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For Newcomers
Jump to new posts Re: Mindsin - pt. 5 (back to basics) by mindsin @ 10/20/14 11:01 PM

Originally Posted By: 25yearsmlc...[Everything that was said]... You're right. I'm shaking my head at myself right now. Yes, I watched the TED Talk videos you've suggested. Here's an interesting side note -- the other night, my W asked me if I ever
For Newcomers
Jump to new posts Re: Mindsin - pt. 5 (back to basics) by mindsin @ 10/20/14 10:58 PM

Originally Posted By: MrBondNot much excitement in the kids lives then. What about soccer games or taking them out to a ball game or an amusement park? How about the zoo or boating, fishing, etc. Do you go out and play ball with your son or tea parti
Midlife Crisis
Jump to new posts Re: WAW-MLC vs LBS .... The turtle and the hare. by CaliGuy @ 10/20/14 10:57 PM

Originally Posted By: Mach1 And THAT, is the true essence of DBing.... You heal and work on yourself, so that one day, IF she turns around to look in your direction, YOU are ready for it... Easier said than done !! lol Knowing what you have to d
For Newcomers
Jump to new posts Re: What stage am I at? by mischle @ 10/20/14 10:53 PM

The 4x D was because of addiction clean 27 years and was in a 13 year relationship. Can you see the rest of this thread?
For Newcomers
Jump to new posts Re: What stage am I at? by mischle @ 10/20/14 10:52 PM

What 180's? I am not being defensive. I accept that what he says is what he thinks and what is on his mind and do not put meaning into it. I ask him if need be. I am giving him space and trying to not ask him to "talk" but rather putting
For Newcomers
Jump to new posts Re: Recent Separation...trying to cope by dil @ 10/20/14 10:49 PM

Originally Posted By: 2stubborn2quitA couples things I'd like to add: 1- 2-at all times, you must GAL and do 180 whether you move on or not. This is about you becoming a better you, she will either respond or she won't and then you can cross that
For Newcomers
Jump to new posts Re: Recent Separation...trying to cope by dil @ 10/20/14 10:42 PM

MrBond, Thank you for that dose of reality. It was really hard to read every one of your replies but I really do see it as constructive criticism, which I do need. In my mind I seem to have to make excuses or give myself reasons as to why these thin
For Newcomers
Jump to new posts Re: Need help 3 by u-turn @ 10/20/14 10:40 PM

Just when you need encouragement - the cookie lets you down. I TRY to laugh at those things when they happen to me.
For Newcomers
Jump to new posts Re: Mindsin - pt. 5 (back to basics) by 25yearsmlc @ 10/20/14 10:39 PM

Originally Posted By: mindsinI'm just winding down towards the end of another "family day". My W has been spending A LOT of time exercising/working out. Yoga class, Barre class, swimming at the gym, a DVD-based workout program. Yesterday mo
For Newcomers
Jump to new posts Re: Need help 3 by lostluv @ 10/20/14 10:36 PM

Ordered take out for dinner....Some small talk and seemed minimal tension. Fortune cookie: nothing is permanent except change. Hmmmm
Infidelity/Extramarital Affairs/Jealousy
Jump to new posts Re: Prayer Circle by CaliGuy @ 10/20/14 10:36 PM

Originally Posted By: JefeI think this fits our situations pretty well too: God CAN and WILL Turn a Prodigal’s Heart! Wow Jefe ... I am book marking that link, I needed that more than ever today. I decided to take a delivery ... just to get ou
For Newcomers
Jump to new posts Re: I cannot accept that this is it. by 25yearsmlc @ 10/20/14 10:25 PM

Originally Posted By: billman12 Understand? I believe so. I need to make these changes happen and she will see the on their own and/or through the kids. But I am making these changes for myself because they need to changed for me to be a better per
For Newcomers
Jump to new posts Re: Mindsin - pt. 5 (back to basics) by MrBond @ 10/20/14 10:12 PM

Not much excitement in the kids lives then. What about soccer games or taking them out to a ball game or an amusement park? How about the zoo or boating, fishing, etc. Do you go out and play ball with your son or tea parties with your D? For example
For Newcomers
Jump to new posts Re: Recent Separation...trying to cope by 2stubborn2quit @ 10/20/14 10:11 PM

A couples things I'd like to add: 1 2-at all times, you must GAL and do 180 whether you move on or not. This is about you becoming a better you, she will either respond or she won't and then you can cross that bridge when you reach it. 3-i don't
For Newcomers
Jump to new posts Re: Dazed and Confused by jim0987 @ 10/20/14 10:10 PM

Hi CMS. Your last post reminded me of a quote that I've been reminded of a lot lately so thought I'd share it with you The longer I love, the more I realize the impact of attitude on life. Attitude, to me, is more important than facts. It is more im
For Newcomers
Jump to new posts Re: Ganb8te 2 - WAH - lost in translation by LisaB @ 10/20/14 10:03 PM

Ganb8te, I so agree! I do not envy those going through this with children. I don't think I could handle it! It takes some serious strength! There are of course advantages and disadvantages to not having kids involved on our cases. We have no reason
For Newcomers
Jump to new posts Re: Riding the rollercoaster by MrBond @ 10/20/14 10:02 PM

After you beat the OM, do you think she's afraid of leaving because you might beat her or the next person she goes out with?
For Newcomers
Jump to new posts Re: Riding the rollercoaster by u-turn @ 10/20/14 09:51 PM

Dawgy - I'm glad to hear that your still hanging in there. Try to remember through all of this, you want her to be happy too. You cannot control her. She eventually has to decide what she wants.
For Newcomers
Jump to new posts Re: Unhappy anniversary by MrBond @ 10/20/14 09:48 PM

"Anyhow, I phoned her this evening to suggest leaving the divorce petition until she's moved out and asked her to consider couple's counselling together as a final attempt. She agreed to postpone the divorce proceedings and would have a think ab
For Newcomers
Jump to new posts Re: still holding on - 4 by u-turn @ 10/20/14 09:46 PM

I know Peter. Patience. I've written myself a letter that won't be sent to W. I don't know if this will help with my patience, but it is how I feel. It may also help me with verbalizing if ever given the chance. I told you that I didn't feel like yo
For Newcomers
Jump to new posts Re: Any assistance or help out there by MrBond @ 10/20/14 09:45 PM

Have you read the DB or DR books yet?
For Newcomers
Jump to new posts Re: Dazed and Confused by Card29 @ 10/20/14 09:45 PM

We do actually have some impact on the WAS's decision. They do not live in a vacuum. I think of their ultimate decision as a small boulder. If it's sitting on a slope, it's going to roll downhill no matter what you do. But maybe it's teetering on an
For Newcomers
Jump to new posts Re: Recent Separation...trying to cope by MrBond @ 10/20/14 09:44 PM

Okay, so breaking things down... (just be forewarned that you may not like what you hear, but nonetheless, if you want to save your M, then you should look at all advice, especially those that you disagree with). "but she always complained abou
For Newcomers
Jump to new posts Re: Unhappy anniversary by Kvothe @ 10/20/14 09:43 PM

Never had a weight/health problem. Wife thinks I'm attractive and trim in that department (and beyond). The main gripe was my general negativity and lack of assertiveness. I was down about my job, my attitude to life was lack lustre and there was no
For Newcomers
My W told me it's important to be on her own as she's never "been single" and "she's always moved from one relationship to the next", which is really strange to hear from your W of 9 years and mother of 3 of your kids. And, she is
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