some benches for the kids so that they'd have a "piece of home" with them. They used to have a swing on that tree that they used. I had to take that tree down because it was almost big enough that it was brushing against the house siding.

That's cool! I have a small oak tree in my backyard that's struggling. I'm thinking of turning it into a few pieces of furniture.
13 226 Read More
Midlife Crisis
11/08/18 01:07 PM
No need to apologise Paco, I didnít feel that you hyjacked my thread smile
84 3,318 Read More
For Newcomers
11/08/18 07:19 AM
I did the same soon after BD. I don't think I was in the right frame of mind then so will do it again. My list at the time with comments given where I am today:

1. I will grow old alone (possibly - but that is up to me)
2. The kids will be damaged by this (possibly - but we are actively trying to manage this)
3. We will lose the house (definitely - but it is only a house)
4. I will never be intimate with anyone again ([censored] to that - there are a hundred different ways to get this).
5. The future I had planned is gone (yes - but I will build a new future)
6. What if I lose my job (possible, but unlikely)
7. Financial security is gone (Yes - but I will cope).

Thank you for reminding us all that we can do this.

I have been listening to Praying by Keisha. D8 and I were signing it out loud in the car when H was driving me home the other night. First time I listened to the words. Seemed very fitting singing it in the car with H next to me.
38 878 Read More
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