"The Six of Chalices card suggests that if left to your own devices, you will continue to build up a shield of romantic defenses over time. Unresolved emotional issues could now be influencing the romantic choices or the roles you play in your relationship. Watch for a tendency to idealize or cling to past illusions or to allow your desires to be suppressed, belittled or patronized, all in the name of love. Before you fall for it again, know your own motives and limits."
That was my Daily Tarot Card reading for today....How I wish I could just have the choice to be able to fall for it again....
Sep the thing about those Tarot reading is that they change from day to day. I think this one does say a lot though!
I know lol....if only we were communicating a bit more...grrrr
Patience, patience, patience......
So I had to text H today about a notice I got in the mail for him and he asked me to open it and tell him what it said....as if he doesn't know since he's been getting the same notice for the last 3 months and everytime it says the same thing. Anywho I texted him back told him and.......NOTHING not even a thank you...WTF??
Grrr trying not to get agravated, I mean maybe he is working and hasn't had a chance to respond, I don't know. Still even working he could text a quick 2 seconds TY.
I am good though I haven't texted him a nasty comment assuming why he hasn't wrote back....I'm just not acknowledging it at all!!!!
Total 180, in the past I would have said something stupid....
Hi! Good job for not firing back a nasty text, and yes it's true you don't know why he hasn't responded.
I've gotten used to my xh not responding to my messages even though he feels the need to respond to everyone else! Quite often he'll say "your text didn't require a response" BS.
Exactly!!!! I was only looking for a Thank you at least damnit.
**Light Bulb going on**
I set myself up with an expectation!! Ding Ding Ding
That's all part of being a DAM.
Maybe this takes us back to "no expectations"? Maybe you expected a TY? Maybe it's best to hope for one and then if he doesn't TY you don't get so disappointed?
lol we posted at the exact same time the exact same idea!
LMAO! Great minds think alike!
Yep!
Try and do something to take your mind of your DALM...maybe watch TV, read a book or call a friend but don't talk about DALM
Thank you Jen. I think I am going to call it an early night, go lay in bed and read some more DR........
Good night!!
So sticking with the title of my thread here is my dailt tarot card for today:
"The Seven of Chalices card reversed suggests that setting your romantic sights too low or too high might be an attempt to deny signs of internal dissatisfaction and could put a damper on romance and intimacy. These obstacles or losses, however, could actually help you to reconcile your heart's desire by putting true love within reach or by identifying what has authentic value and appeal on a soul-deep level. After all, it might be a faulty sense of self-esteem that stands between settling and having the confidence to go for what you secretly desire. Being able to finally identify what it is you really need can expand your capacity to love. You could begin to envision your true potential or rediscover your authentic, creative and playful self, which could then enable you to better connect with what you deserve."
Hmmmm.......So I wonder are my sight stoo high or too low??
Another interesting one! I wonder if it's telling you to set your goals again?
Have you checked out the daily tarot on FB?
No, I haven't, they have it on FB too? Cool. I'll check that out. I think I do need to re-evaluate my goals and make more specific ones.
You could list short term and long term goals here and we can figure out how to meet them.
I'll send you the link to the app.
Last night I was re-reading DR again and looked at my goals that I keep in there and they are very broad...I should tonight, go over them and narrow it down.
You could set short term (1 month) goals and say long term (6 month) goals???
Hey Sep
Like Jen said, post your goals here and we can help you sort things out.
Ok so I went over the chapter in DR about setting goals and as I only have limited interaction with H now via text here are my goals for the month...
1. Let H initiate all contact
2. Do not argue about anything during conversations
3. Validate whatever he says
4. Compliment H when given the opportunity
5. H will contact more often (hopefully because of previous)
6. We will see each other at least every other week
I even wrote down some long term goals for when we get to piecing. (Being extremely positive)
1. We will have date night at least twice a month (Just the two of us not including groups)
2. H will come over for dinner at least once a week
3. H will discuss finances and what each should be putting into the household in order for us to live together.
Lets look at the wording first...lets make them more proactive. How long are these goals set for..1 month? 2 months?
1. I will not contact H so hopefully he'll contact me
2. I will not argue during conversations
3. I will validate
4. I will compliment H
5. We will see each other once a week
How will you achieve these goals?
Good goals Sep. I think Jen is right, it's all in the phrasing. Make them your mantra! Keep repeating them in your brain till they stick or until your head hurts, whichever comes first!
It is hard/frustrating to set goals when you have minimal contact with your H. But you have a good start here and hopefully things will start to move forward and you can build a really good foundation in stage one (friendship) so that you can move forward on solid ground.
Hang in there hun!
Very good points Jen I will change all goals to "I". I am aiming for 2 months for these goals.
I will try to get to these goals by being extremly nice when he does contact and subtly flirting with him and letting him see the woman he fell in love with. I will also not always be available like I have been recently. I will no longer tell him about my financial difficulties either as everytime even though he does ask, afterwards he looks said when I tell him. I will "Act as if" everything is fine and dandy!!!
Thanks Daisy!!!! It is frustrating the only good thing is that he sends random texts every few days. I will have to build more off of these. And the at least once a month ML session
I will have to definatly see how I can build from those. I'll offer him beer before & see if he'll open up more!!
Hi S,
OK just looking through your goals, and I'll add a bit, probably in the same vein as what others have already said. I would probably not focus on the piecing ones yet though unless you want to include baby steps that will show you are going in that direction. Of course I hope you get there soon, but it's better for the peace of mind to focus on short-term goals I've found! For example I have a "September goals" tab on an Excel sheet. There are larger goals, broken down into smaller baby-step goals that will show me I'm headed in the right direction. There are a lot that aren't accomplished, but many of them are. On the sheet I also include a column for the steps I will take toward the goal. Then at least when I take those steps, there is a mini-goal achieved. As an example, one of my goals this month was "H will start to be nice to me meaning that he will usually start emails/IMs with phrases like 'how are you'". What I was able to do toward that goal was to also be very nice in each interaction, though not overly so. This goal has been accomplished on both sides.
So looking at yours...
1. Let H initiate all contact--your goal here could simply be, stay dark until H reaches out.
2. Do not argue about anything during conversations--I think this is good, and if you feel this is a major problem, maybe a mini-goal for yourself around it could be, validate anger instead of reacting to it, or something like this
3. Validate whatever he says--this is good again
4. Compliment H when given the opportunity--I like this, are there specific ares in particular you should be focusing on? Can you work them into conversations as they happen?
5. H will contact more often (hopefully because of previous)--so he will contact more often based on the fact that you will let him set the pace of contact and that each contact will be pleasant?
6. We will see each other at least every other week--when do you want this to happen? What can you do toward making it happen? Will being unavailable for awhile make it more likely?
I even wrote down some long term goals for when we get to piecing. (Being extremely positive)
1. We will have date night at least twice a month (Just the two of us not including groups)--what would let you know that you are going in the direction where you would be moving toward date night? Perhaps it's dating in your current R, where you are still separated?
2. H will come over for dinner at least once a week--what could start this trend?
3. H will discuss finances and what each should be putting into the household in order for us to live together.--do you not feel you should be discussing finances at all?
ITH
4. Compliment H when given the opportunity--I like this, are there specific ares in particular you should be focusing on? Can you work them into conversations as they happen?
I will try focusing on his projects. I noticed that last time he came over he was ready to leave kinda in a hurry but I casually brought up a project he was working on and how I read something that made me think of it and got the magazine for him. He lingered, read through the mag and started asking questions and for ideas. I will continue little things like these and throw in
some compliments about how has done on the project so far.
Yes, I hope by letting him set the pace he will become more comfortable reaching out and making contact.
[quote=istherehope
6. We will see each other at least every other week--when do you want this to happen? What can you do toward making it happen? Will being unavailable for awhile make it more likely?
I am hoping that by going dark it will initiate. We do see each now at least once a month. The month of August jumped and I saw him about 4 times. I have not seen him since the end of August now (in Aug he had his mom's car but she is back from vacation now so no transportation)
[quote=istherehope
I even wrote down some long term goals for when we get to piecing. (Being extremely positive)
1. We will have date night at least twice a month (Just the two of us not including groups)--what would let you know that you are going in the direction where you would be moving toward date night? Perhaps it's dating in your current R, where you are still separated?
2. H will come over for dinner at least once a week--what could start this trend?
3. H will discuss finances and what each should be putting into the household in order for us to live together.--do you not feel you should be discussing finances at all?
ITH
[/quote]
The long term goals I will not even initiate until some more of the short terms goals are met. I am not trying to jump the gun and am too scared now that I will backslid if I attempt now. They were just somethings that I hope to achieve before the end of the year and I guess some positive wishful thinking.
I thank you guys so much for all the input. It is making me feel more & more assured that there will be a light at the end of this tunnel.
There is always a light! Keep us posted!
Ok keeping with the theme of your thread...where's the bleeping tarot reading for the day
Lol Jen here is the Daily Love Tarot card I got today......
"The Strength card suggests that you should try to be flexible and receptive. Listen to your instincts and believe there is light at the end of the tunnel and you will be able to persevere, take action or get over it. Be honest with yourself and open to suggestion. Trust in your own ability to demonstrate patience and hang in there; courage, determination and action -- not words -- can help you more effectively influence and deal with the demands of daily life."
Hmmmm....I think I really like this one!!!
LoL sure I will share it with you!! That is such a good one...now if only H will reach out and make contact today....
def. huh! (((((Sep)))))here's hoping he does.
Did you get the FB invite for tarot?
Awww thanks!! Yes I did I added it to my page
I have to go on and see if today's is as good as this emailed one.
Awww thanks!! Yes I did I added it to my page
I have to go on and see if today's is as good as this emailed one.
So any word from the DAM?
No word from him
but his 12 y/o sister texted asking if I was going on Sun to an Art fair and if so she she come with me. Hmmm...this is something that me and him would do every year..I don't want to assume or disappoint myself but I did wonder if he set her up to ask me. Maybe he will want to tag along?? Again not setting myself up for the disappointment for all I know he has to work that day.
I hope you told her yes! It sounds like fun (GAL) and even if the DAM doesn't tag along you'll show your SIL the new you (PMA, act as if). Like all 12 yo she'll talk his ear off about you in any case...it's a win/win situation I think. The best thing would be to talk nothing of him unless she brings him up and be careful what you say because you know what preteens are like lol
Yeah, I say go, and take the sister with you. Sounds like a good time.
Hey Floyd!!!! Thanks Jen!!
Yes I told her yes that I am going. No H talk from me unless she brings him up and even then I will try to avoid. I know she will tell him because she tells me when he brings up me..lol. The girl is really smart and has asked me why her brother is "so stupid" and that "he needs to grow up he's not a kid anymore".
I will look fabulous and act wonderful!!!
Way to go!!! This might get interesting on Sunday
I was thinking....maybe you could invite the little SIL to have lunch before you go to the show. You could take her to a nice place and let her feel like such a grown up. I bet she'd love it
And on the plus she'd def. tell H how much fun she had with her big SIL.
That's a very good idea!! I think I am def going to use that idea.
Thanks!!!
I'm glad you like it
I was thinking about your sitch. I have a friend who has a 12 year old boy and he loves to be treated like he's older. I think a 12 year old girl would love to be treated to a "big person" lunch.
Yes she thinks that she is an adult already...lol. So this is a fantastic idea.
Let us know how it goes tomorrow
Today was a pretty good day.
It started with H sending me random texts at 1am...lol. I thought he was drunk but he began texting me again in the morning when he got up saying he was upset that we didn't finish our convo because he fell asleep.
Then I went to get SIL who was excited about today. While driving to the Fair H began texting again asking now if I had some book of his (last week a cd...the week before a movie..lol). I told him not sure on the way to the fair with yr sis. I got "Oh, what fair?" I turned to her, "you didn't tell H?"...she said no. So I told him which one. He responded "No!! Awwww I'm missing it!!!". I just said sorry with a sad face.
Then when I got to the fair I noticed that a friend of ours that owns a gallery by the fair wasn't there anymore. So I texted him that info and he asked a few questions about it. Then I did pick up some business cards from vendors that I knew he would like.
It was still early when we were done with the fair so I took SIL for a nice scenic drive under the GWB on the Jersey side and threw some towns that have mega mansions as I know she likes looking at big houses. It was really nice bonding with her she is growing into such an intelligent young lady.
At one point she brought up H and started telling me that she is still upset and angry at him for what he has done. I told her that I am no longer angry at him and she just looked at me and said "really?". I reassured her that I got all the anger out of my system. We went back to my house so she could borrow a book and a hat and wanted to make plans for us to hang out again on another day.
It is refreshing that SIL and MIL are still so nice and welcoming to me. They are both on my "side" and hope that H will want to make things work eventually. So I guess that is a good thing as I hear of many people on here that their In-laws are nasty after a seperation.
Hi Sep! It sounds to me that your H in whatever way knew that you sere doing somethihng today
Maybe it was intuition but he knew something
And to top it all off he felt left out (perfect!!)
You had an excellent day of GAL and you H was so jealous lol. Your SIL sounds like so much fun and it seems like she really looks up to you.
I think if your DAM spoke to his family about your sitch then you might not have them on your side. It seems that your DAM has said nothing about your R to them...def a good sign
Yay Sep! It sounds like you had a great day with SIL. It cracks me up that he is always texting you about books or movies as it seems like his way of "checking up on you" Hehe. Silly man. At least he is watching you, that means that he has not moved on and you have certainly got his interest. It's only a matter of time Tootsie Pop!
Keep it up!
Hi S,
That's really cute that your H was sending texts at 1 AM, then restarted in the morning! I think that is a really good sign :).
I also like the way that you were with his SIL. I know we are told to leave family members out, but I have a sneaking suspicion that if we DB with them, it could actually be a positive thing. The fact that you told your SIL that you are not angry really shows such maturity and grace. That is the kind of thing that SHOULD get back to your H, IMO.
Hope you're having a good day!
ITH
Thanks Jen, ITH & Daisy
Daisy - I sure hope that it is only a matter of time!!! The book he asked for this time I do have...so I guess that gives him a reason to have to come over now....and that always ends up with a ML session
ITH - I do hope that it gets back to H that I said I'm not angry but even if it doesn't it served it's purpose because I don't want her to be mad at her brother because of my feelings. If she is upset at his actions then that I can not change but to be mad at him because I am still hurt, I don't want. I also did like that he continued texting in the morning and through out the afternoon...then I was on his mind for the whole day.
Jen - I think he did feel left out especially since this fair was something that "we" used to do every year. I think he has told his mom some R things but she thinks that he is wrong for the way that he acted.
All together I think it was good and I do like that he was not upset about me spending time with his sister. As positive as the whole day was I did feel a little sad going to the fair without him.
Thanks Floyd!! It's good to get a guys percepective of the situation too, to make sure I am on the right road!!
Luckily, NJ is a small state, so you don't have too many roads to choose from...LOL
Nah, that was a very good job. I love the part where he asked you what show and his response to your answer. It was an "I want to be there too!" kind of answer.
Well no contact again since Sunday..lol. I think I am getting used to the pattern. I get used to not hearing from him..then like clockwork on the 3rd/4th day a bunch of texts. It's like that's how long he can hold out for. The only thing I hate is that once he reaches out I always want more and feel a bit sad the next day when I realize that there will be a few more days without contact again.
I should be grateful that he does reach out every few days period..I know.
I started the pt job orientation this past Saturday and this week will all be orientation so that will keep my mind off of things for awhile. The only thing that sucks is no computer access like at ft job!! LoL. So I will just chat with you guys when I get in later tonight.
Hi, I'm the same way...things go well for a bit and then I want more only to be disappointed. I think we set ourselves up
It's a rollercoaster for one.
"talk" later...have fun at the orientation!
Yes it is quite a rollercoaster. Sometimes I wonder if he goes through similar emotional rollercoasters too. Oh well it's not like he would ever admit to it so there is no use wondering.
Orientation went pretty well. Had dinner with the manager and set up what my schedule will be.
Hi, I think they do go through these cycles...maybe that's why the reach out and then pull back?
Cool! I hope you like the new job.
Hi S,
I think that men go through emotional cycles just as much as we do, if not more. I always try to remember that the WAH is probably suffering even more than we are, even if that doesn't seem possible. I also think that on the days where they DON'T reach out, we should probably be grateful. After all much of what most of them say can be mean and venomous, and if they are kind enough to ignore us on those days, it's probably a good thing...:)
Hope you are doing well today,
ITH
(((Jen))) (((ITH)))
I know I really do know that he is going through some emotional rollercoasters. Oh well all I can do is make every contact a pleasant one and work on myself!!
I think the pt job is going to be fun. I know weird..lol. But it's at IKEA right after my regular job and I get a discount..Wooo Hooo. I think part of me working on me will be fixing up the apartment.
Grrrrr!!!! I hate this....H texts me "Hey lady, you gonna be home tonight?" Of course my cell phone was cut off this morning and I can only receive calls/texts but can not make any. Anywho I call him from my work phone and leave a message telling him that I go the message but can't reply but will not be home til after 9 from pt job. I know it's a positive he is reaching out...even though I don't know yet why he wants to know. But what I hate it that this DAM still gets me so nervous and gives me butterflies!!!! I feel like a little teenager over here shaking. Ok sorry needed to vent to try to calm down.
Hi S,
I'd be exactly the same way if I were in your shoes...
I think it's great that he's reaching out, do you think he will call/stop by later?
ITH
Hi ITH - Probably will stop by, I think. I guess I hope too, but won't let him in on that. I just can't believe that all of this and I still get so nervous. Phhhewwww deep breath. Lmao he's probably only reaching out because he is h--ny. I'll take whatever I get right now
How often does he come by like this?
ITH
It depends on how often he can get a car. Last month he came by once a week because his mom was on vacation and left him the car. Before that it's been between 1 - 2 times a month after coming up with different reasons to come over.
Well, great opportunity to DBust!
Thanks JCJ, your right I can show him happy, everything is great, me...lol. I can flirt and show him the chick he first fell in love with. I will calm down now and just wait for his next move.
Sounds like a good plan! Make sure you are looking extra gorgeous in a casual 'oh, this old thing type of way'
Hi Sep...I guess going dark does pay off! It was a cute text
He called you "lady" sweet.
GL tonight and have fun
I can't wait to hear all the juicy details!
ITH
LoL thanks guys!! I don't want to get my hopes up since I haven't heard back from him yet, then again DAM probably hasn't checked his vm and is wondering why I haven't texted him back.
Either way I'll go home with no expectations but take a nice hot shower to relax from a long day! Then we'll see what happens
Alright I am about to start packing up here at work to head to pt job....hopefully I will have juicy details later for you guys or at the longest tomorrow morning!! Thinking Positive!!!
Hi...you'll be great no matter what. {{{{{Positive vibes}}}}}
Good luck Sep!
Ahhhhh DAM is here. He came with gthe intentions of just getting the book he was asking about the other day but he stayed longer and chatted for a bit I am wearing just a tank and cute underwear
Now he is in the shower....Woo Hoooo!!!! Ok gotta run before he gets out!!
Wow...ok. So H came over and he got the book that he left here. But then he sat on the couch and started chit chatting asking about new pt job etc. We chatted for about 1/2 hour...ahhh which is great since normally it's no longer than 10 minutes. Then h said he had to go because he had to get up early and against all DB advice I outed and said "Aww do you really? I wore these cute panties for you" then I stood up to show him. LoL. He battled with himself for about 2 minutes and then jumped in my shower.
He then proceeded to act like he lived here and went to the fridge got some ice tea, filled up an ice tray and put it in the freezer. Then he got a beer :). We ML and he actually laid there in my arms for awhile and let me play with his hair. Then when he got up and again repeated how he had to get up early in the morning. He did give me a hug and I kissed him on the cheek whe he left.
I think that it was great how he did sit on the couch and started chit chatting and the convo was longer than normal. And I was the one that initiated the ML but he did not resist and I got a hug in the end too!!!
Yay Sep!
That's awesome! He totally could have bolted but he decided to stay and chat. It is very obvious that he misses your company! All that dim/dark stuff is paying off for you. Now just be sure to pull back, don't jump all over him (well you already did that. . .hehe) and scare him back into the cave!
I struggled/struggle with this because I get a little "nibble" (wow gutter ball mind. . .need to go to bed. . .) and I get too excited and think everything is fine now, lets get back together! But it's a trap. You gotta play it cool!
Congrats though honey! You're hard work is paying off!
Hi Sep,
I wouldn't worry about going against DB and initiating! I think sometimes we need to make those bold moves to get a better insight into the DAM mindset. Glad it paid off for you!
ML, long conversation, laying in the bed together, all sounds good!
Tell me, because I'm not too familiar with your sitch, where are things now? What did your H say when he left, is there a specific period of time for which this sep is supposed to last? Has he said he still wants to work on things?
ITH
Woo hoo, a bit of nooky is never a bad thing!
Sep, you did marvellously I think you did DBust - you applied the priciple 'just do it' and... you did it!
I agree with Daisy pull back a bit now and let him make the next move.
Thanks Julia, ITH & Daisy!!!! I did have a bit of a glow this morning!!
Daisy - Oh I know!! After a night like that it is sooo hard to pull back but that is what I have to do. As much as it make me want to push for more I know that it will send him back into hiding.
ITH - When H left it was not on good terms. There was no talk about what was going to happen. He did say that he didn't think we could be married and there was no way to fix our R. He was very confused about everything and said ILYBNILWY. Then the next day he would ask how to fix it and he was scared. He obviouslty decided that he had to leave which some of it was my fault because I was pretty harsh on him during this time because I was hurt and it was before I discovered DR
. When he was actually leaving I told him this might be the biggest mistake of his life and he looked at me with tears and said "You're right, it probably is".
JCJ - Thank you! I do feel that it went very well and I am making sure I go dark again. Actually I have no choice right now because my cell was turned off so I can't text him until I get paid next week!! LoL.
Hi Sep,
Do you feel like progress has been made? Do you have a solutions journal, list of goals etc.?
ITH
I do feel that there has been progress. At first when he left whenever we talked it was an argument. There was alot of tension and we were unable to have a civil conversation. Now he texts me for misc things and we are having longer and longer conversations. At first also he had a problem looking at me when he talked to me. Now he at least looks at me while talking to me. Some of my goals where longer convos, more contact from him and some signs of affection which were all met last night.
I know we are still in stage 1 and have a looong way to go but I am finally feeling positive about the progress.
Hi Sep,
Do you talk to a DB coach too? Why do you think you're still in stage 1 and not stage 2? The difference between these 2 stages confuses me still...
ITH
No I don't have a DB Coach. It's not in the budget
I wish I could afford it right now. Hopefully soon. I'm not certain about the stages either..lol. I just assume that I am in the lowest stage!!
Pisces told me that getting from stage 1-stage 2 takes the longest amount of time. Once you're in stage 2 in a way it's on the road to reconciliation as you are friends again and can talk and do things together. I think with stage 1, there is limited contact, it's often business contact, and there is still a lot of negativity. Do you feel like there is still negativity in your sitch?
Could you call your H at any time and ask him to casually join you to do something?
ITH
There is no more negativity (that I am aware of) but I am not sure that we are comfortable enough to do things together yet. I have not suggested as I am too scared that at this point he might get scared and run away...lol. We are chatting more about non-business things so maybe we are at the ending of stage 1 and hopefully the begining of 2. Stage 1.75!!
hi Sep! i am trying to catch up here as ive never posted to you before.
at the start of this "process" my H and i were only business texts for a while. yes- no replies from him sometimes. and it sucked. BUT..i realized i was lucky to have any conatct with him. so each time we "talked" via text (very brief).. i would be happy and positive. eventually that leads to a few in person meetings (which you already have had!) and then further and further. more and more.
you are doing so great and you seem very positive as well! PMA baby!
yep- the next step is frindship. i eneded up initiating almost everything and he recipriocated by saying ok. so that is good to try- just test it out. if he doesnt react well then dont do it again..maybe ask to meet last minute for coffee or a walk? no pressure and no biggie.
(at least thats what we want them to think!)...
i agree you are at 1.75...on your way to freindship!!! thats HUGE! once that happens its just fun and light! if anything sexual happens its good- but dont be alarmed if he takes a step back. thats normal.
i could go on and on- but you kick butt and i dont need to say anymore!!!
brown chicken brown cow!!!
sorry...I just like saying it.
Hi Sep...great job last night! How's everything tonight?
Hi Pisces!! Wow..thanks!! Hearing that your sitch started off kinda the same (min text, only business, no replies sometimes) makes me even more hopeful and positive about my sitch!! I guess I can try to initiate a little more contact with no expectations. Hmmmmm this Sun I'm suppose to be going to a craft fair not far from his apt. I cound text him and casually tell him I'll be there if he wants to pass by? We'll see if I can work up the nerve..lol. Thank you soo much for making me feel like I am def on the right path!!
Floyd - LMFAO!!!!! enough said
Jen - Thanks!!!! I'm ok tonight. PT Training went a bit late so now I am exhausted!!! LoL. You know the funny thing I'm thinking of PT job kinda as GAL too because I am out of the house and meeting new people while making some exta cash!!! WIN WIN WIN
Good job Sep! You sound really positive and happy. Which is exactly the attitude you need to win back that DAM of yours. Hehe.
I'm glad you are enjoying the job. Definatly a GAL and the extra money doesn't hurt. Does your h know you have a second job now?
Thanks Daisy!!! Yeah H knows and it's funny because he used to work at that store too just a different location. When he asks about it he always keeps his head down as I believe he feels a bit guilty that I have a get a 2nd job but I talk about it very upbeat to try to eleviate the guilt.
Good job! That's great. I also think it is great that he asks about it and shows interest in your life. As long as you show that you are happy and ok with things the easier it will be for him to get closer.
Have you guys had any contact since last nights escapade?
No contact since last night but then again he knows that I can't respond to any texts right now either!! I am not anticipating anything until about Sat/Sun as that seems to be his normal "schedule".
Well at least you have that in mind and are not waiting by the phone!
Ok so I thought this was a little bit of a funny coincidence...Here is my daily love tarot for today:
"The High Priestess card suggests that a little mystery can be more of a turn-on or attraction than putting it all out there or giving it away. This strategy and the use of body language can go a long way toward satisfying your secret romantic intentions or leaving a good impression. Have faith in your plans, but don't become overly emotional or turn into an ice queen if things don't work out exactly as you expected. Never let 'em see you sweat, and don't make apologies for who you are just to feel valued by others."
It talk about a little mystery..well right now I have no means to communicate with H. Cell phone was temp suspended as was my house phone last night. So now even if he does try to reach out..I have no way of knowing and there will no way for him to get ahold of me unless he actually shows up at the house. I think it's a little funny also as everyone advised me to go dark now as we had such a good interaction the other night. LoL.
I for one think you're doing really well! And if Pisces sees this too (she is my DB idol), then I'd feel doubly confident!
I think it's a great idea to try contacting him on Sunday to see if he wants to meet up. Why not? Sounds like there really isn't any anger anymore, so the worst he could do is ignore you! You have to experiment to make progress I think.
Keep us posted!
ITH
Awwww (((((((((((ITH)))))))))))))
Hearing that makes me feel so good. I get impatient that things are going so slow and I sometimes get scared about the progress. Thanks for making me smile today.
Well, maybe it's an "act of God" that you have no phone access!
LoL!! Jen it's probably God's way of putting his hand over my mouth!!!
At least now you CAN'T talk to him lol
He might get worried and try and see you ((((PV))))
Thanks for the PVs!!!
I have COMMUNICATION!!! Wooo Hoooo!!! LoL. I have my cell phone back on now but don't worry I am not even going to let him know
not now anyway. I'll wait until he reaches out and then let him know.
That's great Sep! I wish I sounded as strong as you about going dark! Are you still going to invite him to that event on Sunday? Does your hubby have a pattern that he follows as far as how many days go by before he contacts you?
Thanks Daisy, I will tell you it was HARD to get to this point. I would come up with stupid things to text him in the begining and I couldn't resist. Good ones and bad ones when I was feeling low, there was many that went unanswered too.
Now that I have been pretty good with the dark thing he never goes longer than 4 days with NC. I noticed he'll come up with something misc...did I leave X book, do you have X movie. Oh and let me not answer one of his texts...lmao, "what's wrong?", "are you ignoring me?"...lol.
At one point he sent a text apologizing for being nasty (in July, the last fight we had) and I wasn't at my desk at work and I left the cell in my purse...after I didn't respond there was 5 other messages after the apology.."Hello?", "Did you get my text?", "You're ignorning me?", "I can't believe that you are letting your pride get the best of you!" LMAO...I actually laughed out loud when I finally returned!!
I'm still uncertain whether or not to push the limits on Sunday..I'll think it through and if anything send it on Sun as a "Oh by the way....I'll be in yr area today, if your not working.."
I don't think it would hurt to try. The rejection would hurt for sure but then again if he went with you think about how amazing that would be! I think you are at a place now where you can start initiating contact here and there and suggesting a casual, last minute meet up would probably be fine.
You know you are right..if I don't try to reach just a little how else will we move forward and that actually would be a 180 for me as he is usually the pursuar.
Exactly! You guys are going to need to amp up the communication and time spent face to face. Not all at once of course but gradual shifts will get you there. As you said before you are no longer just in stage one, I think the invite on Sunday might be the push you need to get to stage 2. But just remember to not have too high of hopes as he might be busy or just not feel like going. You have to steel yourself against the rejection and not take it personally should it come your way.
If he accepts, fantastic. If not, there will be another opening down the line. So no stress either way!
Oh yes I have learned!!
The first and only time I reached out like that I did a MAJOR backslide. Begining of July for my B-day (before finding DB) I was having some people over and decided at the last minute that I should invite him. I sent him a casual text something like "Hey having some people over, if you want you are more than welcome to pass by". Well my problem was I built up MAJOR expectations.
He waited a few hrs then texted back something like "Really sorry, i was contemplating it but think I would feel awkward. Have a good time though and don't drink too much". I was pissed and started an argument with him lets say it was almost a week worth of angry calls/texts, not to mention that I was crying at my own party
Oh Honey, that sounds awful. . .and so much like something I would do! Lol.
Hi...but you've grown so much since then and we know you won't make the same mistake again. What were you thinking of inviting him to do?
I've done that too...I still sometimes get upset about similar stuff
Live and learn.
C'est la vi.
And all that jazz!
Jen, I am going to another craft fair this Sunday with a friend but it is near his new apt. So I was thinking of casually saying that I will be in his area if he's not busy he might want to check it out.
You guys are right I have learned from my mistakes and am much better at biting my tongue now. And especially since I will have no expectations then I can not get upset!!!
The craft fair sounds cool and especially after his reaction last week
You can do it!
You guys sound like you are in a good place right now to start testing the waters a little here and there.
You guys are right. It is worth a shot!!
Thanks for the encouragment!!
H just texted me asking for a "pic" lol!!!!
See! Right where you want him. Whatcha gonna do?
I sent text saying "lol, you did remember that there was another one. I'll send it in a little while ;)".
Just a little naughty
Yeay!! It's a Friday night & he is thinking of ME!!!
Should make Sunday even more interesting. . .
I sure hope so!!! Now i'm even more confident about asking.
Good! Just remember to keep those annoying little expectations in check!
Yes exactly!!! There will be no expectations at all.
Don't you just love it when it's a friday night and the DAMs who left for "freedom and space" are alone (or in my case with D until 11pm). It's like waht they thought was out there was an illusion.
LMAO! Amen to that Jen. They are sooo insane. They want to get away and have their "space" and then they sit home alone playing video games. So pathetic.
Just fine with me though. Really. The sooner their grand illusions of the single life get shattered the sooner they realize things with us weren't all that bad after all. Gee.
EXACTLY!!!!! I don't get it and I have given up trying to figure it out!!
Probably for the best. Those DAM of ours will never make sense.
How did it go today??? Did your DAL(Latino) go with you guys after all?
Maybe she is "occupied"
Read Do Not Disturb!
ooooh now that would be good.