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Bah-Humbug I really appreciate the support in my time of frustration.
I am definitely frustrated and discouraged. I feel like after 9 years patience is running out. I had a joke of a marriage which ended very young. All I heard for the first few years was "you'll remarry, you'll find someone new, you'll have more kids, be patient and don't worry"
Well, never happened. And The freakshow that has been presented upon me as options have only given me really good stories to tell over drinks, or to tell when a friend is down and I think they need a laugh.
Ok, I am done now. I don't even want listen to myself anymore. I really appreciate everyone for listening.
I'm going to the gym tonight (well, every night) then D9 goes with her dad and I'm going to go home and clean out my downstairs closets. I imagine that should be a nice distraction.
I am truly exhausted. I also have no carbs in my life right now. Maybe I'm hangry.
Ginger,
I'm so sorry you've had such bad luck with partners! I obviously don't have the best history, either, but I wanted to share that the same month I finally decided that I was happy alone, that at the age of 53 (and since you have a 9 year old D I assume you are nowhere near that age) I didn't need or even want a partner, that I looked forward to a happy future that included lots of hobbies and passions that are my own, GAL with girlfriends, and an increasing number of cats - a person turned up that has been the best potential partner for me so far in my life.
Without going into a lot of detail, I am convinced that there was an intervention that put him in my path. I resisted for months and wanted only friendship, but it became overwhelmingly clear that we are extraordinarily well suited for each other. I have been able to pursue sides of myself that I could not with any partner before, and the dynamic between us is different than either of us have experienced before.
So don't despair - but focus on yourself and your own life, pursue your passions and see if you attract the right man.
Take heart G, at least you're not a 58 year old vegetarian Seventh Day Adventist guy trying to find a relationship with someone from his own faith group lol. I've got a harum of 35 year old single Filipino SDA women who like to hang out with me but I think they see me more as a cute pet who has a car lol. Hang in there...at least you're not me ha ha!
I think they see me more as a cute pet who has a car lol.
Or maybe they see you as a bank!
Actually they buy me lunch!
Actually they buy me lunch!
whatisis,
Can I be an SDA Pastafarian?
only if you wash my feet!
...and you're gluten free!
Ginger,
I'm so sorry you've had such bad luck with partners! I obviously don't have the best history, either, but I wanted to share that the same month I finally decided that I was happy alone, that at the age of 53 (and since you have a 9 year old D I assume you are nowhere near that age) I didn't need or even want a partner, that I looked forward to a happy future that included lots of hobbies and passions that are my own, GAL with girlfriends, and an increasing number of cats - a person turned up that has been the best potential partner for me so far in my life.
Without going into a lot of detail, I am convinced that there was an intervention that put him in my path. I resisted for months and wanted only friendship, but it became overwhelmingly clear that we are extraordinarily well suited for each other. I have been able to pursue sides of myself that I could not with any partner before, and the dynamic between us is different than either of us have experienced before.
So don't despair - but focus on yourself and your own life, pursue your passions and see if you attract the right man.
Thanks Painter. Your new relationship sounds incredible and I've been following along with you and you have made some very brave moves to go about and live your own life.
I am 36 years old. My ex left when I was 27. So, I haven't quite got to the point where I have been prepared to live the rest of my life without a partner. Although I did go through the essential processes of being a lone for some time, discovering who I am, do things that interest me, ect. I have a very full life I joined a gym that is like a family and I go 5 days a week. We hang out, we just signed up to do a race. I've vacationed with friends. I took my D9 to Disney, just the two of us and it was amazing. She said her favorite part of that trip was spending all that time with me having fun.I am back in school for over a year now bridging my RN to BSN. I will be done this year There was probably a time of about 2 years where I wanted nothing to do with dating. This two years came at a time I was comfortable with myself, not just trying to survive the horror.
So, as depressed as I sound, I live. I go forward. I don't think there has been one point in this process that I laid in bed depressed. Not even from bomb drop. I had an infant. So, I've got that going for me. I'm just going to keep putting one foot in front of another and hope what is meant for me will find me. Just like you!
Hey G, I saw this on someone's FB page and thought I'd share it.
10 Reasons Why It’s Harder For Strong Women To Find Love
1. They do not settle. Strong women have high standards and even if they like someone who is not treating them the way they deserve, they will still walk away. They don’t compromise their standards for someone else and they know what kind of person they deserve to be with.
2. They’re not afraid of speaking up. They’re not afraid to tell someone what they did wrong or call someone out on their lies. This is why they’re often labeled ‘intimidating’ because they can stand up for themselves and will not hold back.
3. They don’t ‘need’ a man. They crave love and affection but they will never need a man to complete them. Love will always be a choice to them; not something they’re looking for out of fear of being alone or getting old. They’re content with their own lives and love is a sweet addition not a necessity.
4. They know how to move on. They’ve learned how to move on when they have to. They will never be the ones to beg someone to stay with them or beg for a second chance. They’re confident that they will be fine and that they will find someone better.
5. They don’t allow themselves to be options. Strong women will not tolerate being treated like an option or being part of a bunch of women someone is dating. They appreciate commitment and honesty and anything other than that is a deal breaker for them.
6. They don’t play by the ‘rules.’ In life or in love, don’t expect strong women to follow any dating practices you’re used to or play it safe. They will surprise you by how daring and bold they are and they will never shy away from anything they truly want.
7. They know how to handle rejection. They’re not afraid of the word ‘no,’ they’ve heard it before and they will continue to hear it but that doesn’t stop them from trying, strong women face more rejections because they actually go out and ask for what they want instead of waiting for things to come to them and the more risks they take, the more rejections they’ll face, but these rejections only make them stronger.
8. They ask the hard questions. They will ask the questions men like to evade, they will ask where they stand and where things are going, they will ask to meet your family and friends and be involved in your life. Strong women are passionate and curious in all aspects of their lives and dating is no exception.
9. They’ve been heartbroken before. Even though they act like they’re unbreakable, they’ve fallen in love and gotten heartbroken before, heartbreak only made them wiser but not indifferent. They still have a lot of love to give, they just need to know who is worthy of it and who is just playing with their hearts.
10. They don’t look for validation from others. Strong women look for validation from their success, their work, their friendships and how they lead their lives. They know that the right person will find them when the time is right and they don’t let their relationship status define their worth or define them.
I really enjoyed that WII! Thank you! I pretty hit the nail on the head for all of them. Except for the moving on part. which I actually do pretty ok, sometimes I just hold onto things in my heart, but don't let them hold me back.
G, you are one of the strongest and most fabulous (kind, smart, cute, loyal, dedicated, fun, good mom, patient, humble) women I've ever had the pleasure to meet, and the honor to count as a friend.
You ARE lacking a pug, but that shall be remedied once school is done I betcha!
G, you are one of the strongest and most fabulous (kind, smart, cute, loyal, dedicated, fun, good mom, patient, humble) women I've ever had the pleasure to meet, and the honor to count as a friend.
You ARE lacking a pug, but that shall be remedied once school is done I betcha!
Rosalinda, What you see in me, I see in you. I'm very lucky to have you as a friend likewise. My h@ll brought me here but the brightside is the friends I have found. Thank you.
I was talking to one of my new friends from the gym. She told me the story of the relationship she was in and how one night he hit her. She went home to her parents and was a mess and didn't leave her bed for 2 weeks. Her mom was desperate to get her out of her depression and bought her a dog. She said the dog saved her. I absolutely believe it.
I'm in a funk right now. My funks come with being overwhelmed, too much on my plate and having no one to turn to for help and the loneliness. And having to be strong, even when I feel weak. A pug would certainly pull me out. If I had 5 sec to myself I would go volunteer at an animal shelter or something.
I've got a question for you all. Do you think everything that happens to us in life is because of a choice we made? DO you believe in luck, good or bad? I was having this convo with a friend the other day and we differed in opinion, and I thought I would bounce it off you guys:)
I've got a question for you all. Do you think everything that happens to us in life is because of a choice we made? DO you believe in luck, good or bad? I was having this convo with a friend the other day and we differed in opinion, and I thought I would bounce it off you guys:)
Ginger,
We obviously have a fair amount control over our lives, so choices can make a difference, but random events occur that we have no control over. However, we do have control over our attitudes, or our perspective, of the various events that occur in our lives. Typically if things don't go a planned (the chosen path), we often view it as a "bad" thing and we rarely look at the new opportunities that the various random events provide. Thus, we tend to look at deviations from our intended path as undesirable rather than as different, and potentially better, alternatives to our chosen path.
Clearly, setting goals and planning are valuable tools, but as the various obstacles arise while pursuing goals, it's important to recognize that setbacks are often viewed as setbacks due to our own perception; it's possible that a setback could actually be an opportunity.
Why Doodler, that was an excellent point of view. We do have control over our attitudes. I do think we can have the right attitude, really try to achieve what we set out to do, but sometimes it doesn't work out. And that may hurt pretty bad, but I don't think it's anyone choice we made that caused an undesired outcome.
I've spent a lot of time with my IC asking what am I doing wrong? Od I deserve this, is this my own making?" and she says no. I do believe certain circumstances just go unexplained many of the times.
I do believe certain circumstances just go unexplained many of the times.
Absolutely! For example, being diagnosed with pancreatic cancer, in my opinion, is just bad luck because there's a high probability of death in the near-term. It would difficult to put a positive spin on that. I qualify that as bad luck.
Skinny dipping with Doodler:
bad Luck, or bad choice?
Skinny dipping with Doodler:
bad Luck, or bad choice?
Ginger,
Of course, I'd say it would certainly be good luck and a good choice, but that's doodler's perspective. I think that at least a few dates would be required so that a skinny dipping partner could be certain that it's both good luck and a good choice. I think to do otherwise would be inviting trouble (i.e. a bad choice that could possibly lead to bad luck).
OK Doodler
If I hit target weight we will have a skinny dipping with Doodler party
You organise with a band, late summer
Ginger1? Rosa? Don?
Late summerish?
Who would like this challenge........
V
Hey G, at church we just finished studying the book of Job...did he do anything to deserve what happened him? In fact, by being the righteous person he was he actually attracted Satan to him! Whether you believe this story or not, it just shows that people have been asking this same question about why things happen since the beginning of time...and we're still asking!
Hey G, at church we just finished studying the book of Job...did he do anything to deserve what happened him? In fact, by being the righteous person he was he actually attracted Satan to him! Whether you believe this story or not, it just shows that people have been asking this same question about why things happen since the beginning of time...and we're still asking!
I think that the moderator on this forum changed her name to Job for just these reasons but that is just my .02.
When someone exhibits great endurance through all kinds of trials, annoyances, or provocations, we say that person has “the patience of Job.”
Yes, generation after generation of people continue to ask that one question..."why me". There is a saying that "God never gives us more than we can handle".
Just my two cents on religion today.
Ginger, interesting questions.
It's always nice to believe that there is a bigger reason for all of this. Like, ugh I fractured my ankle...bad luck, but maybe it prevented me from being hit by a car coming fast 2 blocks ahead which would be good luck. Or that God has a bigger plan for us (if one believes in God)
The truth is, anything can happen at any given time. It's just all a matter of events and circumstances hitting at just the right second. Sometime these events brings forth something we perceive as positive and other times it brings forth something we perceive as negative. Doodler makes a good point that it's really just about our perceptions.
Hey, We made bad choices in spouses, but it brought forth beautiful children.
maybe it's a combo though. Our choices and our actions do sometimes play a role in outcomes but sometimes there is the uncontrolled that changes the game.
Is the real question, how can there be predestination if man was given choice?
When someone exhibits great endurance through all kinds of trials, annoyances, or provocations, we say that person has “the patience of Job.”
Yes, generation after generation of people continue to ask that one question..."why me". There is a saying that "God never gives us more than we can handle".
Just my two cents on religion today.
From Cat's Cradle:
“Tiger got to hunt, bird got to fly;
Man got to sit and wonder 'why, why, why?'
Tiger got to sleep, bird got to land;
Man got to tell himself he understand.”
Thanks for the great feedback on one of the ultimate questions of the universe!
I do understand the patience of Job now. I think I may have it, although it is wearing thin these days.
God only gives you what you can handle I tend not to believe. My mother couldn't handle what God gave her and she killed herself. She couldn't handle her mental illness and the curveballs and awful childhood and she ended her own life. Not out of weakness or her perception, but she had an illness that couldn't be managed.
Not be misunderstood, I am not so much asking "why me?" in the tone of self pity. More in the tone of "if there is anything in my power, something I haven't done, or something that has been done wrong, I will fix it, I will work to make it better, I will change something" in order to obtain what I am trying to achieve, or to change outcomes.
But, basically, the only thing I could do any differently is to continue my life and have patience. I admit, it's wearing thin, and I talk to God sometimes and say "I really can't handle anymore" But now that I type that, I guess I can, because I am getting it all handled somehow.
Sooooo, I had to go into my ex's home last night. And I could not believe what I saw. It is a scene out of "Hoarders". I think the expression that came over my face couldn't be mistaken. I am in shock for many reasons, one being his father was a messy hoarder and ex HATED it. My ex had a closet of a room at his house but always kept it perfect. When we moved into our own place together it was ok, except it was a little messy. Which was according to him, a lack of my housekeeping skills. He expected me to carry it all with working, school, ect. I just couldn't. But it was never bad at all.
Now I have been living on my own with a child for many years, I can see what is truly mine in that mix and own it. I am a little messy, but always clean.
But OMG. I couldn't walk through their house! You could barely see the floor, every piece of furniture was covered, there was no clear surfaces. It is clearly all her stuff (she is a book and clothes hoarder)I cannot believe my kid lives like that over there. And remember, for me to say that is huge, because I am not holly homemaker and am laid back about that stuff. the Ex looked very ashamed. You could just tell.
I almost want to say something because my daughter lives there too. But I have to really evaluate how much of a hazard it is. I tripped a few times and knocked things over because there was no where to go. I guess she is safe. And I must say, it does give me satisfaction to know my home is so much cleaner. I was so freaked I did a huge cleanout of my closests today so I can organize better.
I've been hanging out with my gym friends more. One I really get along with good, she is really cool. ANother is trying to be my bestie, but she is overly dramatic and drama makes me uncomfortable. The gym people are becoming a bit obsessive and for some reason it makes me feel uncomfortable. I enjoy it going ot the gym, keeping up with nutrition, making new friends, but I have no desire to get involved in what's going on in management at the gym. They are all into it. I just want to workout, have some fun, change my body and have some new friends. Not make it my whole life.
I also finally spent some time with my BFF who has been in a new R. I haven't really seen or really talked to her in a while. I realize how much I missed her.
Somedays I feel like I don't fit anywhere. But Maybe I just fit in a little everywhere:)
Happy Sunday, all. I'm supposed to be wirting a paper, I'd better get back to it.
Interestingly enough when I was looking up that quote from Vonnegut there was another one that appeared that seemed to fit the topic at hand:
"Since Alice had never received any religious instruction, and since she had led a blameless life, she never thought of her awful luck as being anything but accidents in a very busy place. Good for her."
We know life is about balance. Taking accountability for your attitude and outlooks which can affect your reality, looking for patterns in our own behavior which could be responsible for what we get in our life. All good. But there is also a world much bigger than ourselves going on and our choices aren't in total control of what happens either.
The Serenity Prayer has gained relevance for me over the last few years. For me personally I tended to err on the side of thinking I could change things I cannot. It can come off as trying to be accountable, but when out of balance can actually be a sign of struggle to accept that some things I cannot change. As I've started to accept some of those hard realities the stress has abated and I have found myself more often being able to shrug and not add the insult of blaming myself to the injury of enduring some inevitable suffering that we go through in our lives because things don't work the way we wish they did.
In the meantime, you inspired me to clean out my room a bit today. That I could change, thanks for helping with the courage...
Zues,
THANK YOU!
Seriously, I needed a bit of a reminder. I just cannot take accountability for things out of my control. Things I cannot change. It is what it is. And thank you for bringing me back to the Serenity Prayer. I am not religious, but I used to go with my mom when I was my daughter's age to some of her Narcotics Anonymous meetings. (I know, great place for a 9 year old. I remember them saying the serenity prayer all in a huddle with their arms around eachother. I remember it meant a lot to my mom.
When my bomb was dropped and I felt like my whole life was out of control, I stumbles upon this decorative plaque with the serenity prayer. It has followed me to all the homes I have lived in since and has always had a spot in my kitchen.
I must go back to that.
I'm glad you were inspired to clean. My ex likewise inspired me (or it scared me?) and this morning I cleaned out 2 closets and organized them. Purged a bunch of shoes. Reorganized and cleaned my fridge.
Purging feels good.
I realized where it is I belong. Where I feel like myself, where I am happy, and where I fit in, and where I would really thrive.
Only I can't be there. Circumstance won't let me. It stinks.
Hey Ginger!
How does your D feel about staying at her dad's house? That would seem like a great place to start. Hoarding is a symptom of mental illness, and you have every right to bat for your D.
But holy cow. I wouldn't have expected that either. I grew up as a kid of parents who were children in the great depression era. They have a hoarding mentality, but it's not like the people on hoarders. As a result, I'm the polar opposite. I will admit that downsizing my home a year ago and my office a few weeks ago, I've decided I will never put myself through the ringer again.
I told my sister my new closet plan (she's fascinated with my closet organization LOL). After I moved, my clothes wouldn't fit in my new walk in closet, so I was forced to purge. I bought all new hangers and decided then and there that every time a new piece of clothing or pair of shoes comes in, one has to go out. I do this with D19 as well. I decided that I don't want to be stressed out in my closet anymore. It actually became a factor when deciding if I want to buy a new clothes item, so it's a good thing. I went shopping a week ago and bought a bunch of new stuff, so I was happy to go in there and pull out one for one. Yay!
But, basically, the only thing I could do any differently is to continue my life and have patience. I admit, it's wearing thin, and I talk to God sometimes and say "I really can't handle anymore" But now that I type that, I guess I can, because I am getting it all handled somehow.
Sometimes I ask myself, "What am I supposed to learn from this right now?" Sometimes it's obvious. Other times, not so much. I try to do this regularly, because I really don't enjoy coming back to lessons I should have learned in the past.
Yes, you *are* handling what's on your plate. And just remember that the valleys will serve as a reminder to celebrate and savor the peaks.
Zeus, I love the serenity prayer myself and need to post it somewhere obvious to read often! Thanks for that reminder.
Well, back to stuff here. I wasn't planning on having a work holiday today, but we're in the middle of some heavy snow and the plows haven't stopped by yet. Plus D19 is snoozing in her chair, so who am I to change that?
Hugs, sister.
Betsey
Hey Betsey!
I D has only mentioned a few times that her Dad's house is messy, but never got into detail. My D probably likes it because she doesn't have to clean up after herself. My ex was so anal, that I cannot imagine he is living this way. It is truly awful. I feel like I need to say something.
Moving so many times, I have learned to purge, so I don't have a lot to move. Every new piece of clothing I have that comes in, one has to go out too! I am taking D9 clothes shopping this weekend (that kid is growing) and she has to do the same.
I've been learning a lot of lessons lately, I feel so educated and enlightened, lol. I am just rolling on through, dealing with my realities right now. I don't some of my realities right now, but what am I going to do? My perspective kind of stinks right now, I feel like I will be alone forever. I've stopped envisioning what I want, because it is too painful to think of because I can't seem to get it. So right now everything is a blank page.
Did you call me the other night, bets?
Good for you!
I've learned to love being alone. My mantra is "Until someone comes along that is a quality human being and enhances my life, I will love the life I live". I'm not sure about the never part...
No, I've had my head up my butt for awhile. It was someone else in the 303 area code that called. But we can change that!
I'd like to say I love being alone. I did, but not anymore. However, my mantra is your mantra.
I reached an all time new level of pathetic. I joined some private Fb group that was "suggested" to me for pug owners. Only I don't actually own one. I just joined to look at cute videos and pictures of them.
Unfortunately the lonliness is gripping me like a vice. No matter what I do, what I occupy my time with, I can't get rid of the human condition.
I did really read a great blog post about "Strong Independent Woman Syndrome" last night. It's about how they deny they "need" love, affection, and intimacy because that would make them seem needier. That they deny they feel lonliness without it.
I tried that for years. But I remind myself I am not "needy" or not "weak" for feeling a gaping hole only one thing could fill.
Because all of the hobbies, business, even time with my friends (which had dwindled these days, sadly) are not things that can fill this space.
But I still live with it. I still enjoy what is enjoyable.
Because all of the hobbies, business, even time with my friends (which had dwindled these days, sadly) are not things that can fill this space.
I'm flirting with the edges of that, too. My children fill my time but there are times when my mind wanders. But nighttime is the worst. I've been having trouble sleeping lately so all I do is stare at the ceiling or watch TV or play some silly game on my phone.
I do want to be in the not-alone arena. At least part of me does, anyway. The other part, well, doesn't care anymore.
It's been a loooooooong time for me. like 9 years. Not that I haven't dated in that 9 years, but if you lumped my time seeing someone together, it would equal a year out of that 9. And 6 months of that was love and something significant and meaningful.
My nighttime is my worst too.
But my catch-22 is like what Betsey wants. I don't want man in my life who doesn't enhance, make it better, the real deal. I don't want just someone to ease the loneliness. I've had that. It only made me feel worse in the end. I certainly can't see to find quality.
Until then...... I'll just have to continue on with all the other stuff to try to ease the lonliness.
My best time spent is with D9. That's not a time filler. I truly get joy from our time together.
But my catch-22 is like what Betsey wants. I don't want man in my life who doesn't enhance, make it better, the real deal. I don't want just someone to ease the loneliness. I've had that. It only made me feel worse in the end. I certainly can't see to find quality.
When you learn the secret to finding the real deal, clue me in. There have been some fillers. But that's all they were, fillers. As you have told me earlier, I have a bit of work to do and need to sit still for a while. I do, in every sense of the word. But, there is part that wants the real deal, too. I'm not sure when I'll be ready for that one.
My ex pretended to be the real deal, but she wasn't. The more I thought about things, the more I realized what I thought was real was based in her head. I honestly think that we got married (on her end, anyway) was to never a real reason - I think that she was looking to fill a void, so to speak. Maybe a safety net. A former family friend of theirs told me that the first year she was truly in love, but the demons began to take hold. FML.
Until then...... I'll just have to continue on with all the other stuff to try to ease the lonliness.
Me too. I beat myself up sometimes. My hobbies help sometimes, well more often than not. But as you said, there's a void that still exists.
My best time spent is with D9. That's not a time filler. I truly get joy from our time together.
As it should be. Mine is, too. They are my rock. At times they can try me but I couldn't ask for better children. I just hate that they have to grow up like this.
Personal contact information is not allowed on the Forum, per the Board policies.
Hi, my friend. Just a few thoughts.
I know you've heard this story about bomb drop for me. I went to my therapist, shoved myself as far into the corner of the couch as I could, and said, "This is all my fault." And she said to me, "Really? Wow, D, you are powerful. You have so much power that you made someone do all those things to you that your ex did. You have so much power that you singlehandedly ended a marriage."
My point is...we have to own our part in life. We have to own those actions that we take. But we have to own only the actions. We cannot own the results.
People do what they do. Stuff unfolds as it does. We can control what we can. But as your friend, I cannot let you take blame for things you have no control over.
G, things havent turned out as you hoped, but, that isnt a reflection on you.
I am sorry you feel lonely sometimes. I know what that feels like.
Keep moving forward. Keep remembering who you are. Right now, you have a lot on your place. I think when you have less, you will begin to see some things happen.
Ginger,
I think you need to whip-up a big plate of your favorite food and watch the movie "About Time."
Random thought of the day: My youngest son is building a go cart from scraps of wood that I have on-hand. It's really kind of cool. He told me he wants to name it "Scary Ann" which reminded me of Mary Ann and that reminded me of Ginger which in-turn reminded me of Coconut (he's been scarce lately). Thinking of ginger and coconut makes me hungry and now I'm ready for an early lunch. Life is weird.
Thinking of ginger and coconut makes me hungry and now I'm ready for an early lunch. Life is weird.
Good grief where do you come up with this stuff? BAHAHA
My point is...we have to own our part in life. We have to own those actions that we take. But we have to own only the actions. We cannot own the results.
THIS!!!!! Thank you, thank you, thank you. I needed this reminder. I was so engulfed again in thinking I've been doing something wrong. Just because you don't get your desired outcome, doesn't mean you did something wrong.
I hope one day I will have less on my plate. it's a catch 22. having so much on your plate and wanting someone to be there to be your partner, emotionally and physically to ease the burden. To understand. To connect with.
It's just not there right now.
Love to see you soon, my friend.
Sorry Jeep, I was off for a day (actually doing work at work) and I missed it. I get not wanting to be alone forever, but it is a great thing for a period of time. You are still pretty fresh and not quite there yet. I may make sounding like being alone is miserable, but it's not. I did it not wanting any guy in my life for quite a while, and that was a time I discovered me, completely let go of my ex, and came to a point where someone would be an enhancement of my life, not just a void-filler.
These days I cannot stop cooking. All I do is go to the gym and cook. That is what I do with my relaxing time. No TV, no laying around. Cooking. It's extremely therapeutic to me. The crapload of dishes is not therapeutic, however. It's a good distraction and I take pride in my creations.
Think I'll have to host a dinner party soon, so someone else can enjoy it aside from me!
It's all good. Haha. I got called out.
All I do is go to the gym and cook. That is what I do with my relaxing time. No TV, no laying around. Cooking. It's extremely therapeutic to me. The crapload of dishes is not therapeutic, however. It's a good distraction and I take pride in my creations.
I'm not in the cooking as I can't worth a darn, but the gym. At least exercising five days a week, six or seven if the kids are with their mom.
I agree with your alone sentiment. Maybe one day. Me first.
I came to a realization. I have learned to live my lonliness and pain. It's a part of me I have simply learned to deal with. If you know me, you know I am social, I laugh, I have fun, I am up for anything, I am active, I get stuff done. I get excited to see new places and do new things.If you look at me, interact with me, you would never know what I carry around. And it's not that I force myself to be like or do those things, it is a who I really am. I can have a happy or functional part of me while carrying around pain and loneliness.
I couldn't even figure out for a while how I could feel the pain I do while feel ok at the same time. Sometimes you just learn how to carry things well. I have an amazing ability to deal with so much. I also don't let my pain be the only part of me. There is more to me.
Just something I thought I would share.
G, I don't feel like posting on my thread tonight (although I will Sunny, thanks for checking in!) For some reason it's easier for me just to reply to others.
A man that traveled the world to see the Buddha. He finally got an audience, and proceeded to tell the Buddha all about his problems. His family problems. His crops. His finances. Etc. Buddha calmly nodded.
Finally the Buddha said "I can't help you". The man was upset and asked what he meant. Buddha replied "Everyone has problems. 83 problems to be exact. And there's nothing you can do about it. If you work hard you can solve one, but another will appear in it's place. For example, you're going to lose all of your loved ones at some point, we'll all die. Now that's a problem no one can do anything about."
So the man was furious and asked what the point of being wise was!
Buddha told him he could help with his 84th problem...the desire to not have any problems.
Copied from a post from a year ago, excerpt from a book I read.
I am not on any type of spiritual kick that I'm aware of. But the last 30 months life has thrown some pretty hard problems at me. Some of them will make my life incredibly challenging for years. Others simply can't be solved.
And this has forced me to decide to enjoy what I can anyway. This one story has been my mantra and has helped me find some calm in the middle of the storm of life.
Yes, I'm sick to my stomach about going to work tomorrow morning. I have been fighting for my sales job every day for a year now. I think I'm going to lose the fight, but I have to keep on smiling and trying to make each customer interaction a positive one. And I don't think I can replace my income. When I get home I'm so demoralized it makes me want to curl up in a ball and never wake up, but my kids want to shove scribbles they made in my face and have me put them on my refrigerator so I have to suck it up and stuff my pain some more. My house purchase got cancelled. I gained a few pounds and was down to 2 suits, and one of them split open. I struggle to get out of bed in the morning. I only get to play pool once a month, even though every time I play it amazes me I don't do this for a living. My kids want to do nothing but watch Youtube videos.
But, I have a job to go to today. I have food to eat for tomorrow. I have kids shoving scribbles in my face. Some of them actually look pretty cool when your inner bleeding blots up a little. Thufir Hawat just told the Baron why the Emperor really moved against House Atreides. And while I have to nudge them to turn off the Kindle's, my daughters are shooting pool balls in like real pool players, and my daughter is playing some good chess. And reading on her own. And we are watching The Voice singing show where they are learning about different types of music. And I get to eat a fancy lunch now and then and put it on my corporate card.
In the end, it's life. It's painful and difficult, and funny and sweet. We can't remove the hard parts. All we can do is not allow the pain and difficulty to sour the funny and sweet.
The funny thing is that the things that are the most powerful also seem the most cliche, trite, and insufferable. Ah, well. Sorry for that. But maybe the fact that these words are both so inspirational and obnoxious at the same time is just this principle displaying itself in the very breath it's spoken.
Now y'all know why my doctor gives me pills to keep the crazy symptoms down. You should have seen me 5 years ago. Sorry XW...
Life is a hassle but not terrible- Albert Ellis
The fear got me too. When you let it go. Things will look up again.. There are things u can change and things you cant. Focus on what you can change and leave the other stuff aside for now.
I came to a realization. I have learned to live my lonliness and pain. It's a part of me I have simply learned to deal with. If you know me, you know I am social, I laugh, I have fun, I am up for anything, I am active, I get stuff done. I get excited to see new places and do new things.If you look at me, interact with me, you would never know what I carry around. And it's not that I force myself to be like or do those things, it is a who I really am. I can have a happy or functional part of me while carrying around pain and loneliness.
I couldn't even figure out for a while how I could feel the pain I do while feel ok at the same time. Sometimes you just learn how to carry things well. I have an amazing ability to deal with so much. I also don't let my pain be the only part of me. There is more to me.
Just something I thought I would share.
Like you, its hidden pretty well. Just like water off the back of the duck. It rolls and never sticks. At least not that no one can see, anyway.
I like your way of thinking.
Hi Ginger,
Just had to pop in quick. Do yourself a huge favor and steer clear if Eric.
(((Hugs)))
Mona
So.
I got tricked into having dinner with my D, the ex and his wife tonight. yes, I was tricked and put on the spot. I cannot back out either because of D. At first, I thought he was just taking D for dinner. It's a long story, too much to type.The only good thing is the cheapo is paying tonight because he has gift cards to the restaurant. And yea, even after all these years and zero desire for my ex, I still make sure I look extra hot when she is around. Not really how I wanted to spend my night. But if I don't go, D can't go and she will be really upset. So I suck it up for my kid.
We are going away on sunday for 2 nights. That I can't wait for. 4 day weekend, yay! Indoor waterpark, it'll be like pretend summer. I will sipping my frozen beverage in the pretend heat.
I had a good cry for someone I miss last night. Felt good to get out of my system. Saw my IC the other night. I told her all I do is cook and go to the gym, but it keeps me busy and my mind busy. She says she is always impressed with the healthy -good- choice GAL activities I chose. I am in fact addicted to cooking. Very therapeutic. So are my workouts. I would love to share it with someone who appreciates it. Spread the food love. And my workouts are the 45 min of my life a day where I can leave my head. I have never been able to that.
A lovely woman posted the other day on FB a meme that said "I am a happy person with a heavy soul". it's exactly how I would describe myself.
The gift in all of this is when what I hope for comes along I will cherish it to no end.
am in fact addicted to cooking. Very therapeutic. So are my workouts. I would love to share it with someone who appreciates it. Spread the food love. And my workouts are the 45 min of my life a day where I can leave my head. I have never been able to that.
I can relate. My workouts are my escape. 30 minutes to an hour every day (without kids). A place where I can empty my mind and concentrate on the task at hand. Whether its lifting, cardio, or just hitting the punching bag. Exercise is the single best anti-depressant there is.
Good on ya!
Good luck on the dinner tonight G! Proud of how much you love your daughter!
Hello my friends.
Dinner was fine. Which is sometimes weird that it was fine.
I feel nothing towards them. I feel like I shouldn't give them the pleasure of seeing I'm "fine" from all of this. But I am. As much as it is difficult to say sometimes, the 3 of us are our daughters family. Does it pinch me a little when OWW says "yeah, next weekend is OUR weekend" yup. But it used to send me into a blind rage, so I guess I'm better.
I had a beer and some wings, our daughter was happy to see her dad (if we didn't see them last night, it would have only been one night in two weeks she would have seen him). He paid with giftcards but he made sure I put in my portion of the tip. I think we were just raised differently. I live in the "I got it this time, you get it next time" and don't go for penny to penny. It's kind of funny, but I appreciated he at least let me share in their giftcards.
Thanks Zues. I have so much love for that kid it is indescribable. All of this is truly the last thing I envisioned when I was carrying her in my belly. But it was the life that was somehow meant for us, I guess. One thing she does know through all of this she is loved to no end. ANd the relationship D9 and I have is extremely close and I can only hope it always stays like this forever. I had such a fear of having this other woman in my daughter's life since the beginning of time and how it would affect our R as mother and daughter, but wow, we are tight as can be. We were out to dinner the last weekend and she said to me, "I love you so much mom, you make me feel so safe". I told her she makes me feel safe too. And it's the truth.
My dad and his wife are coming today and tomorrow we leave for our little getaway. We are going out to dinner with my stepmom's family tonight. Syrian food, yum!
This is my life as I know it. Never in a million years could I have predicted an ounce of this.
So I might have dinners like that to look forward to in the future...and events out together with the ex+bf at some point. I guess life changes and you adapt, the thought doesn't make me cringe like it has in the past. I still watch and wonder how they get to be happy and together but I don't care anymore sat the same time, I know the outside appearance is no indication of whats going on inside. Which is none of my business anyway.
The fact your putting your D first in that is nice even if they put you in the awkward position. Keep being the awesome woman and mom you are! Your daughter knows how great you are, you can see it in the pictures together.
Have fun at the waterpark, sounds awesome
I cant wait for things to warm up so I can start doing more outside.
So I might have dinners like that to look forward to in the future...and events out together with the ex+bf at some point. I guess life changes and you adapt, the thought doesn't make me cringe like it has in the past. I still watch and wonder how they get to be happy and together but I don't care anymore sat the same time, I know the outside appearance is no indication of whats going on inside. Which is none of my business anyway.
The fact your putting your D first in that is nice even if they put you in the awkward position. Keep being the awesome woman and mom you are! Your daughter knows how great you are, you can see it in the pictures together.
Have fun at the waterpark, sounds awesome
I cant wait for things to warm up so I can start doing more outside.
Life changes and we adapt. Bingo! It may not change in a way we ever thought it would, but we do adapt. Your time may come for the event together, and I know you will handle it like a champ. Just be the amazing man and father you are. You can hold your head up high.
I have asked why they get to be happy. I honestly don't know how happy they are. But I realized I am happy. Do I want to bring a loving man into my happiness? Yes. My time will come when it does I guess. But remember, YOU are happy too! I have to say, I really believe the best is yet to come for you.
I can't wait until it gets nice out either. Everyone's moods go up and fresh air does so good for us. I began to get into hiking last year with D9. I can't wait to explore some more this year.
I am doing a run next Saturday in 20 degree weather. Lord help me! I am thankful for the beer expo I will be attending that night.
Off to have a great time.
I haven't updated because there really is nothing to update.
Trip was great, kids had fun. It was a very nice resort and it was much needed.
Life is life right now. The one nice about no dating, no relationship is that my life is pretty much void of drama. I see what others are going through, and I don't have much desire for that part right now. I haven't opened up a single dating app. I am in large part just a bunch of routine right now. Tonight I am attending a ball, maybe I'll meet prince charming. Ha. Run on Friday, beer expo Friday night and absolutely nothing on Superbowl Sunday. I don't even have cable, so I won't even be watching. But football does nothing for me, and neither does the half time show. They stink every year. I'll write my last paper for this class which I have a 100% in so far, read, and watch some shows. And cook until I drop like always. And if I am not too hungover, a cycling class. I've been watching the HBO series "Divorce" interesting choice, huh?
There is my boring update. Back to my boring job, lol
Correction, as if it matters, my run and beer happen Saturday. Yay beer!
And cook until I drop like always.
Ginger,
Do you send food to poor, languishing divorcees that are unable to fend for themselves? I need some middle eastern food, but where I live, all we have is BBQ, Chinese and faux Italian food. I'm withering away...
Whoa now, sir. Don't go over the edge, sir. Done right, BBQ is life's blood.
And cook until I drop like always.
Ginger,
Do you send food to poor, languishing divorcees that are unable to fend for themselves? I need some middle eastern food, but where I live, all we have is BBQ, Chinese and faux Italian food. I'm withering away...
I can make a deal for some good BBQ. I imagine your Chinese sux too, because no state does take out Chinese better than NJ
I imagine your Chinese sux too...
Yep, in these parts, the Mongolian chicken comes with a side of fries. The folks don't know no better.
Hmmm, I guess I could barter some BBQ in exchange for some good ethnic food...
I can make a deal for some good BBQ. I imagine your Chinese sux too, because no state does take out Chinese better than NJ
Hmm. Going to have to disagree with that one. Best Chinese take out was in VA - and have lived all over this great country. As was the best BBQ. When was stationed in Norfolk, ate at Jakes so much it was crazy. And I'm from the South where BBQ rules.
I really loved the new HBI Divorce show with Sarah Jessica Parker, but I've not seen a new episode in months! Have I been missing them? Did they move it off of Sunday night? I've been checking and the DVR should still catch it but NOTHING!
They totally need to create a show called Divorce Busting!
I really loved the new HBI Divorce show with Sarah Jessica Parker, but I've not seen a new episode in months! Have I been missing them? Did they move it off of Sunday night? I've been checking and the DVR should still catch it but NOTHING!
They totally need to create a show called Divorce Busting!
No it is still on season 1
Tonight I wore a dress that is 17 years old that was a Ralph Lauren I got for $15 to go to my bosses wedding way back when. It's brown and has one shoulder and when I bought it, my ex called it my "Tarzan poo poo dress" ( he disliked anything that was brown) I actually sent him a pic of me in the dress and asked him if he remembered what he used to call it. He responded very quickly with the correct answer.
I am shocked he remembers that from 17 years ago. I have the memory of an elephant. He has zero memory.
I guess not all is forgotten
Might I add. I look better in that dress dress than I did 17 years ago:(
I am shocked he remembers that from 17 years ago. I have the memory of an elephant. He has zero memory.
I guess not all is forgotten
I do the same thing. Even though my memory slips on little stuff, I can remember what was worn. And good on ya for it looking better now than 17 years ago. Not many can say that.
So, my ex is a dimwad, as you all know. My D had only been with her dad for one night out of almost 2 weeks. She was missing him and as usual, they were occupied with seeing his whole family. But she called me 2 hours after she left hysterically crying that she wanted me and she missed me. She just wasn't used to be away form me. She calls me yesterday morning saying her throat and chest hurt, but they still ran her around all over. Tonight they are supposed ot be going to a superbowl party at his sisters where her young kids are. I am doing nothing for the superbowl because I don't like football, have a paper to write, and things to get done. So apparently, she still isn't feeling well, and he wants me to take her.
She's my daughter and of course I will. But what should a good dad do on his weekend? Yes, skip the party and stay home with her. Bu nothing, and I mean nothing has ever gotten in the way of the ex's social plans. he did this to me a few easters ago. I cancelled my plans so he could put his sisters kids first. When we were married and my mom tried ot kill herself, he wouldn't drive me up to go see her because he was going out with his buddies that night. When I had the norovirus and out baby was 4 months old and I was dying, he didn't stay home because he had a bachelor party. You get the idea. His lack of actually parenting pisses me off. She's nothing more than an accessory to him to bring to parties and stuff. His selfishness is something that will never change.
just had to vent that.
And some thought I might share. I have a crush on 2 guys at the gym, but I can't be with either of them. They might actually like me too. One of them my friend at the gym likes, she asked him out, he turned her down. So that's a no fly zone. The other is my instructors 28 year old brother. He takes our classes. He is so adorable, a fire fighter, and you know that he is just a good soul. The age gap isn't why it's a no. It's a no because this man needs to have kids one day because he will make the best father ever. And I am done with having kids. Being that I am now done with having kids, my very small dating pool has shrunk even more.
My life has been a series of men I can't be with for one reason or another. And it stinks. But I am sure there is a reason behind it.
ON a good note, I ran my race in pretty good time for not running in almost a year and not since foot surgery, and in the 20 degree weather. I ran the whole thing too. I am in pain today, but it was worth it. Had a great time drinking every kind of beer there is last night. Today I sit in a café to write my last paper for this class. Then 2 weeks off, yay!
Life is rather smooth. Besides my ex being a douchenugget, which is also nothing new, my life is drama-free and pretty good.
It's a no because this man needs to have kids one day because he will make the best father ever. And I am done with having kids. Being that I am now done wit
You are making a lot of ASSumptions here! Maybe the firefighter doesn't have a particular desire to have kids. Maybe he has a genetic disease in his family and would be happy to adopt. One of my old boyfriends chose to never have kids because he was one of the oldest in a family of twelve kids and had his fill of child rearing growing up, plus his brother was schizophrenic.
And the guy that your friend likes? I understand your reservations. But she's an adult, this isn't high school. I wouldn't pursue him but if he asks you out I wouldn't turn him down either.
Hey Ellie,
I did get the hint he does have a desire to have children from his sis. There is no genetic disease in his family, his sister has a happy healthy baby boy. I am just about sure he wants kids of his own. But..... I'd probably say yes if he asked me out. But no one has asked me out...... so no worries. But he did ask on facebook why I didn't invite him over to try the beef brisket I made.... Is that flirting? Haha, I am so dumb with this stuff! The other guy is so nice, but I would feel awful saying yes after she got turned down. His wife jumped off the GW bridge 3 years ago and I think he is still dealing with that anyways.......
It's weird. I have been accepting that there may be people we want to be with so badly, but there really are reasons we just can't be. Like if you fell for a married man. You have to have the willpower and integrity to know no matter how much you must care for them, you can't be with them and it hurts but it's just too bad. I stop myself everyday from telling my exbf that I miss him. Not to get back with him, because I know we can't be together, but I just want to tell him I miss him. But I won't.
Anywho, the kid is indeed sick, they had to take her home at half time. he got his mom to stay with her. he did say he would come home and take her to the doctor if she got worse. I think someone in his family might have given him the nudge that he has responsibility to care for our daughter rather than just play too. She just face-times me and she looks miserable. My poor baby.
Today I took so many bags to work, I forgot my actual purse. I only realized this as I ordered my stuff it he drive-thru in startbucks. I told the guy to forget my order, but he gave it me anyways. There are good people left in the world.
Today I took so many bags to work, I forgot my actual purse.
Ginger,
Are you smuggling beef brisket to the patients?
Today I took so many bags to work, I forgot my actual purse.
Ginger,
Are you smuggling beef brisket to the patients?
Yeah, did you bring us any?
Clearly, my beef brisket brings all the boys to the yard.
Clearly, my beef brisket brings all the boys to the yard.
Ginger,
It's not just the beef brisket, it's the way you whisper it into our ears, "beef <pause> brisket." Such a tease...
Clearly, my beef brisket brings all the boys to the yard.
Wait, I thought that was milkshake. Dang, I'm missing out.
*****DISCLAIMER******
What I am about to type is pathetic and not easy for me to share, for obvious reasons. Please do not think I am TOO pathetic.
Last night, D9 was watching these YouTube videos that were fake dating games. So I asked her "what are qualities you would like for Mom to find in a boyfriend"
She looks me right in the eye and says
"EX-NG"
I say, no, qualities, adjectives.
she says
"EX-NG"
I gave her the come-on' look and she says
"EX-NG"
I almost teared up and we went back to watching her show.
I hate this. On some level, I know we should be together. I actually do want to be with him. I think he knows the same, quite honestly. I believe his friends do to. I think his daughter might even. I know mine does.
I've gotten over guys I have dated pretty easily before. My ex, not so easily, but I was over him, it was the life I couldn't let go of and our family. I can't seem to get past this one. ANd it's not what could have been that I miss so horribly. I miss what we did have. I miss what was real, and not what could have been. But there are so many other things needed to make R's work, and I have learned that here. And I could have done it all, but I knew he couldn't/wouldn't at the time. Probably couldn't/wouldn't know either.
I had dreams about him last night. He just won't go away. It is making me a little nuts. Unless someone else steps in and wows me, I don't know if this will ever go away. I don't think it has for him either.
That being said, I still go forward, I still enjoy life, I am still active, fun, and social. And I can still harbor little crushes for people.
Life is just mean sometimes.
Thanks for listening. I know how pathetic this must sound.
You do not sound pathetic at all ginger.
Why do you believe that he still feels the same?
Sometimes (for me anyway) having crushes helps me have something positive to think about. Its like a nice break from life to have a fantasy. It actually motivates me to dress up. But i guess it is only healthy if it's not interfering with your reality.
I'm at a stage where I don't even have a crush on anyone.
I've gotten over guys I have dated pretty easily before. My ex, not so easily, but I was over him, it was the life I couldn't let go of and our family. I can't seem to get past this one. ANd it's not what could have been that I miss so horribly. I miss what we did have. I miss what was real, and not what could have been. But there are so many other things needed to make R's work, and I have learned that here. And I could have done it all, but I knew he couldn't/wouldn't at the time. Probably couldn't/wouldn't know either.
I had dreams about him last night. He just won't go away. It is making me a little nuts. Unless someone else steps in and wows me, I don't know if this will ever go away. I don't think it has for him either.
Ginger,
Move over, because we are both in the same boat. Like you, on some level I know we should be together and still want that. I guess the uniqueness of our situation lends to that. I still want to be with her.
I, too, miss what was real. But I also miss what could have been, if that makes sense...but not in the sense I'm pining for that. It all goes back to the situation and all.
I feel that yours is like mine. No matter what we have, or could have, done would make any difference. Mine never goes away. Her ghost is always there.
So, this goes back to the question of what do we do when we know they are broken enough that there is nothing we can do?
You're not pathetic G! Once someone has entered your life in a positive way we store those memories and as time goes by replace them with new ones. We store these memories because we have a need for what they represented. Nothing wrong with that. I still think about SDA Lady...there were many wonderful things in that relationship but it wasn't to be for various reasons. I still think if I saw her again my first urge what be to wrap my arms around her and give her a big hug. But, it is what it is and isn't what it isn't. Hey, you should shoot for the characteristics that you so loved about ex-NG...there are others who have them too without the baggage he carried.
I've gotten over guys I have dated pretty easily before. My ex, not so easily, but I was over him, it was the life I couldn't let go of and our family. I can't seem to get past this one. ANd it's not what could have been that I miss so horribly. I miss what we did have. I miss what was real, and not what could have been. But there are so many other things needed to make R's work, and I have learned that here. And I could have done it all, but I knew he couldn't/wouldn't at the time. Probably couldn't/wouldn't know either.
I had dreams about him last night. He just won't go away. It is making me a little nuts. Unless someone else steps in and wows me, I don't know if this will ever go away. I don't think it has for him either.
Ginger,
Move over, because we are both in the same boat. Like you, on some level I know we should be together and still want that. I guess the uniqueness of our situation lends to that. I still want to be with her.
I, too, miss what was real. But I also miss what could have been, if that makes sense...but not in the sense I'm pining for that. It all goes back to the situation and all.
I feel that yours is like mine. No matter what we have, or could have, done would make any difference. Mine never goes away. Her ghost is always there.
So, this goes back to the question of what do we do when we know they are broken enough that there is nothing we can do?
I second what Jeep said...it was real.
Ginger,
The real question that no one seems to be willing to ask is this: If you and EX-NG get back together, does that make him the new new guy (NNG) or the new old guy (NOG)? NNG could imply that he's the guy after the old NG, but NOG could imply that it's the EX-H, and that wouldn't be good. And, new EX-NG (NEXNG) doesn't work at all. Maybe old new guy now new new guy (ONGNNNG)?
This is all so confusing that I have to wonder why you'd want him back.
Holy cow my eyes hurt after reading that...
I'd just go with OLB...One Lucky B@stard!
Ya know, I have to say this. There is a time and place for everything. I enjoy a joke as much as the next guy, but honestly, not everything is a joke. G is being vulnerable enough to put it out there that she feels "pathetic" about what she is feeling. I'm not sure the appropriate response is to joke about it. I got the same thing on my thread to something really bothering me - only it was, yet again, wait for it... skinny dipping for the oh I don't know 300th time. Doodler your joke to serious post ratio is like 50:1. Just might want to think a bit more carefully. Ginger seems to really feel bad about this and is likely far too nice to say anything. I also do not want to speak for her or put words in her mouth. This just struck me as bad timing and I thought I'd say something. Again, we all need humor and need to laugh - even at ourselves sometimes. They say timing is everything. Take it for what it's worth.
Don,
I'm sorry.
Wow.
I was trying to read and respond yesterday, but I kept tearing up and since I was home with D9, she kept asking me why I was crying.
As you all know, I can be extremely hard on myself. And I have been so hard on myself for still missing him this much. I am embarrassed about it. with my ex, I was so friggin angry at him. Just mad. I was the worst DB'er and I hated him for being the one to cheat and leave. I wanted him to suffer. I didn't even really want to be with him after that. So for the first time I am actually loving someone while letting go. I'll tell you, it is no easy feat. It's one of the hardest things I have ever done.
How do I know he feels the same way? Some is an assumption and gut feeling. Based off of information I do have. Whether or not he does or doesn't feel the same way makes no difference.
I think because I haven't found anyone who has qualities close to the ones that have us connect so well, I would rather be alone. I'm going to keep hoping someone will come into my life that makes these feelings go away.
Anyways,
I cooked a lot yesterday when I was home and make my special "compliant" chicken tenders for my peeps at work, including the younger guy I have a crush on. And the other one. He was like the happiest guy in the world. He messaged me after and thanked me up and down and thought it was so very nice of me and he said 'I think you might be my favorite person." He also said if I never needed any help with anything, he would be more than happy too. I guess the way to a man's heart really is through his stomach? He really is a nice guy and if I just made a nice friend I get to cook for, I am just happy with that.
You know. I miss being a wife and a girlfriend. I enjoy (maybe selfish) just making a significant other feel good and loved. I miss that too.
But single people get free wings at hooters on Valentines Day. There is that.
I guess the way to a man's heart really is through his stomach?
Uh - YES!
Among other things!
Ginger,
Right there with you.
As you all know, I can be extremely hard on myself. And I have been so hard on myself for still missing him this much. I am embarrassed about it. with my ex, I was so friggin angry at him. Just mad. I was the worst DB'er and I hated him for being the one to cheat and leave. I wanted him to suffer. I didn't even really want to be with him after that. So for the first time I am actually loving someone while letting go. I'll tell you, it is no easy feat. It's one of the hardest things I have ever done.
I'm just as hard on myself as you are. I've let go as much as I can. I also wanted her to suffer, and then felt bad when she did. I carried a lot of unnecessary guilt over the death of our marriage...and to some extent, even though I know better, I still do. I can't fix her. I'm not quite sure what led to me contacting her yesterday, but I did. And I beat myself up for it, too. Ugh.
Keep your chin up! Your road is paved with gold. Own it.
I NEED YOUR HELP PEOPLE!
I am in a group text with my friends from the gym. one friend is my instructor, who is the sister of the firefighter. we are talking about our jobs and how mine is boring, she says " now that you and my bro are getting married, he can take you out on some call in P-town (our local ghetto where he is a fire-fighter).
I almost died! So they all began to joke about our wedding and I did say "J, your bro is absolutely adorable" she ten says "OMG OMG,it really is happening!"
So, did she get the feeling from my feeding him and our facebook exchanges, or did he say something? What do I say? What do I do? She seems to be approving of it, if we actually ever did date.
Is this a good thing? is there a next step?!
help!!!!!
now that you and my bro are getting married
Run. Run like hell. You haven't even been out on a date and this is being said? Did you shut that sh*t down quicklike?
I think it's the sister who has the issue...not the firefighter! I would just leave it. You can bet she'll tell him that you find him "adorable" and if he wants to follow up he will. Just keep in mind that if this happens and doesn't work out how will it effect your gym attendance? You love your workouts, so be careful.
Where there is smoke... The idea didn't come from nowhere, and plus the fact that he told her she was his favorite person or something. There are all sorts of flares popping off. The very least she needs to quash that quick.
now that you and my bro are getting married
Run. Run like hell. You haven't even been out on a date and this is being said? Did you shut that sh*t down quicklike?
it was a joke to lighten the mood and it was her seguay in knowing we like eachother.
Where there is smoke... The idea didn't come from nowhere, and plus the fact that he told her she was his favorite person or something. There are all sorts of flares popping off. The very least she needs to quash that quick.
No, he made a joke and told me I was his favorite person.
I was chatting with my other friend from the gym. everyone seems to think he likes me.
he asks me out, and I would go.
it won't interfere with my workouts, especially since I think she is leaving my gym.
It's just nice to have a mutual crush. With such a nice guy too.
Ok, so I just found out that one of the other instructors made a joke that (we shall call him L) "Ginger took the 4:30 class instead of the 6, L is going to be so crushed!"
He likes me!!!!
Why can't you ask him to lunch or something?
I'd day they have either guessed it on their own or he has said something. You really don't need to ask him out in the short term. I'd be available and friendly. Let him know you'd be interested. If he doesn't act on it within a few weeks, you might want to drop a few more hints or even bring up how these people are saying you guys should be dating or whatever. Let him know you'd say yes if he asked. If you do that he likely will. That's my suggestion. I would not run due to what his sister said. No concern there.
Yep. Covered. If she's interested, why not say lets get coffee? What is the harm in that? Thing is, she's old enough to not play these "let's see if he's attracted to me" games. The worst that could happen would be a "no," but from all appearances that won't be the case. I've had quite a few ask me out/coffee/lunch and I haven't thought negatively of them. Different times, my friend.
So, I am this totally strong independent extroverted woman.
Then I like a boy and I am a timid as could be.
I'd have to get a lot of guts to ask him out.
But I would really like him to ask me out. Maybe he will. I'm in no rush, let's see how it goes.
TOTALLY understand! It is frustrating sometimes, isn't it???? Hang in there....here's hoping he asks.
Ginger,
You should bring him a lunch that was made just for him. That'll get things rolling.
You know, he probably wants to ask you out and he's just as timid and fearful.
I like the idea of staying friendly and available, but let him do the asking.
He's younger then you right? That's something to take into consideration and why I would let him be the one to make the first move in this particular situation.
Ginger,
Please start a new thread. Do you want to link this thread to your new one? I'll take care of linking the new thread to this one for you, since I am locking it. Thanks!
New Thread:
Life is just funny