Well guys, it's over. We had the "talk" last night. We'll put the house on the market after the holidays and then that's it. We talked a lot last night and we both got a lot out. It was very good. He held me while I cried. Actually he held me most of the night. He was so much like his old self.
I found a town house right down the street from my parents. It's a great place and a good price. D11 will be able to go back to school with all her old friends. And I can afford it.
Part of me is relieved that it's over, but mostly it just hurts. I'm having a very hard time not crying today. I never honestly believed in my heart it would turn out this way. I always thought some mircle would happen that would save us. Not this time I guess.
I'm not sure how to go from here. I feel so many different things right now. He's been my love for six years now and I'm not sure how to completely let go of him. This just really sucks.
Nothing but big ::::HUGS::::
If you want to smile, or at least a little chuckle - look at my thread (I broke my 4th toe Friday) LOL.
You are a strong, independent, smart woman. I know this is hard but I also know that you have the knowledge and the strength to be ok.
I understand your sense of relief at the same time you have so much hurt. Big hugs for you.
I am crying with you. I am so sorry you are going through this. It is good you have found a place near your parents. You and your daughter will do just fine. You are a strong woman and I know you will make it.
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He's been my love for six years now and I'm not sure how to completely let go of him
Do we ever let go of our real loves? My H has been my true love for 18 years. Talk about hard.
Just remember, we are here for you anytime you need us.
(((((((((((((((((HOPE))))))))))))))))))))
IM here if ya need me!! Stay strong!!
Hope
i am so sorry. Hugs to you. Julie
Well since we had our little "talk" Sunday night XH has become a completely different person. He's been extremely nice to me and very affectionate. I'm very confused by all this. Why now, that it's over, is he able to treat me the way he should have been treating me all along? When I told him and the kids "I love you all." the other day, I got a "We love you too." from him. WTF????
So is it over? Did he need me to give up for him to be able to be nice to me? Or does he just feel that he can be this way now because it is over? It's so hard and this only makes it worse!
Hope - that is very perplexing. I am sorry you are going through this.
Not sure if you are looking for advise or anything, but I would confront him on it. Just say- "WTF? We have this talk, we decide it is over, and now you change? "
That's just me.
Hope you have good day.
How was your Halloween? Pass out candy? Dress up? Take the girls trick or treating?
I think its because the pressure is off of him. Does that make sense. Now that you said it was over, he can stop "feeling" all the things he didnt want to feel or not feel anymore. Maybe he feels like by calling it quits, it wiped his slate clean. Now he can start over? I am not sure..just pulling out straws here...take it as it is now, but keep moving forward with your life. The more you move in a different direction the better things could get!
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I think its because the pressure is off of him
I agree. It seems when things started to get better for my H and I it was when the pressure was lifted off his head. He seems to get along more now that he knows I am not going to call him all the time or keep asking when he is coming home.
I think it gives them time to think more other than always trying to please us. When they don't have to "try" to please us it seems to flow better.
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take it as it is now, but keep moving forward with your life. The more you move in a different direction the better things could get!
Great Advice!!!!!!
Hang in there Hope!!!!
Take it as it comes and enjoy the pieces as you can, it's only been 36 hours since your 'talk'. Things will change again.
In the meantime, continue with your plans, don't be cold hearted. Anything can happen, try and stay open minded, and remember - he's probably as confused and hurting as you are.
I know what you all are saying, and don't get me wrong, I LOVE this. He is the man I feel in love with again. He's being wonderful. My problem is this, do I continue with the plans to sell the house? Do I continue with my plan to buy the townhouse? Both of these things will take a lot of time and energy, not to mention some of them involve making a commitment to other people about my future plans.
I know, I know. I have two months before I have to do anything for sure. I should just wait and see where we are then. He could wake up tomorrow and be a complete jerk again, or he could look at me and tell me he's changed his mind. Oh hell, what's two more months of living in limbo!
Ugh!!!! Just scream and let it out. I don't know how to respond to what you should do. If you wait and things don't work out you could lose the townhouse. If you try to sell the house and things do work out then you could be out of a house and going through the steps of buying again. It is a win/win situation or a lose/lose situation. I'm sorry I am not much help on this. I don't know what I would do.
Just keep your spirits up whatever you decide. Good luck!!!
We are again in the same spot, I understand your confusion about how to proceed. In my spot, I'm not as far along as you and no offense but I hope I don't get there either. What I am doing is evaluting each bill and expense, and what if anything I can do to make it less or delete it. My toughest part is letting H know that I am doing it. I don't want to just go ahead and do things and then it's a big surprise to him and he gets all torqued off about it. So I'm doing a little at a time, and feeding him the information. Like all the phones we have - land line, computer lines, cell phones, etc.. is next on my list, and a TV commercial opened up the opportunity for a little bit of a discussion. Now obviously selling and buying houses is of a much bigger magnitude, but maybe you get the idea?
As you said, what's two more months during the ride of a lifetime?
How are things going today Hope? I am just checking in on you.
Hey everyone. Not much new to report here. His "niceness" seems to be leaving quickly and things are back to the "normal" yucky. That's okay. It's making all this easier. The meaner he is to me, the easier it is for me to not want to be with him anymore.
I'm starting to look forward to my new life. My friends and family are being very supportive and I know there will be some very lonely days ahead, but that if I've survived the past few months I will make it through those too. I'm working now on forgiving XH and moving past the pain. I don't want to get sucked in to the anger and hate that seems to consume XH most days. I want to be better than that.
I've decided that I'm not going to wait until after the holidays to put the house on the market. If we're going to do this, and we are, then I want it over as soon as possible. This isn't healthy and I don't want to do this anymore. I want to grow and be a better person. Staying here is not going to let that happen.
By the way, in light of all this, my PMA is doing very good!
So now I ask you all this, what type of goals should I set for myself now, since my main goal is no longer saving my R with XH but surviving the past and moving on? Any ideas?
I think that if selling the house and going your separate ways is inevitable that you'll feel better having it happen sooner rather than later. It will likely be worse on you having to hang around with him knowing it's only temporary...through the holidays. You can still spend the holidays together...just invite his daughter (and him) to your new place.
I think your attitude sounds good. You sound strong. Taking control of your life rather than waiting on his whims is helpful. Best of luck.
My ideas of goals: Focus on your D. Try to figure out something with your step-D. Find an activity you enjoy. Maybe a fun church group for singles. I don't know.
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So now I ask you all this, what type of goals should I set for myself now, since my main goal is no longer saving my R with XH but surviving the past and moving on? Any ideas
To make a happy life for you and your daughter. Sounds like a terrific goal to me.
Hugs for hope!
I do think it's better to put your house on the market sooner rather than later. Then again, I have a skewed vision of selling a place right now.
You goals - think of things you want to do, that you want to do with your daughter, that you want to learn, explore, improve on. Make some goals for your new place.
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I do think it's better to put your house on the market sooner rather than later. Then again, I have a skewed vision of selling a place right now.
I agree. I work in at a real estate company and the market is slowing down. The closer it gets to the holidays things get real slow. It might be better to go on and put it on the market now. If not then it won't be any point in it until after the first of the year. Good luck with it.
Enjoy your weekend Hope.
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I do think it's better to put your house on the market sooner rather than later. Then again, I have a skewed vision of selling a place right now.
I agree. I work in at a real estate company and the market is slowing down. The closer it gets to the holidays things get real slow. It might be better to go on and put it on the market now. If not then it won't be any point in it until after the first of the year. Good luck with it.
Enjoy your weekend Hope.
My Goals as of right now:
1. Get house ready to sell
2. Put house on the market
3. Start packing
4. Sit down with Josh and create a plan of action
5. Sit down with the girls and break their hearts again
6. Prepare paperwork for move (loan, school, doctors)
7. Do at least one extra fun thing with the kids each week
8. Do at least one extra fun thing for myself each week
That's it for right now. I have more for after the move though.
Things at home are, I have no idea what to word to use here. For the past two days almost as soon as I get home he goes and takes a nap. Doesn't get up until I go to bed. I really don't care. I can get more done without him underfoot all the time.
I woke up at one point last night to get some water. He was up and wanted to talk to me. It's like 1am and I'm half asleep. So I said okay anyway. I was too tired to argue much. Well now it seems the answer to all his problems is that he's not living in California. If he moves there, life will be perfect. It was all I could do not to laugh.
Really. I told him to do what he needed to do. I'm torn. I don't want him to move 3000 miles away, mostly for D11s sake. This will be father number 2 that has run out on her. But for my sake and sanity, I hope he does. It's going to hurt, really badly. Even more than him just moving out. But I know and I keep telling myself that in the long run it will be for the better.
So I pray and I go on. Things will be okay one day.
You have set some really good goals. I wish I had the strength you have.
It's not really strength, it's doing what has to be done. If it were up to me, this would not be how my life would be going. But it's not. I can only do what I feel is best now for me and D11, and mourn the lose of what once was.
Hope, I thought of a goal for your future new house.
You could decorate it all over - this would take you weeks, would be something you can get your DD's involved with, is a distraction and at the end of it, your new house will look great, be all 'yours' and things you wanted and it'll feel like a home then.
That's what I did when I moved out of the marital home. My place was so run down it wasn't fit to live in and it took over a year just to fix all the problems (which I was glad about as it was something to do) and another 2 months to decorate.
I had a new kitchen put in, new carpets, curtains etc, and bought quite a bit of new furniture (I had to because he took half of it). Now when I walk into my house, it's this burst of colour and everyone loves it - I have numerous comments from people.
It would be something D11 would probably enjoy helping with and you would feel so proud afterwards, it might ease the pain a bit.
(((Hope)))
Jo.
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So now I ask you all this, what type of goals should I set for myself now, since my main goal is no longer saving my R with XH but surviving the past and moving on? Any ideas
Make a list of 100 things you want to do before you die and start doing them! 
Hope I know how you feel I'm gonna get the D papers this wee. I think he did this on purpose b/c it's my birthday Fri. the 11, I didn't want it to come to this but here Iam and I still don't want it but I can't stop him and thats the bottom line I wish he would wake you but thats asking to much. I wonder if there is any chance of us getting back together again I think the pain from the D will probably throw any hoe of that out the window. I still love him and want to be with him we have 22yrs. in this. along with our 2 kids who will be devistated in the end. I can't imagine being strong but knowing that I have to I don't even want to get out of bed today.H will be bringing S home a little later today and don't know what to do when he comes I know I will cry I'm crying just typing this.and feel really down but do I let him see me cry?.i know he will at some point and time.thanks Joa.
Hopeful
I just got back from Disney and was catching up on your thread. I was so pulling for you wishes. Hang in there you have grown alot. Take care of yourself and your daughter.
Hope, I was just checking in on you to see how your weekend was. Any progress? Hope it wasn't too upsetting or too stressful for you.
(((Dear Hopeful))). I amd thinking about you. I hope so much you are OK. You WILL BE OK. Take care, dear.
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(((Dear Hopeful))). I am thinking about you. I hope so much you are OK. You WILL BE OK. Take care, dear.
Ditto the above! I am wondering about you too! Big hugs, girly!
I'm starting to worry about you a little, but I know you are strong and I think you are ok.
Hang in there, things will get better.
My new thread
Hey everyone. Sorry to worry you all. I'm okay. The kids got me sick and I've been doing very little other than sleeping. Finally getting over it. Blah!
XH had a "freak out" Sunday night when he found my account on myspace. Brought up every hurtful thing he could. Told me we were putting the house on the market the next day and the he couldn't wait to be as far away as possible from me. That I was a lying b*tch. I tried not to fight with him about it but it was 1:30 am and I was sick so I didn't have much will power in me.
The next morning we talked. He said he was sorry. I have no idea. I love him. God knows I do, but there's nothing else I can do to fix this. We're just playing this game that I guess we've always played. I got towards him, he pulls away, then I pull away and he comes back until I start to come back and it scares him then he pulls away again. Over and over. I guess what they say about love isn't always enough is true...
Hi Hope,
Sorry to hear that you are feeling bad. I hope you get well soon. I'm not sure that a little blow up for each of you now and then is all that bad a thing. Dis-agreements are going to happen no matter who it is between. After all everyone is different and each has a way of looking and handling things in their own way it's just comes down to the way we deal with it.
I can completely understand the game of getting close and then withdrawing. To me, it's just a sign of indecisivness. I am in the midst of the same situation. I think that I have just settled into the attitude that I will see what tomorrow will bring. Sooner or later it will be one way or another for all of us. There will be commitment or non commitment.
Get well Soon
ABM
Hi Hope. Sorry to hear that you and the kids are/were sick. Hope everyone feels better soon.
Get some Airborne. It's good stuff that actually works. It is a tablet you put in water. It was invented by a teacher who didn't want to get sick from her students. You can take this stuff when you feel sick or even before you go to crowded places, etc. It prevents sickness and can cut sickness in half. It works. Last year it cut my flu down to 3 days!
Anyway - sorry to hear of the blow out at 1 am. Trying to find a happy note - it pissed him off, which shows there is some sort of feeling/emotion that he last for you.
Just trying to stay positive.
Hang in there
Glad you are feeling better.
Oh Hope, I feel what you feel. It's like an oscillating fan, when the wind blows towards them (us) they don't like it but when the fan turns away they feel safe to come towards it again. But then we swing back and start blowing their direction again, and they turn away........
It's not fun, we don't like it. For me, after the last few weeks, I have come to realize that the direction my M takes is mostly up to me and not H. You have decided your direction too, and are starting to look forward to what your new life can be. Stay strong, and stay open to change. I don't think you're done yet.
he found my account on myspace Do you mean this DB site?
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he found my account on myspace Do you mean this DB site?
No, it's another web site, www.myspace.com, that I use to talk to and hang out with my friends on. And these are people that both XH and I know. Real people, not just people I've met on the internet. I'm not flirting with anyone or doing anything wrong, and he even told me I could. Guess he was okay with it until I did it? Typical of him. No, if he had found this site I think he'd lose it in a whole new way!
Update...
Not much really. XH didn't get home until late so I didn't see him much yesterday. He did spend the whole night cuddled up with me, even tried to get something started. Again, I just do not get this but whatever.
I'm dealing with depression now. Half the time I'm okay and then out of nowhere it hits me hard. I'm taking my meds but I don't think they've kicked in yet. One day at a time. One day at a time...
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I'm dealing with depression now. Half the time I'm okay and then out of nowhere it hits me hard. I'm taking my meds but I don't think they've kicked in yet. One day at a time. One day at a time...
Give it time. You are right to say one day at a time. I have been on meds for depression for over 2 years now. They do help. I think I am ready to reduce my dosage though. I can tell a big difference when I take them. Hang in there!!!!
Well last night was just awful. XH was a class A @ss. And I let him have it. I told him this was his choice and now he had to deal with it. I told him we needed to sell the house and soon as possible and that he needed to move as far away from me as possible. I also slept on the couch. What started all this? He was pissed off that I was on the internet chatting with my friends. He doesn't want to be a part of my life but he damn sure wants to control it. I've had it with him. Last night I saw just how ugly he's really become, inside and out. I love him, but not like I once did. Not like I did when all this started. I want out. I want to be on my own. I want to start MY life.
So everyone please do me a favor, please pray that we find a buyer for this house as soon as possible. The sooner we sell the sooner I can buy the townhouse and finally have an end to this nightmare!
Tough night for you, sorry to hear it. I doubt this will help, but don't you love the man he used to be and not the man he is now? Maybe that can help you move forward.
WCW - I've actually been doing a lot of thinking about that lately. It's been a very long time, two years at least but I think more than that, since he was that man I fell in love with. Every now and then he'll let me see a tiny bit of him, but mostly not. I would say that we've spent at least half of the time we've been together unhappy. The last three years have been really hard. Don't get me wrong, part of me will always love him, it's just different now. The man I feel in love with would never do the things that XH does now. And I'm sure there is plenty that has gone on that I don't even know about. And god willing, never will.
{{{Hope}}}
I am sorry things got so ugly. I wish I could do something to help you. At least some encouraging words but I really can't think of anything.
Hang in there! The sun will shine brightly again soon.
Sending prayers for a buyer too!
Lost
Hope - I'm sorry for how things are right now.
I will definately pray for you to sell your house quickly. If you want, I have some "spells" to say that are supposed to help sell your house. Also, just heard on another post, that something to help sell a house - bury a statue of St. Joseph in the yard (???).
I'm willing to try anything sell mine.
Let me know if there is anything I can do. I am working on that stuff you asked about. I should have something for you tomorrow. This way you can get started. Good luck with it.
Well he appologized last night for the night before. We had a long talk about things. We've decided to tell the girls this weekend. I'm really not looking forward to it.
He's gotten a job offer. A good one. In California. Good pay and good benefits. Doing exactly what he wants to be doing. They want him to come out there next Wednesday to discuss the details. They want him to start December 1st.
It's all happening so fast. My mind is having a hard time taking it all in. I kept crying over every little thing last night. I was horrible. I'm honestly not sure why I was upset. Too many reasons I think. It felt like someone had died. I guess I'm mourning the death of what was left of our relationship.
I know this is what I want. This is want I need. It just doesn't make it any easier to go through. I do love him. I always will. I just know it can't be rigth now. If ever.
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I just know it can't be rigth now. If ever.
I think the key words here are "if ever". If you are like me, no matter how bad it gets or how much it feels right to move on, there is at least a kernel of hope that someday both of you will have reached the point where you can have a healthy long-lasting relationship. A move across the country to an ideal job is certainly a major step in slamming the door on a future together, even if it was only a slim hope to start with. We are all here in this area because we have some hope that somehow, some way, some day, things will work out between our XS and us. I would argue that even many of those on "surviving the big D" haven't completely let go, they just want to. This is a sudden blow to that hope you had. I'm sorry you have to face this. I'm glad though that you have a positive outlook and that your XH and you can handle this as adults and let go of the bitterness.
It's a tough spot you are in. It's one thing to talk and think about it, but when the motion starts it's a whole new wave that takes over. Give it the 24 hour rule, and maybe a few extra. It won't make it easier, but you'll still be swinging up and down thru all of this. Cry if you need too, it's okay.
((((Hopeful_Future)))
I'm doing better today. Or I should say, I was. We told the kids this morning. XH told D9 and I told D11. He wanted us to do it this way. Said it would be easier on them. The whole thing upsets me so much I didn't argue with him. I still think we should have done it together.
D9 seems to have taken it okay. Which is really what I expected. She loves CA and almost all of her family is out there, including her real mom. XH has, over this past year managed to change her views on our family. Before I was "mommy" now she still calls me that, but she was calling me by my first name too. It's been just recently that I get hugs or ILYs.
D11 cried a good bit. I told her that Dad had gotten a job offer in CA and he and D9 were going to be moving out there. Then I told her the plan and about the townhouse. She was okay with all of it.
I just feel like such a bad mother. Since XH came in to our lives we've moved around so much, so many school and friends, it makes me so sad for her. I know I'm doing the best I can, but sometimes I feel it's not enough. I'm so afraid that she's going to grow up hating men. Her real father left and hasn't been in her life since she was 1 and 1/2. Now the father she's known for the last six years is going to move 3000 miles away from her. Thankfully my father is a wonderful Grandfather and loves her very much. She means the world to him.
I know in my heart this is for the best, I just wish I didn't feel like such a failure. I just want to give my kids the best life I can. I never thought it would be this way.
(((((((((Hopeful_Future))))))))))))
I don't have alot of advise for you right now but just wanted you to know I am thinking about you and wish you well.
We are all going to be just fine. PATIENCE, PATIENCE, PATIENCE.
new thread Maria
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We cannot solve the problems we face at the level of thinking that got us into them in the first place.
Albert Einstein
Don't feel like a bad mother. You are doing everything you can. You did all you could to try and keep your family together. I wish you all luck!!!
{{{Hope}}}
I had a rough day today too. H moved into his new apartment today.
Hang in there and sending more hugs!
Don't be so hard on yourself, Hope. You try your best, and your daughter knows that. Her quality of life may improve when her mom is grounded and stabled and has a good attitude about life. That is what will form her opinions about life and about men, the environment she lives in. Will you do your best and make it as good as you can for her? yes, you will, and she will know that.
What a weekend. For me it was so up and down I can’t say if it was a good one or not. The kids are okay. D11 has been more cuddly but other than that they seem okay.
XH has completely lost his mind. I went out Saturday night and saw a friend. I got home and XH went crazy. Accusing me of all kinds of things and throwing things. We got in to it again yesterday. He’s starting to get physical with me. He grabbed my arm really hard. I told him if he ever touched me again, I would call the cops on him. I will not put up with that from him.
He leaves Tuesday night for the job interview on Wednesday in California and won’t be back until Thursday. Thankfully I’ll have a little bit of peace then. I’ve also decided that if he doesn’t get this job in California I’m moving out. I’ll stay with my parents until the house sells if I have to. I will not keep living in this unstable environment. It’s not good for me or my kids.
Hope everyone else had a good weekend.
Hope,
I wouldn't let him back in the house at all if he's getting violent, that's far too dangerous. His behaviour just isn't acceptable.
Why does D9 not live with her mother? If your XH is like Andy and took her away, that doesn't speak well for his character either. After we split up, Andy was violent to me too for a few months (but not in the M). Don't put up with it.
Just leave now and keep away from him.
Jo.
Hope - I'm sorry for the hurt (emotional and physical) you are going through right now.
Please belive me when I say that you are not a bad mother.
As long as you are communicating with your D, talking openly, honestly with her, spending time with her, listening to her - she is going to be fine. Even if you weren't doing these things, if she is anything like you - she is strong and smart and will be ok.
You can start asking how she wants to decorate your house, her room, etc. Involve her.
That's what my mom did when she got divorced, it helped. I felt so grown up and involved when I got a say in colors in the house and wall paper and I got to help paint, etc.
My mom also used to make girls days, where she would make my favorite foods, take me to do my favorite things. It was just fun. Even when she didn't have any money, she found ways to spend time with me and make sure I was ok and happy.
I'm praying for you, praying for the house to sell quickly and for you to get the townhouse and for the pain to ease.
Hang in there.
Hugs!
OH man HOPE!! I am so sorry!! Not to come to his defense at all, because what he did is uncalled for...but do you think maybe this is his way of dealing with the loss of you? For him, maybe its easier to get mad, be mean..that way he doenst have to feel as guilty? Men are so dumb that way...why not just say, "this is hard for me to", but instead they dont like to show their true feelings....
Anyways...here's a big hug from far away....(((((((((((((((((((((((((((HUG)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
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I went out Saturday night and saw a friend.
Why would this drive him so crazy? What gender is your friend? You've gone out before and it didn't matter to him, what sparked it this time? Seems odd behavior for a guy who doesn't care.
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D11 has been more cuddly but other than that they seem okay
Mine are the same way. I seem to never have any "me time" anymore. They are so clingy. They won't go up to their rooms and play or anything anymore. In the last couple days I have noticed they are starting to get back to their old selves. I hope this is a good sign for them accepting also. Your D11 needs to feel close and being such a good mother that you are I know she will get what she needs from you.
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XH has completely lost his mind. I went out Saturday night and saw a friend. I got home and XH went crazy. Accusing me of all kinds of things and throwing things. We got in to it again yesterday.
This I do not understand. If he wants out then why get upset? Is this the typical I don't want to be with you but I dont want you to have fun either? Men are strange.
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He’s starting to get physical with me. He grabbed my arm really hard. I told him if he ever touched me again, I would call the cops on him. I will not put up with that from him.
Good for you, no one should have to put up with this kind of abuse.
Sorry you didn't have a great weekend. Hang in there and don't give up on yourself. Don't let him pressure you into anything. Him being gone will be good for you and daughters.
(((((((HOPE))))))))
{{Hugs}}
I am sorry things have gotten so bad. I don't blame you for not wanting to be near him. You are doing a great job with your D. You are a great mom from what I can tell and I know you are doing what is best for her.
LIL
Not much to report. XH went out last night so I had a nice evening to myself. I was wonderful. He leaves this afternoon for California and won't be back until sometime on Thursday. Two more quiet nights to myself!
He's sleeping on the couch now. I don't mind one single bit. I forgot how much I enjoy having the whole bed to myself. Never in a million years did I think that I would go from loving him so much to counting down the days until he's 3000 miles away. But he's done this to himself. This is what he wants. I'm just glad the roller coaster ride is almost finally over for me. There is a light at the end of the tunnel, it just wasn't exactly the one I expected to see.
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XH went out last night so I had a nice evening to myself
You should have yelled at him when he came back home....(no just kidding). I'm glad you had a peaceful night.
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He's sleeping on the couch now. I don't mind one single bit. I forgot how much I enjoy having the whole bed to myself
I don't know if I will be able to allow mine to ever move back into bed with me if he comes home. I am getting used to having it all to myself too.
Thursday - dinner with family (the big 30 is Friday!)
Friday - Harry Potter movie with the kids and some friends
Saturday - birthday party
Sunday - Pre-Thanksgiving dinner with my friends
And that's just as of today...I'm so loving this. Doing things, having fun. ENJOYING LIFE AGAIN!
And guess what? I showed the house last night! First people to look and I've only had it posted on a few free sites since Sunday! They liked it and I think are interested but they have to get their house sold first. But it's a start.
Y'all I'm on top of the world today. I haven't felt this good in so long! I love it!
Good for you Hope! I'm glad to hear that you are enjoying life and making plans!
Congrats on the 1st showing of the house! Good luck!
Hi Hope,
Nicely done with the GAL plans! I've found that planning like that really helps to buffer the PMA from the WAS' moods/behavior.
Gabriel
You go girl! Its so good to hear you are getting on with your life and doing things for YOU now!! Keep it up! Hope you had and continue having a wonderful week!
-2much
XH called last night. The interview went well. He's pretty sure he'll get it unless someone much better came in after him. He has another interview this morning with a different company for the same type of job but maybe more money. I know I should be supportive of him, but it was all I could do to get myself to with him good luck. I don't like being like that, but I guess I'm not over my anger from everything over the past few months.
And get this. He gets home tonight. He told me that if I don't feel like picking him up from the airport and he doesn't end up getting a rental car, he's got someone else willing to pick him up. Yep, you guessed it. FF. I know I should let it get to me and it shouldn't bother me. But damn, he's been gone since Tuesday morning, you'd think he'd want to see his kids instead of her! I know that if she does pick him up, they'll go hang out for a while before he comes home. I told him to do what ever. If he wanted me and the kids to pick him up, I will if not he can do what ever he wants.
It really did bother me last night though. I tried really hard to not let it, but it did. I was way over tired and that didn't help either. I feel very moody right now. Grrrr! I'll live. I want to enjoy my last day of being 29!
Then HOpe, you just continue being 29, forget about H!! Go on with your day as if he is not coming home...if he calls last minute to have you pick him up, tell him you already made plans..that should get him!!
OOps, sorry, am I being to mean??
LOL!! Have a great day!! ((HUGS))
happy birthday
I hope you have a great birthday day & weekend!
Happy Birthday Hope. Have a good one okay?
Happy Birthday. Go out and have a great time.
Happy Birthday Hope I hope you had fun. Joa.
Thanks everyone for the birthday wishes. Even with XH acting like an ass, this was one of the best birthday’s I’ve had in a long time.
Thursday night was dinner with my parents, sister and my girls.
Friday night me, the girls, my parents, my sister and my best friend went to see the new Harry Potter movie.
Saturday morning XH picked a fight and I took D11 and left. Hung out with my parents and sister and D11 for the afternoon then met up with another friend for a while. That night was my party. I had so much fun. Warning: If you are on AD’s be very careful with alcohol. I didn’t realize it would affect me the way it did and I got very drunk very quick. Still had a great time though!
Sunday D11 and I cooked for our Thanksgiving dinner. Made two casseroles and two pies. We had a lot of fun doing it. That night was the dinner and the first time I’d seen XH since Saturday morning. He was still acting like an ass.
Now it’s Monday and I’m back at work. XH got the job in California and he and D9 leave November 30th. He’s completely alienated D9 from me. Suddenly now he says she can’t stand to be left alone with me (yet Friday night when he went out and stayed out all night it was okay). He’s also trying to turn all “our” friends against me. It’s not working. They are about as sick of his crap as I am.
I’m doing very well with letting go of all this. I honestly can’t stand to be near him right now. All he does is start arguments and I’m so tired of fighting. Ten more days and he’ll be gone. Right now I’m okay with it. I’m sure it’s going to be hard once it happens. Part of me will always love him and part of me will miss him, but the other part of me will be happy to not have to live like this anymore. So here’s to the future and what ever it may hold!
I am glad you had a good birthday even though your XH was acting like an ass.
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Warning: If you are on AD’s be very careful with alcohol. I didn’t realize it would affect me the way it did and I got very drunk very quick
I found this out the hard way. I had forgotten to take my pill and took it about an hour before I started drinking (only drank 2 smirnoff ices) and it hit me hard. I felt like I had been drinking for hours.
I know you and D11 will have a good life. I hope you can put all the pain behind you and live for the future. Sounds like you have your head screwed on right and know what you want now. I pray for you.
Hope - I'm so glad you had a good birthday weekend! Good for you!
I'm proud of you, especially that you are currently letting this go so well. It's good that you know that it will probably be a bit harder in 10 days.
Hang in there! Keep your chin up
Happy Belated Birthday!
He's being a jerk to make himself feel better about leaving. And it is making it easier for you too to let him go when he is being a jerk. You're both in for some tough days yet, hang in there.
XH just told me he met someone in California when he was out there last week. I don't know how to feel about it...
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XH just told me he met someone in California when he was out there last week. I don't know how to feel about it...
I'm sure you feel numb right now. Do you think he is telling you this to make you mad so it will be easier for him to leave? I have read that guilt will cause them to do or say things they don't mean because they want us to get mad so it all turns around on us.
Take time to let yourself adjust to what he told you. Don't worry about how you feel about this news. Worry about how you feel about your new life you are starting. Look into the future and what do you see? You see a great life for you and your daughter.
Don't let this knock you down some steps. As hard as it is keep your chin up and be happy for your daughter.
He just came and hugged me. He told me that some of the best times of his life he's had with me. That he's sorry and wants me to be happy. That he's finally found "it" again, that missing part. He told me that he'll always love me. And that September 2, 2018 we should meet up in New Orleans. That's when he'll be 41. The age a friend once told me that he would finally be able to love me again. I can't stop crying now. The last time he told me he loved me was in June. I knew this was going to hurt but I didn't think it would like this.
{{{Hope}}}
Sending lots of hugs and prayers for you.
(((Hopeful_Future))) It will hurt, nothing can take that away.
Tell him you'd love to do that, meet in New Orleans. And you'll let him know how many tickets he will need to send to you to get your whole new family there.
(((Hope)))
I had tears in my eyes, reading your post.
I say go and spend his birthday with him. I am so sorry this is happening to you. Wish I could give you a hug.
Jo.
Hope, I'm so sorry. As always I wish I was there to give you a big hug and just be there for you.
Hi Hope,
You are both so young! My observation: the younger the couple, the greater the chances for reconciliation. Not sure why.
I agree with the prior post. He needs to think about you moving on, not about you waiting and pining for him for 13 years.
Hang in there by dousing yourself with GAL stuff.
Take care,
Gabriel
Hope, I am so sorry. You gave everything you had, so don't beat yourself up if things are not working out. It has nothing to do with you. So your H has a fling... so what? It's time for you to get a fling of your own. We all know where this is going to go: XH will come around again, once he finds out ow does not solve his problems. He is depressed and lost. Now you have a choice: hang around moping until he wakes up again or pick up your pieces, GAL and move on. They always seem to come back faster when you opt for option number 2.
Hope....just checking in on you. Please let me know how you are doing. I hope you had a good turkey day.
I can honestly say, my old XH is back. We called a truce on Friday and spent the last three days together with the girls. Absolutely wonderful. Lots of hugs and kisses, tons of ILY (that I haven't heard in months), we even ML. The only problem is that it took him having to move 3000 miles away to be able to be himself again.
Thursday we each had our Thanksgivings with our own families. Friday we talked and hung out. Saturday I helped him pack. Saturday night we stayed up until 3am talking and just being with each other. We finally took a bubble bath together in the tub. Sunday we hung out. The movers came and got the boxes and furniture.
It's so hard right now. I did not want to end things like there were, so angry and unhappy. But this is breaking my heart. I love him. I always have and always will. All he can do is think about all these wonderful memories we've shared over the past six years. I know this is for the best, but oh god it hurts so much. It's all I can do not cry constantly. They leave Wednesday morning. I don't know if I can do this...
Hope, I'm happy that you've had some happier experiences with him before he leaves but I'm sorry that it causes so much more pain.
Hang in there and things will work out. I'm sending tons of hugs and thoughts and prayers.
Hang in there, you never know what the future holds. As your name says "Hopeful Future". Maybe being 3000 miles apart will do something for him.
I'm sure it must be real hard for you right now. Just don't let yourself get too down from all of this. Try as hard as you can to keep your spirits up.
I am thinking about you (((Hopeful_Future))).
Just checking in with you. Haven't heard anything from you and was a little concerned. How are things going? Just remember, we are here for you.
Well, it's over now. They left this morning. D11 and I are camped out on the couch watching movies. The need to cry comes and goes, more so when I let myself think. Most of this just doesn't feel real yet. It feels like I'm just home with a sick kid and he's at work, he'll be home later. I don't know when it will all hit me. I'm not looking forward to it.
Things will be okay. I know they will. Right now the world just doesn't feel right. It feels very off right now. I never thought I would miss him this much already.
(((Hopeful_F U T U R E)))
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The need to cry comes and goes, more so when I let myself think
Don't try to stop it and hold it inside. Let it out. You and D11 let out all your feelings. Won't make everything go away but maybe it will make you feel a little better.
I am so sorry you are going through this. My heart aches for you.
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It feels like I'm just home with a sick kid and he's at work, he'll be home later.
This is how I cope sometimes. I pretend H is on an extended vacation or something.
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I don't know when it will all hit me. I'm not looking forward to it.
When it hits you just go with the flow. Let it all out. Call a friend to be there with you. You and D11 do something fun today. Keep busy.
You are in my prayers. You are a strong woman and I know you will make it through this. We are here for you.
(((((((HUGS)))))))
My thoughts and prayers and hugs are with you today!
Hang in there, let the tears flow. I know it may not seem like it right now, but things will be ok.
Hang in there and be patient. (((hopefull)))
Thank you all so much for your kind thoughts. Yesterday D11 and I spent the day together being lazy. We watched movie after movie and didn't even get dressed until around 4pm. XH emailed me late last night to let me know they got to Dallas as planned and that everything was okay. D11 and I are doing okay. Miss them a lot but we know we'll be okay.
My new plan is to take the best care of myself and D11 that I can, sell the house and move, and continue GAL. Tomorrow night I'm going out with my sister to hear our friend's band play. Saturday is my mom's 50th birthday party. Sunday D11 and I are going to decorate the tree and house for Christmas. I'm looking forward to all of the above.
I'm sad about my ending with XH but I know in my heart he'll always be there. Either a phone call or email away. And he and D9 will be back to visit. Not to mention D11 and I have an open offer to come to California and visit as well. At the same time I'm very excited about all the possibilities I have before me. New people, new things, new memories to make. It is true that when one door closes another one opens.
Hope - I'm so happy for your positive thinking! Good for you! Keep up the good work!
Sounds like you are making great plans, GAL, etc.
Hang in there. Everything happens for a reason, right?
I'm glad you are dealing with this in a positive motion. You and D11 will be fine. You have some very good things planned for the weekend. I am also going to decorate this weekend. Hopefully, it will get me in the Christmas spirit.
Your doing great!!!
(((hugs)))) to you and checking in to see how you are doing. I hope you are having a good weekend.
Hope - I hope you are ok, hanging in there and that you aren't here because you are GAL.
Take care
Hey all. Sorry I haven't been around much, but I have been keeping up on everyone.
Things here are good. They really are for a change. XH and D9 are in CA and from what XH tells me, very happy. I guess I'm glad. That still has me feeling a little torn but I'm okay.
D11 is doing good. Lots of stuff with friends and family. She's a tough kid and will no doubt make it through this better than me.
As for me. Well I have good days mostly. A few down ones but mostly good. I'm still taking my ADs and still feel the pull of depression every now and then. But it's a battle I will win. I have no doubt.
Still no leads on the house. I did talk XH in to getting a realtor at the end of the month if things haven't picked up. Finally. I do not want to lose this townhouse.
I've decided to let you all in on my little secret. A few of you already know, but I wanted to wait a little while before I told everyone. I haven't even told my parents. I've met someone new. He is wonderful and we get along great. Right now it's just dating and things are light. I met him a few months ago through my friends but didn't pursue anything until XH and I were finished and the plans for him moving to CA were well in to the works. He knows about XH and all the hell I went through. He actually met XH a few times. It's just a very nice friendship right now and neither of us are wanting to rush things.
My new out look on life, and maybe the most important thing I learned from DBing, is this:
I'm not looking for someone else to make me happy in life, but someone to share my happiness with.
Love you all very much and you are all still in my prayers!
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My new out look on life, and maybe the most important thing I learned from DBing, is this:
I'm not looking for someone else to make me happy in life, but someone to share my happiness with.
WOW, HOPE!! I am so happy for you!! That is so great! Yes, the most important thing in DBing is that no one can make YOU happy, you have to do that YOURSELF! And the person you want to share in this happiness is just along for the ride!
(((((((HUG)))))) to you!!!
Hope!!! I am so happy for you!
I know some of the feelings you are probably having - about XH and him being happy in CA and now someone else in your life!
Take it easy, hang in there. 2006 has to be better than 2005!! Good for you about sharing your happiness!
I was so happy to read your post. Good for you! Best wishes and take care. Don't be a stranger!