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Midlife Crisis
Alright, my head is full of crazy questions. My thought process frequently argues both sides. I have a hard time knowing what I want because of this, lol.... So, the power part.... I cognitively know I don't have that kind of power.... But do I
For Newcomers
Jump to new posts Re: Unexpected walk-away-husband by Ss06 @ 09/14/14 10:23 PM

jp, I'm sorry, did you say he has no leisure money? Oh boo hoo. No money for him to go gallivanting around town while his pregnant wife is at home raising two other kids? Um, no. The options here are: 1. He either makes more money or you both
Infidelity/Extramarital Affairs/Jealousy
Jump to new posts Re: Newbie Error- LRT too Soon- help! by Bart42 @ 09/14/14 10:23 PM

Thanks wet- I read a comment by one of the vets in another thread to the effect that whatever she is doing now is no worse than what she's already done, so there's no need to snoop. That's enough to prevent me from snooping so far. I am however wond
For Newcomers
The thing to remember is that DB is really about you, and not necessarily about restoring the relationship with your spouse. That may or may not happen, and there's little we can do to control it, although our DB actions help make it possible. By p
For Newcomers
South, I don't think it's a mistake to tell her the door is open. You're making the road smooth for her in case she decides to return. But now back away from her and focus on yourself and GAL -- don't keep reiterating that the road is home -- you've
For Newcomers
Jump to new posts Re: Unexpected walk-away-husband by jpLove @ 09/14/14 10:16 PM

Georgiabelle, thanks for replying! he is saying that he's paying more than the state would require (which he probably is by a few hundred) and that he can't afford it. Ss06, he is already living with a buddy who charges him nothing to live there.
For Newcomers
Jump to new posts Re: Wife dropped the bomb Part 2 by Ahoy @ 09/14/14 10:15 PM

Hang in there, HopeTex. It sounds like you're handing the situation with as much grace and dignity as possible, and keeping the kids' needs at the forefront. Glad to hear your reading up on and practicing self-care. Life will get better in time.
Midlife Crisis
uRworthy, ^^^ all of that hit me like a ton of bricks. I've been taking ALL the blame. Part of me feels like that's not right but it makes me feel like I have control but you're right... that's an awful lot of power to befall one person, isn't it?
For Newcomers
Jump to new posts Re: WAH - Chapter 4 Lisa B by Ahoy @ 09/14/14 10:11 PM

I have an idea of where he could stick that picture... As for noticing other guys and thinking about what you really want -- I think that is very healthy. I've found myself doing the same thing. Why would we want someone back who doesn't want us, w
For Newcomers
Jump to new posts Re: claire- part 7 by Maybell @ 09/14/14 10:10 PM

Well, she did pray before she did that. Lol. We went to Kennedy Soace Center this summer and heard lots and lots of jokes about things in that movie. The best thing about it was the good, old-fashioned, straightforward story-telling of a woman who
For Newcomers
Jump to new posts Re: need to GAL by hope224 @ 09/14/14 10:07 PM

Somehow we came on the topic of him being out of town and he confirmed he went to see this girl he just met. He seemed happy and told me there's just something about her he likes and wants to see where it goes. So, technically he is dating and said
Midlife Crisis
Jump to new posts Re: I am the prize by daring @ 09/14/14 10:05 PM

Interesting food for thought FY- I guess I feel like it's something I " should" be doing ( the asking about him part at least- the inviting I didn't do initially but he seemed hurt so I told him he was welcome to hang out also). He asks ab
For Newcomers
Jump to new posts Re: Maybell XI by Ss06 @ 09/14/14 10:05 PM

I agree, Ahoy. It'd be a hoot! Did I just say "hoot"?
For Newcomers
Jump to new posts Re: still holding on - 4 by Ahoy @ 09/14/14 10:04 PM

u-turn, try not to focus too much on any "signs" right now. Likely she is cycling through many different emotions (just as you are). Just because she gives you what might seem to be a positive sign one day does not mean that she will do the
Midlife Crisis
Shining, so much of what you wrote resonated with me. I was there. I did that. I felt that. I took the blame for all of it. For everything. If I had been better, did better, was stronger, more capable, if I spoke up, if I kept quiet.... After BD,
For Newcomers
Jump to new posts Re: Maybell XI by Ahoy @ 09/14/14 10:00 PM

I love the daily affirmation idea! Why are we ladies not all in the same state where we could actually get together? It would be so much fun to GAL with others who are going through the same thing...
For Newcomers
Jump to new posts Re: claire- part 7 by claire7 @ 09/14/14 10:00 PM

Great advice, thanks! (Although...on the way home, she actually says, "eeny, meeny, miney, moe" and hits some buttons written in Chinese. I mean, srsly?)
For Newcomers
Jump to new posts Re: Inside my chrysalis 3 by Ahoy @ 09/14/14 09:58 PM

Ss06, thank you for sharing that insight into the motivations behind a WAS. It reinforces the idea for me of making the road home smooth, showing the changes (but not speaking of them), and not showing resentment.
For Newcomers
Jump to new posts Re: to wait or not to wait by Ahoy @ 09/14/14 09:52 PM

Thank you for the encouragement, Lisa! H came to pick up daughter after a rough day (for me emotionally), and then I went to a movie with a Meetup group, then dinner afterwards. H doesn't even bother to ask me where I'm going (perhaps he doesn't wa
For Newcomers
Jump to new posts Re: claire- part 7 by Maybell @ 09/14/14 09:48 PM

I've had those thoughts,I had to pack clothes for the kids' visit to my in-laws for the picture that will go on their Christmas card. aND they went to a theme park and had a whole series of pictures taken without me. On the other hand, when we call
For Newcomers
Jump to new posts Re: claire- part 7 by claire7 @ 09/14/14 09:43 PM

That is a great suggestion. Thanks, Ss.
For Newcomers
Jump to new posts Re: claire- part 7 by Ss06 @ 09/14/14 09:39 PM

OUCH. My heart is aching just thinking about how that must feel, Claire. The residual effects of all this B.S. is so painful and it's a reoccurring type of pain. This holiday, make your own book entitled "mommy and me" for no other r
For Newcomers
Jump to new posts Re: claire- part 7 by claire7 @ 09/14/14 09:30 PM

Ok, how's this for awkward moments: WAH is at my home putting D3 to bed. Usually I go out, but not feeling well and said I hoped it would be ok if I stayed here. D3 pulled her usual clinginess to me, rejecting H (which was always a source of frust
For Newcomers
Jump to new posts Re: I need help please by cane @ 09/14/14 09:20 PM

Yes I am being truthful when I say that we had a perfect relationship. At least I thought we did. She told me three weeks ago that she wanted a divorce. Since then I moved into a condo. She asked me to please not stop talking to her. She has texted m
For Newcomers
Jump to new posts Re: Maybell XI by claire7 @ 09/14/14 09:15 PM

ROAR!!!
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