Isn't it a lovely day for a W-A-L-K? (Faith 53)

I saw GWH yesterday. It's tugging at me. So if you don't mind, I'd like to share it with you. I think it will make me feel better.

We had some leadership training at a local conference center. I saw him once when I was leaving (from across the room). They are wise in always putting us away from each other in seating. I appreciate that.

As you know, I rarely see him. Maybe as he passes by in his truck when he drops off S12, or sometimes if he opens his front door when I drop S12 off at his house. Once every 2-3 months? Our arrangement is such that I hardly have to see him or interact with him. More peace that way, but it hits me hard when I do see him.

After the session, I was out by my car talking to another supervisor when he and some of his friends walked by. They used to be my friends. You know, like that old song?

some of them his friends,
some of them her friends,

They said hi to us, and then GWH made eye contact. He waved and said hi. Ummmm��.Huh???? (Did he wave at me???)I smiled to all of them, looked at GWH, waved and said hi. Best act as if. You know me. Don't let them see you hurt.

After they left, the lady said, "Okay that was weird. He waved at you. That was civil, don�t you think?� Even she noticed. She found it odd. Ummm...yeah, me too??? LOL

I replied that yeah, that was strange, considering he always stares past me or through me, and he has only waved at me once in all this time. I told her about how I kept trying to break the ice by waving at him when I dropped of S12. (I told you that story I think?) And how when he finally waved back I almost fell out. LOL

She said she dreaded a meeting she had this afternoon, because Mrs. GWH would be there. She said "Boy he sure went slumming after you. What was he thinking?" Pretty much the same thing everyone says. She said I'm so polite and kind, quite the opposite of her crude behavior. I agreed and said I don't get it either, because he's a lot like me. (She works in same office as them.) She thinks that Mrs. GWH is a b*****. Shocker! LOL..

(Where have I heard that before? Thinking.....Thinking�..oh yeah, from pretty much everyone who knows her??? WINK)

I told her that I think it was the lust more than anything. Then he was in way over his head.

She said that she didn't think he was happy. (Goes along with what I wonder sometimes, what I see, and what I hear from others). She said one day he'll realize what he lost. And I said, yeah, and what a waste.

He looks so sad. Sometimes I just want to walk up and hug him. Not to fix us. But to help him.

I know I mentioned the recent weirdness with him. In addition, he has been wanting to be more involved with S12�s life and school. But something I haven�t told you��
S12 has been sharing things with me lately. Apparently Mrs. GWH is in her b***** mode at home a lot lately, particularly towards S12, and sometimes she just takes off (I�ve heard him say that before�but this appears to be going on for awhile now.) Her behavior probably explains his kindness to me. It has been a pattern for 4 years now.

When Mrs. GWH is being ugly, he's nice to me. When she is his ally, I'm the enemy.

In addition, I believe that often she is the one that drives the way he speaks to me � if she isn�t happy, she tells him, and of course, since she rules, he obeys. I�m the unfortunate recipient of whatever ugliness she wants to dish out. I won�t excuse him for his behavior, but maybe I should thank her for being a B**** to him lately, because I�m enjoying the peace! SMILE

I don't care how she treats GWH, but it bothers me that S12 is uncomfortable with her and that she takes out her issues on him sometimes. I have been biting my tongue, in my usual fashion, but sometimes I wish I could give her a piece of my mind. Poor little guy, on the phone today we were talking about him going to his dad's for the weekend, and he said "I hope A is in a good mood this weekend."

Anyway, even the lady after the meeting said, "She rules him you know." I said that yeah, I know. During those times where she is in b**** mode, he probably misses the peace of a life with us. He made his bed. Even lumpier than the one we used to share. WINK

I know how much they anger us, and the pain they cause, but sometimes, do you still feel that way? Like you want to help them or hug them? Do you feel that love?

I still love the guy. I can't help it. Crazy huh? It's a different love (but I think a hint of what used to be is still there sometimes too - I just found it easier and less painful to keep away).

He's still an idiot though. LOL.

Anyway, do you ever feel like that? Wonder how you could still love and be kind to someone after they have been so cruel? Where does that kind of love come from?
And do you think that it ever goes away? Will there ever come a day when I don't want to fix him, help him? Feel that pain or want to hug him? How long does it take?

I know I've brought this up before, and I've seen it in some of you. I still can't get over the fact that I can still look at him and want to hug him. WTH???

Our hearts do not come with on/off switches. Unfortunately. I wonder if we could invent one?? Sigh

4 years and here I am. Still fixing myself. It's such a long and tiring journey. But look how far we�ve come.

Mal, You know how much trouble I have had letting go of my 'feelings' for my X. It's been 4 years for me too, and I still love the man. Probably always will in some form or another.

I still have feelings when I see him--and it is easier on me not too. But I still hear things from the boys or friends about him and her. It usually makes me upset and angry thinking of them together. When I hear things like she gripes at him alot, it really kind of makes me happy. No, I don't want the man to have a miserable life, just miserable with the one he thought was a better choice than me.

Know what I mean?

It makes me sad to see my X sometimes. He drinks more than ever since he met her. Dealing with his own pain maybe--and I don't believe that he is happy with his new life or her---although that may be wishful thinking on my part. Still, I feel sorry for him and I worry about him. It's hard to see someone you care so much about throw his life away. And that is what I feel he did. He walked away from his home, his family--everything he had--and for what? I have told him before that I hope she was worth it. He gave up so much with his boys---I just can't imagine anyone worth walking away from them. But then again, maybe he is happier than he was here. I don't know. But yes, the feelings are still there. Different, but still there.

I also understand what you are saying about your son. I hope that the woman is not being mean to him. I don't think the X's hag is being mean to my boys---I just think that they don't like her. Sorry, I know they don't like her. I hear comments about the way she acts all the time. Anyway, I would hope that my X would stop her if he thought she was being mean to them. Hopefully yours would too.

Not much help, I know--just wanted you to know that you are not alone.

DNO

I still want my H after 3.5 years of him pretty much giving me nothing to hang my hopes on (and of me doing no bike riding whatsoever). I often wonder how I could possibly feel this way after all the hurt, but have come to terms with the fact that it's just the way I feel and I can't artificially force myself to stop. I also still struggle with the "why's".

MAL,

As I was reading your post all I could think of was the unconditional love we give our spouses. I too will always hold a special place in my heart for the X. Not to say I would take him back at all!

I think it's the years that we are with them and the kids that we have with them. Having their immediate family become our own, etc... I once thought that I could only have unconditional love for my immediate family/kids. I always thought that my spouse would have to earn that love and that it would never be truly unconditional, but I was wrong.

My X has done some horrible things, i.e. affair, lies, living with the OW and lying about it, more lies, etc..... You know the drill.....

Anyway, it's shocking to realize that the X will always have a spot in my heart. I think now that it's been 4 yrs. since the bomb I have really grown. I will not allow someone to disrespect me or lie to me. I know I deserve better and will not put myself in an unhealthy R just to have "someone."

That is why I would NOT take my X back. We are "friends" as much as possible for our kids sake. That is a blessing for sure. We do hug each other still at times. I still find myself very attracted to him. He was always AMAZING in the sack, but it's time for me to forge onward.

I have met someone that has all the qualities that I think would make for a great R, so we'll see. He is opposite of the X in so many ways. I just hope God sees fit for things to work out with him.

We are all on this journey. I think it's normal for all of us to recognize the special place our X's have in our hearts but we need to be realistic on what a healthy R is and is not. We all deserve to be treated with love and respect so don't settle for anything less!!!!

MAL....are things still going well with Dave?

nikatnight

Hi MAL,

YOu again have echoed my sentiments. I struggle with this issue a lot.

quote] Wonder how you could still love and be kind to someone after they have been so cruel? Where does that kind of love come from?
And do you think that it ever goes away? Will there ever come a day when I don't want to fix him, help him? Feel that pain or want to hug him? How long does it take?

I know I've brought this up before, and I've seen it in some of you. I still can't get over the fact that I can still look at him and want to hug him. WTH???

I don't want to fix my EX, he's OK as he is, but I find I'm just so much better off not seeing him, because he's hard to resist. It is a little easier each day, but I would have thought that a "normal" person would be "over it" by now, but NO, not me.

Oops again. I post so infrequently that I forgeo how to do it! To continue:

I almost always think it's just me, I'm the only one with these lingering feelings, but I guess not. And I wish I had an answer for you and all of us. Will it ever go away? Will we always love this person? who knows?

Niktnights's post also echoed my sentiments. Thanks to you all for being open to sharing your feelings. It probably helps more than just me.

Next time I'll open my own thread so as not to hijack yours

Cheers,

Quote:

MAL....are things still going well with Dave?

nikatnight

Yes, things are still going well with Dave.

He did something Saturday night that disappointed me a little bit (but it ended up being a good story). This is the 2nd time I've seen him let me down or hurt my feelings in some way in the past week and a half. It wasn't anything big in either case, and what it was doesn't matter.

He has been under a lot of pressure, so I've had patience with me. And what happened Saturday really wasn't a big deal. Not to me. Maybe because I've grown accustomed to the stupid crap after my R with MBE. However, it must have been a big deal to Dave.

He came through. He really came through. I can't believe a guy actually knows how to do that! Wow.

In the first example, I didn't even have to tell him what he did or that it bothered me. But I knew he figured it out, because over a 24 hour period, I saw 4-5 emails coming through apologizing and trying to fix things with me. Scored points. And melted my heart, of course. I'm such a sap. LOL

Then with the thing Saturday night, I explained my thoughts very briefly, and all on his own, he fixed it. I received an apology on the phone, then over text, and then via email. He called me again later and apologized again. During the 2nd phone conversation that night where I was explaining my POV, I mentioned that I know we don't have a commitment, but there are matters of respect, regardless of what type of R we have. He agreed, and apologized again.

I left it alone, and decided I'd drop it. Some battles aren't worth it. And again I realized he had a lot on his plate. But I'll admit that there was a little seed planted, I'm sure....one that would make me watch for other things he'd do. I guess that is who I am now. Expecting the worst, and hoping for the better. We can't change that, especially when we have higher expectations now for the people we choose to bring into our lives.

However I'm trying to have no expectations with him or this "R" or whatever you call it.

But he did well. Not well - he did GREAT!! After the phone conversation I received a text message (he thought I had gone to bed). He told me to check my email. I went to the computer, and found one where he was replying to an un-related email that I had sent earlier during the day. In his reply he wrote some nice things. Wanted to confirm my address so he could send me a card to suck up some more. LOL. Apologized again. But he took it a step further and opened up to me in the email with some things I didn't know. He said......

"For what is worth, yes, we are not in a R (referring to what I had said on the phone), but I think about you quite a bit during the day. You crossed my mind about 80 times today..............I look forward to talking to you at the end of the day............" There was more, but you get the drift.

I didn't know he thought about me often or that the phone conversations were something he looked forward to each night. It felt good to hear that.

Twice something went amiss (even if it was small), and twice he figured it out and fixed it on his own. Went out of his way to make me feel valued. He impressed me over this past week. It makes me wonder.....if he is this attentive to the little things, what would he be like with the big things?

This is the first guy I've ever cared about that possessed conflict resolution skills. Yep, he has potential. SMILE. I can tell he has learned a lot and that he understands and values the things that are important in an R. For the first time, I'm not always the "fixer" -- that's a first. You know I wanted to take charge and get it right, but for once, I didn't do that. I decided that I would step back and let things happen on their own, no expectations from the guy, and I did not expect the results I got.

I also learned that I've grown a lot. Even since the R with MBE. I'm different about the way I approach things, and it shows. I know Dave sees it. He often tells me how together I am about things. (LOL, if he only knew.)

He also tells me pretty regularly how much he values me. You know I need that (my love language), and I've never really had that much in past R's. Let's see if it continues.

His LL's are the same as mine -- words of affirmation and physical touch. It makes it easy because we don't have to think too much about how to make the other person feel special. It just comes naturally.

His email would indicate that he is starting to develop a little more trust in me, enough that he would feel safe to open up and tell me that. It felt good to hear that. Last week, he said several other things where he opened up about his heart's desires and some things from his past R's. He also indicated some potential for us - again all on his own.

I'm sure he's scared as heck, knowing he is getting closer to me. I understand and I'm not pushing him (or me). Things will happen or they won't. Goodness! I am definitely a different woman!

We're both walking slowly through this, "whatever it is". I'm really enjoying myself. Still smiling and still laughing every day.

We'll see..............

But yep, he definitely has potential. We can't change anyone, but I think he's "tweakable" if you know what I mean.

I got flowers today from Dave. The balloon says "thinking about you" & the card says "Thank you for being you. Love, Dave."

Awwwwwwhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Yep, he has potential.

Hmmmmmmmmmm............

If he gives this much attention to the little things, I'd think he would do well with the bigger things too. Unlike guys from the past.

I remember one night (there were several) where MBE stood me up. At first, it was turned around like I was selfish and all about "me me me me me." Then he started seeing that I had a point - there was a pattern. Yet, he never changed the behavior. All those little things add up over time.

I'm glad to see that Dave is willing to work on the little things - with little or no guidance from me.

I hope this post makes sense.

I still need to go back and reply to all the posts that were generated by my last long post, but I�ve been keeping busy.

College started again last week. I�ve been spending time with Dave (and still enjoying these beautiful flowers he sent). I�ve been getting S12 ready for school to start again. I came down with a nasty case of tonsillitis, and then that recurring back injury thing popped up again. I haven�t been able to do much for the past couple of weeks. So school shopping was put off until the last minute, unfortunately.

Labor Day is �bomb day� followed by my birthday (which is tomorrow). Immediately after that we have �leaving day� followed by �return and leave again week.� So September has always been one of those months where I feel a little sadness, even though it�s been 4 years already. If it weren�t all rolled up into one BIG celebration, maybe it would be easier? WINK.

But I�ve been keeping busy this weekend.

Friday night, I took Dave, his son, and S12 to a movie. Afterwards, we went back to Dave�s place and I helped him with some statistics homework that was giving him trouble. Saturday I slept in (which was nice) and then took S12 school shopping. We also bought some stuff we needed for the house. On Sunday, Dave and little dave (his son) came with us to my B�s family�s house for a Labor Day get-together. That was great, and we hung out there until almost 10 pm. Dave bought a bday cake for me and took it over there. He is such a sweetie.

Now today, I need to catch up on my checkbook and bills. I got so behind while I was recovering. I still have funky stuff in my throat, and my back is still a little tender. It usually doesn�t take that long for the back to get better. As for the tonsillitis, I know that can take 2 weeks, but it has been 2 weeks already. I think maybe I was a little rundown from the stuff at work maybe? The back got stiff from being sick with the throat, so that was easily thrown out when I picked up a shoe one day. Yep, all I did was pick up my shoe to go to the doc for the throat. LOL. It�s funny now, but at the time, it didn�t seem as funny.

Anyway, I need to do my bills and then S12 and I are going to go get a few more things for school.

September is also a month of new beginnings for me. This is the month that I got my own place, my own car, and started standing on my own 2 feet. Now maybe if I start adding some other fun things to September, it will erase all the rest?

However, I can honestly say that although the bomb and all that is in my mind, I�m much more numb about it now. Perhaps by next September, Labor Day weekend will be just another holiday, and my birthday will be just another birthday? We�ll see. But it�s definitely easier this year. That�s nice!

Well, I need to go help S12. He left something in the microwave too long, and we have smoke everywhere. Wow! LOL

See ya. Hugs!

Just checking in... hope your September went okay. Take care. -- z

Hi MAL,
Just wanted to stop and wish you a Merry Christmas. Dave sounds great. We deserve some good guys in our lives! I am so glad life is going well for you. Have a wonderful holiday! Take care,
Debi

Originally Posted By: zero12

Just checking in... hope your September went okay. Take care. -- z

Hi Z.

Better late than never, huh? LOL

September did go well. I think it was nice having someone to help pass the time. My friend dave and I did lots of stuff together, including having a party for his son's birthday, after we celebrated mine. I think it was much easier this time.

My dad had his 2nd knee surgery that month too, and that also went well. He is able to get around a lot better than he used to.

Thanks for stopping by.

MAL

Originally Posted By: sad_n_lonely

Hi Debi.

Dave really is a great guy. What a blessing he has been over this last year! I'm enjoying every moment.

All,
A lot has happened since my last post over the summer. I'm still hanging out with Dave, although we're techinically just friends. The FWB is semi-benefits now. We haven't been physical for a few months, but there are still a lot of feelings there.

He received an assignment to go to the Middle East for a year. He leaves on 3/21. We've known since late September. Just my luck. Meet a great guy and he leaves for a year! He has a lot of potential if he ever grows up. LOL.

He'll be back a few times to visit, and I'm pretty sure we'll keep in touch, but who knows....a year is a long time, but after the bomb and the big D, a year seems like the blink of an eye. I think you guys understand what I mean by that.

Sometimes I think he's confused, like sending me a bouquet of flowers for V-Day, but saying they are "friendship flowers" - or in the way he treats me.

Sometimes I think he's just scared and afraid of another R (after 2 D's and his nutso XW, I can't blame him there).

Then sometimes I think he's happy being officially single.

He is my BESTest friend. I have shared things with him that I've never told anyone, and there is a level of comfort there that I cannot explain. He feels it too.

We'll see. Time will tell. For now, I have someone who makes me laugh every day (still non negotiable with me). Someone I'm going to miss like crazy while he is away.

I don't plan on waiting around though for a guy who may or may not someday want to call this R that we have "dating" officially. LOL. (He is so funny.) I'd like to think that God has plans for us down the road, but life is too short for "what ifs" or "maybes" -- besides I know I want a wee bit more.

We'll see...

I have talked to a couple other guys in the past couple of months. One is interested, but I think he's waiting for Dave to leave before we get together. He knows my heart isn't in it (not sure that will change though), and wants to give me some space. Good guy apparently. We'll see.

But right now, I really don't think I have the time or energy for much else. I have a lot going on in my life, which I will explain more. Trying to date or thinking I want someone in my life....its way down on my list for this year. I just want to have some fun and get out on the weekends. God has to take care of anything else that happens. $\:\)$

By the way, Dave isn't likely going to be in the hot zones over there. It should be a safe environment during most of his stay, with travels to different areas.

Keep him in your prayers while he is away. Also, please keep his son in your prayers. He doesn't have a great environment with his mom, and I hope he does okay with his dad being away for so long. When Dave gets home, he's most likely going to try to get custody again. I think he has enough evidence to support why he would be the better parent.

Okay. Now for another post about me and the boys. $\:\)$

Hi everyone.

I am overdue for an update....

Men:
I already made an update about my FWB, Dave. I wish I could say my heart wasn't with him, but I'd be lying. Wish me luck as I figure things out.

Dave's XW (you may recall she works at same company as me) now knows that I work at the same company. We did good in keeping that secret for the past year! Has been nasty with him asking what department I am in. He won't give her any info, and its driving her nuts! LOL. She apparently talks bad about me, which is funny since I've never met the lady. She is crazy. I have so many stories to share about her, but that's for another day...

Work:
My team and I moved to a different department. I am pretty much doing the same job, with a few minor changes. That has been challenging in many ways, especially after being with the same department for 21 years, and leaving my friends. One of the bigger things there is that there may be a promotion in my future. I also have a big upgrade coming up this summer, for which I am the lead coordinator. We are a pilot system as well. Lots of stress and pressure with the upgrade, the promotion on the line, etc....

Kids:
S20 survived the R from last year. As you may recall, his ex GF (who had the little girl), they got engaged, and then broke up. The best friend has since married someone else, is having a baby, and moved out of state. LOL. Now that was a soap opera for awhile!

S20 is now dating another young lady. She is a free-lance model that he met last summer while doing a video shoot for his band. They've been dating for a few months now. Being burned, his heart is still a little tattered and he has trust issues. We talk about it sometimes, and how we have that in common.

He's still working and going to college. Its amazing to watch him find his own way.

We still have that great R that we've always had. I expect he'll be moving out someday soon, and as much as I hate it, I know he's ready to get out on his own. I'm so proud!

S12 is still in karate. He recently received his blue belt. He is so different physically. He's grown taller and really thinned out. I can't believe how much he has changed since we first moved into our new home.

He is still doing okay in school, making honor roll each grading period. He still struggles in math at times, but is holding his own.

He is going on a trip this summer with People To People as a Student Ambassador. They are visiting London, Wales, Ireland, Scotland, and other areas around England for 20 days. He is pretty excited!

The trip is very expensive so we're trying to raise money. I ended up being the fundraising coordinator for our delegation (More out of a need to get some sort of organization going, since they were all over the place. I know you're shocked huh? LOL) That is eating up a lot of my free time, and will keep me pretty busy until the summer when he leaves.

And as you can probably guess, GWH has little involvement with anything relating to the trip, not the meetings or the money. Shocking I know! LOL

Other Stuff:
I survived another semester of college, and I've started another semester. Still getting straight A's. I don't know what I'd do if I ever received a C on something?? LOL.

I am also a board member for our local payroll chapter. That also keeps me busy.

So, like I said in my earlier post. There isn't a lot of time left for men. Hanging out with Dave has been so easy in comparison to trying to find someone else that would give me the same comfort level. It sounds like work, and I'm just not into that right now! $\:\($

If I can find someone who will just hang out, do stuff, no pressure, fill up the empty time slots, then yeah sure. But more than that? Not sure.

Besides, like I said, my heart just isn't in it just yet.

Okay, I think I've rambled enough.

Back to helping S13 with some sponsorship letters.

Take care,

MAL

Mallie!!!!!

So good to finally hear from you! The boys sound great and so do you. Isn't it funny (well not haha funny) how our lives finally start to settle down and become somewhat normal? I guess that's what we all hope for. Those early days seem like a lifetime ago.

WOW, straight A's you should be so proud. It can't be easy to be raising the boys, holding down a full time job and on top of all that being a straight A student. I don't think that I could do it.

I hope that you don't have to stay away so long before we hear from you again, but I can totally appreciate how precious your time is to you right now.

Men???? Where the heck would you fit one in?

Love,
Bethie

Mal, It's great to hear from you and it sounds like you are doing so well! I honestly don't know how you do all of it! Wears me out just reading it!

I'm sorry to hear that Dave is going to be gone for so long. It sounds like he means alot to you.

I envy you Mal. You have taken control of your life and moved forward in it with great success. You have been able to open your heart to others and have some wonderful relationships. Sometimes I feel that I am still floundering through life after all of this. Still unable to allow anyone in. Still in pieces.

Maybe one day I'll grow up and be just like you Mal.:-) Something to look forward to.

DNO

Originally Posted By: DownNotOut

I honestly don't know how you do all of it! Wears me out just reading it!DNO

It's so true! Good to hear all your news, MAL. I will be thinking of you this coming week...I know it won't be easy.

Take care,
Robin

Hey there Mal!!

So nice to hear from you. So nice to hear you're vacationing and taking care of you. Look at it this way Mal: You are the catch. If he goes overseas and does not realize that, then it is his loss. I don't know of too many people on this board I would say that to. You're such a great girl. You deserve the best from anyone in your life.

I think that wehn we take the attitude that it does not matter what other people do, men love us. As long as you are happy with Mal, then that's all that needs to happen. Your boys sound great. You do too.

Hi MAL! I was away from the boards about the same amount of time as you, so it was a nice surprise to see a current thread from you when I came back on!

Sounds like life is moving forward. It's nice that GWH is not vexing you, so that you can focus on your own life. Take care, --z

OMG. Has it really been 4 months since I posted? Okay, okay, life sort of has a way of doing that to ya. LOL

What's going on with me......

Hmmm........

So much to share.

I'm still single! Still a mom! Still going to college! Still working! Still making goals, still making friends, still meeting guys, and still talking to Dave. He's in Qatar until April 2008, but we email every day.

GWH is still a Giant Weenie Head. I think he may have been promoted to King of GWH's, but I decided I didn't care enough to confirm that suspicion. Life's too short!

Something made me want to stop by and say hi. It looks like I owe a few replies.

I'll also make a better post.

But let me grab a beer first! It's been a looooong week at work. $\:\)$

MALLIE!!!

Hey girlfriend. So good to see you!

I can't believe you came here and now I've got to run but only for a bit. I have to go to this cocktail thingie but I'll be back.

So sit back, put your feet up, and listen to a little Maroon5 or something. Lots of good people here to keep you busy and out of trouble............mingle go ahead. I know you've never been shy!

Originally Posted By: BethM

Men???? Where the heck would you fit one in?

Exactly! Thank goodness I don't have a big hole in me needing to be filled with a guy. I don't really have time or patience for such a thing right now. That is more like work! LOL

I have been on a few dates. One guy didn't like how I put the boys first one weekend. Then he tried to hold my hand in a movie. Totally creeped me out. He never called again. Imagine that!

I met another nice guy and we've been out a few times. He's a widower. I think that is more of a friendship for me, so I'm going really slow, and he is too. He's not ready for more anyway, so we've just been enjoying the company.

Outside that, I don't even try. I have an upgrade at work, with a lot of overtime, and if I do have free time, I want to spend it with my family and on building friendships - not on developing new R's with men.

I have learned that much - that my family and friends should come first. And after falling on my face 5 years ago and not knowing who I was without my ex, making new friends is still hard to do. But I try. It's slow, but I am moving along.

Besides, my heart is over in Qatar. Sigh. I'd like to say it wasn't, but I'd be lying. And when I do go out, I feel guilty. Weird, when I don't have a real R with Dave. Maybe I'll get over that someday.

Originally Posted By: DownNotOut

What a sweet post! Thanks DNO.

I remember seeing this post a few months ago, but never had a chance to reply. But I have to tell you that it stuck with me. Sometimes I wonder why I keep trying, or where the courage comes from, after so much pain and let downs, but I manage.

I still don't know where I'm heading, or who may be there when I get there, but I'm gonna keep on heading that way, with faith that all will turn out as it should (both today and tomorrow).

I've also learned that the best things in life are usually not things that come easy, or things you can find in "safe" places. Sometimes the best things in life are something you only find if you take that leap of faith, take a chance.

I don't regret any of my leaps yet, even the ones where I fell down and skinned my knees.

Anyway, I think about your post sometimes, and it reminds me to keep on trying. Thank you DNO. With all my heart! :-)

Originally Posted By: RJJ

Originally Posted By: DownNotOut

I honestly don't know how you do all of it! Wears me out just reading it!DNO

It's so true! Good to hear all your news, MAL. I will be thinking of you this coming week...I know it won't be easy.

Take care,
Robin

Oh yeah! It was tough when Dave left. We spent a lot of time together before he left. Funny, I was over on that side of the bay last week hanging out with my new friend, Kathy. We went to a movie, and she wanted to grab something to eat. She asked me to meet her at the Applebee's near her house. Little did I know, it was near Dave's place (the one he moved out of before he left). I had to drive by his place, the parking lot where I said goodbye, the Applebee's we at ate often, etc..., you get the picture. Talk about tearing at the heartstrings! Jeeesh!

He's been gone for 5 months (almost the half way point). He's coming home in September for 10 days, and I know I'll see him some while he's here. But he's going to spend a lot of time with his son and family, and looking for a place to live when he gets home in April.

I received an email from him this morning. He sounds a little down, and I can tell he misses home. I see him go back and forth sometimes, but he sounded unlike himself, discouraged and tired. The trip home is good timing. I know he'll love seeing his family.

I'm looking forward to seeing him and getting some hugs. Even if it's only once or twice. I miss my best friend!

Originally Posted By: HappyToday

Look at it this way Mal: You are the catch. If he goes overseas and does not realize that, then it is his loss. I don't know of too many people on this board I would say that to. You're such a great girl. You deserve the best from anyone in your life.

I think that wehn we take the attitude that it does not matter what other people do, men love us. As long as you are happy with Mal, then that's all that needs to happen. Your boys sound great. You do too.

Yeah! That's right! If he doesn't realize my value, then HIS loss! So there!

LOL

He hasn't figured it out yet, or at least I don't think so.

We do talk on email everyday. He's called a few times. Tells me he misses me. Some days I think there's more there than he tells me. Other days, I can't tell.

It's pretty much the way it was before he left, like I described before.

Lately he's said a few things that make me wonder.

Like a few weeks ago. I sent him some pictures from my cell phone where I was being goofy. Okay, Mal Story Time...

I went to Atlanta for a business trip. I was sitting in my hotel at my desk with my laptop. I was leaning over to do something and had my phone in my hand. I wasn't paying attention and took a picture of myself in the mirror.

It was a picture of my cleavage! ROFL (No, I didn't send him pics of my cleavage. But it might work! Maybe next time?)

So anyway, I snapped some pics of myself in the mirror, being silly. Some of the pics actually turned out to be nice.

Later that night, I emailed them to Dave. I usually don't send pics, because I don't like my pics, but these were "share-able" for a change.

Dave replied about how nice they were. He said I looked great with longer hair. Said how it changed the shape of my face. Said he has never seen me look so cute.

Once I got done grinning.......LOL

So 3 weeks passes. Last Saturday I wake up to an email out of the blue.

"You look much prettier with longer hair. And you have a pretty smile."

Now. If any other guy had sent that, I'd be floating on cloud 9 for 3 days. Or maybe the Old Mal would have done that. The new Mal is more pessimistic. And knowing Dave, I didn't want to read too much into it.

But there have been a few other things too. Like whenever he's going off base with others, and girls go too, he makes sure I know that he's not "with" one of the girls.

Sometimes I just get that feeling. I think you know what I mean by that.

Sometimes I think he's watching me to see how I'll behave when he's gone. Sometimes I think he's just not ready for more right now.

All I know is I like the guy, and there is a chemistry that I haven't had with anyone else in awhile. He makes me laugh, and he's there when I need a friend (even if just on email).

Like I keep saying....

We'll see.

Oh, and the other thing?

We don't talk about "dating" other people. He never asks if I've met someone, if there are any guys. He even knows about my friend Robert, and he acts like he didn't hear it or something.

If we're "friends" don't we talk about everything? Apparently not. There are some topics we just don't do.

Weird, but okay.

So last week, I was messing with him. I was going to talk about my small victory in court with GWH (story for another post), and I sent a short email to Dave.

In the subject line I wrote...

"New Man In My Life....."

Then in the email I wrote...

"His name is Pete. He kicks a$$ and he's my hero!!"

I was referring to my attorney and just being silly.

Dave replies. "Did I miss something?"

In a later email I explained who Pete was and talked about court. But when I saw his email "Did I miss something?" I replied, "Yeah, we've been out a FEW times!" LOL, again joking.

So Dave replies "You mean like a date?"

Uh, DUH.

So I play along.

"Yes, a date! What? You don't think I can get a date?"

no reply

LOL

Yep, some topics "friends" just don't discuss.

Originally Posted By: ka_zump

Hi MAL! I was away from the boards about the same amount of time as you, so it was a nice surprise to see a current thread from you when I came back on!

Hey there! You know what they say GMTA!! We're in good company! :-)

Originally Posted By: zero12

Sounds like life is moving forward. It's nice that GWH is not vexing you, so that you can focus on your own life. Take care, --z

Oh but he tries, and tries, and tries.

like hot butter on a roll

SLIPS RIGHT ON OFF!!!!

One post at a time...

KID STUFF

S21 (yes, he's 21 now) is still working and going to college. Doing well. He's still dating the model. He's moving out in a few weeks (in with her). You know the mom in me gave my opinion in a nice way.

My mom asked me the other day "did you ever listen?"

I said "Nope! But I SHOULD have! And just like me, he'll learn the hard way too!" My mom just laughed.

I do think the move out is for good this time. He's ready and finacially capable. Unless something drastic changes and he loses his job, he won't be back. He's doing well in his job and received a promotion recently.

I'm very proud.

He's been seeing GWH a little here and there, but there is a lot of time to heal there. GWH helped him put a stereo system in his car and then gave him an entertainment center for his new place.

S13 (yes I have a teenage now -- one is now legal and another a teen!)

S13 just got back from his People To People trip a couple weeks ago. He was in England and Scotland for 3 weeks. He has always been mature and responsible. But he came back even better. I'm not sure who this young man is but he got taller, and he says "thank you" "please" "no problem" "I hope you feel better" "It's okay mom don't worry about it"

I don't know if this new young man will leave and bring back my "testing the waters with my mouth" 13 year old, but I hope not! LOL

I think he has a new appreciation for me, what I do, what he has, and what I did to make that trip possible for him. It was very expensive, and with GWH's contribution, donations, and fundraising, we only had half. The rest of the payments were made from my savings and vacation budget.

He is doing really well. Still in karate, doing well in school, has friends, etc....a big difference from 3-5 years ago post bomb.

One post at a time...

GWH Stuff

WARNING!! Never make a deal with someone who was your H, turned into an alien and then a GWH, pokes his head out and seems somewhat normal reasonable and decent. It is all a trick and another method of control.

You may remember over a year ago, GWH and I made an arrangement that we would use his address for S13 for school. This was with the understanding that I wanted to buy a house, and didn't know how long I'd use his address.

GWH started sending me housing listings for places for rent in his school district. I thought he was being nice. LOL. (I know, moment of temporary insanity.)

What he was really saying was he wanted us to move.

I replied that I was happy where we were, and still working on my plan to buy a house someday. But not ready yet.

6 months later out of the blue, he brings it up again and asks when I'm moving. I reply the same way.

Then he says "You move or S13 has to change schools!"

Unfreakingbeliavable.

He will no longer let S13 use his address for school. When I asked why GWH says "It's complicated."

Umm okay. Whatever.

And in my naive way, I tried to explain what was best for S13, how this doesn't make sense, etc....(Another moment)

GWH refuses to listen, won't negotiate. He thinks he can tell us where to live. What a joke!!

The boys and I talked and we decided that we determine our destiny, not GWH. That was May.

By the time S13 returned from his trip, I had out of zone approval from the school, and we can stay here for another year. That buys me some time to figure out what to do.

I was planning to move anyway, since my landlord is selling the house. However, when the landlord found out about this, they offered to let me stay here another year to let S13 finish middle school. I am so blessed!!

Now this is assuming he gets approved to be out of zone for an additional year. I'll cross that bridge when I get to it.

GWH doesn't know about the out of zone yet. I'm taking my time. LOL.

He actually went up to the school behind my back and told them I was taking S13 out and that I'd register him at the other school.

What an idiot.

It was stressful for several weeks, not knowing what to do, or if we'd have to move. I was just going on faith that things would all work out. Then a friend told me to just ask the school. Best idea!

Proving once again, that when you walk in faith, even when you don't know where you're heading, things will work out just as they should.

And further proof that we don't need HIM!!!!!

You haven't heard it all though.........Stay Tuned!

The rest of the story....

S13 and I went up to Richmond and Colonial Williamsburg for vacation. When we got back on Friday night (late June), I had a court summons. GWH taking me to court to reduce CS payment (stating that S13 no longer needed before/after school care), and he wanted to claim S13 on his taxes.

That is what it was all about? MONEY??

He wanted to show that his son could be at home before/after school, ride the bus, no need for childcare.

He'd trade his son's well-being for $$.

It all made sense that night. It was about money.

Not a surprise really, when we've always known he was a selfish idiot.

That is when I kicked it into gear. I took some money (that I really didn't have because of S13's trip), and I retained me an attorney. (Pete was my D attorney).

Pete got a continuance, and we went to court last week.

They did reduce the CS but I got the taxes.

Pete also opened up the original case, and we're taking GWH to court for things he hasn't taken care of.

This man is going to wish he had left things alone.

All for $96 a month.

I hope it was worth it to him.

Trading his son for $96.

Wow, we get tough after awhile don't we? 5 years, and he still wants to be a jerk, and he still doesn't get it. Happiness will not be found in any of the places he looks. But maybe that $96 can buy him some more pool toys! LOL

And we won't be broken. We determine our destiny, not him.

That night at the airport when S13 got home? We were all there.

GWH, S21 and his GF, and me.

S13 came out with all the other 40 kids and leaders. Balloons, cheering, hugs, tears, and S13 sees me.

He tears up a little, but maintains. He grabs me and gives me the bigges and longest hug. S21 walks up and wraps his arms around both of us. GF walks up and joins the family hug.

GWH was standing alone.

I realized that and let loose of S13.

S13 goes to his dad and hugs him. Comes back to me hugs me "I love you" back to his dad "I love you"

Not knowing where he should go, not wanting to leave anyone out. It was sweet, and sad. He shouldn't have to choose.

We went to baggage claim, and I stood back (like I did at the airport while we were waiting). I let GWH have the time with the boys. I figure the more comfortable we can make him, the more he'll be around the boys. We can hope can't we.

It was sad.

GWH standing there. The big family hug that didn't include him.

And 5 years later, it still makes me sad. Not for us, but for him. He didn't leave me. He left all of us, and that love that was there in the airport that night? He will never have that.

The best thing in my life. That one moment, one hug, made 3 weeks away from my son worth it.

The greatest gifts we could ever receive. He doesn't get it, and probably never will.

Hey Mal,

So good to hear from you and to see that you're world hasn't changed a bit. Chaos seems to follow but I think that's what makes you tick!

You should be so proud of yourself And your boys. You have taken what you were handed and made a life. Who would have thought? I have wondered what you were up to. I know your busy but we really should try to keep in better touch at least through e-mail. I want to see how this all turns out!

Take care............

Love,
bethie

MAL,
Your X so deserves the title GWH!!! Makes me laugh every time I think of it.

You've done good, girl. And that story at the airport was priceless. Hope it made your X think about what he's doing.

Hi Mal:

When you posted that you had a teenage son, I was taken aback for a moment. Wow - S21 and S13 now! How time flies! S13 was just a cute little boy just a few years ago. I remember he wanted to travel the world when I talked to him years(?) ago. I am so happy to hear that he went to Scotland and England. He is such a bright kid - you have every reason to be very proud.

I barely met S21 - but he is all grown up now... Well grown up enough where you have sit and watch him make his own mistakes.

I am in the middle of adopting. I won't be facing your issues for a decade or two.

You sound great Mal. ((((((HUGS)))))

I still smile when I think of sinky inny thingies!

BTW: You sound so incredibly mature about about Dave. I wantto be just like you when I grow up!

take care,
AG

Originally Posted By: BethM

I know your busy but we really should try to keep in better touch at least through e-mail. I want to see how this all turns out!

Yeah, I'm bad about keeping in touch. Sorry. I do have your email address though.

I think I'm going to have a lot to share with people in the coming months. I need to share some stuff. Stay tuned.

Originally Posted By: AG II

I still smile when I think of sinky inny thingies!

Too funny! I forgot about that. I still LOVE sinkie inny thingies. LOL

Happiness is like a butterfly,
the more you chase it,
the more it will elude you.
But if you turn your attention to other things,
it comes and softly sits on your shoulder".
~~By Nathanial Hawthorne.~~

I know that we all know this, but do you ever find yourself amazed when you see it come true?

Last time I posted, I was thinking about the stuff with GWH, my friend Dave coming home for a visit, S13's recent trip, the big upgrade at work....all kinds of stuff. What I didn't post about what a guy I have been seeing. I guess I was afraid of admitting that there was someone who might just be special.

I wasn't even looking, but wham! There he was. One day I'm thinking he's not that interested, and before I knew it, I was in love.

The ladies who have been through what I've been through know what I mean when you say you know when you KNOW that you've met someone special, worth the risk.

Well, I found him.

He is probably the best man I've ever spent time with, treats me better than anyone I've ever known. It just took me 43 years to find him.

You know when you KNOW, and I know.

Can you believe it? I was starting to think I'd be an old lady with cats, because I had just about given up on finding someone that would treat me the way I've wanted to be treated.

A good DB friend told me once that I'd know when I met him. That no matter how high my expectations, no matter how high I set the bar, the guy who doesn't fall below it? Then THAT guy is THE guy.

Well, he hasn't fallen below the bar yet. Trust me I've tried!! The key word there is YET. I just assume the day will come when just like every other guy, he'll turn into a toad too. Why do I do that? Assume the worst?

Maybe I should stop trying to trip the guy, let down my guard, and just roll with it? He obviously loves me. I'm suck a dork!

He's 42.
His name is Robert.
He is a Christian and very active in his church.
He has 1 step daughter. He had another step daughter, but he lost her to luekemia recently.
He's a widower - lost his wife to cervical cancer.
He thinks I'm the bomb.
He makes me laugh every day, and I think this guy is going to be around for a very, very, very long time.

I've always seen myself as a good person, but he makes me want to be a better person. He makes me challenge myself. He is the only person so far who has found a way to get me to slow down and take in life. He's the only one who has found a way to take down the walls I've built. He's someone I can look up to. And he's someone that I can see as being the spritual leader in my home - another something I've never had.

I just can't believe it I met a fantastic guy. Who would have thought?

When I'm with his family, his friends, his church family, wherever, I feel like I'm home - for the first time. I have never had that - it just took me 43 years to see what it was supposed to be like, and I am not letting it go.

I also see a big difference in being with a Christian man now. It's so different from what I used to have.

I'm going to apply everything I've learned, and make this work to the best of my ability. I hope you guys will be there with me as I sort it through.

Maybe I'll thank GWH someday, because I see what I could have missed. Life is so much better, and the sad thing is that I would have never known that had he not left!

And who knows.....
God willing and the creek don't rise, a year from now, this guy may be more than just my best guy, if you know what I mean. I think there's a very good chance.

I've been dating him for a little over 3 months, and I can see marrying him? My cheese has definitely slipped off the cracker! LOL

But for the first time in my life, I have the man who is on fire for me (and I think you know what I mean by that). And for the first time in my life, I can see a man that I could clearly marry. The only doubt is that little voice of reason (the one that is also pessimistic) telling me that this isn't the kind of thing that normally happens to me.

The thing that is freaking me out is that I'm not freaked out about how much we click. The thing that is making me uncomfortable is that I'm more comfortable and confident than I've ever been. The thing that makes me let my guard down is the same thing that is telling me to keep it up. Every other part of me says this is the guy. I think I've lost my mind! LOL

I guess it's fear of the unknown, but a big part is fear of success. Perhaps we've been beaten down for so long, that we start to think we don't deserve to be happy - does that ever heal? Gosh, I hope so, because this guy deserves all I can give, not just the broken left-over pieces.

But he doesn't mind the broken pieces. In fact, he displays patience and caring, and goes out of his way to help build the security I've been lacking. He truly loves me.

And the things I'm saying here? He feels the same way about me. Maybe I'm not the only one with cheese slippage??

If I could stop focusing on the fear, and the past, and just be with him, I think it would be easier on both of us. The poor guy has a big job, but he's not shying away from it. And he's not scared. He knows what he wants, and he knows what he knows.

I wanna be just like him when I grow up! LOL

I realize I'm just rambling and laying out thoughts as they come through my fingers. But it made perfect sense when it was still up in my head. Hee Hee.

After all we've been through, seen, experienced, and who we've become, you just know when it's different, when something is right.
You just KNOW.

I know I have something in this guy - people said I'd know. So let's roll with it and see where this goes! God, please don't let me screw it up!

I'll try to stop by again soon. HUGS!!!

Mal, your post gave me goose bumps!!! I'm so happy for you and you are soooooo deserving of a guy like this.

And, you're soooo right. You "know" when it happens. I also understand that he makes you want to be a better you. It's the same with MG and I. It's unbelievable and scary, isn't it?

I wish you all the happiness that you deserve. And, it will work out just the way you want and you'll be happier than ever before!!!!

Quote:

You know when you KNOW, and I know.

this is sooo true!
Congrats! he sounds awesome!
and your right , you just know, Love what you said about feeling like home, I said this exact thing to MY ROBERT lol this weekend, told him he felt like home and it just took me a long time to find him.

He sounds terrific, I wish you two the best !!

Quote:

GWH was standing alone

Quote:

It was sad.

Quote:

And 5 years later, it still makes me sad. Not for us, but for him. He didn't leave me. He left all of us, and that love that was there in the airport that night? He will never have that.

There ya go Mal. I think you've learned the secret to life. The secret is to be a good person reagrdless of what others say and do, to love your family, to teach your children there is a right way to behave, and to respect the institutions that are important to society like they should be respected.

GWH like my X has no clue. Like my X he'd physically be there at an important moment in the boys' lives. But Mal, he's also the one who taught them about doing the wrong things. At lesat I hope they've learned.

You sound so good and I am so happy for you. I've been so busy catching up at work and at home that I haven't had time to post, but the boys and me are doing very well. Time does allow us to heal.

Originally Posted By: qoe100

It's unbelievable and scary, isn't it?

Absolutely! On one hand, it feels like it's easy, and then on the other hand, it's freaking me out.

I still didn't drive him away yet. And I'm one tough cookie. Can you believe that? LOL I think he's stuck with me (poor guy).

Well, it's been about 2 months since my last post.

I had a big run in with GWH. Actually it was Mrs GWH. She sent me an awful email telling me what a horrible mother I was, etc... yada yada yada. What a joke! I didn't even bother to reply. Long story for another post.

I received a big promotion last week at work, and it came with a very nice raise! I am so blessed.

Things are still great with Robert, and we still act like little kids. LOL. I'm sure we look silly. We're taking our time, but like people say, when you know you know.

Shaking my head still. BIG SMILE

I'm attending church with him regularly, and I reckon I'll eventually switch and become a member there. I was having a hard time fitting in at my church, and our pastor resigned recently, so the timing seems right. It is much easier for me to change then him, and I love his church family.

We went up to see his sister this weekend up at Smith Mountain Lake. She has a farm up there. I felt like Doctor Doolittle with all the critters running around. She has an adorable pig named William (if pigs can be adorable). He will sit upon request (if you give him a treat). Too funny! We had a great time.

I don't know if I mentioned that my brother moved up to Charlottesville. I went up to see him last month with S13. That was what the email was about from Mrs. GWH. It was my weekend, but they decided to have GWH's bday celebration that same weekend (although my trip had been planned for 2 months). S13 was feeling a little torn about what to do (go with me or stay with GWH). He chose the trip, in keeping a commitment to me and to get some quality time with me. Mrs. GWH saw that as me forcing him to go and sent me that nasty gram. Whatever. Like she is the person I'd take advice from? LOL. What a witch.

S13 had a blast! We did some sight-seeing, he rode a horse for the first time, and rode on my brother's ATV. He can't wait to go back.

Robert is coming with us Xmas weekend to go up for another visit. He finally met the rest of my family, and everyone seems to like him. (Good thing, because I think he'll be around for a LONG TIME.)

Remember how we kept hearing it takes about 5 years before you're really ready for something long term again? Back then, when I was still deadling with GWH and OW, 5 years seemed like a very long time.

But they were right. It's been 5 years for me, and I think I'm finally at a point that I'm ready. Oh sure, GWH and Mrs. GWH still act stupid and pluck my nerves, but I'm so over them now. I just try to ignore them.

But as for me, it took that long for me to find someone who showed me what love really is, and I guess in many ways it took that long for my heart to be in a place where I'd accept it.

I'm still scared, like I said. Who wouldn't be? But I'm gonna roll with it.

JSTX (in case you're reading)...you were right. You said that I'd know the guy when I meet him. You said that no matter how high I set the bar, he wouldn't fall below it. You said when I meet that guy, then THAT is THE GUY. I met THE guy, and he thinks I'm worth it. MORE BIG SMILES.

I kept thinking that wouldn't happen, and I sort of gave up. I sat down one day and had a long talk with God. I said that if He wants someone to be in my life, then He would have to bring him, because I wasn't looking. If it was meant to be, it would happen. That is exactly the way it went too.

I focused on work and getting through the big conversion, and God did the rest.

Like so many other things in this past 5 years, God laid this right in my life. A great man, and a promotion. Lots of things this year. And I know I am right where I'm supposed to be.

It just takes faith, and letting go to get the Big Guy do his work.

I wouldn't trade this ride for anything!

[quote=KarenMarieS]

Quote:

I said this exact thing to MY ROBERT lol this weekend, told him he felt like home and it just took me a long time to find him.

Thanks Karen. So how are things going with your Robert?

Originally Posted By: HappyToday

You sound so good and I am so happy for you. I've been so busy catching up at work and at home that I haven't had time to post, but the boys and me are doing very well. Time does allow us to heal.

If this is 5 years, I can only imagine what 10 will be like. I don't think we ever really forget, but I think we get to go on. I'm so glad for that - because sometimes I wondered.

I have such a hard time posting too. I keep so busy. I wish I could get her more often. I miss my pals.

Remember my adoption search? I have been spending a lot of time with Robert's family. BIG family on both sides. I also went to his family reunion recently.

His sister is doing some research on some of their ancestors, and it made me think about the search some more. I think Robert will be a great friend to lean on for support, and I think he'd help me. His sister will be a great asset too in finding info. So we've been talking, and once I get some of my new attorney bills paid (yep still dealing with the court crap), I'm going to do some work on my search again.

Every day that goes by is another day that I didn't know, or that my siblings didn't know me, or another day in life that I missed with my bio family. It's time and I'm ready.

Of course, as always, I'll have my hair on fire...

College.
Career.
Board Membership.
Bio Family Sarch.
Church.
Family.
Boyfriend (and probably Soon-To-Be Fiance).

I don't have anything on my plate at all! LOL

Time to go get S13 from karate. So I gotta run for now.

HUGS TO EVERYONE!!

Oh how could I forget? I was over at GWH's office last week, and one of his best friends came by to see me for some assistance.

GWH walked by, and the friend waved at him. He also waved him to come in. Then the friend said, "He won't come in." I asked if that was GWH, and he said yes. I replied, "No, he won't come in, because I make him uncomfortable."

The friend replied, "It's not you. It's her."

Then we chatted for awhile.

This is the same friend he confided in me 4 years ago. And his opinions are still the same. She's nuts. Drives GWH nuts. And he has his hands full. I guess he and GWH talk often.

I said that I pray for them often, mostly because of S13. The friend said that they need it.

Isn't it sad that sometimes it feels good to hear that? That he isn't all that happy? But then it makes me feel sad? When do we let that go? I guess part of me will always be like that.

I definitely don't want him back. But I don't wish him ill.

I told the friend that I'm good, and I'm very happy. That GWH doesn't need to feel uncomfortable with me, and again the friend said that I've never been the problem - she is.

I just wanted to share that with you.

The package may be pretty on the outside. Big bow and pretty paper. But sometimes it's really just an empty box. 4 years later, and this friend is telling me the same thing. It just looks good on the outside.

Originally Posted By: MAL

Boyfriend (and probably Soon-To-Be Fiance).

Hey!!! You've got some splaining to do, missy!!!

Mal,
Its great to hear that things are going so well in your life. You "do" have a lot going on but isn't it great that for the most part, it's without drama?! Yay you!!!!

Mallie!!!!!

Wow, your life is sounding almost charmed and I couldn't be any happier for you! Amazing how when we let go and let God everything just seems to fall into place. I remember the days when you were a total wreck and everything your ex did sent you into a funk and lookie lookie now!

I'm so glad you found time for an update. I often wondered what was going on and how you were doing. Don't stay away so long next time!!!!

Have the happiest and most Blessed Christmas!

Love,
Bethie

"Of course, as always, I'll have my hair on fire...

College.
Career.
Board Membership.
Bio Family Sarch.
Church.
Family.
Boyfriend (and probably Soon-To-Be Fiance). "

SO WHAT IS THE SCOOP?
Faith, Hope, Love,
LSL
lovesufferslong@hotmail.com

Good Luck MAL! You deserve all of the best!

Hi there everyone!

I found my mind drifting back tonight, and decided to stop by and catch up on my thread.

I am still doing great! Still seeing Robert, and things are going very well there. I recently joined his church, and last week they asked me if I would teach the pre K class for Sunday School. Of course I said yes - it will be an honor and fun. They also asked Robert if he was interested in being a deacon. He hasn't decided yet, but I'm hoping he says yes. He is a great asset to the church.

The boys are still great. OS now 22, still dating the same girl. He is still in his band. They were in the local paper recently, playing a lot of shows in the state. A few weeks ago they won a big competition against a bunch of local bands. And they're selling their 2nd CD. I am so proud! He is still going to college, and doing well in his job. Another promotion a few months back.

YS now 14 is about to start 8th grade. He has grown and matured so much. He is still taking karate (blue belt), and he won some academic awards last year. I think the trip to Europe last year changed him a lot. Plus recent trips to visit some of Robert's family up north made him look at life a bit differently. He seems to have matured a lot over the past 6 months.

And he is 4 inches taller than me now. OMG!!

I am still at the same job, just in a higher position. That is going well. Still in college, and of course I never slow down.

It was great coming here tonight and seeing the last posts from my old friends. Heck, even JSTX stopped by after a 2 year vacation. LOL

I want to post more. But for now, I'm off to bed. We just got back from a weekend trip up to the mountains to see my brother. It was a long drive and I am tired.

Take care my friends!

Love,
MAL

MALLIE!!!!!!!

So good to get and update and to see that you sre still "Walking".

Life sounds great and I'm happy that you seem to have found such a good man. How many years does this make? Do you guys ever talk marriage? It's been quite a while for you 2 so that's not such an off the wall question is it?

The boys sound as if they're doing so good. You've done a great job with them and it shows.

Yes, drop in and keep us all up to date. You are missed!

Love,
bethie (I filed the new e-mail addi. I'll write!)

Hi Mal:

What a pleasant surprise to see a post from you!

I am looking forward to hearing more about what is going on in your life.

take care,
AG

(((((((((((((((MAL))))))))))))))) Good to hear that things are going well for you!!!

Robin xo

Hi everyone.

I'm taking a break from studying from exams, and stopped by here for some reason. I see a lot of old friends have been posting, and I'm catching up on a few.

I'm wrapping up a semester of college. Final exams next week. Only 10 classes to go. Whew! It's such a long road, but slow and steady wins the race.

Still dating Robert. We still talk of M, but I'm in no hurry.

Layoffs at work next week. So people are all worried. My job is okay I think, but I worry about XH and his W, the OW. Since we all work for same company. I don't wish anything bad for them.

Things with XH have been good for several months now, and I hope it stays that way. We seem to be able to discuss things about S14, negotiating on holidays, visitation, etc... He also seems to be a little more involved than he was. Recently we went to an orientation night for the local academies (without OW). So that was progress. We even chatted a little after. S14 is applying to one of the high school academies next year.

He's working on his brown belt in karate. Typical teenager. Grows an inch every week it seems, and he's now taller than me! For those who know me, that might not be saying much, LOL, but you know what I mean. He's also got the typical teenage attitude, weirdness, and mouth. It's work, but he's a good kid.

Oldest is still with GF. Going to college and working on his career. His band is still doing well too. Recently, a local label offered them a contract, but they turned it down, choosing to keep more control than what the label wanted to give them. I have to admire that. They have been touring the state here and there, and they have a big competition again in a few months. He is such a great young man.

I am very proud of both of them. I am so blessed!

Well, back to studying.

Take care!

MAL

Hi Girlfriend!
S14???? OMG, I cannot believe it has been this long.

You sound great. Good to hear from you. (Look in Piecing - JSTX stopped in recently.)

Ellie

MAL,

Weren't you posting jsut last week that he was S8? Wow - 14 already. They grow up too fast.

I think all of us are at least a bit worried about our jobs the way the economy is going. I do understand how you don't wish the worst for your X and OW. It's not good for our kids for them to get in a bad way.

It was really nice to log on and see you here this morning. Thanks for the update.

Mal,

It's great to hear things are still going well. I had a smart comment about S14 being taller than you, but you beat me to it. $\:\)$

It sounds like the kids are doing well. Growing up, you wonder sometimes how they will turn out. I know I did.

Hope you have a great holiday. I'll stop in every once in awhile, but usually just lurk. Not much new to post anymore.

Take care.

(((Mal)))

It's been forever and even though I still lurk, I don't post much. So glad to hear things are going well for you! Hope you have a wonderful holiday season!

Debi

Ellie,
I saw that JS stopped by. It sounds like things are going well for him. I'm so happy to see that!

Originally Posted By: HappyToday

Weren't you posting jsut last week that he was S8? Wow - 14 already. They grow up too fast.

Tell me about it. Both of them! It's incredible. I've learned how quickly time passes by recently. Seeing them growing up hits me hard at times. I'll explain more in my long update.

Originally Posted By: HappyToday

I think all of us are at least a bit worried about our jobs the way the economy is going. I do understand how you don't wish the worst for your X and OW. It's not good for our kids for them to get in a bad way.

There were several who lost their jobs. Thankfully me, my team, the Ex and OW were all safe. Funny thing...

He called me later that day on my cell. I was still at work, and I saw a missed call. I called him back, assuming something bad (I don't know if I'll ever learn to not be on edge when it comes to contact, but so many wounds there.). He just wanted to know if I was okay after all of the lay offs that had happened earlier that day. I said I was okay, and told him that I saw that they were safe too. It was loud where he was, so he said he'd call me later.

And he did!

He called at the house, and we talked for 10 minutes. Incredible! He talked about how stressful it was as they called people aside one by one letting them know. We talked about people who we knew that left, etc... I haven't had a 10 minute conversation with the man since before the Big D was official. Like I said, it was incredible.

A good conversation. I hope we can continue moving in a positive direction. (Still in shock!)

Originally Posted By: jstx

It's great to hear things are still going well. I had a smart comment about S14 being taller than you, but you beat me to it. $\:\)$

Har, har, har. Yeah, as I get older and shorter, I am becoming a measuring stick for kids. ;-)

Originally Posted By: jstx

It sounds like the kids are doing well. Growing up, you wonder sometimes how they will turn out. I know I did.

Yep, I worry sometimes. S22 has been dating that same girl for almost 2 years now. I think everyone knows about her.

Well, she can't seem to stay stable or hold a job. I think that was too much for him. He decided to move in with another guy friend, because he couldn't count on her income.

That was the beginning of the end, and they broke up last week. The stress showed him how unbalanced she really is. She didn't take his decision well, and she's being a real pain to him. I know he'll be glad to get out of the apartment and into his own place.

You know how parents are....wondering if the person they pick is the right one. I didn't think too much of her (like a mom would). I'm not jumping up and down for joy or anything, after all, he's my son, and I know it's hurting him. But part of me is glad that R may be over. She was just so strange and NOT stable, emotionally or financially. He is on a different path than she was.

I don't know how many remember me talking about the search for my birth mother and bio family. I stopped searching again, and for some reason it's been on my mind alot. So fast forward a few years.....On Christmas last week, I think I found info on my birth family and where my siblings live. I found the obituary of the birth mother's ex-husband (probably not my bio father). That was the only contact info I had on them, so I was crushed. But in his obituary, I found info about his children (my half brothers and sisters?) Including addresses and married names for the 2 girls born before me!

I also found the email address of his granddaughter of his 3rd M. I took a chance and emailed her. I found out the the mother has since died (my mother?) as well as a sibling (my brother?). That told me that life is too short, and I need to do this!

The woman seems like she would be helpful to me, and says that her uncle is in contact with the siblings. She just wants to know why I'm asking. So I'm trying to decide what to do.

I made some posts on the adoption forum that I've been using and asked for input.

I am considering an email back to this woman, with simple questions (not giving away the complete story), and asking if she could find out if there were more siblings or give me the obitiuary for the woman, stating that I may be related to her. The granddaughter already knows that I'm searching for my heritage.

This is scary.

Wait, there's more!

In builing the family tree, based on what I think I have about my bio family, I added my two sons.

My ex is not the father of my first son (for those who didn't know). So I plugged in the name of his real dad, whom I haven't seen for 22 years.

And wham!

I think I found his bio dad. Without going into details, there is a lot in common with this guy I found. I also found him on some social websites, with pictures.

S22 is in agreement, and sees that it could be him (similarities in facts and resemblance). But it's been 22 years! And I can't be sure.

So I'm trying to find a freind who is also a member on Classmates.com to send him 2 questions. Those questions should confirm: Did you live at ________ and work at _________?

If I confirm, then S22 and I will decide next steps.

So I posted that on the adoption forum too, getting input on if the 2nd party asking questions would be okay. Assuming it's him, I will need to decide how to contact him (assuming S22 is ready - he has a lot of other stuff happening right now).

Funny thing, this guy I found? Business around the corner from where I live. His last known addresses, both near my past 2 homes, and one across the street from S22's high school. That is just too weird!

Oh, and S22 is a computer genius. Guess what kind of business this guy owns? LOL

Again, this is all a big IF!!

Wow, this is a lot all at once, don't you think?

Wow, Mal - you been storing all that info up like nuts for the winter?????

Couldn't you just casually stop into that business around the corner and scope out possible biodad? Don't you think if you heard his voice you'd be sure if that's him or not? Hmmm, wonder if he answers his own phone????

Ellie

Originally Posted By: kml

Wow, Mal - you been storing all that info up like nuts for the winter?????

Yep, this nut house needs all the nuts we can get. LOL

Originally Posted By: kml

Couldn't you just casually stop into that business around the corner and scope out possible biodad? Don't you think if you heard his voice you'd be sure if that's him or not? Hmmm, wonder if he answers his own phone????

I tried finding the place and didn't see it. So I'm wondering if the business still exists. I'm thinking about just calling and seeing if anyone answers the business phone number. Interesting thing - he is listed on the local Better Business Bureau website on their board of directors, and the info is for that business. Hmmmm...

I haven't heard anything more from the granddaughter that I contacted. I'm going to give it a few more days and then send her another quick email. If no reply, then I guess that means she doesn't want to help me with my bio family.

The next step would be to send a letter to my siblings. That will be tough. I don't know if they know about me.

I did find out that one of my siblings has some sons. So that means I have nephews?

Who knows how many relatives I may find. Scary! And exciting too!

Hi MAL! I happened to be in your neck of the woods (Sort of) for a business trip and I thought about you. Just wanted to say hi and hope that all is well.

Heard anymore in the search for relatives? I wish you the best of luck in that, I know it's something you've had in the back of your mind for a while now.

Take care.

OMG! Hi! I was just thinking about you, and decided to pop in here. Too weird. I'm so glad you stopped by to say hi.

So what kinda business brought you my way? I'm not even sure what you are doing now. I know you retired and moved back near your OS. But outside of that, I'm a bit out of touch.

Well, the search continues. I'm still talking with the lady on email. I offered to talk to her on the phone. If we do chat, I'll go ahead and fess up with everything. Through her and my search angel, I found some more relatives I think. But nothing on my birth mother yet. But according to her uncle, she may still be alive. It's so scary, one step at a time.

I still haven't had the nerve to contact S14's bio-father yet. But I've been thinking about that a lot more too. I will probably reach out to him in the next few days.

Outside of that, things are good here. My work stinks sometimes, and there are days when I wonder why I do it. But hey, it pays for the college education and pays my bills. One day though...I think I'll be looking for something new. It gets old.

I was adding some friends to Facebook the other day, and was searching from some fellow DB'ers. There are a few of us on there now, and it's a great way to keep in touch. I think I may have found your YS. Is your D still back in MO? Think I saw her on there too. Doubt it was a coincidence.

I've been catching up with a lot of friends on there, including some from high school. I even found some of my ex's family. WTH. Life's just too short, you know?

Hope to hear from you again soon.

Hugs!

MAL,

LOL, yeah I think both YS and D are on Facebook. D isn't in Missouri anymore, but I'm guessing she's slow on updating her stuff. I'm pretty sure my OS and his wife have a page on there too, but I don't really check those out. I figure I'll see or read something that I really don't want to know.

I read you're post and I'm confused (not hard, I know) but I thought S14's father was your X? It was S-22's bio-father you found. In any event, I think reaching out is a great idea...

Actually I'm attending a two week class up near Chincoteague Island. I flew into Baltimore and drove forever. They told me it was closer if I flew into Norfolk, but more expensive..next time I'll tell them to spend the money.

Life's too short? Well, I guess it is.

Oh? You didn't know about the OM while I was married to my ex? LOL. You should stay away from Jack!!!

J/K. Typo. You're not confused. I am just tired I guess. That should read S22's father. Sorry! (Wow, for an OLD guy, you're still pretty sharp!)

Yep, that's a long drive either way, but ORF would have been closer, and the drive up on the Ches Bay Bridge/Tunnel is nice. I haven't been up there in awhile, but I remember how pretty it was.

Yep, short! Like me! LOL

You had an OM while you were married to the ex???? Oh...and I haven't had any Jack. Actually found the nearest liquour store in this remote outpost, but it closes at 7pm and I didn't get there until 7:15...guess I'll be taking a long lunch tomorrow to run an important errand....

After all, life's short.

ROFL.

Yep, seems like just yesterday. Glad there were great friends to help me get through that crap. The other side is SO MUCH BETTER!!!!!

Thanks for making me laugh tonight! It was a rough day.

Always glad to help! $\:\)$ . And really sorry you had a rough day. I find it's easier to take it one day at a time and not to think about it too much.

You take care.

Oh, I know. I think I'm tired more than anything.

Just heard that Robert's aunt was diagnosed with terminal lung cancer. Ugh.

Like I said life is too short.

I am sitting here enjoying chatting with some friends on-line and listening to S14 practicing on the piano. He started taking lessons recently. That musical talent must run in the family! $\:\)$

Sorry to hear about the cancer. I had similar news about my brother's sister. I don't even know how I'd handle that.

Chatting, huh? Well, have fun. I've still got a government computer and stuff like that is blocked...or at least I think it is. I get a WARNING message when I try to access Yahoo IM... I always figure big brother is watching. So instead I'm watching some really bad television and pretending to do some work before hitting the sack.

Be good. and I hope you have a better day tomorrow.

It's especially bad for his family because he lost his W to cancer a couple years ago, and then his Step D to Luekemia. So the family is taking it hard.

Would your brother's sister be your sister? Or maybe I read that wrong? $\:\($

Yeah, they have IM on Facebook, so between typing on the threads, reading updates, and the IM, it's easy to keep up with people. They also have games where you can challenge each other. It's fun. But probably not something I'll have a lot of time for once school starts again.

If you get a chance, drop me a line and tell me what work your doing now, okay? I know we have to be super top secret on the bb. Wouldn't want to give away our secret spy identities. Especially if big brother is watching (wink).

Try not to pretend too much. An old guy like you has to take it easy.

LOL, yeah, I guess my sister-in-law would be my brother's WIFE. So who says you're the only one that can be tired?

Yeah, I guess I can let you slide on that one. I mean you're up there working sooooo hard and all. And you're OLDer than me. With all that gray hair, it's to be expected etc...

You know what they say about post-retirement, the first thing that goes...

Maybe I can cut you a little bit of slack.

Tell me about it...so you are still a smarta$$. You have a great evening.

Mal -
Check your mail.

Ellie

Originally Posted By: jstx

Tell me about it...so you are still a smarta$$. You have a great evening.

Now I know what you really think of me. STILL a smarta%%? That has to mean that I used to be one too. Hmmmm.....

Admit it, you did laugh though right? Sorry about that. I'll be nicer next time - I promise. It's great to see you and catch up.

Ellie,

Saw the email. I'll reply as soon as I get a chance later on.