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For Newcomers
Jump to new posts Re: Shall hate be fairer lodged than gentle love? by raliced @ 10/21/14 01:25 PM

Glad to hear from you Shakes - Sorry about the bed- and Jefe's advice was excellent. You might be surprised- I think mattresses are treated with something that make them fairly resilient to this sort of thing. Hope D8 is ok.
Infidelity/Extramarital Affairs/Jealousy
Jump to new posts Re: What is going on in their heads? by Mozza @ 10/21/14 01:23 PM

Nice work on the H's list. It's good to know how they rationalize their decision. As much as it doesn't make sense from our perspective, it has to make some sense from theirs. Until we understand that, we'll be in denial and weaker to address it. As
For Newcomers
Jump to new posts Wife's Still a Lesbian by essjay @ 10/21/14 01:21 PM

Second Thread First one here http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2480640&page=1 So after around two weeks away W returned home last night. As I reported on previous thread I don't know where she went or w
For Newcomers
Jump to new posts Re: standing for me by raliced @ 10/21/14 01:21 PM

Ahoy, I'm probably the worst person on these boards to be giving you advice at this exact moment, but I will anyway. I would just consider what's best for you and your daughter and leave STBX out of the equation as much as possible. Unfortunately co
For Newcomers
Jump to new posts Re: Unlearning conflict avoidance 13 by MrBond @ 10/21/14 01:13 PM

Has anything been moving in terms of your M? Look at the name of this thread. You're still avoiding conflict.
For Newcomers
Jump to new posts Re: Depressed WAW 4 by Card29 @ 10/21/14 01:11 PM

I am a wreck today. Took the day off work. Not exactly sure what I'm going to do today, but I wasn't going to get s thing done at work. I'm going to try to nap throughout the day because I didn't sleep much last night. Productive goal might be to sta
Midlife Crisis
Jump to new posts Re: How HER crisis changed ME by MrBond @ 10/21/14 01:09 PM

And has the C discussed your ongoing resentment?
For Newcomers
Jump to new posts Re: Depressed WAW 4 by Card29 @ 10/21/14 01:01 PM

rppfl, I know I was not going the extra mile of even the first mile to show my love. I was just supremely ignorant. And come to think of the PPD, I don't think she had it from D2, but we had an early term miscarriage in January of this year. I've l
For Newcomers
Jump to new posts Re: sometimes, the black holes inside ya by jim0987 @ 10/21/14 12:58 PM

Im trying to knock off the NG stuff. Its hard work though and my defence mechanisms having really been tested yet. she was much warmer toward me when she got in from work - even a tiny bit playful. I joked about a bit, fixed the printer she asked m
For Newcomers
Jump to new posts Re: Depressed WAW 4 by Card29 @ 10/21/14 12:58 PM

For an OM, if they're shallow, they get what they want (sex) and who cares about her problems. For her, I can't tell you one positive thing she will get other than temporary companionship and support from the guy while he tries to get into her pants.
For Newcomers
Jump to new posts Re: Depressed WAW 4 by rppfl @ 10/21/14 12:57 PM

Originally Posted By: zed This seems so much like my sitch. Why can't they just see that we do love them. Because they are depressed, that's why. You can't expect depressed people to see the world the same way you do. I was never diagnosed with
For Newcomers
Jump to new posts Re: Let's try this again by woundedfool @ 10/21/14 12:54 PM

And how did it go?
Midlife Crisis
Jump to new posts Re: H's MLC #5 by woundedfool @ 10/21/14 12:53 PM

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WHvV55IpAxk The speech starts at the 3:28 mark. But watch the whole video.
Infidelity/Extramarital Affairs/Jealousy
Jump to new posts Re: Need help. Scared, confused pt 3 by shodan @ 10/21/14 12:52 PM

You are handling this well. Make sure you are the better person and handle this in a way that will make your family, your kids and you proud. She is still way deep in the fog of alien land. Continue to focus on you but listen to her when she spews.
For Newcomers
PS: is there a mistake in your timeline? The bomb comes after she left. Bomb: 5/16/2014 She left 4/14/2014 Separated: 5/25/2014
For Newcomers
BigMac - I just started following your thread, so I've not seen the beginning, but from what I've seen in the posts here, you are an inspiration. Originally Posted By: BigMacAnd is basically just being nice to me when she needs money. I hope this is
For Newcomers
Jump to new posts Re: Ganb8te 2 - WAH - lost in translation by ganb8te @ 10/21/14 12:29 PM

I've mentioned a few times on other peoples' threads how insightful I found the book Passionate Marriage by David Schnarch. In some ways I found it to be the perfect "work on you" companion to DR. The basic principle is that we need a cert
Midlife Crisis
Jump to new posts Re: H's MLC #5 by 2BHappy @ 10/21/14 11:30 AM

Wounded... No I have not given him the MLC speech you posted? Is it in my posts? Can you direct me to it. Not sure if I know exactly what you are referring to
For Newcomers
Jump to new posts Re: Wife walked away (4 months ago now) thread 3 by BigMac @ 10/21/14 11:26 AM

Thanks Zues126, Thanks for following, this whole process has been scary as hell. You know, I really did/do believe in "tell death do us part, in sickness and in health". But holy smokes, WAW's literally lose their minds. The destruction th
For Newcomers
Quote:Sleep Number mattress is ruined. I took it off, doused it in enzymatic cleaners, and rinsed in the tub. Strong hydrogen peroxide based products (Like at Sally's Beauty possibly) are the best choice for protein and organic based stains like wha
Infidelity/Extramarital Affairs/Jealousy
Jump to new posts Re: Need help. Scared, confused pt 3 by Jefe @ 10/21/14 11:16 AM

More journaling. Text transcript from last night: 4:24pm her apology for her agitation: W: Sorry, I'm just ready for that stupid truck to be fixed so you can concentrate on our girls and the house. 5:43pm W:No Check (in the PO mailbox) 10:53pm (
For Newcomers
Jump to new posts Re: Still waiting it out.. 8 months on.. by 25yearsmlc @ 10/21/14 11:12 AM

Luke, Are you here? I leave again soon...we must connect in the alternate universe. SORRY for the hijack
For Newcomers
Jump to new posts Re: I cannot accept that this is it. by 25yearsmlc @ 10/21/14 11:09 AM

Originally Posted By: Zues126First I want to pipe in about guys wanting their W to be a good mother. I think it's important, but it can cut both ways if guys feel like the kids are more important (or all important). FTR, I only spoke to how we wome
For Newcomers
Jump to new posts Re: Depressed WAW 4 by Jefe @ 10/21/14 11:06 AM

Originally Posted By: Zues126I have no advice on how to set a boundary. Personally I just let go and am trying to be the best man I can be for myself. I refer to her as my STBX for a reason, I don't see her as my W anymore. I am still going stand by
For Newcomers
Jump to new posts Re: standing for me by Ahoy @ 10/21/14 10:40 AM

I have two job offers in a different state for the fall. Really amazing opportunities. It's in my home state, where I have family, friends, and support. My H and I plan to pursue a dissolution in January, and do shared parenting. I think this is the
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