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A Message from Michele
Active Threads | Active Posts | Unanswered Today | Since Yesterday | This Week
For Newcomers
35 minutes ago
Those both are outstanding, R2C!
29 610 Read More
For Newcomers
37 minutes ago
Originally Posted by SoTorn
Nothing to be confused about. I am done. I am following the portion of DB where I take care of myself. I have no desire or expectation that I will R with WW. She will be my XWW and I am fine with that. D is pending in the courts and that is what I want and that is what she has wanted all along, she just did it in a very hurtful way.

I say she is hot and cold because I really just want to get along with her as a co-parent. I am not trying to fight with her or argue or anything. But it doesnt matter what I do, she just fluctuates all over the place with her emotions. I am not complaining. I am just making a statement about how she is acting. It doesnt bother me. I just hope that she stops spinning in circles and gets ahold of her emotions so that we can be the best parents for our kids regardless of the situation.

WW is still deep in her relationship with OM. She is with him every other week for a week at a time. I am fine with that. I will be moving out very soon and I am hoping that will help STBXWW focus more on the kids and co-parenting with me.

EDIT: I guess I am still DBing to the point where I am trying to salvage some sort of cordial relationship with my XWW. I don't want to have a contentious relationship with her. I want to get a long and maybe in the future when everything calms down we can get along and be friends.



Ah, ok. So if she were to want to R tomorrow, you'd say thanks but no thanks? I'm trying to see how honest you're being with yourself. If the answer to that question is honestly "yep, that is what I'd say", then good on you. Have a day.

If you'd still jump at the chance to R with her, then you owe it to this new gal, and yourself, to end it with her. Get into IC and deal with your unresolved feelings. Those that do not earn their way out of a relationship will carry baggage into the next one.

Just my perspective. That and a $1 will get you a candy bar.
31 1,138 Read More
For Newcomers
38 minutes ago
Originally Posted by Jamine
W just made a bunch of excuses to check me out while I was changing. I had just lifted, and felt super good about myself. I could see the look on her face, and while she didn't say anything outwardly, she kept coming back in to ask inane unimportant questions, "what does this notification on my phone mean?"

I know it has no bearing on our relationship, but damn did it feel good to be looked at like that.



Thats awesome. They definitely notice wnen you look good. I have dropped almost 100lbs. I look amazing. My STBXWW has never experienced me in this shape and never will. I catch her staring at me all the time. It really seems to piss her off that I am finally looking amazing. After she decided she was done with me already.

Keep it up. But remember, that your health is for you to appreciate, not for her.
27 611 Read More
For Newcomers
40 minutes ago
Originally Posted by Steve85
Originally Posted by kettle6
Ugh she accused me again of 'behaving badly' and I did nothing. Shes 'seeing things' through the bathroom door. Or seeing me walk around naked ( which I never do) How do I defend myself from false accusations? Im not supposed to defend my self but just listen to her rant?


Listen. Validate. Rinse. Repeat.


This.
23 625 Read More
For Newcomers
41 minutes ago
Its best to just stop wondering what she is doing and why. You will never figure it out. Cheeseless tunnel. Keep focusing on yourself. Don't fall for those temperature checks.

Usually when they blame you for doing things, its a reflection of their own behavior. If she is supicious of your phone usage, its because she probably hides her phone and is doing something.

WW is if she is cheating. WAW is without the cheating. If you suspect she is cheating, she is probably cheating, EA or PA.

Also, WW/WAW don't want to do the work. She is probably hoping you will file for D so she can blame you for it. I made mine file. She first used D as a threat, then I found out about PA, then she wanted D and I told her that I wouldnt stop her. Took her 8 months to finally go file.
49 1,050 Read More
For Newcomers
1 hour ago
Hope everyone had an amazing Easter!

Wow, I can't believe I am at the 7 month mark now. I also can't believe how my life has unfolded these past 7 months and where I am now. Work is going amazingly well, new and old friendships are coming together, my kids are all doing great. I was going to say "if you told me I would be at this point 7 months ago I wouldn't believe you". Truth is that is exactly what priority # 1 is on this forum and is made perfectly clear but when you are in the thick of things it is hard to imagine. The days of sadness are few and far between now, moments still pop up but they don't take over anymore. I take some time to acknowledge the feeling, run through a sort of reality check list and move on about my day. Just thought I would pop on by and hopefully provide some encouragement to those that are new here and those that are still struggling in their sitch. Don't let the crap that is coming your way get you down. With time things will get better and life goes on and likely gets better.
19 673 Read More
For Newcomers
1 hour ago
Without error there can be no brilliancy.
Emanuel Lasker
29 610 Read More
For Newcomers
1 hour ago
Thanks lost. Yes, I decided that her actions, how she treated me (still treats me) and the PA were an absolute dealbreaker. I deserve better than that.

WW doesnt want to stay married. She initiated D and I accept that this is whats better for both of us. I am happy and that is what matters. My kids are doing well and they are happy. My kids are very happy that I am happy. They want me to be happy and are glad that I decided to be.
31 1,138 Read More
For Newcomers
1 hour ago
I'm glad you are happy and ready to move on. I hope your XW will be able to get a hold of herself and be a good co-parent.

It sounds like this is 100% what you want and bravo! I always wonder if that would have been best for me as well.
31 1,138 Read More
For Newcomers
1 hour ago
I hope everyone celebrating had a wonderful Easter!

Not so much for me. When I was a kid it was such a special day. This time it was such a non-event. I took D2 for a walk around the neighborhood in the early morning and, when we returned, W had a trail of eggs leading to a basket with a couple of coloring books and sticker packs. But that was just about it. My MIL had to work, FIL was sick, SIL busy, my family several hours away. Weather was decent so we took D2 to the playground but W just spent most of the day texting, I assume primarily "Potential OW2." I had a great time at the playground with D2 but otherwise it was kind of somber for me.

I should probably rename her since it seems from multiple angles that there is nothing physical or romantic going on with OW2, just a codependent friendship. A good friend of mine actually recognized her and knows her (she appears in my W's Facebook profile pic along with OW1), and says she's pretty controlling and domineering. They were friends for a while but my friend got tired of her nonsense.

Stuff like having one friend with whom she's obsessed at a time (my friend said, "Oh, your W is the flavor of the month?") and wanting to hang out with that person almost every night, and getting snippy if the friend can't until the inevitable falling out. "I need to be friends with people who aren't flaky, I need to know I can rely on you." Stuff like that. Apparently she's not the kind to accept any other commitments in her chosen BFF's life, like a 2-year-old daughter.

So the irony here is that W has invented an alternative history in which she needs independence from me because I'm controlling and jealous (I have had many failings in our MR but those are fiction), only to find herself involved in a friendship with some who is in fact controlling and jealous. W, for all her "I'm bold" stuff these days, can be a bit of a follower and apparently has found someone who wants to play leader. I don't see this ending well. W is capable of cutting friends off without a thought when they annoy her too much, and they work together. Fortunately not in the same department like OW1. Oh well.

Over the weekend, D2 was singing (loudly and off key) a song from a cartoon. W opined that it was "annoying as h***" and that "this is why I could never be a SAHM." Apparently, our wonderful D2 is OK in "small doses."

Who is this person?
88 1,386 Read More
For Newcomers
1 hour ago
Nothing to be confused about. I am done. I am following the portion of DB where I take care of myself. I have no desire or expectation that I will R with WW. She will be my XWW and I am fine with that. D is pending in the courts and that is what I want and that is what she has wanted all along, she just did it in a very hurtful way.

I say she is hot and cold because I really just want to get along with her as a co-parent. I am not trying to fight with her or argue or anything. But it doesnt matter what I do, she just fluctuates all over the place with her emotions. I am not complaining. I am just making a statement about how she is acting. It doesnt bother me. I just hope that she stops spinning in circles and gets ahold of her emotions so that we can be the best parents for our kids regardless of the situation.

WW is still deep in her relationship with OM. She is with him every other week for a week at a time. I am fine with that. I will be moving out very soon and I am hoping that will help STBXWW focus more on the kids and co-parenting with me.

EDIT: I guess I am still DBing to the point where I am trying to salvage some sort of cordial relationship with my XWW. I don't want to have a contentious relationship with her. I want to get a long and maybe in the future when everything calms down we can get along and be friends.
31 1,138 Read More
For Newcomers
1 hour ago
Hey guys,

So past 4 days or so W has been pretty pleasant. Starting conversations with me and laughing about stuff our Son does. Still DBing well, and feel pretty detached. Feels good. Wondering if she just doesnt feel pressured anymore.
Around BD whenever I tried to say goodbye as she left for work she wouldnt acknowledge me. Past few days she has been saying goodbye hope you have a good day, to which I respond with a pleasant you too!

Today the W texted me asking if I had seen a lawyer to which I responded no have you? ( I was actually planning on calling one this afternoon just to protect myself lol). She said no then asked if I had filed for divorce. I replied no have you? To which she replied no.

I know Im not supposed to try to mind read but what is going through her head. I just wanna say wtf you are the one leaving me, remember? I didnt say that but ended the convo with a gotta go talk to you later. Im confused as to why she would be thinking I filed for D when we had an R talk two days ago where I made it clear I wasnt the one leaving the relationship.

Also wondering if she is classified as WW or just WAW. She hasnt been acting too crazy apart from me suspecting a texting EA of some sort. The extent I have no clue about. Thanks!
49 1,050 Read More
For Newcomers
1 hour ago
IHCLACS seems our timelines are running in parallel.

I had her movers show up today to figure out how and when to move her. Tomorrow we may sign the papers if we get our lawyers together. When I lie down my memories run back to when we first met. I remember walking into her apartment and the wall clock she had was with a greek soccer team that was also my favorite. I thought this was the sign.

If it makes you feel any better right now the reason I am not collapsing is that I have 2 old greek men (my father and her father) ready to stroke out ( with her shenanigans) and I am playing it cool (like cool hand luke) in front of everyone to control emotions run amok.

But alas I am sitting here applying ointment on a rash that just broke out on my arm.

I am trying to feed the calm wolf and starve the angry one per Mark's great story earlier.

It seems that angry wolf came out anyway and is scratching my arm metaphorically speaking....

Courage amigo . To both of us.
91 1,600 Read More
For Newcomers
1 hour ago
Ginger, he used to be on State Insurance, when ex-wife started her new job it was determined that we both made too much to qualify. As far as any Obama Care type stuff that's what I had in my last job and it was grossly unaffordable. I just have to be patient. I'm going to present my financial situation to the court and show them that I can get really good insurance but I just need to have adjustments made to child support before I am able to do so. I live in New Hampshire which is a bit of a double-edged sword. Our state motto is Live Free or Die, a lot of the laws is that most states have regarding protecting the people are not in place here. We have no lemon laws for cars, one of the lowest minimum wages in the country, no seat belt law, no laws requiring health or car insurance.
98 2,860 Read More
For Newcomers
1 hour ago
I'll join the party buddy...you are not alone...very similar stories. My WW called me abusive, controlling all of that. I never ;laid a hand on her and thought my decisions and actions were to make sure our family ended up in the right place for the long term.

Listen to what is said here...work on yourself...get the old you back that made you attractive, not just to your W but to others. We all got away from that, lost who we were and got comfortable. This part [censored]..getting started but you can do it.

Take care of yourself, especially physically. I rediscovered my physique at age 48, my wardrobe changed, I felt better about myself..people noticed and I realized that I could move on alone and start over.

Oh yeah..and most importantly take care of your kids! If she wants to move out...let her go but you go nowhere. You aren't stopping her from getting a FT job.

It [censored] I know this is my Ws second PA in 10 years...wanted to kill myself but I got through it and although it took about 10 months finally let go and let go hard. It wacked her in the head and brought her back around...still a work in progress but it is a start.

We were at D, sep a few times but once the burden was put on her I realized that she was lost.

Stay in touch and post, read, research....and take care of yourself...always!
20 276 Read More
For Newcomers
2 hours ago
SoTorn, I am SoConfused. New woman? Meeting your family? Then you complain about WW being hot and cold toward you?

Where is this at? Are you moving on and dating. Or are you DBing and trying to save your MR? You cannot do both.
31 1,138 Read More
For Newcomers
2 hours ago
Also LH is giving you solid feedback. Dude knows his stuff. And you are bucking against that feedback. Why?
79 1,288 Read More
For Newcomers
2 hours ago
Originally Posted by P_Jam
Been away from the board for a few days. Update on sitch...

Background:
1. IC says that I need to be careful as coming off to WW as if I'm "completely done". He's concerned that she will take this as more of the same (since BD issue is = neglect) and provide her more reason to just move on. Also how can you rebuild attraction if always distant.


Becareful. Most IC are classically trained NOT DB trained. Detached <> distant. Common LBS mistake. Present is the number one rule of loving detachment. Pleased. Upbeat. Cordial and kind. YOU JUST DO NOT REACT EMOTIONALLY TO WHAT SHE SAYS OR DOES. Negative or positive. This is why you LISTEN and VALIDATE.

If you are distant then you are not detached. You are unengaged. Not the same.

Originally Posted by P_Jam

2. WW has always been friendly through the entire process face to face, with kids and $ settlement, as well as parenting plan. Still a lying cheater behind my back, but she has not portrayed a lot of the rude/mean characteristics of many other WW ive read about. <-- I know some will say this doesn't matter. But for me it's 'concerning' because I either let her have a little 'cake' or I come off as the rude/mean one.


This is reacting emotionally to what she says and does. IE NOT detached. Listen. Validate. It isn't complex. It is hard to get good at it but the plan is simple.

Originally Posted by P_Jam

3. WW is girls gone wild. No specific OM that she is 'in-love' with. Multiple EA and couple of PA


Detached. IE this rolls off your back like water off a duck. You continue to key off of her and her actions and words. Stop. Focus on you. I will read below with a keen eye toward how your GAL is going. If it isn't I will issue a 2x4!

Originally Posted by P_Jam

Sitch...
The night I took the kids for her (on her night) to get them to football the next day (because she had to work). S9 tells me that WW would not let him call me the night before. I questioned him multiple times to try and make sure what I was hearing was correct. Based on multiple answers it seemed that it might have been the case (just as he stated it). I was flaming made and texted WW: "S9 says that you would not let him call me last night, we agreed this would NEVER happen. Pathetic".



Not detachment. YOU CANNOT CONTROL HER. Even if she bad mouths you to the kids, you cannot control her. The more you try the more she will resist. Let me ask you.......how would a man only a fool would leave deal with this situation?

Originally Posted by P_Jam

[b][/b] Now, in hindsight I realize I could have handled this much better. For one, even though she is a lying cheater she has never put the kids in the middle of our situation like that (so I probably owed her more respect/benefit). come to find out it was not exactly as S9 explained it (again, I probably should have known this) She took it HARD! No other text that night or next day. Finally on Sunday she texts me telling me that she is no longer going to allow S5 family birthday part at my house on Thursday. She says I can pick him up from School and have some birthday time with him but she will then pick him up and take him to GMA & GPA's house for family birthday.


"Okay, sounds good!" Again, you can't control this.

Originally Posted by P_Jam

So I ask if she can talk. We get on the phone and I ask her what is going on? She says it's a combination of things, but most importantly the texts and I don't feel comfortable around you or the house. I pushed... what are talking about feeling comfortable??? She proceeds to tell me that she doesn't like how I took down every picture of her, nor did she like how I kept MB door closed when she was over the day of the MRI. She feels I'm being mean and manipulative and then the rude texts... I just don't want to see you. She is also upset because I was 'distant' when she came to family bingo night. "You really didn't even talk to me".


Text was rude. Learn and move on. But what you have to understand is this, no matter what you do it will be wrong to her. If you pursue and pressure, she will complain. If you back off and give her space, she will say you are being mean and ignoring her. With WWs YOU CANNOT WIN. This is why you do.....NOTHING. Be kind, polite, nice, accommodating. But focus on YOU. Your GAL. Your 180s. Loving detachment. Be so busy with all of that, and then you won't have time to react badly to her. (Remember, RESPOND to her do NOT react.)

Originally Posted by P_Jam

At this point I"m feeling like I've clearly done something wrong (although I'm not afraid to make her mad) this was probably not a good situation to do so and most importantly I want save S5 Birthday party at my house.

So I explain that the pictures were necessary as I could not keep looking at her face (they were triggers for me). I explained that I replaced every picture I could to make sure the kids did not notice any holes (which they didn't). I explained that I'm not trying to manipulate just do what is best for me. AS for master bedroom door. I did do that to see if she would notice (not really sure why or what impact it would have) - just felt that if she is in MY house... that is now my personal space - so I'm keeping it more private. <-- this is not what I told her though. Just stated that I'm closing more doors upstairs and downstairs when they are not in use as it's more efficient for heating/cooling.

In my explanation of pictures and Bingo night I explain to her how she has hurt me deeply and even though I do like to see her and have her around form SOME events, it is still very difficult as I know you are sleeping with other people! I explain that it's too early for me to act 'normal' around her. I will work on it, but for now it will be a little uncomfortable while we go through this. This then sparks more relationship talk. She reminds me I'm not the only victim and that she is hurt and scared too. She tells me: "I'm not anyone else's" <-- her way of saying I"m NOT serious with anyone right now (but also still leaving it open to sleep around). I remind her of my boundaries and that I do not consider us "working" on this relationship through separation as we originally agreed - if she is still sleeping with other people. I will not be in an open relationship and will not compete with the "honeymoon phase & fantasy" of the other relationships.


First, asking for the call was a mistake. Second, YOU TALKED WAY TOO MUCH! You do not owe her an explanation for the pictures...SHE FIRED YOU AS HER H. Listen. Validate.

This was a setback my friend, no other way to put it. You should be avoiding these talks.....like the plague. Who cares if she complains.

Originally Posted by P_Jam

Anyway, that is the meat of it. It lasted 1.5hrs. I got the birthday back at my house. I also felt like we had a decent talk as I was able to remind her that I'm hurt, ok but still hurt. Re-establish my boundaries that I would like to 'work' on this but not while OP are still around.

You should have done birthday without her, let her celebrate the way she wanted to. The talk was NOT decent. It got you no where. You re-established a boundary? You mean she didn't already know that? She didn't know you were still hurt? This talk netted nothing, except a birthday party that now includes her again and should not.

Originally Posted by P_Jam

so now I'm torn... I know that overall this conversation really doesn't mean much. But as crazy as some of the stuff she is doing, I do feel like she is looking for reasons to save this R. I also understand the need for her to feel some loss as I can't just be plan B.

She has only been out for 2 weeks. So i know there is a lot of time - but where is the balance between DB and IC suggestions, as well as re-establishing attraction?


Listen to the IC and you will most likely be D'd. DB and you may still be D'd but the chances for R are better. We've all seen this 100 times if we've seen it once. DB is no guarantee, but what the IC is suggesting is ALMOST a guarantee of the opposite.

Originally Posted by P_Jam

on a side note: I went out on Saturday met a woman who is also going through D. Not sure timing only overheard others talking about her sitch... but got her number and have been texting. Looking to possibly ask for dinner this week. <-- this really helped me over the weekend. I know I probably need to avoid sexual relationship - but I will not be limiting my options. Only making sure I"m completely honest with her about where I am emotionally.


So do you want to save your MR, or date? You can't do both my friend. This is a violation of sandi's rules.....stay away from the the bar scene. No good can come of it. You are going down the wrong road. Very few LBSs have jealoused their WAS back. You are going to end up D'd AND hurting this new woman. BAD IDEA.

Sorry for the 2x4s, but you are headed the wrong direction and need a course correction. And your GAL looks almost non-existent except to put yourself in bad situations. Like Saturday night. Go out with the guys. Forget women for now.
79 1,288 Read More
For Newcomers
2 hours ago
Originally Posted by P_Jam
I don't feel comfortable around you or the house. I pushed... what are talking about feeling comfortable???

The above is not validation.

I guess it could be slightly confusing because you are not married but you have a a legal custody arrangement and support is in place correct?

My ex filed for D. We have a custody arrangement and I pay support. I don't have a right to know where my exs head is at ever. We are divorced. Unless I am missing something in her mind you are done. Obviously if she changes her mind a recon could be in the cards in the future.

In fours years on the board I do not think I have seen one situation where a WW moved out settled custody and finances and had a change of heart in 3-6 months. Someone correct me if I am wrong.
79 1,288 Read More
For Newcomers
2 hours ago
Had a nice Easter weekend. My new female friend came down and spent the weekend with me. I really really enjoy my time with her. She is extremely nice, extremly honest, very transparent, non-judgemental and non-critical, expects nothing from me beyond being nice and honest and asks me for nothing but my companionship. D16 asked to meet her. Very odd request, but I oblidged and we went to dinner with S12, D16, myself and my new female friend. Everyone got along very well and we had a great dinner.

WW still acting hot and cold and hot and cold. She is spinning in circles still. She goes from being cordial to me, ignoring me, being hateful to me and putting me down and everything in between all within a few days. I am cool, calm and collected. I know my path and I am walking it. Still looking for a home to rent for now. D is pending in the court still.

I am cordial, I validate when I can. Again I will not validate when she is putting me down. I just ask her to stop and leave me alone. Wash, rinse repeat.

Went to my dads house for Easter Sunday. D16 was supposed to drive her and S12 there, but I think that WW thought that my new friend would be with me. My new friend has met my dad already, but she didn't want to go to the Easter event because she felt that WW may show up. I also felt that WW may show up. WW is not welcome by my parents. They are not mean, but they are not happy with her.

As we suspected WW didn't let D16 drive to my dads. WW decided to drop them off and showed up at the exact same time as I did. I feel she was expecting to see my new friend with me.

WW showed up and my brothers were outside hiding eggs. Again, everyone is cordial to her. I asked everyone to just be nice, even if they are upset with her, as there is no point of being mean.

WW hugged my brothers, which was odd for them. I went inside and when I came back outside WW was standing off in the yard crying. D16 asked me to say hi to her. I had already greeted her, but I said "Hi WW, Happy Easter". WW was lost and extremly upset. She was walking back to her car and I asked if she was going to go say hi to everyone. She couldnt decide what to do and was just standing by her car looking lost.

I went inside and told my dad that she was outside and asked if he wanted to say hi. He did not, but he remembered that I had asked that everyone be nice. So he went outside and shortly after everyone else did to hunt eggs. WW saw my dad and hugged him and again broke down and started crying. She hung around for a bit and ended up going to the bathroom for a while and crying.

She finally left. I ended up taking the kids home before going back to the airbnb that I was at. When I went home WW had locked herself in her room and when D16 knocked on her door she said she was sleeping.

WW asked if I would approve passports for D16 and S12 because she wants to take them to Mexico. I am not ok with this because Mexico is on a dangerous travel warning right now. That and my WW is not known for emergency planning or any sort of situational awareness. I told her I would think about it. WW went and told all of the kids that I am just being difficult because I don't want her taking them anywhere.

This is not true. I told her I am sorry if she feels this way and that I am entitled to my opinion on where my kids go and that I will think about it and that it has nothing to do with her and that I would be fine with her taking them anywhere thats not dangerous and not on a government advisory.

WW keeps up with the insulting texts, talking down to me etc. I just validate when I can and ignore when she is insulting. WW made a snide comment about me not moving out yet. I have the money and I am looking, but I was waiting for her to pay me the settlement which she promised. But she changed her mind as to when she wants to pay me. The only reason I can see that she changed her mind is because she is delaying me moving out. There is no other reason.

She doesnt know that I already have enough funds to move out, but she will soon as I am looking at several homes this weekend.

I personally feel great. I still look great, GAL in full effect, relationship with the kids is excellent. Finances are in order. Just need to find a house and rent it and move. I am still debating on whether to sell my car or not. I love my car, but it is not a cheap car. That and its just a car. I can always get another in the future.
31 1,138 Read More
Midlife Crisis
2 hours ago
Thx for the reply. The affair ended Feb 2 and only lasted 2 months. She started the behaviours 3 years ago. She has been very distant, depressed and withdrawn the last 2 months. But she has good days, like today she is treating me normal. Sunday she said 5 words to me. Yesterday she was an emotional wreck, snapping at the kids. Roller coaster
3 42 Read More
For Newcomers
2 hours ago
Originally Posted by kettle6
Ugh she accused me again of 'behaving badly' and I did nothing. Shes 'seeing things' through the bathroom door. Or seeing me walk around naked ( which I never do) How do I defend myself from false accusations? Im not supposed to defend my self but just listen to her rant?
If you share her exact phrases, we can help draft up responses.
23 625 Read More
For Newcomers
2 hours ago
LH,
Well in her defense she actually hasn't said "we are working on it". That is what we originally agreed to, then she has another PA and i told her to leave - witch changed the 'working on it".

And I did validate every issue/feeling she had. All of them, as they are all real. None of them were about OM. I sincerely apologized about the "pathetic' text (and meant it) because it was wrong.

IC does not think I should "pursue". Only that I have a right to know where her head is at, sometime in the near future 4-6 weeks. He is not convinced it should take more than 6 months to get a better feel in which way she is going. It will take a very long time to repair, but shouldn't take that long to decide if it's possible to repair. He also would not councel me in anyway to be 'waiting' for any longer than 3-6 months.

Although, i get your point about pretending to move on... It' doesn't happen over night. So I guess what I'm asking.. is what I do in the mean time. I guess just try to be happier when I am around her. Not pursuing but not really distant either...
79 1,288 Read More
For Newcomers
2 hours ago
Originally Posted by Vik11
Hi Guys,

Update....

Had asked wife to talk about our Ds staying arrangements and her routine during stay at each place (my wife is moving out on Wednesday i.e tomorrow).

She asked if we could meet at a restaurant near our house during lunch hours, to which I agreed. (not sure why she chose to meet outside, even though she has no job these days and was home only, and the restaurant is 5 minutes away from our house)

So we talked about the days she will spend at each place and here is the arrangement:

Sun-Tuesday Morning - D is with me
Tue - Friday morning - D will be with my wife
Friday - Saturday morning - D will be with me
Saturday Morning - Sunday Morning - With wife

We talked about her eating routine and other stuff to keep it same in both houses.

Also, for finance, we agreed that on 1st of each month, I will deposit in her account my share of the daycare+education saving expense for our D. She gave me the cards that she had from our joint accounts.
We file taxes jointly and this year we owed money because her withheld taxes were very less and she asked me to tell her how much she owes and she will pay me that.

Also, I asked her to make sure that she leaves by tomorrow unless there are logistic issues because I couldn't live in an open marriage (Although the delay would have been a day or two, this was just to emphasize that she was not leaving on her terms but I wanted her to leave as well. I know it was not the best thing to do, but I wanted peace and send a message that its not just her that wants to leave, but I have no interest if she is going to be with another man).
Her face was blank as she did not expect it. May resent me but I was so upset in my heart about my D suffering that i had to say it.
Don't know what the repercussions will be.

Would like to have your feedback please and how to conduct myself in coming days.

Also, when she is leaving tomorrow, should I say something or not? If yes, then what should I say?

P.S - Her parents called me yesterday and told me that her mother will be arriving on 26th and they haven't told her.
What should I do? Should I tell her or not?


Not sure what happened. but I do not like your schedule. It is too much switching for your D. And there will be Friday nights you need to do something and Saturday night she will. How about this:

Sun-Tuesday Morning - D is with me
Tue - Friday morning - D will be with my wife
Friday - Sunday Morning - With wife one week, me the next, alternating.

I think that is much better arrangement. Not sure why you guys would try to split the weekend like that.

Quote
P.S - Her parents called me yesterday and told me that her mother will be arriving on 26th and they haven't told her.
What should I do? Should I tell her or not?


Call her parents and tell them they need to contact her with their plans.
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Friday I will be a zombie. My son asked I join him and some others at the Thursday night 2245 (10:45PM) show for Avengers: Endgame.

Last midnight show I saw was Star Wars with my Dad.

Does this qualify as "Get an Un-life" since zombies are undead?

If she comments or not... don't matter.

Cleaned the bathroom last night. She had to know since all her stuff was moved. Not why I did it. Needed to be done.

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