Why indeed. I can tell you that you may go crazy trying to figure out "why" when your spouse likely doesn't know either. Why be so angry and take it out on you? Why put effort into a house you want to run away from. Often it's like watching somebody drowning - they flail and panic and yell and ... they do things that they are told will make them feel better. Bucket lists, OW/OM (or both), drugs, drink, partying, working out, painting, etc. For an MLCr, it's all done in a blind panic and in an effort to figure out "why" they do what they do. "If I just had whiter shirts" or "if he had just taken me to the grocery store I wanted to go to" or..well, just about anything they can think of at that moment. And it makes perfect sense to them while they say it and feel it.
Basically, their feelings have gone haywire and they don't know why. Eventually, they either figure it out else blame somebody else close to them. Or both if they're lucky and can figure it out.
No matter the reason, the actions are strangely similar. They just know they need to do this and can't explain it to anyone. Or themselves. I'm sure if there was an explanation you'd hear it. You may be like me and hear all kinds of explanations that you'll see as "odd" and later you'll see how it all fits together. Much later.
To me it's a product of the societal norms we live by. But that's just me..
Job can give a pretty good explanation of what may be going on (or similar experiences) if you tell her what's going on.
Peace,
AJ
