Living in the Light VIII - DivorceBusting.com

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Divorce…the gift that just keeps on giving…

Had an interesting chat with SD22 today. She called to ask about spending some time with my dog and we chatted for a bit. She’s been in training for a new job (full time, better pay and benefits!!) so has been pretty busy. Somehow the topic got around to XH and OW. She mentioned that she had accidentally (?) received a FB or IG post involving XH or OW (can’t remember which) and that she had gotten curious so “hurt my own feelings again.” I thought that was an odd statement to make so I asked her what she meant by that. She then goes on to tell me that she looked up XH and OW’s FB (her dad’s 3rd or 4th FB page, she says) and then OW’s IG. She was shocked and also horrified to see selfies and group photos with both XH and OW from 2016!!! That was a year before we even moved to the Island… two years before I even knew OW existed. WTF?!?! I guess NOTHING should surprise me anymore but I know for a fact that in early 2016, XH was seen with a different woman by a friend of mine who said they were obviously more than friends. So did he have a relationship with both women at the same time or had he just met OW or what?!?! No wonder he was so gung ho to move here. The only thing that still doesn’t really make sense is that he spent the first eight months after our move close to home with me and our family before he started disappearing for his “treatments” again. I know she had had an abusive boyfriend shortly before getting together with him so maybe she was still in that relationship when we got here? It is so confusing and I know, before anyone says anything, not worth my time to try to figure out but geez…just really hits home how f’ed up my marriage really was and also how f’ed up he was. I don’t know how he kept anything straight. It is all just so bizarre. Could SD22 have been wrong about the dates?

Anyway…I just told SD22 not to spend too much time trying to figure it out or blaming herself for the challenges in her relationship with her dad. She could have been the best of the best in everything she did and there would have still been problems because that is just who he was/is. In other words… this is not about you kiddo…it’s your dad’s stuff. I told her he believes he has fixed his life by adopting a completely new one and the only two things in his mind that keep reminding him of his old life (which I know is a source of shame for him) is his annoying ex-wife who he has to communicate with because of the kids and his eldest daughter who isn’t willing to just forget everything and start over the way he wants her to. She wants and needs him to acknowledge the crappy things he did and the ways in which he let her down before they can repair their relationship and he just isn’t strong enough to do that. It is just so, so, so sad that he cannot see past his own needs to really see and respond to hers. She is such a cool kid. It breaks my heart that he is missing out on these years with her and vice versa. Even though she gets it intellectually, emotionally she is still just a little girl inside who wants the unconditional love and approval of her dad.

Anyway…I’m going to keep this information to myself IRL. XMIL doesn’t need to know more f’ed up stuff about her son and his new wife and I don’t need to give my family any more reasons to think he is a jerk. Things have really settled and we are coparenting well so I do not want to negatively impact that in any way. Plus…we have future graduations, weddings, births, etc… to share with out kids and I would like those events to be as pleasant and as drama-free as possible. (((HUGS))) to all!!

UGH. Yes, so creepy to find these things out. I doubt SD22 got the dates wrong. Maybe H was having an online thing with OW when you first moved there, or maybe they were on a temporary break. Certainly does explain his interest in moving there.

Sorry that you still have to co-parent with him for so long. SD22 is really lucky to have you in her life.

You know…it’s so strange KML. Despite all of it, I still care about the guy. Not in the way I did before but enough that I don’t like seeing him stressed or sad and or struggling to keep things together the way he is right now. My son mentioned that he has been sleeping at the hospital with OW and then getting up early to drive them to school. If he is sleeping there, things must be really, really serious. I went and got D14 from his place to take her to volleyball so he could go to the hospital instead of waiting around until she’s done. She said she was happy to go because it takes her mind off of what’s going on with her stepmom. I didn’t press her for info but all signs lead me to believe she is rejecting the liver as she hasn’t been able to keep down any medications and has been there for a week now. XH also mentioned that he may have to go to the mainland which makes me think she may need to be transferred there.

Why am I so sad about this??? I mean, I did say that I wanted the karma bus to hit him. But I was thinking more along the lines of someone he loves cheating on him and leaving him in a cloud of dust. I wasn’t thinking about this. This is like the karma bus hitting him and then backing up and driving over him multiple times…her too. She’s only 40 years old. Honestly…this is really weighing on me and I am so worried for my kids and how it is going to impact them and their dad’s ability to parent them if the worst happens.

Sometimes this just feels like a really bad dream. I look at pictures of when our kids were babies and I remember how excited and simultaneously terrified we were. Him pushing me in a wheelchair out of the hospital doors with two little babies in my arms and our 50 KmH drive on the highway towards what I thought would be an amazing future. How did it all go so wrong? How many points were there where I could have made a different choice…or he could have. I know…I wasn’t the one who broke my vows and lied for year but somehow I still feel 50 per cent responsible. Anyway…a useless exercise to think about these things, I know. I just keep thinking that there has to be a life lesson in all of this somehow that I need to be grateful for. I am grateful for my health at least…so there’s that. But I would be a whole lot more grateful if she would just get better and they could be married for 30 years because then it would at least seem like it had all been worth it to someone. But if she doesn’t survive this, it will just feel like all of it will have been for nothing and that feels so much worse to me than the two of them living happily every after. Is that completely crazy for me to feel this way?!?

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Why am I so sad about this??? I mean, I did say that I wanted the karma bus to hit him. But I was thinking more along the lines of someone he loves cheating on him and leaving him in a cloud of dust. I wasn’t thinking about this. This is like the karma bus hitting him and then backing up and driving over him multiple times…her too. She’s only 40 years old. Honestly…this is really weighing on me and I am so worried for my kids and how it is going to impact them and their dad’s ability to parent them if the worst happens.

I hear you - while I wouldn’t have minded if someone had dumped my ex, just so he could have some understanding of the pain he’d inflicted on me, I do still feel an almost maternal concern for him. I’m sorry he’s had the medical problems he’s had lately. I hope his marriage stays stable so his new wife can care for him in his old age. I hope he doesn’t mess it up by cheating on her too. I want stability in his life so it doesn’t affect our kids.

Karma is not illness or tragedy. Karma might be something that happens that teaches you a lesson to right the universe a little, but Illness and tragedy is just unfortunate.

You are a good soul, DV

KML…I get what you said about having a maternal instinct towards your XH. I think that’s what it is.

Ginger…Thanks. I try to be.

Kids are back with me. D14 said she saw OW outside the hospital and that she was able to walk outside with a walker so is doing a bit better apparently. Still not well enough to leave. Not sure when or if that will happen but hopefully sometime in the near future.

Speaking of… I had a moment the other night. I was at XH’s place dropping D14 off and went inside to see S14 and bring him a bagel he had asked me for. Saw a picture on the wall. It had three large hearts with pieces of a map in each of them and a star to mark a spot on the map. Underneath each heart were some words and a date. The first heart had a map of our city with a star where XH’s school would be and it said Hello? with a date of September 2017…can’t recall the exact day. This appears to represent when they first met…or at least when they want people to think they met. The second said Will you? and had a date of March 23, 2019 with a star on Waikiki. The third was their wedding date and it said I do.

So strange to me. I wanted to add a few words… “Hello…married man with kids?” “Will you…even though I am still married and I only told my wife a week ago that you were more than just a roommate I barely knew?” Our kids look at that first date and they KNOW that dad was still married and we were together then. Four months after that we took a family vacation to Mexico. WTF?!? It basically says… “See kids… it is perfectly okay to cheat on the mother of your children and live a double life underneath your family’s noses for months, or in his case, years.” Ugh. What an awesome message to give our kids.

So that was my moment. It didn’t upset me in any real way but seeing a record of his cheating displayed on a wall like it’s something to be proud of was a little bizarre.

A brief update…

Back from my weekend with XH1 and his family. Had a great time. My nephews are hilarious and kept me laughing on the drive there and back. The B&B my in-laws booked for me was awesome. A little two-room cabin that had been completely renovated complete with a rope swing in a huge willow tree and two beautiful Clydesdale horses in the pasture next door. No internet or tv which was kinda cool for a change.

First night had dinner with XH, his sister and his parents. Amazing food and nice wine. Lots of laughter and memories shared. MIL is clearly struggling with some sort of dementia… likely due to her drinking. MIL was what I refer to as a “functional alcoholic”. Not noticeably inebriated but always had a beer in her hand. Her dad was the same way.

The next day, I spent the morning with XH’s parents and sister. He spent the morning with his D15 and came back in the afternoon. He and I went to dinner at one of our favourite restaurants. The restaurant is filled with photos of residents that the owner had collected over the years. Imagine our surprise when he glances over at the photos on the ledge next to him and sees a picture of his parents on their wedding day. We asked his parents about it and they said they had given her the picture years ago but had never actually seen it. What were the odds?? Anyway…we had a fantastic dinner (crème brûlée for dessert!!) and talked about a lot of things. It was really, really easy just being around each other. We both said that if it had been a first date, we would definitely have wanted a second one…lol. And that we are very grateful for the love that we still share and a friendship that will last a lifetime no matter what the future brings. We didn’t talk about what that future might look like in relation to one another. It felt like there was an unspoken understanding between us that our friendship is just too important to jeopardize it by acting on any feelings that might still exist between us. We both have kids to launch and will be seven hours apart for the foreseeable future so it just wouldn’t be worth it. Maybe in five years if we are both still single, there would be a possibility but now is definitely not the time. I’m just happy that our friendship is still really solid.

Sunday was breakfast with some old friends. So good to see them!!! We had not seen each other in 21 years. One of my friends, who I thought would be single for life, got married last year. He married his high school girlfriend. I didn’t get to meet her unfortunately as she wasn’t feeling too well so didn’t come. He looks happy though which was great to see. XH came along too and we realized that out of all our couple friends that we hung out with back in the day, everyone is still married except for us. Tried not to see that as a failure…lol. In the afternoon, we headed out to his oldest sister’s house (nephews’ mom) for an Easter potluck with family members on both sides of her family and neighbours. They have 45 acres of wilderness so XH and I went on a bit of a hike and he talked about wanting to build a tiny house out there.

XH had to turn in early on Sunday night so I took a drive to the next town over where I had lived after he and I separated. It is a tourism Mecca in the summer time and has grown a fair amount - especially in the downtown area. The drive was bizarrely emotional for me. Not sure why. I think i was maybe just thinking about all of the time that had passed since I moved and what my life might have been like if I’d made different decisions. Also thinking about how quickly time passes and how precious life is.

Speaking of…found out yesterday that one of my college roommates died on Sunday. She had pancreatic cancer and was 53. I had heard recently that she wasn’t well and had planned to reach out to her when I got back from my visit but sadly I waited too long. Her funeral is tomorrow afternoon. Not sure if I am going yet or not. We were good friends back in the day but had lost touch over the years so it feels a bit awkward to show up for her funeral when I haven’t seen her in so long. She was such a fun and happy person. When I close my eyes, I can still hear her laugh. It was infectious. I remember she met her husband half way through our school year and decided not to come back after that. I thought she was nuts for going back to our home town but this year was their 30th anniversary so I guess she made a good decision after all.

On the XH2 front… his wife returned home on Tuesday. She is pretty weak and needs a walker to get around. D14 says she seems “half there” so I imagine she is on some heavy duty medication. Also probably pretty depressed given her situation. From what I have read about liver transplants, she is facing an uphill battle. It is promising that she’s been able to return home though so maybe there is more hope than what I had surmised. Keeping my fingers crossed for them.

Anyway…that’s all for now. Planning another visit to XH’s in July. It is his parents’ 60th wedding anniversary so I want to be there to wish them well. Sister and BIL are probably coming too.

Sounds like a nice trip. Sorry about your friend with pancreatic cancer. It's such a bad cancer and they can go really quickly.

Sorry about the loss of your friend.

Sounds like your weekend was good. Yay!

Thank you both. Yes…pancreatic cancer is the disease that took my dad from me. He lasted 18 months past his diagnosis. The last few months were AWFUL. I would not wish that disease on anyone. He was 66 and up until then, had been the picture of health. Third person I know personally who has passed from it. The third person was a neighbourhood boy from my childhood who lived a few houses away. He died a couple years ago at the age of 50. Very sad.

My weekend was really good. Looking forward to my next trip in July.

pancan dot org, a pancreatic cancer organization, has a very good page about genetic risks for pancreatic cancer (about 10% of pancreatic cancers have a hereditary component). BRCA gene mutations, Lynch syndrome, several other hereditary cancer genes are associated with an increased risk of pancreatic cancer. You might want to consult with a geneticist, especially if there were other types of cancer in your father's family, or Ashkenazi Jewish heritage on that side.

Here in the states, there is a company called Color that offers hereditary cancer gene testing direct to consumer. Not necessarily as complete as the expensive cancer gene tests that doctors run (IF insurance allows it!) but a good second best if insurance won't cover testing - about $300 here.

Thanks KML. That is definitely a concern. My sister had breast cancer at the same time as my dad had pancreatic cancer so it is in our family for sure. I will look into it for sure.

Hello DejaVu6,

I also wanted to pop in and let you know it saddened me to hear about your friend (as well as your dad) dying from pancreatic cancer. Sending you hugs and positive thoughts. And keep us posted if you do look into your own cancer risk. It's scary to look but knowing will allow you time to intervene...

Hugs,
El

Hi All. It’s been awhile since I posted. Not much has been going on. Just living my life and staying open to whatever life has in store for me.

On the house front…that’s a bit stalled at the moment. Partially because of the state of the world these days and the fluctuating prices with everything. My BIL knows several people who have stopped in the middle of building to see if things will even out over the next little while. The other part of it is that the planning and permit process is heavily reliant on my BIL and he seems to be going through some sort of an existential crisis. My sister and I tried to talk to him the other day about it and he basically ranted about how disappointed and angry he is at people and the world in general. I think this could be his version of an MLC. He’s usually pretty mellow and even-tempered. I haven’t seen him like this before. My sister sent him off on a trip with his best friend to see if that might help snap him out of it. He’s home tomorrow and my sister is leaving on a business trip for four days so it will be me, him and my kids. My sister is back on Friday and then she and I are going on a five-day road trip to Portland. After I’m back, I have a three-day work week and then it is off to XH1’s parents’ 50th wedding anniversary. I’m taking my kids this time and we are turning it into a mini-vacay. I got an Airbnb next to a lake so we are just going to chill for a few days before heading back home. Looking forward to it.

On the man front…nothing too significant to report. I’m still talking regularly to the guy that I went to high school with who lives an hour and a half away. I joked with him the other day that I would come to his 99th birthday party (irrelevant side story to that) and he texted that he hoped he would get to see me before then. I told him he seemed too busy to fit me onto his dance card and he agreed that he works too much and should stop in to see me next time he is driving through my town. Not holding my breath.

I also have been playing a lot of pool with my friend who just turned 40. I know he has a thing for me but he is way too young and more like a little brother to me so that is a line I will never, ever cross. I pretend I don’t know about his crush and keep my boundaries really clear and so far, it is working out well. We are both getting better at pool…lol. Recently he disclosed to me that he is a closet alcoholic and has stopped drinking. He’s off work for awhile so he can get his physical and mental health together. He lost both his parents by 16 and his only sister about seven or eight years ago and I think just developed some poor coping mechanisms.

There is one other guy but the jury is out. About six weeks ago, my sister and I ran into a childhood friend that we haven’t seen since high school. He grew up about three blocks from us and we were good friends all the way through elementary school. Anyway, my sister was shocked because she had just added him as a FB friend a couple days before and then all of a sudden, there he is. We chatted for a bit and I added him a few days later. Time has been very kind to him. He’s about 6’2” and looks like an athlete. Seems like a really nice guy… ironically has twins too that are a year younger than mine. Don’t know the story there…just that he hasn’t been with the mom in years. Anyway…he started sending me random cute videos on Messenger and we just started chatting pretty regularly a couple of weeks ago. He is another guy that seems pretty busy. He has asked me a couple of times if I have any plans (for the next day) and every time he has, I have had plans…lol. I realized the other day that he may think I’m not interested. I find myself reluctant to go out of my way to meet with him. Not sure why. Possibly because he is the first guy in awhile that I’ve been physically attracted to and it has made me feel a bit vulnerable…lol. I like the friendship we are developing and I don’t want to get sucked into anything. I also remember hearing rumours about 17 years ago that he was having substance abuse issues so that has me a bit wary as well. I haven’t asked him about it. I’m saving that for when/if we meet in person.

And then there is XH1… we still keep in touch. He’s still pretty attractive to me. But…really like our friendship and I just don’t think it would be wise to go down that road again…at least not now. Probably why I’m bringing my kids with me…lol. Good protection from doing anything stupid.

So that’s it for me. Nothing earth shattering. (((HUGS))) to all!!!

I was just re-reading some of my past posts, don’t ask me why - it’s not that I don’t know, i just don’t want to delve not it all. But saw your name, along with several others and thought… wow have not heard from her in…turns out to be over 4 months. So many have left… saw Coconuts name and Doodler, and Juju and others. All rarely come back. Have you started the new house yet? Give us an update if you happen to actually see this.

If you look at their profile you can see when last they were around

DejaVu6

Join Date Tue Oct 02 2018 03:18 PM
Last Seen Sat Jul 02 2022 01:54 AM

Doodler was more or less banned although he's popped his head up I think about 3-4 months ago under an alias. He was a bit of an odd duck in the last few months he was on here but was a very supportive person who I still think of fondly.

I know that a few like Coconut at least have connected to the wider community outside the forum.

Originally Posted by AndrewP

I know that a few like Coconut at least have connected to the wider community outside the forum.

What wider community?

Originally Posted by BL42

What wider community?

Social media, mostly Facebook.

While Andrew’s tips and suggestions may help others, I’m already well aware of them and in fact connected to Coconut and others and know where to find DeJaVu. Although I was not aware Doodler reappeared under an alias so that was helpful. Sometimes posting here will draw them back which is what I was hoping for with DJV.

But BL42 some of us have connected IRL over the years whether through social media, text, telephone or even in person. If you know one or two it’s easier to find others.

Happy New Year All!!

It's been a long time so thought I would pop in to say "hi" and see how everyone is doing these days and managing their post-divorce lives.

My life is full of ups and downs, as per usual. Still single and actually a lot more okay with it than I used to be. While I am still on a couple of dating apps, I haven't been actively using them for at least six or eight months. I've been more focused on living in the moment, cultivating gratitude and working on becoming the person I ultimately want to be. I think I am making progress but, as always, there is still much to learn. Having said that, my 55th birthday is fast approaching so I expect I will give OLD at least one more college try sometime soon.

Lately, I have been watching a lot of YouTube videos of people who have had near death experiences (NDE's)...trying to make sense of a world that so often seems random and unjust. This new obsession was prompted by a phone call from XH a few weeks ago. We've talked on the phone maybe two, possibly three, times since I found out about his affair in 2017 so I knew he wasn't calling just to say "hi". I almost didn't answer but then curiosity got the better of me so I ignored my inner feeling of dread and picked up the call. Sure enough...as soon as I heard his voice, I knew something was really wrong. I also noticed that my first instinct was to take care of him. I would say old habits die hard but I've since come to understand that having compassion and empathy for others is just who I am at my core and when I live my life that way, I feel like my best self. It's taken me awhile to regain my equilibrium in that way but now that I have, I am grateful for what I went though because I think it has made me an even better person in that regard.

Anyway... turns out XH's wife's body has been slowly rejecting her transplanted liver. They were hopeful she would be able to have another transplant but apparently have been told, once and for all, that it isn't going to happen. She is in end stage liver failure and they have been told that time is limited. The pain she has been enduring this past year has been taking its toll on her mental health and this is even worse now that toxins normally filtered by her liver are freely roaming throughout her body and attacking other organs which includes her brain. So life has been very difficult on days when she is not herself and XH was calling me to let me know as, of course, this has been impacting our kids despite his best efforts to protect them from it. So now, after finally getting past the grief of my marriage ending, I am in the strange position of grieving the eventual death of the woman who played a big part in it (she and I are in a good place and even text each other as well as have a group text with XH) and trying to figure out the best way I can support my kids and their dad who is barely holding it together at this point. His phone call was pretty devastating and I've not thought about much else since. I think I said it before but I really wanted them to be married for 50 years so that everything we went though made sense somehow. But it's only been five years since I learned of her existence and they've only been married a year so it's been hard to reconcile how this has played out. The only thing that makes sense to me at this point is that she needed him to help her get through this last stage of her life and that he needed her to start to become the man he had previously only pretended to be. Maybe that was the purpose?

I briefly talked to him last week when he dropped the kids off and we talked a bit about life and lessons and my recent obsession with NDE videos. He told me he has watched a few too...probably for the same reasons. I told him I was happy to see him stepping up and being such a good partner to his wife. We also talked about what I went through with my parents and my experience grieving the loss of people who were still around as well as the guilt I had felt during my moments of self pity (because it is so, so hard to watch someone you love deteriorate over time and you are powerless to stop it). I think he now gets what I was going through the last two years of our marriage and what it feels like to have to hold it together for everyone else around you when all you want to do is collapse into a little ball and cry your eyes out. I always thought it was an important thing for him to understand for his own growth as a person but definitely didn't want him to have to figure it out this way. His wife is only 41 years old. Way too young to be facing something like this.

In other news... house project is still on hold due to rising interest rates, supply chain issues and worker shortages. We're putting it off one more year with the hope that some of those things will even out a bit. If not, there is a chance we may just decide to sell the property in which case, I will buy my own house. I can only live in my sister's home confined to a small bedroom with most of my stuff in storage for so long. I don't want to be still living there when my kids graduate from high school.

I'm going to Vegas at the end of February to play in our pool league's world championships. My sister and I managed to get 8 of our ten nights comped so are only paying about $110 for the hotel. That makes it a pretty cheap trip provided we don't gamble too much. We are also in the midst of planning the three-week trip to Croatia with her, her husband and two other couples that we were supposed to go on in 2020. I was hoping I would have had a plus one by now but I'm not too upset that I don't. I'm kind of used to being the odd person out so it doesn't really bother me anymore. I know I will have a great time regardless.

One other tidbit of information. I took a five-day mini vacation with XH1 at the beginning of September. We had a great time. It was surreal to be hanging out with him (platonically) after divorcing 20 years before. I am truly blessed to have the kind of friendship I have with him and I know we will be in each other's lives forever. I will probably plan a visit to his neck of the woods this summer. I took the kids for a visit last year and S15 has asked me if we can do it again.

So that's it for me. Just wanted to stop in and let you guys know I am still alive and working on living my best life. I hope 2023 is good to each and every one of you. (((HUGS)))

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We are also in the midst of planning the three-week trip to Croatia with her, her husband and two other couples that we were supposed to go on in 2020. I was hoping I would have had a plus one by now but I'm not too upset that I don't. I'm kind of used to being the odd person out so it doesn't really bother me anymore. I know I will have a great time regardless.

Maybe you will pick up some handsome Croatian guy while you're there?

NDEs are a fascinating topic. Once you start talking about it with people, it is surprising how many people have either had one, or had a dying relative who experienced "visitations" before they died. I'm not sure what awaits us on the other side of death, but I feel comforted that the experience of dying itself is apparently peaceful at the end, and I personally do believe that somehow we continue in some form. I remember many years ago, listening to a radio interview while driving in the car. The author had written a book about NDEs, and many of the people calling in had experienced their own NDE. He asked each of them the same question - how had it affected their life? And almost every single one replied, that they no longer feared dying.

DejaVu6,

Always good to hear from folks after awhile - glad to know things are going well!

Hello DV

So glad you popped in for a visit.

World championships! Wow! Congratulations. 10 days in Vegas will be a blast.

It’s a shame about the house project delay. Hope that gets back on track for you.

I empathize with you about XH and his W. I do believe things happen for a reason and purpose. And your answer of why, is beautiful. (((Hug)))

Take care.

D

hey DV, good to hear from you ! Happy New Year! xoxoxo

Originally Posted by DejaVu6

I've been more focused on living in the moment, cultivating gratitude and working on becoming the person I ultimately want to be. I think I am making progress but, as always, there is still much to learn.

I also noticed that my first instinct was to take care of him. I would say old habits die hard but I've since come to understand that having compassion and empathy for others is just who I am at my core and when I live my life that way, I feel like my best self. It's taken me awhile to regain my equilibrium in that way but now that I have, I am grateful for what I went though because I think it has made me an even better person in that regard.

Hi DejaVu6,

These 2 quotes actually go hand in hand. I have found this out for myself the last months as well. and it actually feels great to finally embrace this.

Good for you!

Enjoy Croatia, it's amazing!

Thanks All.

KML - NDE’s are indeed fascinating. I know that the theoretical assumption around them has always been that it is the results of drugs or that it is a strange thing that you brain does when you are at death’s door. I’m not so sure for a couple of reasons… 1. The commonalities between experiences that seem unaffected by someone’s beliefs (atheists versus religious people) and how incredibly vivid the experiences are so that people remember every detail even years, sometimes decades, later. Unlike dreams where details tend to fade away very quickly. 2. These experiences happen when there is no measurable brain activity. I’m reading a book called Proof of Heaven that is written by a neurosurgeon who absolutely did not believe in heaven or an afterlife prior to contracting a catastrophic infection in his brain that should have killed him but when it didn’t, should have left him intellectually compromised. Yet he wakes up from a coma seven days later with all of his intellectual abilities intact and reporting this amazing visit to the other side. 3. People who go through this report being profoundly impacted by it and say that it has changed how they live their lives. 4. There have been highly documented cases of miraculous recoveries from certain death following some of these experiences (i.e. Anita Moorjani) that cannot be explained by medical experts…a miracle is the only explanation. Anyway…definitely becoming an obsession of mine…lol.

RE: picking up a handsome Croatian guy? Fingers crossed…lol.

DnJ - Thank you. I really do have to believe there are reasons for most things that happen to people. XH is very much her biggest support system and I know she loves him very much. If she had had to go through this without him, it would be so much worse. And XH is stepping up. XH of old would have one foot out the door and looking for any way to avoid being there. But he’s not. He’s there for her and I am really proud of him. Hopefully when all is said and done, he will incorporate the lessons learned and live his life in a more honest and honourable way going forward.

Eagle - I am glad my post resonated with you. It does feel good, doesn’t it? RE: Croatia. My sister has been bugging me to go there for a few years now. Really grateful I am able to do it finally. Booked the tickets yesterday so it’s a done deal. Can’t wait!!!

(((HUGS))) to all!!!

Brief update…

It’s been a bit of a rough week. Was in Vegas last week and found out that a longtime friend had passed away a few weeks ago but his wife hadn’t really told anyone. I also got some text messages from an old pool friend, my age, who is receiving palliative chemo for stage four cancer and wants to see me before she is too ill to visit with people. When I got home, found out another friend had had emergency heart surgery the night before and was on life support. He died the next morning. The day after that, I went back to work and was told we had lost another youth to a drug overdose. That’s four in the last year. Got home after work and started seeing Facebook posts about another friend who had unexpectedly passed away. He was my age. Still no clue what happened.

To top everything off, I got a text from XH that their family vacation to the Cayman Islands this weekend had been cancelled as his wife is too ill to travel. A day later, he texted me to ask for my help in getting our kids new passports so he can take them to visit his best friend and favourite cousins in Europe in June when I’m in Croatia. I then found out that his wife is in palliative care in the hospital and there is no treatment for her to get better. It is all about trying to make her remaining days as comfortable as possible. I’ve had a few texts from XH that tell me he is really overwhelmed. He loathes to give me any insight into his mental state so the fact that I know this means he is really struggling. I find myself worrying about him, and her, and wanting to help. And I’m sad.

Needless to say… this has been a really unexpectedly crappy week. Getting older sux. Losing people sux. The randomness and unfairness of life, and death, sux.

Anyway…sorry for my whine fest. Trying to stay super strong and positive for my kids and just needed to somewhere to vent a bit. Not looking forward to what next week holds.

Wow, just wow!
My heart goes out to you
(((DejaVu6)))

Oh DejaVu, that sounds really tough. When it rains, it pours.

Getting older is certainly a wake up call. People who used to seem like superheroes suddenly becoming weak and ill makes you question your own mortality.

You’re a good person. Seeing the empathy you have for your XH is remarkable after everything that happened.

I think the best way to support him would be to refer him to others, like his friends/family or professional help.

You helping him out, as much as it’s from a good heart and motivation, is a potential problem if feelings start getting involved. I’d steer clear of being involved too much.