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Forum   Subject
Piecing Our Marriage Back Together Again
Jump to new posts Re: Baby steps, patience and uncertainty by Wonka @ Yesterday at 04:20 PM

Bets & Bug, I think changes and transitions FORCE us to stretch out in ways that were far out of our comfort zones at times. Some with foot-dragging resistance because of our imaginary or unfounded fears on how those changes impacts us. Funny
For Newcomers
Jump to new posts Re: Trying to Follow DB & DR by Miman2 @ Yesterday at 04:19 PM

Yup still here. Just needed to try and digest everything that's been posted and find a time to get to respond. I'll try to do without all the quoting, people trying to catch up on the sitch will just have to forgive me. Thank you, 25yearsmlc, for
For Newcomers
Jump to new posts Re: New here - frozen in should I stay or should I go? by Shanti @ Yesterday at 04:18 PM

TenBook - I didn't mean to imply I need tender, I don't, I need the push. I hadn't planned a specific outing. I figured I would just maybe take a bike ride, or walk, take a drive... just take a couple hours for mental space; even these small thing
For Newcomers
Jump to new posts Re: Guide for LBH who has a Wayward Wife by Wonka @ Yesterday at 04:16 PM

Joe, Here's one we worked with Dev last summer in which he sent an email response to his WAW. I've cut out irrelevant parts. Originally Posted By: Joe406Hopefully this is not a dumb question, but what is the NO- OM boundary speech? Maybe some exam
Piecing Our Marriage Back Together Again
Jump to new posts Re: Baby steps, patience and uncertainty by Underdog @ Yesterday at 04:12 PM

Quote:I've consciously been taking a bit of break with him. Not going to appts, not reminding him of commitments. No judging him. Being the mom of a 21 year old person, I know first hand how really difficult this must be for you. Sometimes, the answ
For Newcomers
Jump to new posts Re: Vote: Cadet For Moderator by Wonka @ Yesterday at 04:06 PM

P.S. Sg, are you now planning your wedding with your handsome fiance?
For Newcomers
Jump to new posts Re: Guide for LBH who has a Wayward Wife by hwkies @ Yesterday at 04:04 PM

Great read...Thx 4 posting it starsky
For Newcomers
Jump to new posts Re: Where to begin? by Wonka @ Yesterday at 04:03 PM

Hiya, Oct. My response to comments from people who say that "people can't change" is this: People are not static. People can grow and do evolve if there's a desire to do so. Leave it at that. I did that with Ms. Wonka and I think it
Infidelity/Extramarital Affairs/Jealousy
Jump to new posts Re: W continuing A with OM from AA meetings by TryIt10 @ Yesterday at 04:02 PM

When I say "I know she feels forced and stuck," these are my assumptions. She has not expressed those to me specifically, but to OM - expected there though. I have mentioned several times to her that these are my boundaries and it would b
For Newcomers
Jump to new posts Re: Where to begin? by 11OCT @ Yesterday at 03:58 PM

Originally Posted By: BeginningAgain This ^^^^ is good stuff. Why didn't you tell her this? I think it's something you should share with her, especially in a counseling type environment. In fact you could even precede it with something along the l
For Newcomers
Jump to new posts Re: Where to begin? by 11OCT @ Yesterday at 03:55 PM

Being an overthinker and worrier makes this kind of stuff that much more difficult. I think that may be one of my own toughest nuts to crack. The lighthouse story is plain awesome. Love it! I am trying to be that lighthouse in the calm of this storm
For Newcomers
Jump to new posts Re: Vote: Cadet For Moderator by Wonka @ Yesterday at 03:55 PM

Originally Posted By: sgctxokOriginally Posted By: Starsky309I'm starting to get the sinking feeling that Virginia might be the Russian judge. Cadet's screwed. Nah. She's a good egg. Makes decisions thoughtfully and after gathering informati
For Newcomers
Jump to new posts Re: So I am divorced. by mahhhty @ Yesterday at 03:55 PM

For some reason, I have dived into the issues I had with the X on the sex front. I believe that this was part of both of our love languages. Which we really lost sight of especially after the 2nd child. This basically summed up a lot of it. "
For Newcomers
Jump to new posts Re: Guide for LBH who has a Wayward Wife by Starsky309 @ Yesterday at 03:54 PM

Quote: Questions from Mahhty: Sandi & Wonka. I've done my best to employ LRT and the 37 Rules. I've done well in some areas and less in others. That is the price of learning and changing. Regardless, I am moving forward. The above addresses
For Newcomers
Jump to new posts Re: Guide for LBH who has a Wayward Wife by Joe406 @ Yesterday at 03:53 PM

Hopefully this is not a dumb question, but what is the NO- OM boundary speech? Maybe some examples? Also, what if there is no actual proof of OM, but lots of suspicious activity? Does the LBH act as is there is OM in his dealings with W?
For Newcomers
Jump to new posts Re: Help dropping the rope by hwkies @ Yesterday at 03:51 PM

Today is beautiful. I am watching the boys swim. Think I am going to take the kayak for a paddle soon. We will see if wife goes...then great, else I will go myself. It was fun the other day. Tonight we are going out with aunts / uncles and some old a
For Newcomers
Jump to new posts Re: Guide for LBH who has a Wayward Wife by Wonka @ Yesterday at 03:51 PM

Like IOM or IOW? Gee whiz...I thought I had a good imaginary friend in my childhood years.
For Newcomers
Jump to new posts Re: Guide for LBH who has a Wayward Wife by Cadet @ Yesterday at 03:49 PM

Originally Posted By: Wonka In your case, there's no OM. Are you absolutely sure about that??! Yea like it could be an imaginary one only in her head - like the character in a book, for instance.
For Newcomers
Jump to new posts Re: hold on! - 8 by Starsky309 @ Yesterday at 03:47 PM

U, It's not your job to assuage her guilt, and to make her feel better about her destructive choices. "I'll be fine" should be your only response. "Not what I would have chosen, but I'll be fine -- I realize that now." Star
For Newcomers
Jump to new posts Re: Where to begin? by BeginningAgain @ Yesterday at 03:46 PM

Originally Posted By: 11OCT So, her telling me she wanted a divorce was an eye-opening and soul searching event for me. Its as if it made me do a 180 because I came to the realization that I didn't like what I had become and I don't want to be that a
For Newcomers
Jump to new posts Re: Keep on keeping on by u-turn @ Yesterday at 03:46 PM

Hey Heavy Keep on keeping on - great PMA!!! Easter memory: fruit stripe gum (10 seconds of flavor - hours of fun) plus - you can't go wrong with a rainbow zebra - right?
For Newcomers
Jump to new posts Re: Focused on Me and My Son by Starsky309 @ Yesterday at 03:45 PM

Originally Posted By: Sherman333 The headphones were on when it was just me. When he was there, they were off. I understand that. My point was that instead of defending and protecting your son in no uncertain terms, you chose to ignore her l
For Newcomers
Jump to new posts Re: Squiggy's story #3 by Wonka @ Yesterday at 03:44 PM

Squiggy, Well done on the convo with your W. You stuck to your guns and painted a fairly clear picture to her on what happens if she continues with her A.
For Newcomers
Jump to new posts Re: Squiggy's story #3 by Squiggy @ Yesterday at 03:40 PM

Surprisingly, it wasn't that difficult at all. I've dropped the rope and am letting her decide what she wants to do. There is no doubt that I wish she would choose to come back to the marriage, and at the same time, it is not my decision to make fo
For Newcomers
Jump to new posts Re: Guide for LBH who has a Wayward Wife by Wonka @ Yesterday at 03:37 PM

Originally Posted By: sandi2Quote from Wonka: Quote:I think the DB approach for LBWs should differ slightly from the LBHs. Because the female and male dynamic is quite different. Case in point. For WAWs, the connection to the OM is emotional. For
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