No idea why that title occurred to me this morning. But in a way it fits because I know with puncture wounds you have to keep them from closing at the surface so all the infection isn't just covered over.
So I think I need a plan to work on healing on the inside, rather than just acting as if on the outside.
Must not be quit ready to leave the bb yet.
Previous thread:
Living Again!
#1
Thought this a rather neat reminder.
To: YOU
Date: TODAY
From: GOD - The Boss!
Subject: YOURSELF
Reference: LIFE
This is God. Today I will be handling All of your problems for you. I do Not need your help. So, have a nice day.
I love you.
GOD
P.S.
And, remember....
If life happens to deliver a situation to you that you can not handle, do Not attempt to resolve it yourself !! Kindly put it in the SFGTD (something for God to do) box. I will get to it in MY TIME. All situations will be resolved, but in My time, not yours.
P.S.S.
Once the matter is placed into the box, do not hold onto it by worrying about it. Instead, focus on all the wonderful things that are present in your life now.
If you find yourself stuck in traffic; Don't despair. There are people in this world for whom driving is an unheard of privilege.
Should you have a bad day at work; Think of the man who has been out of work for years.
Should you despair over a relationship gone bad; Think of the person who has never known what it's like to love and be loved in return.
Should you grieve the passing of another weekend; Think of the woman in dire straits, working twelve hours a day, seven days a week to feed her children.
Should your car break down, leaving you miles away from assistance; Think of the paraplegic who would love the opportunity to take that walk.
Should you notice a new gray hair in the mirror; Think of the cancer patient in chemo who wishes she had hair to examine.
Should you find yourself at a loss and pondering what is life all about, asking what is my purpose? Be thankful. There are those who didn't live long enough to get the opportunity.
Should you find yourself the victim of other people's bitterness, ignorance, smallness or insecurities; Remember, things could be worse. You could be one of them!
Should you decide to send this to a friend; Thank you, you may have touched their life in ways you will never know!
Now, you have a nice day,
God
Good Morning PIB,
I was beginning to wonder!
Have a sunshine filled day.
Hi Pam - I for one am glad you are not quite ready to quit the bb just yet - we need you
I like the note from God - puts an interesting spin on things, doesn't it?
Wishing you a bright Tuesday. Slowly
Hi Slowly,
Well, I am afraid I'm not too useful on the bb anymore. I guess where I feel I am at I am glad to be out of limbo and not sure how much help I could be to someone still there right now.
It is raining here now, but supposed to clear up before I get off from work. I love sunny days so much better than rainy ones!
I think the part that hit me the most is it will be handled but not on my time frame.
Which is ALWAYS a problem for me.
Step # 1 Focus on the positives that I do have rather than the negatives that in one form or another are always going to be present in life.
I believe at one time Kitti and I had an agreement to list 10 positives a day. I don't know if I will make 10 right off, but probably as the mind becomes accoustomed to focusing on the positives it will get easier.
Morning Ms. Pam!
I love the new thread title and the thought process behind it!
Can't wait to hear more from you!
Sage
PS Leave the BB -- what are you talking about???
Good Afternoon Sage, I guess I have felt that I should leave as I am not being useful anymore. Which shows how I determine my worth.
An area to work on!
Focus on the positives in my life.
List things I am grateful for so that is more where my mind is turned.
Work on things to help me feel better about myself, it needs to come from the inside NOT the outside and it is all about choices and making the ones to enjoy life and feel good, rather than mop and feel down.
Realize my self worth is not determined by how useful I am to other people. I am a person with worth and value, who has made mistakes and poor choices in her life, but also learned some from them and isn't that the definition of life? Now to come up with the actions to go with the thoughts.
Gee, I was feeling pretty good.
Got slammed this evening.
I don't figure I have a leg to stand on.
Talked to D and he hadn't been to the house recently and I needed to drop off some stuff he had said I could borrow.
So I watered the plants and checked the mail.
Got a bill from my A for the divorce that was final in July!!!
She wants $935.00 more dollars and I had already paid her what she said she would charge to do my divorce and then at the courthouse when we agreed in the settlement not to ask D for A fees she said I didn't owe her anything else.
I certainly don't have that money right now with all the start up costs on the new house.
Opened my cell phone bill and since I gave it out, while I was mostly between houses that is where everyone calls me now and it is horrendous this month. Last month was bad, but this one is much worse.
Then D has had the field gate replaced, which it needed, but I think he is supposed to discuss repairs with me before money is spent that will be pulled out of the equity once the house sells.
The evening has to get better, right?????
Well, it wasn't too productive of an evening but I did work in the kids room some.
The cell phone I can change the plan or just start turning it off, which is what I plan to do today.
The gate I don't think D would get too carried away spending money on the house so basically it would be easier on me to just drop it and let him do what he wants.
The A thing I just still can't believe. No idea what to do on it.
Yesterday I called one dog friend and talked for a long time and then e-mailed another one and heard back from her this morning. So doing some reconnecting with dog people. I consider that a good sign in myself that I am reaching back out to familiar people and activities. Maybe I am about done running and hiding! I hope.
Everyone chose to make it a great day.
Quote:
The A thing I just still can't believe. No idea what to do on it.
What if you called her and asked her about it?
You said in a post that you were assured by her you didn't owe her anything more...so find out why that changed.
And if you agree with her assessment (and take your time on that) tell her that you'll have to establish a payment plan because you cannot give her the money all at once -- then propose a figure to her.
Sage (who is sounding bossy!!!) 
Good Morning Sage,
I don't think you are sounding bossy! I call it helpful.
I don't agree with all of her breakdown but would suppose most of it is fairly accurate. I had to do a lot of the paperwork that she is billing me for as hers wasn't accurate.
But, what gets me is I would NEVER have agreed to not asking D for A fees had I known she was going to bill me for almost a $1,000.00 above what I had already paid her!!!!!
Why would she tell me I wasn't going to owe her anything else when A fees were discussed for settlement purposes?
Because she really is a lousy A?
I left her a vm last night expressing that I didn't understand why I was receiving this bill, when it was discussed at settlement that I didn't owe her anything else so I agreed to not asking D for A fees.
Not easy to pull the mind away from the A thing, but hope this will get easier as it becomes a habit for me to look at positives rather than negatives.
Positives:
I have a job to at least be able to make payments on my bills and house.
I have the shelties and their unconditional love at all times.
The kids are adjusting and all seem fairly healthy right now!
I am starting to step out a bit and reach out to people in my past again.
I have a wonderful new neighbor and friend.
I like my new house.
I love fall and the colors are beautiful right now.
I have friends who seem to care about me and as I start to step out a bit more I am finding them still there for me.
I also have e-mail friends that I have made over my year on the bb and they mean a lot to me.
I left my car windows down all night and thank goodness it didn't pour down rain!!!!
Didn't hear anything back from my A yesterday. She may have called the number at PK, but at 3:00 there were no calls from her at PK.
Stayed pretty bummed a good part of yesterday, but by afternoon was feeling a bit better. D actually FINALLY returned a call and we discussed the cell phone. Going to get more info on it.
If I go in as a new contract I have no activation fee and a free phone. If we change the current one to my name there are all sorts of fees associated with it and I am being told it cannot be upgraded to a different plan. So for now I am leaving it off a bit more.
The workers shut my water off when they left last night. I scrounged around and finally found the neighbor across the streets phone number to call and see if they had water and they did. He said he would come and turn my water back on for me.
I thought that was really nice of him.
He has passed out a paper for everyone to fill out with their name, address, phone numbers, children names and emergency contact person. I thought that was really nice of him. He is going to type it all up and hand it out when he gets the info. Anything you don't want given out you just don't list.
I still really think if I had to move I ended up right where I am supposed to be as JJ always says.
Stepping down the Zoloft I am starting to either dream more or remember my dreams more.
I dreamed last night I met JJ and his wife, mostly his wife. It was very strange. I was a clerk in a store they came into as they were passing through wherever I was at. I have never worked in any sort of store in my life so NO idea why that dream. Where is Shiny when I need an interpretation????
Worked on my garage some more and was just able to get my car in but it is pretty tight squeeze.
Shoot even with everything out it is going to be hard getting in and out of vehicles in the garage. They can call it two car, but it isn't comfortably two car!!!
But I feel much more positive again this morning. I have worked on the kids room some, the kitchen some and last night I also worked on the kids room and the paper to give the neighbor. So being productive does help my mood! The problem is to get myself productive when I am feeling rather down.
Everyone have a wonderful day!!
Pam -- I think I want to move into your neighborhood
Everyone there sounds so darned inviting!!!
Sage
Hey Sage,
So far it seems to be a really nice neighborhood.
You are most welcome to move on down, but I have a feeling you would miss too many things up your way!!!
M says the cul de sac is sort of a gathering place when the weather is nice and folks are out walking and visiting.
The shelties haven't really adjusted to having all the neighbors yet. Lots of barking.
But they should eventually get used to it.
Hi Pam!
I do hope I was fully clothed in your dream last night! It seems that whenever I have a dream about myself being in a public place, I've forgotten to put on some article of clothing!
It sounds like you've found yourself a great new place, with a lot of good people around! I'm so happy for you!
JJ,
It is sooo good to see your smiling presence again!!! I thought you had written me off since I ended up divorced. I am sure I will always think of you when I watch, "The Bishop's Wife".
It seems strange sometimes how people you have never met can have such an impact on your life. Now, when I am working on certain things or trying to keep myself calm there are different people and different posts I think of, some of them from months back.
I was never sure about it before when you used to say you are right where you need to be. But I truly think I am right where I need to be to heal and to grow past some problems I have had my whole adult life. I think M was sent to help me adjust. She is soooo wonderful, she surely can't be real. Maybe my whole neighborhood is a figment of my imagination.
Shades of Brigadoon! Let's see how many folks have seen that movie!!
You will be pleased to know that everyone was fully clothed in my dream.
I really do like it here so far and hopefully continue to do so.
I just walked a paper over to my neighbors tonight and it just seemed peaceful and friendly out. I mean no one was out but that was the feeling I had while walking over.
It just seems a friendly neighborhood and I hope it stays that way. There are six new houses going up on our street so if they are all sold lots of new neighbors before long.
Quote:
It sounds like you've found yourself a great new place, with a lot of good people around! I'm so happy for you!
Thank you. You really have been wonderful help over the past year you know.
Well, ick.
Really hurting bad this month and that usually leads to a messed up head.
But I may have hit on something. I am guessing most of my emotional problems are because I don't like me. But, I am not sure how to change that.
Quote:
But I may have hit on something. I am guessing most of my emotional problems are because I don't like me. But, I am not sure how to change that.
Goodness...what a tremendous insight, Pam...and SO TOTALLY within your control! Wanna tackle some of this together? 'cause I'm thinking that that may have something to do with my own anxiety of late...
Sage
Ok, Ms. Sage,
I'm game if you are.
Where do we start?
Quote:
Where do we start?
Hmmm...my thought is to start with the best tool I know of -- DB'ing!!! And that would mean we'd start with step 1 -- a beginner's mind...
Do you think starting a thread focusing on DB'ing US would be a good idea?
IOW, I need to DB myself so that I can like myself more and want to spend more time with myself
So if we DB ourselves you think it will help us like ourselves?
I am betting the beginners mind is definitely a good place to start!
Quote:
So if we DB ourselves you think it will help us like ourselves?
I do...all the steps are there, right? disabusing ourselves of stale notions...setting some goals...figuring out what works (when do we feel good!) and doing less of what doesn't...the only hard part may be "asking for what you want" ... but maybe not...sometimes I feel like I need to give myself "permission" -- how 'bout you?
Sage
Quote:
sometimes I feel like I need to give myself "permission" -- how 'bout you?
Very much so! Even then it doesn't always help.
The number one thing I need to remember is when I physically feel bad I really go down emotionally!
I hurt really, really bad yesterday. Took a lot of pain medication. On the drive home I was hurting and had worked myself into a state where emotionally I felt so hopeless and lost that it was almost a physical pain and I was thinking I DID NOT want to live feeling this way.
I sat down last night and wrote up where I would want my posessions to go. It really was actually somewhat interesting to take stock of my life.
Here is my last line: Not much of value for a lifetime, but definitely some wonderful memories, good times & I believe some great and LOYAL friends. That is what I always valued the most in my life, the friendships.
Today the pain is less, the medication is less and I feel soooo much more positive. I really need to engrave that into my brain!
Can anyone tell me what they went through getting off their ad's and is there anything that helps?
I tried to call my doctor this morning as I have now had two really bad depression days. The office is apparently closed and has moved. Looks like you would let your patients know something like that!!
Pam
I have no advice about ADs having never taken them. But it sounds like you could do with a HUG?
((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((
Squashed Pam ))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
Livnlearn
Quote:
I tried to call my doctor this morning as I have now had two really bad depression days. The office is apparently closed and has moved. Looks like you would let your patients know something like that!!
Pam -- Can you call your (former?) insurance company and see if they have updated information? Do you have ANY other doctor that you go to (ob/gyn, etc) that may be able to help? Barring that, I strongly suggest even going to the emergency room.
Are you at work or home?
sage
Quote:
Pam
I have no advice about ADs having never taken them. But it sounds like you could do with a HUG?
(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((( Squashed Pam ))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
Livnlearn
Ah..LnL,
A smile and affection. My two favorite things.
Thank you.
Ms. Sage,
Thank you for the suggestion and the concern.
I am at work and not in bad shape right now. It seems to happen as the afternoon/evening wears on, I assume as the medication is getting low in my system. I take it at night now and am considering switching to mornings.
I called the lady who originally gave me the name of the doctor and she is calling her mom to see if she has the doctor's new number so hopefully will come up with something today.
Pam - usually we keep someone on ADs for at least a year - and then if their depression returns as they go off, start them back on for at least another six months. I know finances are an issue for you, but have you looked into Canadian pharmacies, or asked your doctor if they get any free samples that would defray your cost? It doesn't sound like you are ready to come off them yet.
If you still feel you must go off them - wean down very slowly. My daughter's psychiatrist says, when she goes off her Prozac a year from now, that we will only decrease her dosage by 10 mg per month (she takes 70). If you are down to the lowest dose pill, try taking it every other day for a while before you stop. Also, fish oil supplements are shown to increase the effectiveness of ADs, so why not take some fish oil, a good multivitamin, and an extra B complex? Exercise every day and get plenty of sunshine or buy a lamp like the kind they use to treat seasonal affective disorder.
Ellie
Hi Ellie,
Thank you so much for the info.
I have been on some dosage of the Zoloft for over a year now. I started them in either August or September of last year.
I have not checked into Canadian pharmacies and that is something I think I might do. I would like to be off of them, but I'm not sure if I am going to feel like this I want to be off of them!
I was on 100 mg and she had me go to 50 mg a day for 4 weeks then I am to go to 50 mg every other day for two weeks then stop them all together. Currently this is the start of my third week on the half dosage.
I am on a good multi vitamin and extra B Complex but no fish oil. I am also getting very little exercise right now and it is very dreary out. So probably a combination of things working against me.
Got interesting e-mail from D. Had told him the other night when it was so bad that I am really struggling.
He e-mailed and asked if I had checked to see if I am still on insurance. I hadn't as shoot d was final in July.
So I went online where I order my prescriptions and it still had me and my current prescription # in the system so I ordered a refill. At least this way if I have trouble getting off of them I have a backup now.
Good Morning Pam
Here's someting I have been trying to drum into my head, with occasional success -
There is no WAY to happiness, happiness IS the way! Does that make sense?
Livnlearn
Good Morning LnL,
Yes, that makes sense to me.
I think I will hang onto that thought.
I didn't do the mood swings last night and I am SOOO glad!!!
This morning I feel pretty good.
Taking B to the vet and then going to where the office my doctor was in moved to sign the transfer for them to send the records to where my doctor moved.
Then I think I'm having lunch with M and possibly T, dropping my car at the shop and catching a ride home and hope to get some boxes emptied!!
I want to be able to get my car in the garage before I have to start scrapping windows!
Everyone have an UP UP & AWAY DAY!!!
Pam,
Where the heck are ya?
You ok?
Sage
Hey Ms. Sage,
I'm worn out! Worked on my house a lot this weekend.
Then this morning it was pouring rain and dreary so I was sitting with some blah feelings. But the sun is out now and I feel better!
Hope you are having a wonderful day. I see you are reading old threads.
I really can't go back and do that, too many regrets, too much raw pain.
Hi Pam - Its so nice to see the good feeling in your post
I'm with you, still too scared to go back to my old threads
Slowly
Good Morning Slowly,
You were all over the place this morning
I guess going back I could probably see that I am feeling and doing better but I am afraid it would just drag up bad feelings.
So for now I think I will try to keep myself from looking back and focus on going foward. I know I'm not even close to as healed and back together as Ms. Sage is, at that stage it might be worth seeing what you could learn from where you have come from.
I did have some really awesome people helping me so I KNOW there is lots of good advice in my threads!
Hi Pam - I know what you mean about great folks here giving awesome advise and help - we are blessed, aren't we?
And yes, without planning it so, today has turned out to be a big bb day for me. I'm actually feeling more positive, but drained. I think I'll sleep well tonight. Lots of emotional outpouring on these pages.
Its a process, alright
Slowly
Quote:
Hi Pam - I know what you mean about great folks here giving awesome advise and help - we are blessed, aren't we?
We really are. I am talking a bit with a lady who is going through pretty much the same sitch. Her H is having an affair with her long term friend.
She said she is pretty numb right now but that it helps to have me to talk too and I know what she means as I'm not sure she really has anyone else that sort of understands what she is going through.
Quote:
Its a process, alright
That it certainly is and a SLOOOOW ONE!
I wrote this stuff out a week or so ago and just kept it in my word processor but still want to develop actions to go with so hoping I will focus on that more if I post it.
Focus on the positives in my life.
When waking up early and not getting right up, think some positive thoughts for the day.
List positives each day to help keep my thoughts focused on them, rather than the other junk.
Work on things to help me feel better about myself, it needs to come from the inside NOT the outside and it is all about choices and making the ones to enjoy and feel good rather than mop and feel down.
Get speakers hooked up and go back to the meditating each morning.
Start back with an exercise program so physically feel more fit and up to doing more activities and not wearing out so quickly.
Realize my self worth is not determined by how useful I am to other people. I am a person with worth and value, who has made mistakes and poor choices in her life, but also learned some from them and isn't that the definition of life?
Ok, I have been coasting along and not staying focused on anything too well. I have gotten lazy without Cal to crack the whip!
I think some of this needs to begin being worked on before I can really work on starting to like myself better.
I realized yesterday during a conversation with G that I took something he said and let it affect me the same way it did if David did something similar. With G I am sure my emotions were all based on my assumptions of what was taking place! Now I wonder how much of my interactions with David I possibly misread.
So my communication and processing rather suck, at least when I personalize and assume they do.
Things I want to change about me:
I don't suppose it is possible to just have a different brain, A LOGICAL ONE, installed.
1. My assuming rather than listening and NOT personalizing.
2. I talk too damn much, give people tons more info than they want or need. When I do this I think of Sage's box analogy. I always open mine and push it into people's face.
3. I am still trying to look for emotional support and distractions from the outside rather than focusing on the inside. This happens mostly at work.
Those are really big and I could go on and on, but believe if I can tackle those to an extent the results will trickle down. Aka..the butterfly effect.
Changing your behavior requires patience, time, hard work and self examination.
This is out of the e-book I had ordered back before the d was final and then never read as I had so many other things on my mind.
I need to remember I can't do it overnight and not to get discouraged and quit!
Last night I dreamed about D and J. I have no idea why, but it kept playing in my head, the lies, deceit, the smirking she did at the dog show when she knew he was filing the next day and I didn't.
That is something I still can't believe in a way that he put me through, to ask to go out in public to see the show, (her show I think), to be made fun of that way. Did he hate me? I know it needs to not matter why he did it as I'll never know and he probably doesn't know either.
My guess is he was so enamoured of her and wanted to see her show that it didn't matter what he put me through, that he never even considered that aspect of what he was doing.
Since at times now my memory seems to have difficulty and if I let my mind get unfocused I tend to get down and look for outside assistance.
I bought a memo pad while grocery shopping and plan to track me and my self talk. To see if I can identify what happens when the down turn starts. I am hoping that will help me develope some strategies to change those habits.
Quote:
That is something I still can't believe in a way that he put me through, to ask to go out in public to see the show, (her show I think), to be made fun of that way. Did he hate me? I know it needs to not matter why he did it as I'll never know and he probably doesn't know either.
My guess is he was so enamoured of her and wanted to see her show that it didn't matter what he put me through, that he never even considered that aspect of what he was doing.
Pam, this is a GREAT job of depersonalizing what happened and seeing the shades of gray in a sitch (instead of ASSuming it's black/white)!!!
And I love your idea of writing down your self talk ... I think you'll be surprised at how noting it can help you turn it around.
Sage
Quote:
Pam, this is a GREAT job of depersonalizing what happened and seeing the shades of gray in a sitch (instead of ASSuming it's black/white)!!!
I have to keep reminding myself of that and it doesn't really take the hurt away, but it helps some.
Quote:
And I love your idea of writing down your self talk ... I think you'll be surprised at how noting it can help you turn it around.
Sage
This morning I have found my notepad useful. The afternoons are the real challenge so we will see if this helps me.
Thinking of having an open house so some of my friends can see my new house.
Need some ideas on what to have for food though!
I haven't cooked in so long it is pitiful.
Well, I filled a page in my notebook up today.
It wasn't with self talk but with thoughts and ideas I had, things I wanted to get done. But, it gave me a positive place to focus and when I caught myself talking or thinking negative I redirected it to something I had noted on my pad.
So for day one this seems to be going to help!
Quote:
Well, I filled a page in my notebook up today. It wasn't with self talk but with thoughts and ideas I had, things I wanted to get done. But, it gave me a positive place to focus and when I caught myself talking or thinking negative I redirected it to something I had noted on my pad.
Pam...this sounds GREAT! I truly believe that writing stuff down for me is CRITICAL (one of the reasons why I'm always journalling here!). There's something about the transfer from hand to paper to brain that really works for me! It's also a GREAT way to slow your thoughts down so that you can really take them in...
Sage
Quote:
Thinking of having an open house so some of my friends can see my new house.
Need some ideas on what to have for food though!
I haven't cooked in so long it is pitiful.
Why not have a potluck?
Ellie
Hiya Pam - An open house sound great - we too found that keeping busy with guests helped us heal, people are great distractions while feelings are still raw.
Pot luck sounds good to me...
Slowly
Hi Sage,
I am finding writing things down is forcing me to think more about what I am thinking and realizing how my train of thoughts run sometimes.
I still find in life's lessons I seem to learn things the hard way. But there is also a feeling within me that I am getting close to being on the right path again and that my life is going to straighten out.
Hi Ellie,
Thank you for that suggestion. I had been debating after this weekend letting everyone know I was canceling but it will probably be a good distraction to have people around and since they are my friends they will understand that we just this past weekend finished moving almost everything I own out of PK. So now I have boxes stacked around again!!
I realized yesterday I forgot my stuff in the attic.
But it is mostly just Fall and Christmas decorations so D may let me have it when he gets ready to get stuff out of the attic.
Hi Slowly,
I am going to follow your lead then and not cancel.
I wrecked my van this past weekend. Still pretty sore and have lots to deal with over the wreck so had really been considering letting my friends know I would need to cancel.
But I can't do anything about anything on a Sunday anyway so why not go ahead and visit with my friends and distract my brain from my problems for a bit.
Dear PSluke, I am new here and after reading your situation wanted to send my wishes for a good party. You talk about how difficult it is to work on you, well you have a clean slate with your new place to surround yourself with all kinds of inspiration. Favorite artwork, cozy blankets, special books. Make your new home ALL about you and where you want to be inside. With the holidays coming don't worry too much about your decorations in the attic. I know you'll want them back because they have a lot of meaning, but even when you get them, maybe this year try something totally different. Pick a theme for your new place and go to town. If you like blue and silver go for it, red and gold a great choice too. Good luck with the boxes, only pull out what you need and things that make you feel good. Don't forget to buy some fresh cut flowers for yourself and the party. truly, Jennifer
Jennifer,
Thank you!!! I like your thoughts.
I will have to look you up later. Right now I gotta get ready for work!
Pam, Are you OK? You wrecked the van?
Sounds like you're sore but otherwise unharmed?
Sage
Quote:
Pam, Are you OK? You wrecked the van?
Sounds like you're sore but otherwise unharmed?
Sage
Ms. Sage,
Thank you for the concern. I appreciate it.
I am sore but no injuries. I think the shelties are all ok as well, although I did discuss Breeze with the vet yesterday and I have her on baby asperin. She hit the floor hard. I really have no idea where the others started but I'm sure they ended up on the floor as well.
You know I don't feel lonely very often anymore. The kids are a lot of company and I do occassionally do things in the evenings, but tonight I feel very down.
I would suppose it is all the emotions from what happened this past weekend still processing and on less Zoloft as this starts my second week of every other day.
Tonight I sort of want company and sort of don't. Odd feeling, I guess maybe I am specifically missing D.
After all of this time and struggle we put into it we have ended up not speaking. I miss the thought that he is out there even just a little bit.
I do think it is like a grieving process, I just want to make sure to work all the way through it and not get stuck in the middle.
I am checking on getting a home equity loan on my house to pay for expenses that will incur from the weekend, plus pay off the credit card and pay dad back some of what he loaned me.
M came over today while I was at work and hung my blind that she picked up for me at HD. She really can't be a real person, she is way too helpful! I'm thinking my guardian angel to make sure I get through this mess and come out the other side.
You see I can see the positives, so don't understand the down feeling.
The weekend was extremely traumatic and I am still working on straightening it out so that almost has to be it along with D being real gone to the extent that I don't expect to ever see him again now.
Doing a couple of things has helped, still sad but not as bad.
I believe I am going to check into seeing a psychologist to help me finish stepping the Zoloft down and hopefully process the rest of the grief over this whole mess.
No idea how you pick one. I don't do that well apparently.
I think the C I saw was not very good and the A I picked wasn't very good either.
Saw another A this morning, had spoken with him over the phone yesterday and he seemed very nice, still did in person but he has gray hair and a pony tail. I was a bit shocked!
Well, CR*P I don't suppose any of my old friends are around when I need a good whack.
I have a party Sunday and all the junk my parents and I finished moving out of PK Sunday strung all over this house and needing dealt with!
So I need to stop the crying and the pity party to get ready for the real party!
Poking around before signing off and checked my Cainer Cast, which I haven't done since before the d.
I believe it hit me today.
Is something starting to go wrong? It's easy to paint such a pessimistic picture. You just have to think a little too long and hard about recent events. Some of these still cause you to feel cross or anxious.
If you project these things into the future, it soon starts to look dire. There's no law against carrying such an expectation around. You are entitled to feel awkward or edgy. But if you are enjoying that mood, do not read any further.
Your forecast today, contains a real, firm promise of triumphant delight.
I like the sound of that last sentence!
Checked out the weekly which starts the day of the incident with my van wreck. I think someone is trying to tell me something.
Something is slipping out of control. Wonderful news. It means that you cannot keep up a pretence - or continue to pour valuable energy into some futile effort to maintain a shaky status quo.
A sense of obligation is urging you to try to keep things steady. You don't want to be the first to abandon a promise or a plan. If anything, you would prefer to be the last to give up.
Nonetheless, you will breathe a sigh of relief once you see how inevitable the next wave of change now is.
Little in your world is really wrong. Most of it is more 'right' than you can yet see.
A friend who used to be on the BB e-mailed me Sunday and she said my path ahead is just getting brighter and steadier and more straight.
So despite what it looks like from the outside it seems I should be looking for things to take a good turn in my life.
Quote:
triumphant delight.
Ooh, I like that!
No go unpack and clean for your party!!!
Ellie
Hi Pam - Sorry to hear about the accident, glad there were no serious injuries. Positive distractions are wonderful PMA boosters - definitely party time
Slowly
Thank you Ellie
I too like the sound of that, it has a VERY positive ring to it.
Hi Slowly,
I need to get motivated to be ready for a party! I did work on a few things so the evening wasn't a total wash.
Pam -- I'm sorry to have not been on the boards when you needed a hug (a whack? no way). sounds like you did a great job of seeking outt he positives -- which doesn't surprise me at all!
I suspect you're right that it is the grieving process and that goes as it goes -- makes perfect sense to me that it wouldn't be full bore negative/sadness or full bore eupohoria. People are "gray" Pam, right?
As for finding a therapist...could you ask your doctor (could just be via a phone call) or that friend of yours that you've spoken with? If you still have insurance you can also call your insurance company for a referral but I think personal referrals are best.
Don't be shy about asking for a free 15 minute "consultation" to see how the chemistry is. That could even be over the phone and may really help you separate the good from the not-so-good.
Hope the positive attitude you found last night is still around this AM!
Sage
Hi Sage,
It really needs to be me pull myself out, and I think I am getting a little better but it still needs lots of work.
I do still struggle with the "gray", black/white is easier to figure out! But I prefer "gray". Just gotta keep working to get there.
My doctor is quit a ways from me and I would like to find a therapist closer to home.
I left S a vm asking about referrals but didn't hear back from him.
After this weekend there is no way I would still be on the insurance. It really was bad.
D was yelling wildly at me and that is the last we spoke to one another. I think that I am grieving the finality of everything now. It seems to have happened in stages as our R and our interactions have changed in stages, till now there is nothing left.
The positive attitude is coming and going, but it will eventually be back I'm sure.
Quote:
My doctor is quit a ways from me and I would like to find a therapist closer to home.
Yes...but she may know someone in the area, right?
Quote:
I left S a vm asking about referrals but didn't hear back from him.
Call him back and leave another message!
Quote:
After this weekend there is no way I would still be on the insurance. It really was bad. D was yelling wildly at me and that is the last we spoke to one another. I think that I am grieving the finality of everything now. It seems to have happened in stages as our R and our interactions have changed in stages, till now there is nothing left.
Would it help to get off your chest what happened?
Also...and I'm not trying to minimize your sense of "finality" but there's a lot of time between NOW and FOREVER...it may well be that there will be room in both of your lives for contact...or there may NOT be...but it will be your choice as well as his, I suspect. We've all been in situations where we thought an R couldn't survive in any way shape or form a blowup but they often do.
That being said...my two cents it that turning your attention to YOUR future is a great place for you to put your energies.
Sage
The wife of the attorney I spoke with is studying to be a marriage counselor and I asked her this morning if she could recommend someone.
She is also her H's receptionist on Mondays and Wednesdays. Seems really nice.
She gave me the name of a counseling service that she would recommend and they have therapists with different levels of degrees working there it appears from their web site. I do know S said I need to see a psychologist since I am dealing with the medication.
Quote:
Would it help to get off your chest what happened?
Not yet, possibly eventually. Did you receive the e-mail I sent over the weekend? My e-mail has been really flaky lately.
Quote:
Also...and I'm not trying to minimize your sense of "finality" but there's a lot of time between NOW and FOREVER...it may well be that there will be room in both of your lives for contact...or there may NOT be...but it will be your choice as well as his, I suspect. We've all been in situations where we thought an R couldn't survive in any way shape or form a blowup but they often do.
This time I think I managed to kill it totally!
It appears at the present time and into the future as B sees it our paths are separated by a goodly margin, where previously there was not an absence of one of us from the others lives. D took a totally unexpected path, whatever it was and it looks very chaotic and very dark ahead for him. He is now starting up many paths and appears to have no purpose or reason guiding him.
I actually feel sadness hearing that, NOW if that was J maybe I would feel glad!
Quote:
That being said...my two cents it that turning your attention to YOUR future is a great place for you to put your energies.
The problem for me is how to figure out how to do that?
Quote:
The wife of the attorney I spoke with is studying to be a marriage counselor and I asked her this morning if she could recommend someone.
She is also her H's receptionist on Mondays and Wednesdays. Seems really nice. She gave me the name of a counseling service that she would recommend and they have therapists with different levels of degrees working there it appears from their web site. I do know S said I need to see a psychologist since I am dealing with the medication.
Good for you!!! I think you may be able to meet with a counselor for therapy and they might interact with a Dr. to prescribed your meds...but I'm sure they will guide you thru all that.
Quote:
Did you receive the e-mail I sent over the weekend? My e-mail has been really flaky lately.
I did. (but you didn't tell me what happened there either!). I've been bad this week responding to e-mails (ask Caz and Nik!!!)
Quote:
That being said...my two cents it that turning your attention to YOUR future is a great place for you to put your energies.
The problem for me is how to figure out how to do that?
REALLY? Seems to me that you were doing GREAT with that...decorating the house, hanging out with the neighbors, etc. What WORKS, Pam?
Sage
Things only seem to work for a little bit and then I am back in the muck.
Just found out the place I had been going and taking Shara to do the herding stuff, Denise has found out about and is now going so I guess I am just going to have to give up my dog hobby and find something else.
I don't think I can heal while continually having to deal with seeing the two B*tches that were close friends.
Pam,
Is it possible she's gone out of her way to find you? That she doesn't know how to approach you and apologize and that this is her way of 'accidently' bumping into you?
Hugs.
Hi PIB,
So good to see you again!
Hope you are doing well.
No, she talks to my friend N and there is no remorse and no intent to apologize.
I wish there were, it would really help my healing in that area I think to receive an apology.
The same from D, I wish he had apologized, I know words only and his are pretty empty but I could have chosen to believe him and that he was sorry.
A counselor from the place I called returned my call before I left work and I have an appointment for next Tuesday evening.
She sounded very nice on the phone.
Here is the link to their site:
Counseling
That link only takes you to the home page, Stephanie is the counselor that called me.
I wasn't sure as that link says she is approved to do supervised counseling. Does that mean she is still in trianing? Does anyone know?
Thinking this morning I'm not sure how to just face forward. I feel like so much of who I am is the person that I became after marrying D.
The person I thought he was taught me so many things, about life, love, fun, computers. Just about everything. I feel he is still a part of me, but he is gone and I am not sure how to address those feelings. It is like a part of me died and I am not totally sure how to go forward without her.
Sometimes I wonder if any of what I shared of my life with him still feels like it is a part of him? Something I will never know, but wonder.
Tonight there are nine of us going to Actors Theatre to see, 'A Tuna Christmas'. I don't really feel like going but the tickets are bought and M is really looking forward to it so no way would I back out. Besides I will probably enjoy it once I am there.
Then this Sunday is the party that was supposed to be getting back into seeing friends again for me. I planned this before the mess this past weekend and I am not really in a party mood but M talked me out of canceling saying it would be a good distraction for me.
Just seems lots going on in my life right now and I am struggling to focus and keep it all balanced and going in the right direction. I am also not thinking too clearly this week so shouldn't make too many decisions!
Pam -
just stopping by to point out that these feelings are coinciding with you decreasing the Zoloft - I really just don't think you are ready to be off it yet.
Ellie
Good morning Pam - I am sorry but I have not been following your thread lately but did want to pop in and and say Hi and to let you know that you and all the other friends I have here on the BB are still in my prayers.
Keep smiling and have fun at the Tuna thing.
Ellie,
Is a psychologist the only type of counselor that is able to prescribe medication?
I am planning to talk with the lady I see next week, but I know she isn't a psychologist.
I have another 3 months worth of it that I got when D asked if I had checked on rather the insurance would still cover it. I went ahead and did the mail order and they sent me 3 months at a time. By the end of that time possibly I could afford a few more months to try stepping it down again.
In my state, only Psychiatrists and other MDs (and DOs)can prescribe, but psychologists do have prescribing rights in some states I think. I don't believe any other kind of counselor could prescribe - but your family physician could refill your meds on your therapist's recommendation - most would do that.
Ellie
Hi Pam
I hope you have a lovely Thanksgiving Weekend, Hope your party goes really well, and I hope you have LOTS to be thankful for!
Time to notice that the glass is half full, what??
Livnlearn
Hi Ellie,
Thank you for all the advice on the meds.
I am scheduled to talk to a lady that sounds very nice this coming Tuesday and am actually looking forward to it to see if it will help me just untangle a few of the things that seem confussing in my head.
Quote:
Time to notice that the glass is half full, what??
I believe you may be right! The problem is keeping the regrets and sad thoughts away or processing them on through quickly and not letting them settle in.
I guess I need to tell them my new house doesn't have the room for them that PK did!
Taking a break from cleaning and organizing!
But I am not as stressed as I used to get about having people over. Maybe I no longer feel so strongly that everything has to be perfect and that I have to prove myself to people. They will either like it or not. I don't mean I am not putting some work and thought into it but not the same stress as I did in the past. Let's hope that carries through tomorrow!!!
Quote:
How we spend our days is, of course, how we spend our lives. Annie Dillard
Swipped this from Slowly's new thread as I believe I should remind myself of this each day!
Hi Odga,
Thank you for the prayers and well wishes so much.
I am trying to remember to "keep smiling"!
Not my brightest move tonight. I started going through pictures rather than just unboxing them to get the boxes out of the hall.
Bridal Shower pictures, our house on PK before we got posession, wedding pictures, our first fall party at PK.
Lots and lots of what were fun times to me.
Now at times I wonder if D ever really loved me when he married me.
Did he always wish it was J and thought she was lost to him when she dumped him rather than leave her husband.
Looking at it they both took a second chance to make it work this time. When my mom was down last weekend she said they must have meant a lot to one another to have had the affair and then both be willing to go through a divorce to be together.
Still leaves me wondering if I was ever loved by him or it was all just that he never tells the truth if he thinks it might cause conflict.
I actually did get done with the pity party, got the pictures put away! Then preceeded to get a bit more work done on the house.
I still don't really have my menu planned. This is definitely going to be a wing it sort of day!
Hope it goes well.
Thinking positive thoughts so far.
I have a great, easy curried pumpkin soup recipe if you want it! )
4 tablespoons butter or margarine
1 medium onion, chopped finely
2 cups pumpkin puree (from a can – do NOT buy pumpkin pie filling by mistake – just plain pumpkin puree)
4 cups chicken stock
1/3 teaspoon curry powder (or ½ tsp. if you like things spicy)
dash of nutmeg
2 cups light cream or half and half
In a medium saucepan, melt the butter over medium heat and add the onion. Saute for approx. 5 minutes until the onion is translucent. Add the pumpkin puree and stock, and whisk to mix. Add the curry powder and nutmeg. Simmer on low for 20 minutes. Taste the soup for seasoning, adding salt and pepper if desired. At this point, if you are making this ahead of time, cool, cover and refrigerate.
On Thanksgiving Day – heat over medium-low heat. Once soup is warm, gradually stir in the light cream, then serve.
Always a crowd pleaser, esp. served with some really good bread or rolls. Super-easy to make.
Ellie
Ellie,
That sounds great! I will try it but I just got home from the grocery and definitely don't want to go back so not for today.
But it sounds like it is within my capabilities.
Thank you!!!
That is one of my new rather loose goals is to do more cooking and learn to cook more in the next year.
Pam -- How did the party go???
Sage
Hello Ms. Sage,
I think the party went ok. I don't really have the good feeling about it that I used to have after the parties at PK.
Maybe just because didn't have mom, dad and D there during clean up, which is when we always discussed how we thought the parties went.
I had people there that had never met each other before and it didn't go badly, but mom and dad just excell at mixing people. I used to watch them sometimes at our parties when I was doing other stuff and they always impressed me.
I missed the two of them a lot yesterday.
Hey Pam,
OMG, I can't believe that you went to see the "A Tuna Christmas"! I saw that last year on the local showboat. I wasn't sure if it was PC to laugh at first, but pretty soon everyone was.
I couldn't believe it was just two guys playing all those characters.
I've been lurking lately.
Sounds like your party went well. They didn't go running out the door did they? - LOL!
I am glad that you are going to see someone tomorrow. I think it will be great to have a human sounding board along with your virtual one.
Keep us posted as to how it goes!
Hey totite,
It is great to hear from you again!
That was the second time I had seen 'A Tuna Christmas' and it is definitely good for a laugh.
The party wasn't bad, maybe I just felt I needed to have done more and everyone else probably had a good time. I did have a couple of people tell me they had a good time yesterday.
I am running late! Will be back if our internet is up at work. Internet has been down lots lately so I have been off the board and off e-mail.
Hey Sage!
You know I think I had mostly left the bb since the d was final. I was posting on my thread but reading very little and posting other places even less.
To me that is a sign of depression. I was sort of shutting people out again. I don't want to do that!
Yesterday was rough, today I feel much better and am looking forward to the C session tonight. But I won't keep seeing this one if she is no better than my last one. I have learned too much in the past year to go the same route again!
Been pumped all day I think hoping tonight is going to help me move forward.
Why, do I let an interaction that I feel went not so great throw me totally off kilter?
Quote:
Why, do I let an interaction that I feel went not so great throw me totally off kilter?
I don't know...why DO you? The reason is different for everyone, no?
Think/Talk it thru...what are your thoughts around this particular interaction and why are you holding onto it in a negative way?
How can you challenge the ASSumptions or ASSertions your brain is making for you?
Sage
My main guesses. Personalization and b/w thinking!
Add in some stress and scattered thinking and I believe that covers the majority of it.
Hi Pam!!
Just want to wish you and your kids a great holiday. I'll get back to you soon by email!!
Pattie
Hey Pattie,
Great to hear from you.
My neighbor M and I are planning to go to a barn buffet and then spend the afternoon here with the kids trying to put my new book shelf together!
We rearranged my bedroom last night and tonight while I went to my C session she walked the kids for me!
HOW DID I END UP WITH SUCH A WONDERFUL NEIGHBOR????????
I was pleased with my C session tonight.
I felt like she followed me and you guys know how confussing I can be at times!
She gave me homework, would you believe it is: How would I answer the miracle question, if I woke up and a miracle happened what would my life be like?
I told her that is one of Michelle's questions.
She seemed interested in the website so I am going to e-mail her the address.
Have another appt. scheduled in 2 weeks and we are just sort of going to see how that works.
But I left with a very positive feeling. Of course I did all of the talking tonight.
Pam,
You're supposed to do all the talking at C!!!
Good to see you feeling happier and much more positive. I hope this is something that is here to stay.
Happy Thanksgiving to you too, and be safe!
Hugs,
Betsey
Hi Betsey,
I have to give her a chance to say if I am on track or need to look in a different direction! I didn't give her much chance to get a word in even edge wise tonight. But I was pretty wound.
I am taking that as a good sign that I am really ready to complete this journey of putting me together. It has been long and certainly not easy, but I am sure I have learned lessons I will never forget!
I hope this is something that is here to stay as well. I know I have to make it a choice to keep it here, but still tracking to see if I can come up with solutions to my downturns at work, especially in the afternoons.
I think I opened the scab and let the wound do a lot of draining the weekend of my van incident. That is probably a big part of why I have decided I am not going to be able to complete this journey without some professional assistance. That and the rapid mood swings that seem much worse stepping the ad's down. Also struggling more with some depression.
I also believe that gave me the oomph to really start pushing to do some healing and make some forward progress. So far I feel it has been rather blindly stumbling around, some progress forward along with some slipping backwards. I think I am close to finding the path to being in charge of myself and my life.
Obviously this isn't a good or rational way to deal with pent up emotions! I still have no idea what the consequences are going to be from this incident, but have decided I now feel like sharing it as a further way of catheterizing the wound. J wants to press charges but the deputy that was on the scene said that isn't up to her it is up to the prosecutor. He said I needed an attorney which is why I have new attorney.
D promised not to have J at our house on PK. We both still have possessions that need divided there that I can't get him together to work on. Mostly the wine collection, he has been taking the most valuable bottles I found when I moved and inventoried it the day after the incident. That was one of the reasons I didn't want J there as I felt she would encourage, suggest he take those bottles. Week before last I drove by and saw her van parked in the driveway. I pulled in driving my old van, accelerated to climb the hill and just didn't stop. I can't remember that being a conscious decision, but I know it isn't rational!
When she saw me pulling in she started backing up into the turn around spot but was not out of the driveway when I crested the hill, so my van hit her van. D was in the house and didn't come out for a long time. When he did all he did was yell at me a bit and then walk off. This is why I say he and I having any sort of interactions is through.
As I know this is NOT GOOD. But it certainly has motivated me to get my tail in gear and be pro active on working on myself again instead of just floating along! It did also help I believe with some of that pent up anger.
Gosh, must have felt good for just a second though, ramming her van
Okay, that was bad of me, I know. But it kind of makes me think of those mastercard commercials:
New bumper for Dodge van - $800
Chiropractic visit - $250
Ramming the van of the slimy OW who stole your husband - PRICELESS!
That said - maybe you REALLY shouldn't be lowering your dose of antidepressant meds right now.
And try that soup recipe - you'll love it.
Happy Thanksgiving
Ellie
Ellie,
I LOVE IT!!! ROFLOL
Yes, I have to say that other than my shocked disbelief in a way it did feel good. She locked her doors and didn't come out till the deputy showed up! Told him she was in fear for her life.
I caught mostly her tire and my van is much worse looking from the incident.
Maybe she shouldn't be traipsing around on property that doesn't belong to her!
I discussed my ad's last night with the C and I am going to stay on the dosage I am on for another two weeks, till I see her again and we will revisit how I am doing on this dosage at that time.
Quote:
Always being, and needing I might add, to be available can't be good for your own detachment.
From Dazedboy on LnL's thread. Not that I am working on an R anymore. But this is a good reminder for me of something that didn't go as it should have in the process!
What I think is rather an eye opening realization for me happened this morning in the grocery!
They were of course playing Christmas music and the song was I believe titled, 'Santa bring my baby back to me', Elvis was singing and it hit me, the person that D is now, I really wouldn't want back!
I miss the person I married a lot. Sometimes I wonder if I saw him as I wanted him to be and he was really the person he is now the whole time. I'm not sure of my answer there, I hope not, but it is a possibility. When you are in love you see what you want to see don't you?
The mess of lost friends and even the loss of D's friendship still hurts and seems like a bad dream, but maybe my two marriages were preparing me to become a whole person who could spend the rest of her life alone and I wasn't meant to be married for my whole life. I know, life is choices, but it was something I was wondering about today.
I can see the progression. It is like looking back at a winding, hilly path full of zigs and zags and yet it continues onwards and upwards. I feel much more complete and whole a lot of times now.
It would still be nice to have the companionship, sharing and ML but not all the stuff that I dealt with interacting with D here in the past 3 years.
I hope this feeling stays with me, it is at least a nice calm feeling.
Hope everyone had a great Thanksgiving. I had a very nice day.
M and I went to the Hubers farm and did the buffet for lunch, then walked the shelties and put my new bookcase together and sat it up in my office!
What could have been a sad day only had a few ghosts to deal with, I thanked M and she agreed it could have been a sad day for us both and it wasn't, we enjoyed it.
Before I would have taken D back on any terms he wanted to offer I wanted him back so badly!
I think this is progress for me.
Hi Pam
I was musing in a similar way today. I don't want my H back in the mode he is in right now, frankly. Like you say, maybe he hasn't changed at all, he's just showing me his bad said fully frontal, as it were, whereas before I saw the pleasant side, I don't know.
I can't see much change or growth either, from where I am standing, though who am I to say?
My H is fond of saying that charatcer is destiny (a quote of Heracles, I believe) but when he says it, he says it ruefully, like he realises he can't escape his destiny.
I just did a Google search to look up the source of the saying, and came up with two interesting things. The first, a book with that title -
"An inescapable truth lies at the heart of this simple yet profound book: The quality of our lives is not determined by the happenstance of genetics or by the influence of environment; it is not measured in material possessions or in the trappings of youth; it is not dependent on personality or social acclaim. On the contrary, the intrinsic value of the lives we lead reflects the strength of a single trait: our personal character....
....Russell W. Gough, a nationally prominent writer and speaker, describes the steps to personal growth from examining our lives to taking responsibility for our actions, from discarding selfishness to embracing the greater good, from becoming a better role model for our loved ones to finding the courage to do the right thing naturally and consistently."
http://www.randomhouse.com/crown/catalog/display.pperl?isbn=0761511636And the second was something about Greek myths -
"No race has understood quite as clearly as the Greeks how character is destiny, or how our very achievements can stem from the same source as crime."
So the choice is there, guys.
Anyway, back to you Pam, glad to hear you are doing so much better, the world will look really beautiful and beckoning one day soon!
Livnlearn
Hey Pam and LnL - I really like the detachment going on here - and the book reference - wow.
Slowly
Quote:
the intrinsic value of the lives we lead reflects the strength of a single trait: our personal character....
I think this says it all. I think I just added that book to my list. All of a sudden I am reading more and even remembering books I have read that I see in a different light, looking at them from this side of 'the looking glass'. (I couldn't decide what fit there!)
I keep kicking around what I should do about the house at PK. When I know what any of my friends would recommend I come back to, how do I want to feel about how I handled it.
My decision shouldn't and isn't going to be based on D's actions, but on how the me I want to be would handle it. I just haven't figured out how 'me' wants to handle it yet!
Good Morning Slowly,
It is a good feeling.
Pam,
Seems like there's lots of good stuff going on here! I like reading about how you are disconnecting yourself from the "sitch" and pursuing YOU and your NEW life.
And, yah, I gotta agree with Ellie...while I'm sure the aftermath of the accident is difficult to deal with it's hard to ignore the "priceless" feeling at the same time.
Sage
Quote:
keep kicking around what I should do about the house at PK. When I know what any of my friends would recommend I come back to, how do I want to feel about how I handled it.
My decision shouldn't and isn't going to be based on D's actions, but on how the me I want to be would handle it. I just haven't figured out how 'me' wants to handle it yet!
What needs to be decided? And what does your lawyer think is fair? Did you buy the house together? Then you should split the proceeds. Did he own it before? Then you should split the appreciation that happened during the marriage.
Don't leave behind money that is yours just because you don't want to deal with it. Let your attorney handle it.
Ellie
Quote:
I gotta agree with Ellie...while I'm sure the aftermath of the accident is difficult to deal with it's hard to ignore the "priceless" feeling at the same time.
Yes, I agree!
I do think it did help me to start with the moving on! It seemed to release me from the sitch somewhat. Not sure that makes sense but it is the feeling I currently have.
Hi Ellie,
The attorney I am dealing with now on the incident with my van said we may revisit the divorce settlement after we get this other mess taken care of.
Right now D is just letting the house at PK sit, and it definitely has that empty closed up smell. I don't even like to go in it anymore.
Almost nothing has been done to get it ready to sell, and after August of this year according to the settlement if I spend money on it I can't get it back. He on the other hand gets to pull out house payments and repairs before the equity is split after it sells.
So I think the attorney I am with now was going to see if there was a way to push him a bit. I know my dad wants him pushed, but I owe dad for my down payment. Although at least once I get the home equity loan that will pay a part of what I owe dad back.
Do I want to have the attorney try to push D? I'm not sure. If I do what am I basing that decision on? Most of his possessions are still in the house and I think he is still a rather confused person and the house at one time I believe he was using as a sort of refuge. Although I am not sure he has been back since the van incident.
On the other hand it isn't my place to worry about what is best for him, but to take care of Pam.
See what I mean I am still confused as to what 'me' really wants to do?
The house belongs to both of us.
Some decisions to make that feel like trying to play God.
B's blood work came back better and the vet said if we are going to try giving her anesthetic and doing a dental now is the time.
She also said we are at a crossroads, do we try it and hopefully help her, or do we leave her on the antibiotics for the rest of her life. Either way if it doesn't go well there is lots of room for what if we had done the other instead.
Not that D would have been any help with a decision like this, but it does drive home that I am alone to make this decision!
This morning I have been reading on isofluorane gas and non-rebreathing circuits.
We may help the chronic infection that she has had all summer or we may throw her into kidney failure or some other problem and I am just undecided what to do.
Everyone please keep the shelties and I in your prayers Friday.
Unless something changes we are going to give it a try. My vet posted B's case to what I take is a vet bb and two geriatric specialists recommeded going ahead with the dental.
Pam -- YOU BET! I'll be sending you and your kids GOOD vibes!
Sage
Pam - you are always in my prayers but there will be a special one on Friday - Prayers for Cookie will be appreciated too - she is in a family way - by Buster no less. Should be due just before Christmas.
Take care and keep smiling
Sage, Odga,
Thank you both.
I will be thinking of my bb friends as I sit in the waiting room anxiously waiting for a report on my little old lady. All of the kids actually, but her I am the most concerned about!
Odga,
Enjoy the puppies.
If I ever raised a litter I'm afraid I would keep them all.
Hey Pam,
You and your kids will be in my thoughts and prayers on Friday.
Hugs.
Hi PIB,
Nice to hear from you and thank you for the thoughts and prayers!
My vet says she will personally do B's dental and monitor her recovery process.
I so hope this goes well.