Both focused on the same goals! - DivorceBusting.com

Hello all,

I just quickly went through the index and saw some names I recognize - it's good to see you all here. My R is heading in a more positive direction so I thought I would start a thread here. Here is a quick rundown on my sitch: Married 7 yrs, 2 kids, W had EA from 12/02 to 4/03, ILYBNILWY back in January and Feb, dropped bomb about OM in Mar., stopped A in Apr., things went well in May, I screwed up in early June, was in limbo until the first of August, then started heading in a positive direction.

Nothing really to post, just wanted to start the thread while I had a minute. Hope everyone has a nice weekend.

Lumpy

Welcome, Lumpy!

Looking forward to "getting to know you".

Sage

Likewise, Lumpy. Welcome over to Piecing.

Thanks you guys,

Had a nice weekend. Each day W and I seem to get closer and closer. We actually hold hands on a regular basis these days - and she has started initiating some of the contact!

She is still struggling with the events and consequences of her A, but each time a sitch comes up, we talk through it and I reinforce how committed I am to her - and it really helps her get through it. I can really feel the apprecation from her.

I just moved my office and wanted to check and see if our internet access was working - so I thought I check here first. I'm still unpacking and will try to make my way to some of your threads soon.

Lumpy

Hooray Lumpy!!!!!!

I am so happy to hear that things are continuing to go well with you. Keep us posted when you have time.

I figured I'd see you here some day. Keep up the good work, things seem to be running so smoothly for you right now. You are very fortunate that this happened relatively quickly for you, but don't let that fact cause you to ease up any and fall into old habits. Keep us posted.

What's up, Lumpy?

Good to see you on this forum! You are a DBing natural

Hope your day is going as good as this Metro DC weather.

j

Man it sure made me feel good to see messages from "old" friends - you guys are great and I appreciate you checking in on me.

Rob - I'm checking in on you as much as I can - I'm confident I'll see you in this forum soon!

jorge and mockers - send me links to your latest threads so that I can enter them into my favorites list.

Just a quick update: W has been wanting to change the setting of her wedding ring and the 5 yr anniv band that I had given her (she wears more silver colored jewelery now and the rings are set in gold) She met with a jeweler friend today and then called me and went through what she wanted to do. After she was done, she asked if it would be okay since I had given them to her - she didn't want to hurt my feelings by changing them if it would bother me. I told her that I had given those to her as symbols of my love and that exactly what they looked like didn't matter to me - they were hers to wear/display however she wanted. She then said it might be a little expensive and before she could tell me the price I said that cost was not a factor - I wanted her to be happy to wear them and be comfortable wearing them whenever she wanted. I could feel the appreciation in her voice when she said thank you.

I tell you this b/c this is a simple example of a 180 for both of us - and an example of how the DB/DR theories work (even if you know nothing about them). This time last year, she probably would have gone ahead and done what she wanted without even asking me what I thought. That would have lead into a fight and more resentment on both of our parts. Now, we both approached the situation with the others thoughts in mind and we both feel great about the resolution to the issue and how we involved each other to get there.

Like I've said before, this is a way of life and once you grasp that concept, you're well on your way to a successful relationship - first with yourself, then with your spouse or SO.

Good luck all!

Lumpy

Quote:

This time last year, she probably would have gone ahead and done what she wanted without even asking me what I thought. That would have lead into a fight and more resentment on both of our parts.

What will you do when at some point in the future she does do something without asking you that annoys you? And you know it will happen eventually. How will you handle it with your new solution oriented way of being? How will she react when you do something that upsets her? I'm not trying to be negative...just putting some thoughts out there. How will you keep the positivity going?

Hey Rob,

Very good point. We've actually had a few small issues along those lines that we have talked through well. The thing that I've noticed that we both do (and I'm able to recognize alot better now) is minimizing our attacking of each other. We talk about the issue at hand and we don't bring old issues into the mix that could lead to an argument.

Of course I've got no idea exactly how we are going to handle future sitch's, but I sure feel alot better about the tools that I have now when those sitch's arise.

Thanks for the input - and I definitely didn't take it as negative. I think its good to have those kinds of things to think about, b/c, you're right, its not always going to be positive.

Lumpy

Good morning all,

Came across one of those issues last night and this AM. W has a TON of stuff going on in her life right now with her work (getting ready for the holiday season) and both kids back in school and hasn't really settled into a routine yet. Last night when she got home from work, she was upset at how "trashed" she thought the house was. She was really upset more at herself b/c all of the stuff that was laying around was hers. She admitted that that was the case, but she also wasn't feeling well so I was getting the brunt of the attitude. I went into full DB mode, asked how I could help and didn't say anything that would escalate into an argument. I could feel the anger/resentment rising in me, but I realized that it was a function of the moment and expressing myself at that point wouldn't get me anywhere. Later in the evening she apologized and said that she didn't mean to take her frustrations out on me. We talked about how I had felt and she really appreciated that I had not said anything that would have escalated the issue.

This morning was more of the same and on the way to work she called me just to apologize for (her words) "being a world class b---h." and that she was going to really focus on changing her attitude over the course of the day. I just laughed and said thanks for thinking of my feelings.

Like the books say, a R is constant work - sure is nice to have tools to better handle that work aspect of it.

Hope everyone has a great day/week.

Lumpy

Lumpy, it is great seeing you here! I moved here a few weeks ago and have not updated my sitch in a while, because nothing real new to post, but that may be changing starting from last night. But that will be for later.

Just want you to know I have prayed for you. Oh yeah Carolina still blows
Mark