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Midlife Crisis
Jump to new posts Re: I think I belong here #3 by Matt165 @ Yesterday at 10:12 AM

God, how is it that MLCers can be so selfish and crazy and not have a clue how horrible they sound! I got all that praying but so far my W hasn't left but plans to soon. They really believe that "things" can make them "happy" I th
For Newcomers
Jump to new posts Re: Barrybran by tough spot @ Yesterday at 10:11 AM

yes, you cannot move out without at least having a temporary custody hearing/arrangement which can't happen until you file divorce paperwork. the temporary custody arrangement will protect you from the image of 'abandoning the home' and hence affect
For Newcomers
Jump to new posts Re: Have I any hope...? by woundedfool @ Yesterday at 10:06 AM

Originally Posted By: bashyHi wounded. Thanks for the response. We talked counselling but she just thought if she "loved me, but wasn't in love with me" there was no point. I didn't argue. Didn't want to get needy etc. As for the book. I kn
Midlife Crisis
Jump to new posts Re: Self-Defense Against Fresh Fruit by LoisB @ Yesterday at 09:58 AM

I'm sorry you lost your mom to this illness GM. I'm profoundly sorry. It seems very senseless, doesn't it. To those of us watching. I'm sure she was CONSUMED by guilt. AND, I'M SURE SHE IS SOMEWHERE WISHING YOU WOULD LET THAT GUILT GO. I believe
Surviving the Big D
Jump to new posts Re: Moving along by gabbysmom23 @ Yesterday at 09:53 AM

Nj has made this process damn near impossible. Grrrrrrrr
For Newcomers
Jump to new posts Re: Upwards - Moving Fowards, Tiny Positive Steps by Barrybran @ Yesterday at 09:42 AM

Hugs coming your way. As MamaB said, things will improve.
Midlife Crisis
Jump to new posts Re: Self-Defense Against Fresh Fruit by LoisB @ Yesterday at 09:40 AM

I think my mom projects a lot. She has a lot of things she is avoiding and needs to confront financially. I think she has a tendency to over-analyze others and project in order to avoid her own issues. Not saying she doesn't have every right to be sc
Midlife Crisis
Jump to new posts Re: Self-Defense Against Fresh Fruit by gabbysmom23 @ Yesterday at 09:39 AM

I'm not saying not to feel compassion , of course. It seems as if in the past your guilt has indeed stopped you from what you need to do, but it's not anymore, and that's good. Yup, he's sick. But YOU can't cure him. My mother was an addict. My
For Newcomers
Jump to new posts Re: Barrybran by Barrybran @ Yesterday at 09:38 AM

She's putting the pressure on. She's saying I'm trying to control the situation. I'm just listening and validating at the moment. I won't be going anywhere. As I said to her, this is my home regardless of the mistakes I have made. For those not awar
For Newcomers
Jump to new posts Re: Barrybran by Drew @ Yesterday at 09:33 AM

Do not move out of the family home.
For Newcomers
Jump to new posts Re: Barrybran by Barrybran @ Yesterday at 09:32 AM

My wife paused for a while and continued the conversation and I'm having that conversation now. Hopefully I handle it correctly. So far I've said that I respect her choice for me to leave and that me leaving is her choice and not mine.
Midlife Crisis
Jump to new posts Re: Self-Defense Against Fresh Fruit by LoisB @ Yesterday at 09:27 AM

GM, Thanks for your feedback as always. I really appreciate it. I think this is a killer example for newbies to DB and Al-Anon and MLC and otherwise. I have years of Al-Anon under my belt. This is where the rubber meets the road when it comes to co-
For Newcomers
Jump to new posts Re: Upwards - Moving Fowards, Tiny Positive Steps by MamaB @ Yesterday at 09:26 AM

Oh Upwards, I'm so sorry that you are feeling so low right now. Please know that it will get better again. I know how hard this is, but you are sooo strong, keep the faith. Are you going to see your IC soon?
For Newcomers
Jump to new posts Re: Barrybran by stumps @ Yesterday at 09:26 AM

Someone who is more knowledgable about it may want to chime in and contradict me, but my wife at one point also wanted me to move out. I was advised by a family friend that under no circumstances should I do so because, if I did, it might cause some
Midlife Crisis
Jump to new posts Re: buz 28: finally feeling worthy... a new beginning by makingmagic @ Yesterday at 09:25 AM

its ok Rick... I don't fully believe me yet either. I do realize that for it to be believable, is when I BELIEVE in myself. I am just getting my feet on the ground. It will take some time. I am afraid that I will lose my confidence and slip up.
For Newcomers
Jump to new posts Re: WAW...Again by stumps @ Yesterday at 09:18 AM

Kind of a weird night last night. W came home from work in the evening, said hello to the kids and then pulled me aside to the bedroom where she told me she was having a really hard/bad day. She started getting teary-eyed and told me she felt ultra-
For Newcomers
Jump to new posts Re: Barrybran by Barrybran @ Yesterday at 09:13 AM

Tonight wasn't pretty. I cleaned some parts of the house today and made sure to leave some for my wife. I wasn't too happy with where it was at but figured it would save some dramas. My wife got home and was angry because it looked like I hadn't done
Midlife Crisis
Jump to new posts Re: Self-Defense Against Fresh Fruit by LoisB @ Yesterday at 09:07 AM

Oh!! And, the Asset Check was a reality check for me. He didn't have any new purchases they could find, but... the list of Smokey's toys over the years was GI-normous. Brought back memories from the beginning of the marriage where Smokey always, al
Midlife Crisis
Jump to new posts Re: Self-Defense Against Fresh Fruit by gabbysmom23 @ Yesterday at 09:05 AM

So you attend alanon? If not, you should probably try to catch a meeting, because your first paragraph are fears typical of a loved one with an addiction problem. You can't be responsible for the do quenches of this choices. Breaking that codepend
For Newcomers
Jump to new posts Re: Sad times by MamaB @ Yesterday at 09:04 AM

My STBX is coming to town this weekend to see the kids. He wanted to stay here at the house, but saiid that would not be a good idea because my parents are visiting. He is in the hotel biz and his company manages a resort about an hour away. He said
Midlife Crisis
Jump to new posts Re: Self-Defense Against Fresh Fruit by LoisB @ Yesterday at 09:03 AM

And, she did the same thing in regards to D19. D19 is the world's easiest target. Mom: "I'm so scared for her and for you." I need my mom to stop being so scared for me. I need her to trust God and I will handle things. OH!!! And, I dis
For Newcomers
Jump to new posts Re: Redefining Hope and Success by juliegayle @ Yesterday at 08:53 AM

Update. .. is it normal for the WAS to rewrite the rewrites? When h first bomb dropped and rewrote our life I could see the truths that he was building from and that was where I started working on myself. H has finally acknowledged I have changed.
Midlife Crisis
Jump to new posts Re: Self-Defense Against Fresh Fruit by LoisB @ Yesterday at 08:46 AM

Thanks everyone! Thanks so much for the support. This is scary as hell. Jeezz... I think the snarkiness helped me deflect some of the fear yesterday. Last night, I was left with overwhelming guilt... This feeling that I am abandoning this person I l
Surviving the Big D
Jump to new posts Re: Moving along by mishka422 @ Yesterday at 08:39 AM

Absolutely! Gabby deserves it! Got get him G!
For Newcomers
Jump to new posts Re: Crimson....waiting for goodness to happen. by gabbysmom23 @ Yesterday at 08:39 AM

Originally Posted By: CrimsonWow Sandi...I was posting the question and you were posting the answer at the same time. Thank you for the 2x4....I needed it. I have not detached. I never have. I have tried. I have dated no less than 5-6 people (I
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