Where there is injury...pardon - DivorceBusting.com

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A new thread...

((((((((Lola))))))))

Morning Jeff!!!

Any new updates Lola?

ITH

Well, I guess I should tell you all about my visit w/ H the other night before the shiznit hit the fan, and we had a very nice drive this morning. But I have to do a little work first, lol, or my bosses are going to have a fit! Just suffice to say it all went well, so there is a little ray of sunshing peeking through the clouds!!!

Give me a bit, and I will post it.

(((Lola))) Glad to hear you are in a much better mood!!!!

Hi Lola...a new day and new attitude! Looking forward to hearing about the nice time with H the other evening.

So glad to hear there is some sunshine in your day!

ITH

(((Lola)))

Glad there is a ray of sunshine! I like rainbows cutting through the clouds.

You are a ray of sunshine!

(((((Lola)))))

Thank you Jeff! I like to be positive, no matter what is thrown at me, because I really do believe it is all for a reason. Although this who scenario is a pain, there is a reson for it.

Anyway, I am at lunch now, so...

H came over Tuesday. I made dinner, but by the time he got there, he had already eaten. He said that he did not eat the night before, so around 4 p.m. he was starving and needed to eat. I told him that was fine. This was probably a small test to see if I would flip out or not. I didn't. I will just be having chicken for dinner for the next two nights!!!

Anyway, we were supposed to call and do the credit counseling certificate, but then we found out we could do it online, so we are going to do it that way. My internet is still down, so I will do that from work either today or tomorrow.

We really just visited for a little over an hour. Talked about work, life in general, and about the D's. H brought over the new prescription card, and with that I said there was only one med I was really worried about which is my AD, that I stopped taking the sleeping meds. I mentioned that I took vitamins in the morning, and he cracked a joke about me getting old (something we used to do because I am five years older than he is). It was hysterical. He also told me a joke about the FBI th at he said he wanted to forward to my dad, (retired FBI) but did not have his email address anymore. So then he started talking about how people at work hated him. I told him I highly doubted that, but if it made him feel better, there were people who hated me too. He said at work? I said no, and that I was not sure about whether I wanted to tell him or not, because I did not want him to stop talking to me again (I was not whiny, just laughing and matter of fact when I said this). He said it must be XH. I said no I don't really care what XH thinks these days. Then I mentioned the "emotional vampire" who is D21, and he laughed and said it must be D21. I said yes, so if you don't want to hear it we can skip that conversation. He said no its okay. Go ahead.

Posting this...will type more momentarily.

So I told H about the accident over the weekend, and that D21 had wanted to call G-pa for money, and I called him first and told him not to give it to her. I talked about how I have really not spoken to D21 and let her know that I was very angry with her for her actions toward H and me. He took it all in stride, and just listened. He stayed for about an hour and fifteen minutes, and we joked around a little more. He left and gave me a hug.

Yesterday, obviously was very emotional day, but he drove me to work. I was upset in the car, and apologized for this mess, and told him he would have been better off if he had never met me. He looked at me and said you know thats not true. Then he said his problem was he had a hard time saying no. I didn't ask what that meant, just let it go. When he got out of the car to pick me up, he came right over and gave me a hug. When I got out of the car at work, he leaned over with his cheek to me, but I just gave him another hug.

He confirmed w/ me last night that he would drive me again to work this morning. Driving me this morning was supposed to be contingent upon his going right into the office because we both work d/t. He picked me up, and we chit chatted on the way about work. Then he really surprised me by telling me something about one of his cases that has a gag order on it. He told me that he really was not supposed to tell me and I reassured him that I would not say anything. Trust has a nice ring to it!

When I got out of the car this morning, he went to give me a hug and turned his cheek towards me again, so this time I kissed him on the cheek, and he held on to me just a little longer (not much, few seconds) and said he would talk to me later.

So here I am now. I don't want to read too much into this, but for the first time in a while, I feel good about the direction we are starting to go into. I have a glimmer that maybe...just maybe...

((((((Lola))))))

It's way to early to get too excited, of course! But, sometimes I think that bad stuff helps to bring us together. The car was a kick in the stocmach, but perhaps it was a blessing in disguise. A little positive interaction is certainly a good thing!

Love the hugs and the kiss on the cheek.

Seems like a lot of little positives!

Keep building on them!

(((Lola)))

Lola I think it sounds very positive :). A kiss on the cheek, the way he is opening up to you, the things that you are talking about...

I feel like something bigger is going to happen very soon!

ITH

(((Jeff))) (((Michele))) (((Ith)))

I do too, but I am trying really hard to keep it in check. I am not going to rush anything, and just let it flow the way it is supposed to. I attribute the "flow" to faith, and knowing that there is something greater than me at work here, and I have to let it work. I also meant to say that H was not going right into the office today, in fact, he was going back to the east side of the city, which is where we both live. So regardless of the fact that he was not going to the office, he picked me up anyway and drove me to work...

Oh and just got a call from D23. D21 hates me and will never speak to me again.

Why doesn't that surprise me???

I'd say that he probably feels some responsibity for the car. And, being a guy, he likes to "fix" things. On top of that, you are making it comfortable for him to be around you. I'm thinking that amy one of those things might not be enough, the three together and you get to see him every day!

Guess I don't need to drive to El Paso this weekend to get you out of a funk! $\:\)$

I can live with the need to fix things. I think now, looking back, that may have been one of our issues. I am a fixer too, and I have to sit back and allow him to do some of the fixing...

Hmmmmm, a female fixer. That might lead to conflict, if both of you don't recognize it. Though I think it would work out really great, if you both understood it!

Lola...hugs and kisses, I'm getting a little jealous!! $\:\)$ I'm glad that he is being so helpful in this situation. DB your butt off. We are rooting for you!!!

I'm a Female Fixer, too! I can't help it--I had little brothers to protect growing up.

Maybe we can start a Female Fixers Anonymous group?

This is what my T told me, I always want to fix everything and save everyone. It is true. So I had to step back and allow him to fix what he needed to fix, and me to just wait.

It is going well, but I am still trying not to get over-excited. I don't want to blow it again. I am letting him take the lead. That is hard for me to do, but in the long run, it is worth it.

Yeah, I'm a fixer too. I think it's part of having younger siblings sometimes.

I always had a laid back side though. So I've been cultivating that more this last year.

So nice of your H to take you to work when it wasn't really on his way.

Just take it slow. Deep breath!

You can do it!

(((Lola)))

Hi Lola! Remember your mantra...breathe

I'll just say ditto to everyone else. $\:D$

I really liked how he told you about a very confidential case...that speaks volumes about his feelings towards you.

Do you think your D21 is angry because she's so used to you fixing things that when you didn't fix this she flipped???

Yes, but that is only part of it. I think it is also because she is not getting what she wants. Don't get me wrong, I love my D21. But for her entire life I have bent over backwards to make her happy, to appease her. I am done doing that. I realize that some of who she has become is part of my doing because I spoiled her, wanted to give her everything, was a real "yes" man. But at the same time, she began to manipulate everyone around her to get her way. H saw that. I didn't. I saw my D, the child I gave birth to, and could not accept that she would do anything to get her way. It took me a long time to see that, but I finally did when I asked her to apologize to H and she refused, point blank stating that it was because she did not like him.

I realized that no matter what, there are some parents who try everything for their kid, give them love, attention, and they still turn around and smack you right in the back of the head. The difference now is I have learned counterdefense, and she does't like that.

((((Lola)))

Hehe. Yep, I bet she doesn't!

She's gotta figure it out for herself though unfortunately.

(((Lola)))

Good for changing things up with her though!

((((Lola))))

She a grown up and must start acting like one. Good for you for putting your foot down. One day she will realize that you are doing this for her own good.

Yeah, it will take some time for her to realize that you are doing what is best for her.

(((Lola)))

(((Lola)))

Hope you had a good weekend!

Well it was interesting...does that count?

I love my BFF Rose but she makes me listen to rap music in the morning.

Awww Poor Lola!!! $\:\)$ Maybe it will give you some peep in your step first thing in the morning...lol.

I don't think so...it makes me want to jump out of the speeding car... $\:D$

Haha. I'm with you on that one!

Try some Drowning Pool it's not bad.

(((Lola)))

Dan

I could live with that. What I really hate is that gansta rap crap. Makes my skin crawl...

I am exhausted beyond belief.

This has been such an emotional seven days. I can't even begin to explain. Between the car repo, the bankruptcy appointment today, and the finality of it all, I am so tired. And through it all, my darling H has been the man I married. Sweet, checking up on me, supportive. It amazes me that I have seen this side of him again. He drove me to work twice last week. BFF Rose is going to loan me her H's car, but the battery is dead, so I need to get a new one, and called H to help. He was working, but he called me the next day to make sure I was okay.

On Friday it was my Dad's bday. My nephew was also born Friday morning. I sent texts to friends and family, even H, and he asked for Dad's email He told me today he apologized to my father for everything.

Today was the BK appointment. I thought H was going to be furious. But he held his ground. I was the one who lost it, crying in the paralegal's office. When H dropped me off, he held on to me and told me it would be okay, "we" would get through this. This is the first time I have heard him say this in a year. Then he called to check on me about an hour later, asking if I was okay, using some bill he got as an excuse.

We have talked almost every day in one form or another. It has been great. I am afraid to get my hopes up, and yet it feels like this is all coming to a head. I am not sure what is going to happen from here. All I know is that I am completely exhausted.

That sucks. But I am so happy that you and your H are facing the problems together instead of fighting over them!

(((Lola)))

You are obviously exhausted because of everything. TOTALLY understandable. You've been under a ton of stress.

I am so impressed that you have been DBing so well with everything else going on!

Keep up the GREAT work!

Hi Lola,

Honestly it sounds like this is a very good time for you in many ways. Maybe the adversity has brought the chance for you to be closer to your H again, and for him to see how much he wants to be with you. I am not sure about the background to your situation, but do you think it's possible that he is thriving on the chance to get to be the strong one in the relationship, to get to protect you? It seems like most of us with WAHs were in situations where we sort of controlled everything, and they felt like they were being taken along for the ride. If you turn that around, maybe that offers a ray of hope. I know that the time I thought my H and I got along best was when I was diagnosed with a condition, and he spent the summer sort of trying to take care of me. Though I was very sick and scared, I still see that as our best 3 months together.

I also think it's really impressive that your H apologized to your father, amazing.

Lola I'm thinking good thoughts for you. You really deserve them. Stay positive!

ITH

It is possible. I always prided myself on being strong, independent. My H did say I was controlling. I am not sure. I do know that even this morning, I am so tired that I wonder if I will ever not feel tired again. The thing is, when I asked God to use me as a vessel...well just be careful what you ask for!!!! I am not sure where this is headed, but somehow I do know that this was all supposed to happen. It is a strange feeling, in the midst of this turmoil, I still feel calm.

Lola,

You are inspirational :).

I really, truly have a good feeling about this.

ITH

$\:\)$ Lola, I am so glad that you are feeling the calm. Even in these crazy times as bad as you thought it was there is some resolve. You are able to borrow yr friends car so you can get to and from work, the sitch has brought you and H closer....everything has its ways of working out.

Wow Lola what a ride! Most people would have given up on all fronts by now, you are a strong woman. I admire your fortitude. Here's to you getting a little relief.
Cheers

Thanks. As of today, I have actually talked to H twice. LOL, inconsequential stuff, but it is always a nice way to start the day...

Lola, How are you comparmentalising all this at work? I have a hard time being on at work when I'm down inside. Any suggestions?

Honestly, I am so busy at work most of the time it doesn't effect me. But, keep in mind I have been doing this almost a year.

When it first happened, I was at a different job, small law office. They all knew what was going on, so it wasn't uncommon for me to start just crying at my desk. Every day at 3:30 I would go out to my car to cry for about fifteen minutes, and they all understood, so it was okay.

Now, if I need to cry, and yes I do still sometimes, I go in the bathroom. I cry, wash my face, and blame allergy season...

Suggestion: don't try to stifle it. Take a moment, two, ten if you need to catch your breath. If you don't grieve, you can't heal.

(((Lola)))

You are such an inspiration!

Hi Lola, I'm so sorry that things haven't been going too well.

At your darkest hour your H is there. That says so much about his character. He still clearly loves you.

Do you think you can take a sick day from work? Maybe Friday or Monday and get out of the city for a day or two. I know money is tight but maybe there are some end of Summer deals out there.

(((Michelle))) I don't know about inspiration, but thanks for the compliment.

(((Jen))) I wish, I would like nothing better right now. I am going to be borrowing a car, so I might be able to take a day trip, but honestly, I think I will just take D12 to the park. The weather is starting to cool down a bit, and I would like to just take a blanket, pack a picnic, and sleep under a tree...

Hi Lola...a picnic at the park sounds like a nice day. I guess anything that's relaxing and peaceful would be good right now.

Boy Jen your not kidding.

The words of the week: NO MORE DRAMA courtesy of Mary J. Blige.

Of course, Saturday morning is out, we have to sign the final paperwork on the bankruptcy.

Taking a nap under a tree at the park sounds awesome.

((((((Lola))))))

You sound like a different person than you did when you first came here. I'm guessing your H can see it too! And it is a good thing!

Thanks Guys...(((Floyd))) (((Jeff))) I am feeling better than when I first came here. It is hard to believe the immense changes in me and I started posting four months ago. H was so great last night, I really think we have hit level 2...friendship. In the midst of my emotions, he did not back away like he used too, but hugged me and told me we would get through this. I think he is right. I don't expect anything to happen overnight, but I really feel good despite all this crapola. Mostly now, though, I am really tired, and after putting the battery in BFF Rose's car, will enjoy driving home to take a bath and go to bed!!!

Ummmm anyone have any tips on the installation of a car batterY????

(((Lola)))

A nap in the park sounds wonderful!!! LoL. I'm sure D12 will enjoy hanging out in the park too. It's starting to get cooler up this way too...I actually can't wait for the fall and leave changes!!!

Sorry I don't know how to install a car battery. $\:\($

I would say "google it" since thats my solution to everything $\:D$ Or maybe ask one of the guys in your office to help you out. It's probably very easy: "+" and "-"???

(((Lola)))

You should be so proud. You have faced such tough stuff over the past few months and you have come out of it an amazingly. I'm really pleased that things are going better with your h.

It's pretty self explanatory as far as the plus and minuses go. Hook up the negative terminal last as I recall.

(((Lola)))

You have changed so much in the last 4 months! You are a much stronger person. $\:\)$

Originally Posted By: JenInVen

I would say "google it" since thats my solution to everything $\:D$ Or maybe ask one of the guys in your office to help you out. It's probably very easy: "+" and "-"???

That was my thought too...lol

If I installed a battery I'd most likely give myslf a bit of a shock $\:\)$

I probably will too, but its time to learn something new $;\)$

Now that would impress you AND H $\:\)$ Go for it!

You know, I decided to read a little of some of my past postings.

Was that me???

LMAO

I feel the same way sometimes!

I went back to the beginning, and remembered how I felt, how hopeless and lost I felt. I felt that I would never be able to live w/o H. Even in light of everything that has happened, I am amazed that I don't feel that way anymore. Don't get me wrong, I still love H w/ all my heart, and pray every day that we work through all this hoopla. But if we didn't, I would be okay too.

I told you that you had changed!

Before you change the battery, make sure the one you are replacing is bad! A lot of times cleaning the terminals will solve the problem.

(((((Lola)))))

Wear clothes you don't care about while you are messing with the battery!

You know what?

I didn't freak out at the first of the month...as a matter of fact, it is now the middle of the month and I just realized that the first has long since passed.

I spent the last hour reading over my old posts. Wow. That's all I have to say about that. I cannot believe where I am now. In the midst of all this crap, I am okay. Huh.

I am trying to figure out when that happened. I think it kind of snuck up on me!!!

I walked up to the store tonight, and H called while I was getting ready to walk back. Just to chat. Then he got a call from work, and said he would call me back.

When he did, he asked me if I was home yet. I said no, but right around the corner. Checking up on me...

Originally Posted By: Virtually_Handsome

I told you that you had changed!

Before you change the battery, make sure the one you are replacing is bad! A lot of times cleaning the terminals will solve the problem.

(((((Lola)))))

Wear clothes you don't care about while you are messing with the battery!

Is trying to jump start it for over an hour good enough? LOL, it's the battery.

Well, probably.

But dirty terminals can make jumping it really hard too.....

LMAO Michelle!! That got me thinking about everything but car batteries $\:D$

That's dirty minds, not dirty terminals!

Lola...It's already the 16th so you are well past the 1st of the month flip out! Good for you!

Did he want anything except to know if you were home yet? Or was there more to the convo?

So you stay dark and he is the one to iniate the contact?

(((Lola))) You keep up the good work.

Dan

I initiated the contact after the week, but just because I needed to give him the money for the health insurance. After that, it was usually business related, but ultimately the conversations were getting longer. The real turning point was when he was at my house that night for 1.5 hours, and the next week for an hour, and we just talked. No R talk at all, (that has been since the end of June). But we have also started joking around a bit.

It has gotten to the point where we both initiate contact now. H called initially and asked what I was doing. I was walking back from the store, and told him. He asked me what store I was at, and I told him. He called back because he said he would, and asked if I was almost home. He was actually picking up D12's prescription for me. XH couldn't be bothered (he is useless). So I asked H if he could seeing as I still have no car. BFF Rose says she cannot take me to get the battery until the weekend (she is pouting again).

I think right now, H and I are pulling strength from each other. We are in a difficult situation, and somehow that has managed to pull us closer. I am not willing to jeopardize that in any way. I realize that he may pull back again just to see what happens, and although I hate it when he does that, I am prepared to let him think about it. In the car yesterday on the way to the BK appointment, he was venting. He suddenly turned to me and apologized for griping about work. I told him to feel free to vent as much as he liked. He said thank you, and then proceeded to continue to vent!

I think we are really becoming friends again. I like that. I have missed that friendship that we shared, and am so glad that it is back. I don't think I would have made it through this without all of you.

Originally Posted By: MichelleLT

Well, probably.

But dirty terminals can make jumping it really hard too.....

Lordie...it has been so long that I wouldn't remember what jumping felt like!!! LMAO!!!

We checked the terminals. They were clean. The car sat in the garage since May and has not been started.

It's the battery.

I believe you!

About the battery at least! $;\)$

I LOVE the friendship you are building. SO MANY baby steps! $\:\)$

(((Lola)))

You rock!

Thanks Michelle...but I was reading back and watched how many times you and Jeff pulled me up!!! Especially there in the beginning...I can't believe looking back how much of a mess I was. I am so pleased to have come this far. Although my life has fallen apart, so to speak, I am still in a better place now than I was all those months ago.

Next month will be a year, and I look back on the year with no regrets. I have learned so much and grown so much. In the last two months, H and I have made so much headway, and though I still don't know what the future holds, I am finally in a place where I know I can handle it no matter what. I still don't know how I got here...but I am loving every minute of it!!!

OK, since May, it's the battery! At the very least it needs a good charging! But it could be shot, too, if it got too far down.

Or perhaps a jumping!

Tried jumping, and Rose's neighbor had a mechanic's battery, one of those heavy duty things. Nada, zip, zilch.

I will get the car this weekend. Until then, I will be walking ALOT!!!

Well, walking is good for you!

At least it's not so beastly hot!

Hi Lola,

Could you possibly ask your H for help with the car battery? Seems like it could be a good opportunity for him to take the lead on something again...

ITH

You know, I kinda want to do the battery on my own. H is so busy these days w/ work, they are swamped. I could probably ask him, but I think I want to see if I can do it myself first.

Call it stubborn...

That and I think he is watching too, to see if I at least attempt it w/o him...

Yup, show him you don't 'need' him, but you choose him. Could you buy a new battery or would that cost a gazillion dollars? I remembr my h used to go on a website that listed all the scrap yards in the country and would search for the specific item you needed, then it would be much cheaper than new.

You know, I don't think I am going to be borrowing her car at all. She is really giving me a hard time. I am talking to the local Hyundai dealer right now about getting a small, cheap, economical car. I hate to do that. But when I talked to her this morning about the car, she was not sure she would be able to get her H's permission for me to use it for more than a couple of days.

I don't need this crap. Hyundai has a great deal right now where the car payment would only be about $150/mo, which I can swing. I will have to see if my dad can cosign, but I don't think he will have a problem with that.

Geez...what is it with "friends" trying to kick you when you are down?

I give up.

Is it that same old thing that nothing is ever simple even when it really ought to be?

That all sound slike a bit of a nightmare, sorry Lola.

It's okay. There has to be a silver lining somewhere. I just emailed my dad to see if he would be willing to cosign, I figure the worst he can do is say no.

I guess we will see...

Hey Lola,

No don't give up! Maybe getting your own car now is just what you need.

Just remember how positive things are with your H every time something like this gets you down...

Also my guess is your friend has no idea that you feel like she is kicking you when you're down...

ITH

I don't know. But I have already talked to H twice this morning...

I am not sure what is going on here, but maybe this was the kick in the a$$ I needed to get myself going.

(((Lola)))
I'm sorry that you have another thing to add to your list. Remember, you are well able to handle all of this. You're a very strong lady.

Dan

(((Dan))) thanks. But it is okay. I don't know why, but I have a feeling that the man upstairs is really watching out for me. It may have taken me hitting bottom to be able to pull my life together.

(((Lola)))

Don't worry somehow it will work out the best way. I mean it is messed up that she said you can use it and now is back peddling especially since the car has just been sitting there since May!!! Whatever!! LoL. You know what the crazy thing is that I learned through all this is that the ones you thought would kick you while you're down are the ones to help you back up and vice versa.

Don't be too harsh on Rose maybe she told you that you could use the car before she even checked with her H and now it's causing problem with them.

No matter what, you will figure out a solution and be A-ok!! $\:\)$

(((Lola)))

Sounds like you are keeping a great attitude despite the problems you are facing! That's half the battle right there. $\:\)$

Glad that your H and your family are being so helpful. I hope your dad agrees to cosign, although I'm sure you will manage something regardless.

I just heard back from the car company, they said I could get the car today w/ cosigner, so just waiting to hear from Dad now. Pray hard!!!!!

Fingers Crossed and a prayer was said!!!

Crossing fingers and toes!

Crap. He said no.

Ah jees (((((((((Lola))))))))) I'm sorry!

It's okay. I think I may have found a lender on my own. Never say never. That's my motto. I may be down, but I am not out yet...

(((Lola))))

That's the spirit!!! It will all have a way of working out as long as you are strong! $\:\)$

(((Lola)))

Things will work out one way or another.

Your attitude is fantastic! Keep it up!

Lola you are such a doer... it's encouraging to see.

...have you noticed that both our threads are almost identical in # of view, # of posts and # of pages...spooky lol

LOL!!! Jen you kill me...

(((((Lola)))))

You are INCREDIBLE! Just so you know!

(((Jeff)))

Thanks. That is really nice to hear!!

Did you hear back on the lender?

ITH

No, not yet. I received one possibility, but they are running the paperwork. In the meantime, it looks like BFF Rose will loan me the car, and there is a possibility that I may be able to buy that one as a starter. I figure if that happens, I can drive it for a year, and then trade it in. Things will be okay.

Yay! ((((((Lola)))))))

Woo Hooo!! See Everything has a way of working out. $\:\)$

That is true!!! I think the shock is wearing off, and I am coming down from the drama of the past week. I actually went to bed at 9:00 last night and cannot remember the last time I slept so hard! Then I come into work today to find one of the paralegals has left, the other one is at a funeral, and it is a good thing I got that sleep because I am going to need it!!!

Off to the ratrace...

Yay for a good night's sleep!

You know, I am a great fan of Mob Wars, and now I find myself thinking like Marlon Brando.

"You come to see me on da day of my fadder's funeral..."

How's everything Lola?

TGIF!!!!

((((((Lola)))))))

Where or where has my lola gone?
Oh where oh where could she be?

With her ears cut short and her tail cut long, oh where oh where can she be?

I am here lol!!! It has been a really tough week. BFF Rose is relentles, and I really think that our friendship has suffered greatly.

After the fiasco last friday, she sent me an email saying how mad she was, and that she thought I was selfish and ungrateful. She also said that I was selfish with H, that I wouldn't stop calling him when he told me too. That was a low blow.

Well, today she told me I could buy her H's car, but I would have to pay it first and couldn't drive it until I did. So, there goes the changes for a car.

Cie la vie...I will think of something!!!

Is it possible that it is her H that has reservations about loaning you the car and not Rose?

Regardless, I am sure things will work themselves out. There were a couple years in college I didn't have a car and it was rough at times, but I managed.

(((Lola)))

No it is her. She has been putting me through hell all week, blasting the gangsta rap, not speaking to me. I have tried to apologize to her, and talk about it, but she wants no part of it. Soooo...I don't know. I guess I will be getting to know the bus routes very well!!!

WooooW!!! Real low-blow. I'm sorry Lola.

Don't worry you don't need her!! You'll figure something out either way!!! $\:\)$

I took the bus for a while last year because STBXH and I were sharing his car as my old one had died and I hadn't gotten my new one yet. This was about the same time I started finding out about the A and online chats and Craigslist stuff and we were fighting all the time. Then I'd have to go to him and be like, can I borrow your car for a little bit? Um...yeah. Can you say awkward? Lol

He never said no, but still! I started getting a lot more familiar with the busses and the train system.

((((((Lola)))))))

So sorry that things with her are so strained. That just sucks. But I'm sure you will be fine regardless.

Well today is the day. The bankruptcy will be filed.

I am not really sure how I feel about this...I remember the last appointment where I was such a mess. I guess we will see.

Off to the shower...

H just called and asked me to make coffee.

I dont know why this seems significant

You know it seems significant to me too, maybe it's the familiarity of it. It's those small things that really demonstrate closeness.

ITH

I agree with ITH...he's comfortable around you and wants to have a coffee with you. When you used to have coffee in the morning what was the norm?

(((Lola)))

GL today!

And yay for coffee!

Yay for breakfast!!! After the appointment, we had our first "date" in a year, and I invited him to breakfast. It was nothing special, just Denny's, and then he took me to the grocery store.

Here is something of significance though, I had asked him if he had mentioned the bankruptcy to my dad when he emailed him last week. I dont remember if I posted that, H emailed my F to "apologize for everything." So we are in the car, and I asked, and H said no he had just wished F a happy birthday and apologized. And my F said he understood, which I already knew. And then H said he wanted to keep my F as a friend because he really loved him. I told H my F loved him too.

And I know this is significant because how do you love your W's father and not love your W???

Comments???

Oh, and the attorney is TRYING TO GET MY CAR BACK FOR ME!!!!!!!

Hi Lola... Your H calling your dad and loving him speaks volumes about your sitch and your H is general. I don't know if someone can love their FIL and not the W but as I told you before it's obvious your H loves you. He sounds a lot like mine because he got to a point where he just couldn't take it anymore. There is always hope in these cases because once they see things have changed they sometimes have second thoughts.

And Yay for the attorney!

Originally Posted By: LolaL

And I know this is significant because how do you love your W's father and not love your W???

Well, my dad and my mom's dad stayed pretty close, even after the divorce. So, I guess it can happen. Though I don't know that I'd say they were buddies, they were not strangers. But, I think you are right, especially at this point, it is significant. And your H apologizing seems to me to be significant. That never struck me as a German strong point.

You know, Jeff, that is a good point. H prides himself on being right all the time, and apologies don't come easy. But on the other hand, I think I am just going to stop analyzing this to death because I will drive myself nuts.

(((((Lola)))))

Good idea!