Well, I have been "nudged" to start a new thread before this one gets locked! Here is a link to my previous one:
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2055690&page=92
You can notify Virgina to lock your old thread.
Welcome to your new home!
Nice title CW!
Thanks for linking...I lose track so easily!!
Thanks Lance...I notified!
WN! I wouldn't want you to lose me!!!
I keep losing track of my own thread!! Not much there anyway!!
I'm here, too. Thanks for the link, I would have been all kinds of confused when your other thread never got updated.
Hey CW,
Love your new digs!!! Great title, very fitting!
(((Hugs)))
Hi Mystik, SA and NM!!!
Getting ready to take S14 to a "End of Summer" street dance at the highschool parking lot! He took a shower and everything! Now, we will see if he actually dances! Ohhh...the good ol' days!
CW,
I hope your S has fun! Let us know if he dances!
CW,
I love what you've done with your new place!
GAG
ooooh, let us know if he dances WITH A GIRL! lol
SA and NM
I asked S14 if he danced, he shrugged his shoulders and said "sort of"...ok...then he said they mostly just stood around and talked...most of these kids he didn't see all summer!
GAG
Thanks! I have read your latest and am looking forward to hear what your DB coach said.
NM
I will love my son no matter what but I really do hope that when he dances that it is with girls!
CW,
The 'sort of' is so cute! I can see it now, boys on one side, girls on the other. Tapping toes and bobbing heads to the beat would be considered dancing, sort of.
I just got an automated message from the HS that there is an orientation for the 7th graders tomorrow night.
I've lost my baby to the HS.
I'm here, not much to add but still reading along.
In twenty years my husband danced with me twice, no, three times. His idea of dancing is moving from one foot to the other. He calls it dancing. I call it bobbing. SA, I feel for you. High School being what it is. Girl or Boy, you will feel the pain, and most of it will be in your wallet.
Hey CW,
Just checking in to see how you're doing.
Punkin,
She's the 7th and the last of our children to go through. I'm well versed in that kind of pain. LOL
Hi SA, punkin and Mystik
Doing ok, kinda blah...very busy at work (and home) getting all the kiddoes and teachers ready to go back to school!
SA-my youngest, D12, will be there next year...I am already feeling sad about that!
I feel badly for those of us with kids still home. Mine are grown and gone and I know how difficult it has been for them. It's doubly hard to deal with your own difficulties and try to remain the strong, in control parent they expect and look for.
Being back in school will help, I'm sure. Take a bit of their focus off of what's happening at home.
haha, CW! I hope you were teasing me because that is what I meant, haha! I mean not just with his friends like they do!
Hi CW!,
Back after a few days away. Am I too late to offer feedback about your dream?.........When I read what you wrote my first impression was that you had originally thought that a green mustang would make you happy (the green mustang representing your notion of what a good M or R with H would look like)............but when you actually received the car you were given (the blue very COOL car) it was MUCH better than what you had originally hoped for, even though it wasn't what you thought you wanted originally. This made me think that it's possible that the M/R that you end up with (blue car) might be even better than the M that you originally had, even though you thought the original M (green car) was what you wanted.
I am not a dream interpreter, but this is what came to MY mind when I read your post.
Even though you are busy, keep that GAL-girl attitude showing!
GAG
P.S. Love your messages from God! They always pick me up.
Hey guys!
Punkin-my DIL still cries thinking about H and what he is doing to us and she is 28! She just said today that she feels like she wants to talk to him again....
Yes, NM I was teasing you!
GAG...your interpretatin of my dream is interesting too..puts yet another spin on it!
I actually don't have to work my second job Sat night so the potential to GAL is there but thinking I should actually get some paint for my bathroom as my bro is coming the 28th to help put trim up for me...I have only been waiting since 2001 for that to get finished (and not by my bro!)
School starts tomorrow!
interpretatin
So sorry for the typo!
interpretatin
So sorry for the typo!
I give up...
You are so cute!!! It's OK, we all knew what you meant and it's not like it hasn't happened to all of us!!!
Thought my horoscope was intersting today....
Gemini, Friday, 20 August 2010
Sometimes, in movies, people get kidnapped. When folk turn up to pay the ransom, there is always an awkward bit. How does the kidnapper know that the suitcase really contains the money? How does the ransom- payer know that they really are going to release the prisoner? The two parties have to trust each other, even though their relationship has been built on anything but trust, so far. This weekend, your life presents an interesting issue involving trust and integrity. Someone has to take the first brave step. It may as well be you.
Someone has to take the first brave step. It may as well be you.
Thats interesting, I guess you will tell us what it means on Monday.
Well Lance I hope there is something to tell!
Right now, it is looking like nothing...this is H's weekend with the kids and we haven't heard a peep from him....I hope for the kids sake he calls in the morning! Luckily, SS and DIL offered to take the kids with them tonight to the races while I worked at the restaurant...sigh. sigh, and sigh...
CW,
My Ex used to call and ask for the kids ( no every other week for him, he was busy)Our daughter would get excited, pack her little bag, and wait at the end of the drive for her Dad. More times than I can count, he didn't come. Our younger daughter, who is bipolar, stopped packing at all. Eventually D would come back into the house, big tears in her eyes. My H eventually adopted the girls.
D's relationship with her birth Dad now is this: She says he often cries about how worthless a father he has been. She tells him he is right, but loves him anyway. Younger D's relationship with birth D is a bit more strained. Perhaps because she is just like him?
Hi punkin...sorry about what your D's are going thru...the thought of your D sitting out in the driveway with her bag waiting for her Dad to come makes me want to cry!
Well, H did call this morning, after I had left for work. He picked the kids up and took them over to SS's to help with his motorcycle...I am assuming that they went to where he lives to stay the night...
CW,
I follow Priya Kale's horoscope blog from time to time. Her blogs are really positive and hopeful. Here's part of what she said about this weekend:
"We reach a major threshold of evolution today as Saturn in Libra squares Pluto in Capricorn. This is an aspect that has been in the process of culmination since November of last year.......the time when Mercury stands still before it changes (apparent) direction is when buried information tends to surface. With the Sun opposite Neptune, all is definitely not as it seems,..........With Venus and Mars in conjunction, expect heated passion in interactions within relationships. People are falling in love just as much as they may be getting cold feet and waking up from painful illusions to a sweeter reality. As I’ve said before (and keep reminding myself), don’t jump to conclusions; there is more to learn within a situation...........This is extremely fertile energy, and we can expect a passionate encounter or two. At best this will be spent experiencing pleasure, creative colorful inspiration, deepening trust and commitments. But watch your ego, pride, jealousy and insecurity from standing in the way of expressing your heart’s true desires."
There's more on her blog (
www.priyakale.com/blog). ..............Maybe some of THIS fits with your weekend???
GAG
Hi GAG
I will have to check that out. Unfortunately, it doesnt seem to pertain to my sitch today anyway.
I don't know...H didn't come in the house at all. He looked at the mower to see what was wrong with it...I had D12 bring him out a bag of stuff from the garden and he said to tell me thanks.
Kids said they went out to a restaurant last night to eat. H and OW shared a dinner, apparently they always do...he and I never did that.
H went on a 40mi bike ride with a friend and left kids sleeping w/OW...
CW,
((HUGS)) I wish I could say something to help you feel better. I can't think of OW being around my grands, much less my kids.
I don't know horoscopes from haystacks, but I think everyone is having a crappy weekend, full of doubts. How many people do you know that are glad tomorrow is Monday?
Thanks punkin! I see you have your hands full at the moment!!!
Had a phone call tonight from S14's scout leader. He wanted to ask me if it was ok if they asked H to go on a camp out. I told him that I had no problem with it at all. I have no idea if H will do it or not...he hasn't seen any of these people since he left...will be interesting to see what his answer is.
OK people! All of us whose PMA's have been down this weekend need to work on getting it back up!!! Let's get happy!!!!
Hi CW,
I think all this down, weird sort of thing has something to do with the planets. I don't know that for sure & I don't even know if I believe all that, but I did hear something about it. Who Knows. I'm like you, lets all get back to PMA's!!!
(((HUGS)))
Hi, CW...how has waiting tables gone?Is the extra cash worth your time?
P M A! P M A!
NLT...nice to see you again! It does seem like the planets are doing SOMETHING according to all the horoscope sights!
NM...I worked last night and it was kinda slow...tips not so great...Friday night was good though! Any little bit helps!
S14 said that H told him he'd get the part for the mower today and then go mow the rental...haven't heard a thing from him...do you suppose his MLC mind got sidetracked? sigh
Thought this was an interesting horoscope....
Gemini, Wednesday, 25 August 2010
Rarely does big upheaval produce vast improvement. Subtle adjustments generally help us all much more than radical re-evaluations. When we feel out of our depth, when we're worried or upset, we imagine that it's going to take a lot to move our lives on. When we're calm and confident, we soon see that we only need to make a few clever tweaks to a simple plan or an existing arrangement. Understandably, you now want to feel more successful and satisfied. That won't take as much as you fear. Now is the right time for you to take an in-depth, up close and personal look at your life. To get your full horoscope based on your date, time and place of birth, click here.
I will be glad when f in Mercury is back where it supposed to be! I feel like I am doing worse now than I have since H left in Dec....
Conversation with my neighbor tonight...he told me how he has lost respect for H...I found myself defending the b-turd!
The reality of the possiblity of H never returning has set in...
Also, part of the convo with neighbor...
I don't know if you remember quite awhile back, that divorced man that called me to "walk" with him? Well, he and my neighbor walk together every morning and my nieghbor suggested that if I ever needed to talk, that this guy would be a good one to talk to as his wife did the same thing and is now engaged to marry the OM, who btw, is a minister. He said that he would be a good guy to talk to....I told neighbor that I feel bad for this guy but at this point, I am still married and wouldn't feel comfortable...
So...there is more but will comment tomorrow on the rest...
CW, I'm sorry you're feeling down. It seems many of us are. Moon phase, season changing, school starting...who knows? I'm having a bit of a bounce myself. As the word "boumce" implies, though, I know I'll rebound, and you will, too!
(((CW)))
Hey Twink
Good to hear from you! It has been awhile! I sure hope so for all of us!!!
Hey CW,
I'm like you, reality is setting in that I don't think my ex will be back either & I'm a lot further into this than you are! I'm sorry to tell you but it takes a long time. I don't know, maybe all these planets lining up or something has caused strange things to happen! I also think the fall has something to do with it, everything dying. It was Sept. 6th, 2007 that my ex walked in from work & said "I want a divorce" no explanation no nothing, I had no clue whatsoever that anything was wrong, so this is a VERY hard season for me, plus on Sept. 3rd 1994 my brother died, so again, very hard timing.
I also will defend my ex, so you are not the only one.
We will all bounce back, for sure! PMA's everyone!!!
I know the feeling. My mind is starting to realize that H may never come back as well. Surprisingly, it's not tearing me all apart. Not sure it has fully sunk in yet, though.
CW,
This is a long process. We're only a 1/3 to 1/2 way through it if the timelines are anything to go by.
What will be will be. Just know that whatever happens, it is meant to happen in just that way. Trust in the plans for you from the Highest Power.
You are one of the strongest most courageous persons I have ever have had the honor of getting to know. One thing I have no doubt of, you will be better than OK no matter how your sitch goes.
Big (((HUGS))) my friend!!!
Hi nlt, mystik and SA...
Guess I have been holding some stuff in and it came to head last night! Feeling better this morning...
Am turning all of this around...I am thankful to have such wonderful neighbors and I know that my decision to stay in this house is the right one for now because of them!
I am also thankful for the reduced lunches for the kids...this will be a savings of $64 a mo.
I am thankful for the hugs that I get from my kids everyday!
I am REALLY thankful that we are getting a break from this heat/humidity that we have had all summer!!! (had to throw this one in there!)
A few months ago, I had started a journal writing down at least 3 good things/thoughts or things that I was thankful for and I had quit doing that. I need to start that back up and focus on all the good that has truly happened in the wake of H leaving. I have been focusing way too much on the bad!
Hope everyone has a great day!
CW,
Good reminder on the thankfulness journal. I have been feeling down too, possibly for the same reasons listed above and my bomb anniversary, wedding anniversary, and bday are coming up next month. UGHHHHH! It helps to know that folks who know your H are supportive of you, doesn't it?
GAG
CW, just reading along. Glad to see you rebounding from your sad mood...It's a full moon, you know!
When I was the most depressed in my life (more than recently), I kept a gratitude journal and it SAVED MY LIFE! Seriously! Not to be dramatic but I was very suicidal. I know you have been through very tough times with cancer so you have what it takes to ride this out.
Another thought--when I was telling my friends about stbxh's A, I thought "wow, it was only 2 years ago. Hmm." ONLY 2 YEARS? My mind minimized the length of time in a way that made it seem like it was a "blip" in time! So I say this on your thread because I wonder if the time will fly by and suddenly your H being gone for 2-3 years wasn't so long...when you two R and spend the rest of your lives together. You know? I hope I am making some sense here.
Hi GAG...I couldn't ask for better neighbors and friends!
NM...funny you mention the time thing! Aug 30 will be on year since the bomb...I was thinking how fast it has gone by.
You are always so bubbly and full of sunshine! I cannot imagine you ever being that depressed but I guess no one is immune to depression or sadness!
CW - (((hugs))) I'm glad that you are feeling better....I still go through sad days....missing my former life, missing "us" and our little family unit....and yeah my bomb anniversary is the end of September.....can't believe that it has already been a year, yet so much happened....so much pain....so many rollercoster rides...
And despite it all we have so much to be thankful for
Hi Mila
You know, there is a lot of stuff I miss but a lot that I don't miss! Lately, although I miss the companionship and intimacy and the help with parenting, I am actually finding that I am missing H more for the manly jobs around the house...to fix things and take care of the yucky stuff!
So, here are positives for today...
Called home as I had not heard from the kids after school and they were both dutifully doing their homework without being reminded (so they say...lol!)
went for a walk tonight and my favorite walking songs were:
Dancing With Myself-Billy Idol
Don't Stop-Fleetwood Mac
I Gotta Feeling-Black-Eyed Peas (LOVE this song!!!!)
Mercy-Duffy
Another beautiful day weather-wise!
Went to my last grade school open house...sniff, sniff
Oh...and did I mention that my bro's are coming this weekend to put the trim up in my bathroom? We remodeled the bathroom NINE years ago...didn't want to rush into finishing it!!!
Hoping everyone is having a good night!
CW,
I want to be like YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!! Great reminder about your thankfulness journal.
Thanks! Needed that.
GAG
Isn't that Black Eyed Peas song terrific? So uplifting and makes you feel good!
I know what you mean about missing help with the manly jobs. So what if we can do it ourselves...help is HELP! You know?
Glad to hear the last year has flown by for you. So, even with the saddest news and heartbreak from the bomb, your last year went by fast. That means next year will only go by faster!
Hi GAG and NM!!!
The thankfullness journal really does help doesn't it?
Yes NM! I love that song too! First heard it a Jazzercise...it really does left you up and it great to keep a walking "beat"
Heard another MLC story today at work. The other gal that I work with's client was telling this story about how she and her Mom, tailed this woman who is having an A with their friend. Their friend has been M 32yrs...her and her H are both in their 50's. She started describing how her parent's and the other couple always did things together and now he hardly talks to them and is running around with people in their 30's. He is spending money like crazy and is starting another business on top of what he already does. Said he looks terrible! Their youngest just left for college.
She said the W was going to see a L in a couple of days...
She joked about how they think it is a MLC and so I finally jumped in, after sitting there quietly listening and recommended she tell the W to read Men in Midlife Crisis by Jim Conway and said that it really did sound like he was having one. She asked me to write it down...
The whole time, the gal I work with kept looking over at me as she knows what I have been going through...
Looking for some advice!
The last meeting I had with H, I asked him to take over one of our credit card payments. I had a form for him to fill out taking my name off of the credit card...he said he would. WELL, he hasn't and it is now 2 payments behind and I am getting the phone calls. I should have had him fill out the form and sign it while he was here but didn't.
This is my fear (yes, a fear!)...
I have been basically dark or very dim...not calling H at all unless it is an issue with the kids or we have a question about operating something around the house...or that something isn't working. To me, WE, the kids and I represent "problems" for him...we are told to be the better option but how can I be that if I have to call and ask for his help or if I am calling about money issues? Is this making any sense?
CW, this credit card transfer is a boundary?
Yes. You need to enforce it.
Break you dark/dim for this. Enforce this boundary.
At least that is MHO.
You can try to do it gently the first time(or second in this case) but you must protect your finances.
Thanks for your respons Lance...
What if I say this
Me-Hi H...Visa company has been calling and they have not received a payment yet. Will you be able to take care of it?
I wish I could help but getting the kids ready to go back to school has tapped me out..
H told the kids he couldn't help with school supplies cause he was broke.
That is a start.
I would also get another copy of the form and have him do it in front of you so YOU can send it in
We use to make our teenage son(now 22) do that stuff all the time.
He is ADD and gets to things when he feels like it.
No difference IMHO
Well, called and left a message cause of course H didn't answer. Said what I planned out but added a stupie "hope all is ok" at the end and thanks. (kicked my own butt for that)
Would it be wrong to give the visa company H's contact number?
Lance, I am not surprised that he hasn't paid it...even if he had money, he'd blow it off...that is why I want my name off of it! I will get another form.
Courageous,
Been catching up on your thread this a.m. I've been feeling a bit better after my latest roller coaster ride, and want to give advice and support where I can.
Get your name off those cards. If your H won't do it, then call the companies, tell them you will not be responsible for H's debts. In my state, it is not uncommon for a person to print in a local newspaper " effective 44-44-4444 I will not be responsible for any debts other than my own. Signed, weoriuweoru.
Don't know if that is effective where you live, hell, I don't know where you live. Give companies HIS number and ask them to take you off the list. Lie to them if you have to. Tell them you've been released of responsiblity by a judge. If this is not an effective means in your state, you may need a L to write the letter, even a judgement or ruling by a judge if necessary.
As for the 'manly' jobs. Being an Army wife all these years, I find there isn't much I can't do myself if I put my mind to it. At last I can read directions and follow them. The internet is great for that. My last moment of great pride was when I re-screened a door all by myself.
As for neighbors, there is nothing like them. Before we moved to the sticks, I referred to my next door neighbor as 'my other husband'. He even taught my two oldest to tie their shoes as they were both left handed, and so was he. It was all backwards to me, a right hander.
Isn't it odd that we all seem to be going through this at the same time? I'm starting to believe in plantary alignment.
Hang in there. By the way, eHow is a great site for finding out how to do things.
Hey punkin!
You sound good! Yeah...it has been rough this last week but getting better!
I did call the cc company and they sent me a paper for him to sign but he hasn't yet. DIL has his address so guess I will get that and call them and give it to them and ask for another paper in the meantime!
I don't plan to involve my L unless it comes down to that being all that I can do.
Too bad you have moved so far away from having neighbors...would be nice to have your "second husband" right now!
Thanks for the tip on on the dyi website!!! Hope you have good weekend!
I thought my cainer horoscope for tomorrow was interesting!
Things can't carry on in the same old way. And they won't. So don't expect them to. If you are trying to prevent a change from happening, let it happen and trust that you will be okay with what it leads to. If you are trying to bring a change about, stop pushing quite so hard. Sooner or later, it is going to take place naturally. Not happy with this advice? Then either you are being unnecessarily anxious or you are dealing with something deeply serious. If it's the former, relax! If it's the latter, be brave. There will be movement soon enough and you won't have to force it to happen. You'll just have to gently steer a process that has a natural momentum of its own. .. now, it's nearly September.
Did I mention I am getting trim in my bathroom after 9 YEARS?? Yeah!!! Can't wait!
Hope everyone has a great weekend!!!
CW,
Like your horoscope! Very good advice!
I'd love to see a picture of your trim on the alt!
GAG
Hi GAG
The trim is nothing fancy! Not what I would get if I thought I was going to live here for a long time! I figured, IF that happens, we can always change it up down the road!
My bro's just left. They got most of the trim up except around the window...needed more lumber and the closest store is 20mins away and they had already gone once...my S14 helped his Uncles the whole time...think he enjoyed it..they even let him run the nail gun and saw!
Was fun to visit with SIL...she and I have not talked about my sitch at all...she said it sounds like OW has lots of control over H...she is surprised that H would let anyone control him.
We are worn out and going to head to bed soon so we can be refreshed for the Air Show tomorrow!
CW,
Sounds like you are having a very good weekend. Bet you dollars to doughnuts that when H finds out your Brother finished the job on the trim, he'll be p#ssed.
Have fun at the airshow.
Hi punkin!
The weekend has been very nice! Air show was great!
Not sure how H will take the trim being finished...will be interesting!
Oh...the only thing I missed H for today was to drive and to find the truck when we were leaving...I was starting to panic but we found it!
Hi all
I just want to point out that a year ago today, H dropped the OW bomb...it is just a day on the calendar. I really am just musing that it has actually been a year! Time flies....
Hope everyone has a great day!
Hey CW,
I had the same kind of day earlier in the summer on my "bomb-a-versary". Amazing what time can do. Time really can be our friend.....it does not seem like it early on in our sitches but it becomes apparent only after the time has passed. It is nice to know that you are not going to let your life be dictated or defined by all this crap. Certainly it has changed us all and the journey is hard but we come out on the other side so much stronger than before.
I hope your day is great also!!! :):):)
Cheers
Hi MHL
I have to say that I did a lot better today than I did a year ago! LOL!!!
CW,
So sorry about your bombaversary. Yes, I'm sure that today is better than 1 year ago, but still very difficult. You have done very well CW. You have conducted yourself with dignity and class. We are all proud of you! ((((CW))))
Do something nice for yourself, OK? My 2 year bombaversary is coming up in 2 weeks and I am trying to figure out what I will do.
GAG
P.S. Hope you're enjoying your new trim!!!!
YEAH!!!!!!!
HEY GAG!!!!
The trim is awesome! Unfortunately, we ran into some snags and it did not get totally done! But, most is up and it is amazing what some trim can do! I put primer on the wainscoating today and will paint next week when I am on vacation!
I think you should do something fun for yourself too!!!
Glad to hear the anniversary didn't upset you...think long term here! And on Gatsby's thread in newcomers, she watched an interview on the Joy Behar show with Jason Alexander (from Seinfeld) who has been married 20 some years. Apparently, he had an MLC and almost divorced his wife but due to good counseling he stuck it out. Joy Behar said her marriage ended in divorce because her H had an MLC.
So I am sharing that it was nice to hear public people admit to their struggles with MLCs affecting their marriages!
Hey CW,
How are you doing tonight?
Hey NM and SA
Thanks for stopping by...doing fine!
Worked a little later cutting SS and grandson's hair tonight! Then, went for a walk! A cool front is coming in so it felt awesome!!!
My clients are getting braver...I have had a couple of them ask me in the last few days about H and our sitch. The one today told me that her D and her H got a divorce. The D and grandD had moved here ahead of the H and after she got here,,,he told her he wanted a divorce...I didn't ask if there was an A but have a feeling there was. Then, she told me that her S had an A on his wife 5yrs ago, they are separated but never D'd. I asked her if they talked of getting back together and she said her S said never! My client doesn't understand why they don't just get a D.
There is a girl that has been working temporarily in our salon since about the time that H left...a lot of my clients don't feel comfortable talking with her there (it is very small salon) and I thought it was kind of a God's timing thing that she started about that time...it kept me from spilling everything to anyone who would listen!!! But, obviously, it is a small town and everyone knows about H and I...they just haven't said anything to me but are starting to now...my point is...is that she is going to be moving to her own salon in a few weeks and I am sure that once I am working alone again...the questions will start...
I am also thankful that she has been there as I think it helped keep me from thinking too much or breaking down during the slow times had I been working alone! I needed this time to get strong and to understand MLC so that I can face whatever questions or comments I may hear!
Hope everyone has a good night!
I needed this time to get strong and to understand MLC so that I can face whatever questions or comments I may hear!
Wow, good point! How would you have responded before? Good thing you feel stronger to face the questions. I have said "I am not ready to talk about it" at least 4 times this week. But I said it in a nice way and I think the people felt guilty for asking! But maybe in your case, since they see your H is with OW, you will not have as many questions...what do you think they will ask?
Hi NM!
I have no idea what they will ask but just know that it will be mentioned. Actually, people KNOW about OW but H and OW live in a different town so they are not "seen"...in the beginning right after he left and was stopping here for stuff sometimes he had her with him but to my knowledge, he hasn't done that for quite awhile so them running around here is not an issue thank goodness!
Heard an intersting thing this morning
S14 told me the Drs office called with a message for H about a prescription for Ambien (sleep aid).
1-they still have this number for a contact number
2-H has never believed in that sort of thing and had started taking tyleno pm before he left to help him sleep
3-he is still having trouble sleeping
CW - your points 2 & 3 are identical to my H. He would never take any sleeping pills and very seldom any other pills....now he is taking antidepressant medication that is also apparently supposed to help him sleep. Yet he is still saying that he can't sleep....
But difficulty sleeping is one of the signs of depression.....
It is also a middle aged thing, I would suspect men and women in middle age, all have trouble sleeping. I know that I do, and I have been having this discussion with my "friends" that are my age also.
Lance - Could be also a middle age thing...But I'm middle aged...and I did have trouble with sleeping the first 3-4 months after the bomb....but now I sleep just fine....don't need much 5-6 hours....and I feel rested in the morning. My H on the other hand....can fall a sleep no problem, but keeps waking up at the sound of a pin drop and can't fall back a sleep....and when he gets up in the morning he feels exhausted.
Hi CW,
How are you? Any plans for the holiday weekend?
GAG
Hi guys
Quick break from work! It is a beautiful day here!
I worked at my second job last night, salon today and then I am on vacation, woot woot for the next week! Lots of cleaning out, organizing, donating and dumping planned! I might take a cue from punkin and relax a little while reading a good book too!
Hope everyone else has a wonderful weekend!
CW,
Definitely make sure you take some time out for you during your vacation.
Sweetie, you deserve it!
(((Hugs)))
Tomorrow's horoscope! I don't like it...I think
You do not seek the answer to a question. Nor do you require the solution to a problem. You have this already. It is just that, in a funny sort of a way, you rather wish that you didn't have it. You would like the truth to be different. You would prefer not to know what you know - or not to have to do what you now have to do. But the longer you prevaricate, the harder it will be to make your move. Trust the understanding that you have recently reached and then act bravely. You may not like the idea of what's happening but the reality of it will yet prove much more positive and acceptable than you imagine.
SA...thankyou! I hope you have a great week ahead!!!
CW - Horoscopes like this are great...you know why? Because they could have so many interpretations....
Have a great weekend
Thanks Mila!!! I will re-read it again and see if I interpret it differently!
Haven't heard from anyone on if the kids will be staying an extra night with H or not. Frustrating!
Will just get back to being busy and see what happens! I am a planner so this is very hard for me!
I don't want to wait, For our lives to be over, I want to know right now, What will it be?
I don't want to wait, For our lives to be over, Will it be yes or will it be...Sorry
Just heard this song on the radio...this is where I am right now...IMPATIENT!!!
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMMMMMMMMMEEEEEEEENNNNN
I think one of the hardest things to accept about all this is the length of time it takes for our S's to complete their journey. Add to that that there are no guarantees that your M will be restored and it can all get overwhelming to think about.
It's all in your perception, you can take this time and view it as a curse or a gift. It can be used however you see fit.
One of the uses might be looking at your M and owning your part in it's downfall. You can change those aspects if you so desire.
You can use it to do some of those things that you didn't have the chance to because you were busy doing for H and/or kids. Now you have the time to explore those interests. Those things also make you more interesting.
All of the things we do with this time are prepping us for one of two eventualities. It will make us stronger in the event that our S doesn't come home. It will give us the confidence we need to move on knowing that we will be just fine.
It will also make us stronger in the event that our S decides to come home and we decide to let them. This is where we'll really need the strength. Our S will return even more broken than when they left. Our strength, courage and patience will really be tested then as we'll sometimes have to have enough for both of us.
This time is a gift from God. It is in His time that this will resolve itself. He knows how long this is going to take until He feels we're ready to handle the answer whatever that may be.
It's all up to you in how you want view this gift and what you'll do with it.
Hang in there.
Hey punkin!
Thanks SA...
Well, my strength, courage and patience just got tested big time and I failed miserably...pretty sure it is time re-evaluate why in the hell I am standing for my M and if this SOB is truly worth standing for....
Bullsnot!!
Who says we don't get to be weak occasionally. Who says we can't lose it and have to twist in the wind through this whole debacle? A little "sick & tired & not gonna do it anymore" just makes you human. You haven't failed anything.
True punkin
But I am supposed to be learning and I over-reacted again! Luckily, it wasn't with my H, but it was with my kids and I have worked so hard to keep my cool around them!!!
S14 always tells me it will be ok!
CW,
Sorry you're having a down time. I'm right there with you wondering...........
Over the last few days I've worked my way through this thread (
www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1966340&page=1).
It's a good way to look at the question of standing from various perspectives.
(((CW)))
GAG
How about this horoscope? (
www.priyakale.com/blog/) I like Priya Kale because she is very positive and writes wonderfully encouraging horoscopes.
"Early Friday (in NYC), Mercury made an interior conjunction to the Sun in Virgo, asking for introspection if we want to gain insight. There are deeper processes coming to light, and it would be easy to find fault with a situation or look to place blame, shame, or guilt.
Saturn has finally entered Libra after a challenging two-year phase through Virgo. During this time it also formed a series of oppositions to Uranus in Pisces, rocking the boat wildly within situations.
Now, Saturn is in Libra and the pressure’s off, but with Mercury retrograde in Virgo, we are still highly sensitive to this energy. It may be hard to “believe” that we don’t face the same restrictions we once did or that anything can change.
As we approach the New Moon this week and Mercury stations direct at the end of the week, there is every reason to believe that things can and will get better. There is nothing so wrong that cannot be “fixed.” Forgive yourself and others for what may have gone wrong in the past, and focus on the constructive steps you can take.
Trust that this has been a crucial learning process. Only in recognizing and acknowledging our “mistakes” can we learn, evolve, and grow as human beings.........
...........This can be a potently healing aspect for relationships, allowing us to let go of resentments and clear the air with honest conversation. Be compassionate, and keep things light and breezy. The aspect could help us appreciate the beauty in our differences while still connecting on a heart, mind, and soul level.
With the Moon drifting from Cancer to Leo, the mood is likely to shift from emotional to passionate. What we seek ultimately is freedom, acceptance to be ourselves, and to be loved for who we are. But this means offering the same space and respect to another."
GAG
Thanks GAG for the positive vibes! I will check her out!
And the thread you posted!
Ok I am re-reading what you posted GAG in a less emotional state, lol. All I can say is wow!
Thanks guys for getting me thru last night! Things always look better in the morning!
I agree, things look better in the morning. As dark comes, however . . . It's called sun-downers in the medical community. Elderly people ( not exclusively) who are fine during the day, but as night approaches, they become agitated and a bit off.
Only makes us human. I keep saying that because sometimes I have to remind myself. CW, we both had a bad night. I think weekends are bad, and long weekends the worst.
Question? And I do not mean this to sound condescending in any way. Do you guys really believe in Horoscopes? I mean, planetary changes are actual things, and I myself can't sleep during a full moon. Just wondering of your take on it.
CW - I have the occasional flare up when I question why on earth would I want my H back after all that he has done and said....these feelings come and go....often I remind myself that this is not the man I knew and that he is in a very bad emotional state....despite the "mask" that he usually wears...he is a wreck. I almost pity him...
Could he ever become the strong, emotionally healthy person that he used to be? I don't know....only time will tell. So I'm moving on, but leaving a small space for the possibility that my man will re-appear.....and if he does then I will decide if I still want to share my life with him.
punkin - I must say that I believe that there is something to horoscopes. Maybe not as much the generic horoscope predictions, but to what sign you were born in....from experience I swear that people born under the same sign have many of the same personality traits....just my take on it
Punkin,
I do believe all things in the universe are connected. Planetary alignments, sun, moon, everything. Everything cycles, us included.
Like Mila said, the generic horoscopes are so general that you could fit just about anything that happens in to them. Some of those that are more serious about it can be uncanny in their accuracy.
Maybe WhatNow will stop by and give us her opinion on your question. She is very knowledgeable on the subject.
I am right there with you sister! For some reason I get strong during the week and fall apart on the weekends. That is when he is out with her and people see them together. Then he was supposed to spend time with the kids today but text me and said he was tired from work and that he wasn't going to see them but would call them tonight. nice.
hang in there ( i will be on the branch hangin next to you!)
TAMF,
Our H's must have 'Hooked up' ( and I do mean hooked) at about the same time. Treating your D's that way is shabby, to say the least, but, at least he has contact with them. Mine has all but forgotten our D's and their kids. Even busy, weekends are always the worst for me. Too much time to think, even occupied with other things.
I hate weekends, too. It means I have to see H which makes it so much harder to let go. If I never had to see him again then, maybe, I will be able to detach and let go.
Hello everyone
I think we must not be galing enough on the weekends! We need to keep busier so we are so dang tired when we go to bed that we don't think about our S's!!!!
On the horoscope thing....what SA said! There is also truth to when there is a full moon and people acting strangely!
Mila...you are sounding very good!
(((punkin))) That is all I can say!
SA you are being the "go to" girl this weekend...putting out very wise words!!!!
TAMF It really hurts when they don't see the kids and act like it is no big deal.
Mystik I haven't seen my husband for 6 weeks and it hasn't been any easier to let go!
Hope we all have better weeks!!!
Thank you (((CW))) for your very kind words.
Let's all raise our glasses to a much better week!!!
CW- sorry that I have been behind but will be able to catch up I hope. I know this sounds weird, but it makes me feel good to know that someone so positive like yourself also has down times Do you know what I mean?
The TIMELINE....is like that straight stretch of freeway in the desert where we can't see past the horizon but we know eventually it merges or changes or something.
Any interesting dreams lately?
Making good money on the job? I am going to check my horoscope now!
The TIMELINE....is like that straight stretch of freeway in the desert where we can't see past the horizon but we know eventually it merges or changes or something.
I like that analogy. So very accurate.
Hi HM and Mystik
No new dreams about H.
Job went very well Friday night..I don't work there again until the 17th
The kids and I are heading to my home town this weekend for their annual celebration! My brother and his family live out there and my BFF. BFF is going thru empty nest syndrome! Her one and only left for college a couple of weeks ago! It is funny cause when I was out there in July, she couldn't WAIT for him to leave!
I pointed out to her that she has never, ever lived alone! Her and I roommed together after HS, the she and her boyfriend moved in together and married. He died 6yrs ago but she has had son at home! She is dating someone but she said that she is glad that they have their respective houses to go back to and really can't imagine being M again at this point!
Been kinda having a rough time so have been trying to keep myself busy all week! I now have my kitchen in order and will be a lot easier to pack if/when we have to move in the future! Does a person really need 6 bread pans???
Vacation is going too fast and I am not the superwoman I thought I was according to my list of things to get done but I am happy with what I have accomplished so far and am looking forward to some play time this weekend!
Been kinda having a rough time so have been trying to keep myself busy all week!
I know how you feel mi amiga! Still in my funk from last friday. Ughhh!!!!! I too have been busy like a little squirrel getting ready for winter----working WAY too much (like you!) and I know that this affects my attitude, not to mention a meeting with my financial planner yesterday afternoon. Double Ughhhhhhh!!!! If it's any consolation, he said that lots of people are in the same boat right now.
Please, please, please play and have fun this weekend! You DESERVE it!!!!!!! I challenge you to a 'fun-down' and I expect a report on monday.
GAG
I challenge you to a 'fun-down' and I expect a report on monday.
GAG
I will take you up on that challenge Miss GAG and I expect the same from you!!!
I am sorry you are still having a tough time too! But hey! The planets are a changin' it has got to get better here one of these days!
OK Ladies, I'm looking forward to seeing what you each come up with to do for fun!
Let the games begin!
(((Hugs)))
Hey CW,
How's your GAL going??????????? Thought it might be time for a little 'trash-talking'.
Do you have any surprises up your sleeve????????
I had an inauspicious start to my 'fun-down'. Worked for 3 hours to complete on-line CPR training that I need for my re-licensure this month. Ughhhhhhh!!!!!!! Then trimming the hedges...........BUT.............I have a supersecret plan for tomorrow that if I manage to get my 'rear in gear' will hopefully win me bonus points.
..........So get OUT there and GAL girl!!!!! I'll be waiting to hear your report on monday.
Nite,
GAG
Hope you're having a great weekend.
Thanks SA and Mystik!
Trash talk GAG???
Here we go:
Spent the night with bro and family Friday night...watched a movie and the kids played with their cousin. Next day, went to watch the parade and met BFF and her BF there. Saw lots of familiar faces...ate lunch and supported a friend of ours cause for the Arthritis Foundation. She is hispanic and made burritos, chicken mole and rice...yummmy!!!
Ran into another good friend and her sis there and chatter with her for awhile!!! This friend I haven't seen since the bomb and she was full of advice (keep in mind she has never been married and is currently living with a guy from Canada whom she met on the internet) that I need to find someone to date to make H jealous...she is just SURE that he would come running back if I did that....
Went back to bro's to finish watching the NE fb game and played with great niece and nephew!!! Then, back to BFF's and visited with her parents, Her Dad is 87 now and her Mom is in the early stages of alzhimers so was good to see them! Then, back to BFF's house where she had a roast in the crockpot for french dip sandwiches...yummy! Ate and went down to the festivities! Kids rode carnival rides while we talked with old classmates, former co-workers etc. Got kids settled at home and went to the local bar for a couple of beers. Saw an old crush...I have to say he has not aged well...eww! In the meantime, the carnival had shut down and most of the midway was already gone when we walked out of the bar...that was weird! All day and night I got lots of compliments from people saying how good I looked and how young I looked! Yeay!!! The last time some of these people saw me I was 40bls heavier!
The next morning, BFF made breakfast burritos (she loves to cook and is suffering empty nest...I think I gained 5bls while I was there!) Our other friend (the one with the advice) came over and we ate and talked and laughed until tears rolled about old times etc...had to be careful since my kids were around! Both my friends complained of their significant others and I came to the realization that if H and I were still together...I would have joined in on that convo!
THIS ^ made me realize that I while I do miss H very much in many ways, there are so many things that I do NOT miss about him. My friend was saying that H and I made her sick when we were first dating/married and how we were always "all over" each other and I seriously do not remember that! Sad. How long has it been since we were that way that I can't even remember it?
Anyway, this was really the only talk of H there whole weekend and it was initiated by someone other than myself. Thoughts of him did not pop into my mind at all! So, even though as you read this, you will maybe think "boring" I view the weekend as a HUGE success in that it kept H out of my mind and I enjoyed good company and lots of laughs! The kids had fun too!
So, depending on what we judge our weekends on, I may not have won the battle this time in the category of "fun" although I did have a great time...but, if we base it on totally forgetting about our sitches for a couple of days, I might have won that battle!
Today is my last day of vacation so need to get busy! Hope to get caught up with the rest of you too! Everyone have a great day!!!
Here is my horoscope for today...interesting...
Is there something you are dreading? Is there a decision you have been putting off - or an encounter you have been anxious to avoid? The bad news is that you are fast approaching a moment of truth. The good news? The truth will not just set you free; it will lighten your spirit and brighten your outlook. It's strange how, sometimes, we put up a mental block against the very developments that are most likely to benefit us. As your barriers melt away over the course of this week, so will many of your problems.
I had sent an email to my L asking if there was a time limit or a deadline to follow thru with the D after the papers have been filed. She said that the court, usually after 6mos but could be longer depending on the court, may order an "order to show cause" and either party would have to sign an affidavit within a certain amount of time and if one is not sent in then it would be dismissed.
That could be good or could be bad!
CW,
I just gotta say, love that attitude!
Hey CW!
Sorry it took me so long to get back to you.
I was booked all day and then this evening I went out to dinner with a GF from Montreal. She knows my sitch and had some very insightful comments that I will share on my thread when I get some time.
.........(drum roll............) Here's what I did during my weekend. Started out slow. Slept in Saturday morning (YEAH!!!!!), made myself frozen waffles with fat free whipped cream........(how am I doing so far????
). Then I sat down and finished my online CPR training (~ 3hrs). This made me feel better since my deadline for this is fast approaching, but it wasn't really much fun. (How am I doing now?
) Trimmed my hedges (that made me happy!
).... Then went for a nice bike ride and caught the tail end of a community 9/11 tribute at a local bandshell. When I got home I did some taping to prep for painting I need to finish in my kitchen..............
On Sunday morning, I slept in again (YEAH!!!!!!!!!!).........then things got better........I went to the Minnesota Renaissance Festival, which is kinda like Disney World would be if Disney World had been built during the Middle Ages. (If you're ever in this part of the world in August, September, or October, it's worth checking out). I hadn't been there in many years, so enjoyed it!.........and I bought myself 2 lovely necklaces and matching earrings: 1 for my birthday and 1 as a bombaversary present. In fact, I have decided to make a new tradition which is that every year on the bombaversary I am going to buy myself something nice.
When I got home, I took another nice bike ride............fell and scraped my knee really well when a small child riding opposite to me on the trail decided to turn around and talk to his younger brother just as we were about to pass one another. When he turned his head around, his bike made a 90 degree turn right in front of me. I couldn't get my shoe unclipped from my pedal in time and fell hard. Ouchhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!
That said..................
CW, I cede the fun-a-thon championship to YOU!!!!!! Your weekend sounds like it was A LOT of FUN!!!!! I may have had a few moments of "brilliance"
but I think they were more than negated by the negative points I racked up by doing CPR training and hedge trimming.
YOU ARE A FUN GIRL!!!!!!! I just want you to remember that should you for any reason not be able to carry out the responsibilities of your crown, I will be more than happy to wear your tiara.
GAG
CW, your weekend sounded super fun to me! Hanging out with your BFF and chatting with folks you haven't seen in awhile, eating yummy food, going to a parade and your kids go on carnival ride,drinking beer at the bar with some old pals...wow, that is a full and happenin' weekend!
Gee, you looked into what would happen if no action was taken on the divorce and it sounds like good news...which is what your horoscope kind of said! This is reassuring because I have to admit that lately, I am seeing Cainer's horoscopes as always trying to give promises of positive things. I mean I think it is good to have a positive outlook! but I think "wow, another exciting opportunity? another great outcome?" etc. You know? so it is great to see it came true for you!
(wonder what happens in my county if no action on divorce is taken after the initial filing...)
CW - looks like you had a mentally restful weekend...you are sounding very good
And I know what you mean when you say that there are things that you don't miss about H. Same here...
Hope you have a nice week
(((hugs)))
Hi Tulsa, GAG, NM and Mila
Tulsa...thankyou! It really does help the attitude when you get away for a short time!
GAG...as I posted on your thread...your weekend sounds wonderful too! Hedge trimming and all! (except the bicycle crash...ugh!) I think we need an outside judge to decide or share the crown!!!
NM....I interpreted my horoscope differently but that could be my pessimistic side peeking out!
My L emailed me back asking "Any news of the current state of his situation?" She will continue to do nothing until I tell her different!
Mila...thanks for stopping by! So much going on in your own sitch! Hope you have a nice week too!
My L emailed me back asking "Any news of the current state of his situation?" She will continue to do nothing until I tell her different!
Perfect example of why in February you had to keep your expectations at zero.
Perfect example of why in February you had to keep your expectations at zero.
Ohhh! Is this an "I told you so?"
Today's horoscope...
What is the strongest, most inspiring feeling at the forefront of your consciousness? What are you being drawn by - and towards? You may not be able to answer these questions in words. Often our deepest, most important inclinations, are almost impossible to verbalise. Still, though, we should try to be sensitive to them... and to trust them. There are strong reasons now, for you to be generous, optimistic and to assume that even 'old established patterns' can change in a positive way if you want them to.
S'alright Lance!!! Expectations are soooo at zero!!!
So, thought I'd share this...one of my co-workers (her salon had a fire the end of Dec. and was totally destroyed so we offered for her to come work with us until she got back on her feet) got a call today that her BIL/SIL's house was on fire!!! They live RIGHT next door to her!! Needless to say, she was upset, cancelled her day and went to be with her family.
Whatever life throws atcha...we all have something....
Here is my horoscope for today...
Mercury and Saturn have been forming an angle of exactly 30 degrees for much longer than we might normally expect them to. Mercury, by 'changing direction' over the past few days has effectively been hovering in a sensitive spot... keeping pace with the much slower moving Saturn. The clear symbolic inference here is that YOU ARE BEING OFFERED A CHANCE TO BECOME MUCH STRONGER. Even if you are in a situation that makes you feel as if you under pressure, you can draw power from it. Don't let anything intimidate you.
How terrible for your co-worker!
Interesting horoscope. Wonder what the situation that you can draw power from is.
Well, maybe this is it is Mystik
I was out galing (talked into bowling for women's night by my friend whose H works at the same place as my H) and found out that H bought OW a frickin' diamond ring. She said that her H heard that OW was complaining that she wanted a ring and that it was nothing big at all...
I don't even know what to think....
don't worry, CW! It makes sense that the OW is super paranoid because he hasn't divorced you yet. She wants some proof or some promise of his commitment and "luv" for her so she asked for a ring. Remember "promise" rings? I bet it is something like that, NOT an engagement ring!!!!!
Newmama is right CW. It is still crappy tho.
Thanks guys...I hate this...I hate who H has become...this is not HIM!
I am thinking that a D is inevitable, financially...I am not sure that once that happens, I will remain standing....
CW - I know where you are coming from....I was also contemplating if I would still stand after divorce....
CW,
How desperate ow must be to want something tangible to show off to everyone. She must be a very insecure....
Aw man, CW, what a blow! I agree with the others, OW is very insecure and demanding tangible proof of his "love" for her. And I call it "love" very loosely, it's more like an infatuation.
CW, sorry for the bad time. There is no bigger biotch than an insecure OW.
CW -
A ring is a material thing - you are still married. Stay dark and quiet - let this ride out. You hate who H has become / I believe he will become to hate himself as well. Dr. Dobson believes that respect is defined as quiet dignity and self respect and common courtesy. You are the epitome of respect. Stay strong and keep the faith!
IB
Thankyou everyone for your comments and encouragement.
I just hope and pray that H will one day find the courage to finish this journey he is on.
Financially, I figure I have got about 6mos before I will have to push the D thru..6mos in MLC time is nothing and this why I feel a D is inevitable.
This morning, I called the CC company that H is supposed to be taking care of...as of right now, I cannot be removed from the account even if H finally does send in the paper since the it has been delinquit for this long so now my credit rating is in the toilet...I can check back in about 3-6mos after the acct is caught up.
I called an got a contract for propane this winter...pretty sure that promise of H providing wood for us this winter is not going to happen.
I also called and got reinstated on the level payment plan for the electricity.
My Cuisinart coffee pot took a you know what yesterday but luckily, I have a cute little 4 cup one that was my Dad's that I can use as there is no way I can replace the Cuisinart!
I also received a check for a $100 in the mail from my Roth IRA company...I don't know, they switched companies and this is a benefit of that happening so that was pretty timely!
Not a lot of galing happening this weekend...working both jobs and have a hair show to attend but will keep my mind busy!
I also have grandson's birthday party to go to. Will be interesting to see if H shows up at this one.
Hope everyone has a good weekend!
CW,
Good morning. I hope you were able to get a good night's rest. Finances are one thing that have always kept me awake when things were not going well. Glad you go the propane situation figured out. I myself just had to fill my tank for the upcoming winter.
I called two places and got CC of my own on my own credit rating. He has said he has had me removed from the others, but I don't think he has, as they showed up on my credit report.
It sounds as if you are 'taking care of business' and moving ahead, and that is the thing to do. Have a great time at grand's BD party, and let us know if H shows. My H would hardly go when we were together. Too many people in a place made him nervous, even if it was family. ( The PTSD thing)
Hi punkin
Slept like a log last night since I didn't get much the night before!
Here is newest horoscope!
Gemini, Friday, 17 September 2010
How many years have you been on this planet? How many problems have you solved? How many challenges have you risen to? How many skills have you acquired? How much experience have you gained? The answer is the same in every case. Not as many as you are going to... but enough to count for something. If you decide that a current difficulty represents a matter you can easily cope with, are you being dangerously complacent or are you being deeply wise? The latter. Definitely. Trust yourself this weekend. Now is the right time for you to take an in-depth, up close and personal look at your life.
CW,
Where are you reading these horoscopes? They seem so much more in depth than the ones I find. I'm really starting to wonder about this planet alignment thing, and am really interested.
Thanks. I think you told me once before, but I lost where I wrote it down.
C-dub!
I haven't stopped by in a while but have been reading. I am a seagoat.
Just remember you control everything.
Anytime punkin!
TG!!!! So happy to see you stopped by! What is a "seagoat"?
"Just remember you control everything."
Except my MLCer!!!
CW,
Sorry I have been AWOL for awhile (too much birthday GAL'ing). I have been following along but not posting.
I agree with what others said about OW showing her insecurity by wanting some kind of ring. CW, you are truly a special person. Your kindness and fun-loving personality shine through in your writing even though I have never met you. It would be H's loss to lose you.
Glad you got your propane tank filled. That has to give you some sense of security. MLC is a long, long road and at times it is much easier to look at the potholes beneath your feet than to look at the beautiful scenery at the end of your journey. This evening I was thinking about what Lance asked on I think Cas' thread awhile back: "How is your situation different now than it was 1 year ago?" I realized that my XH is now very receptive to me which is in sharp contrast to the huge wall he had up 1 year ago. If you think about it for awhile, you may realize there has been more change than you realize.
(((((CW)))))))
GAG
Oh!!!
Hi GAG
Good to hear from you and glad that the birthday galing lasted a looong time!!!
I do hope everyone is right about things not being as they seem! I have never been a very patient girl and am sure learning to be that way now!
I, seriously am tired of worrying about financial stuff so it did feel good to work on some of that yesterday.
Hope you all have a good weekend!
CW hope you aren't feeling too down. Tomorrow is another day full of possibilities. Sorry to be corny!
BTW when I read that you received $100 in the mail from your IRA, it reminded me of Monopoly- the game- where you pull a chance card. The chance cards say things like that! Maybe you will win $20 in a cake contest or whatever another card says! lol
Hi CW - hope you had a nice weekend
(((hugs)))
Good morning NM and Mila
Weekend was fine...busy with work and grandson's birthday party!
H spent not quite 24hrs with the kids. S14 b-day is today so he is now S15! H got him a GC and store bought cupcakes and they just hung out at OW's house.
H did not come in when he dropped off the kids. He then went to SS's to drop of grandson's gift before the party and was gone long before guests started to arrive.
Need to make a cheesecake for S15 and go get his gift!
Hope everyone has a great day!
Any feedback from your son about interactions between H and OW yesterday?
GAG
Hi GAG
The advice from everyone is to NOT ask...better for the ol' PMA!
I try to not ask questions other than what they (the kids) ate, did they do anything fun etc. They did not volunteer anything extra!
I don't even ask DS any of that. We have a "don't ask, don't tell" policy regarding his time with his father. I don't ask anything about it and he doesn't tell me anything about it.
Hi guys
Quick update.
Talked with L today. She told me that H's L has left the practice and is working for the county atty. She said that all his L's cases will more than likely be taken over by others in that practice. H has probably received, or will receive a letter telling him that. Will be interesting to see if this "reminds" him that he filed for a D.
The popcorn is popping....
wow! and you know, in a way don't you want to know how he will react when he "remembers" that he filed for D? like this is kind of a test of sorts.
CW - I will be interesting to see if he "remembers". I'm finding that my H only deals with things that are important to him at the moment....
Have a great weekend
CW,
I agree that it will be interesting to see if your H remembers about the D. I wonder if your county contacts the petitioner (H) or the petitioner's attorney before the deadline? There may be no contact at all...........
Hope you're having a good weekend!
GAG
Hi NM, Mila and GAG
Thanks for checking on me! It is so weird...it seems that my sitch has gone quite awhile without anything happening...I am starting to feel more calm, grounded and accepting of everything and now...in the last 2 weeks, some things have come to light...
I find out about "promise ring" H gave OW 2 weeks ago...
a week later, I find out H doesn't have an L at the moment...
Now...through an email message I received from our online acct from the hospital, it appears that H was recently in the hospital. I do not know for sure what he was in there for...cath lab services and recovery room were listed and the bill is over $10,000. (if you recall, H had a blocked artery last Nov and they put a stint in...at that time, all the rest of them looked good and with medication, Dr thought H would be around for a long time).
Apparenlty H did not see the need to tell anyone in his family about the latest...does the duct tape stay firmly on my mouth??? It is possible (DIL works at the hospital) that it may come to light on it's own....
I remember finding a card that OW gave to H back in Nov about how she wished she could be there to give him back rubs and take care of him after the procedure...guess she's gotten her chance afterall...
While I am still concerned for H and his health...and was initially hurt (but not surprised) when I saw that the other day that he didn't feel it necessary to inform anyone, I am sort of feeling "removed" from this whole thing...
the bill is over $10,000.
I hope he has health insurance.
I hope he has health insurance.
Yes, we have pretty good health ins thru H's work.
Will be interesting to see if this "reminds" him that he filed for a D.
Hey CW,
I think that your H and my W have found some sort of equilibrium, so why would they upset things???? Why does he need to file for divorce? He is out of the house and with her, life is good until someone else makes it "not good".
I think our goal is to not be the person that makes it "not good", OW will take care of that herself, they always do.
I'm sorry, since when do 51 year old men give "promise rings"???? Sounds like the OW is already applying the pressure if you ask me????
Move over, I'll have some of that popcorn!!!!
Cheers
When do 51 year old men give "promise rings"????
You know the answer to that one.
51 year old men that are still teenagers.
I'm sorry, since when do 51 year old men give "promise rings"???? Sounds like the OW is already applying the pressure if you ask me????
Move over, I'll have some of that popcorn!!!!
Thanks MHL!
And Lance!
For some reason, going to the dump today was a trigger for me...who knows?, so I was happy to come here and read what you both wrote!!!
Hey CW, and MHL, is there room on the couch for me? I'll bring what you want to drink if you'll share your popcorn.
Is it kettle corn????? I LOVE kettle corn!
Hey CW, and MHL, is there room on the couch for me? I'll bring what you want to drink if you'll share your popcorn.
There is always room for you my friend and popcorn a plenty!
GAG...you bring the kettle corn
Mila...you can bring cheesy popcorn
SA is bringing the drinks and
MHL...poor guy...can move in a bigger couch for us!
Lance? popcorn?
GAG...you bring the kettle corn
Mila...you can bring cheesy popcorn
SA is bringing the drinks and
MHL...poor guy...can move in a bigger couch for us!
Lance? popcorn?
Hey thanks, I was feeling left out.
But I love a PARTY!!!!
Hi everyone
Just had to check my thread and make sure it is still here! Thought it might be deleted re:BORING!!!!
Yup, our threads are still around. We must not be too dramatic.
We must not be too dramatic.
I personally love this kind of irony
Hi CW,
Glad to see that you made the cut, after the DB board hiatus!
Thought you might be interested in Priya Kale's horoscope for today. Here's an excerpt:
"With five planets in Libra at this time (the Sun, Moon, Saturn, Mercury and Vesta), there is a concentration of this energy, symbolizing the extreme tightrope balancing act/tug-of-war unfolding within relationships. And with Venus and Mars in Scorpio, the stakes are high.
It may be impossible to ignore the stone-cold reality of situations. But Saturn in Libra is a reminder that our mundane realities and relationships are ultimately bringing us higher Karmic lessons.
As long as we choose to ignore the lessons, we will continue to encounter the same issues over again, whether within the prevailing situations or in a different form.
Aspects at this time suggest that there could be second chances in love or in something you thought had reached the end of the road. As Venus stations retrograde in Scorpio (the day after the New Moon), there is a suggestion of hidden depth and a deeper mystery unraveling when it comes to love, intimacy, sexuality, financial and creative situations.
Venus is the ruler of Libra and also of Taurus, the sign opposite Scorpio. Pay attention to your “values” in your relationships. Rise above the pettier differences while sinking deeper into your own understanding of the value of what is being learned, exchanged, shared and given.
Every relationship is a give and take. As long as we are being self-serving in our motives, we will continue to encounter power struggles that lead nowhere.
As we enter the New Moon, consider this a time of clearing space, of emptying out and finding inner balance with your inner male and female as you come full circle with a situation or relationship/s."
GAG
Hi CW - just checking in....glad to see that your tread is still here
I'm surprised mine is....it's so long....I guess I should start a new one.
CW,
You are never boring, my friend.
Even though there appears to be no movement in a sitch God is working behind the scenes.
You have been full of dignity and grace through your whole sitch. Hopefully your H wakes up one day and appreciates the time and space you've given him to figure himself out. If not, I dare say it's his loss and he's a fool.
(((Hugs)))
CW,
Checking in on you today. Seeking is right! Even if there is no apparent movement in a situation, God is working behind the scenes.
What are you going to do just for CW this weekend? We have GLORIOUS weather here this weekend and beautifully colorful leaves everywhere! Everyone here is busy with outdoor activities.
Have a great weekend!
GAG
Hello everyone!
Nothing new to talk about here! I have been busy but not really galing busy...just running kids, working and normal stuff busy! Trying to catch up with everyone here...
GAG-it is beautiful here too! Our neighbors son is getting married today so we will go to that this afternoon...a chance of rain tomorrow and if not, the kids and I may head to the "drive thru zoo" and/or do some yard work!
Just enjoying the moment of "calm" that I seem to be having right now!
Hope everyone has a great weekend!
I hear ya on the normal stuff busy. That seems to be never ending.
Glad to see you are still reporting, CW!
I personally am interested in my DB friends' regular events. YOU are interesting with or without the drama! And drama usually equals stress and negative stuff, right?
ok tell us about the drive through zoo- sounds funny!
I personally am interested in my DB friends' regular events. YOU are interesting with or without the drama! And drama usually equals stress and negative stuff, right?
NM, I AGREE!
CW, what's going on in your world?
GAG
Hi NM and GAG!
Boy, I think I get more replies on my thread when there is nothing going on than I do when there is something going on...lol!!!!
Just got back from the wedding...in between here and the reception which doesn't start until 5. It was very beautiful...the groom's Dad and sisters sang "There Is Love" brought tears to my eyes! The minister talked about love (it was a wedding
) Hearing him talk about love was actually uplifting rather than depressing!
Oh...and the older D'd guy that wanted to walk with me was there...I suppose he will be at the reception too...
NM-the drive thru zoo has antelope, buffalo, water fowl etc and you drive very slowly thru it...there is a place you can park and go in and see lots of little critters...snakes, bugs, birds etc. and then you can walk a trail...there is an easy path and a tougher one for hiking and on that you walk past bears and wolves so it is kinda cool to go to! I call it the drive-thru zoo cause I can never remember the name of it!
Otherwise NM and GAG...my world is pretty calm and peaceful right now! I become a homebody when it starts getting cold!
The drive-through zoo sounds fun! There's nothing thrilling like that where I live.
Good morning
The wedding was wonderful and the reception was fun!
The kids had a good time too!
The older D'd guy was there at a table right next to us. He had his back to our table so that was good!
Well, just got a phone call from him...ugh! Wanted to know if I wanted to go for a ride this afternoon on his Harley. I told him that the kids and I had plans this afternoon and then he said maybe some other time...luckily, SS and family walked in about that time and so I said I had to go....
I'd love to go on a motorcycle ride....WITH MY H!!!!
Well, kids and I are headed to the drive thru zoo here soon! Hope everyone is having a good weekend!
CW,
Great to hear you all had a great time at the wedding and reception!
Lookin good sometimes has it's drawbacks such as the D'd guy pestering you again.
I'd love to go on a motorcycle ride with my H, too. Don't think that's going to happen for me anytime soon. LOL
Hope you have lots of fun at the zoo!!!
Glad you had fun at the wedding. I have never been on a motorcycle in my life, but they do look like riding one would be fun.
CW,
Unless this guy looks like the bottom of my foot, don't discount his attention. Where there is smoke, there is FIRE. If you are truly not interested, that's one thing, but if it's fear . . . you can never have too many friends, and maybe the guy is just lonely and needs someone to talk to. JMO
Hey guys
Just checking in...D12 and I were sick with stomach flu yesterday so we pretty much laid around and slept all day! Better today!
We ended up not going to the drive-thru zoo...everyone was cranky and wishy washy over going so we cleaned the garage instead! (thinking they wished they would have picked the zoo!
but with being sick yesterday I think I see why the crankiness on Sunday!).
SA-thinking that the D'd guy saw me sitting as a third wheel with another couple all night and maybe thought I'd change my mind?
Mystik-I have always been a little nervous on a motorcycle and only trust my H driving one...for now!
punkin-I am really NOT interested in this guy...
Hopefully I can get caught up with everyone later!
Hi everyone!
I just wanted to share a reconciliation story with you!
I have kept in occassional touch with someone that used to post here and hasn't posted in a long time!
She shared with me that her H is back home!
He D'd her and has been gone a year.
I asked her to please come back and post an update as I think all of need to read her story!
I can tell you that she dropped the rope and detached a LONG time ago and worked on herself and strengthened her faith in God!
I hope that she will come back and tell us about her journey!
I also want to tell you about something that happened to me that has renewed my faith and hope!
When I picked up the mail the other day, I noticed a letter with no return address. Inside was a note that read "praying for you and your family everyday, we hope this helps" and enclosed were 2 gift cards to local gas stations!
This was my horoscope for that day:
Uncanny coincidences happen around us every day. Most of these, though, take place without us noticing. They happen to other people... or they happen to us yet somehow we take them in our stride and treat them as normal. If we only knew how many guardian angels were toiling tirelessly day and night to move heaven and earth to help us, we'd never again complain about awkward issues or frustrating situations! Don't doubt the existence of magic in your life now. You've got more support than you know.
Goosebumps???
Thanks for sharing CW. The story of your friend helps restore my faith in standing, and your anonymous gift giver helps restore my faith in humankind! (See my thread about the burglars)
Thanks!
CW,
Thank you SOOOO much for your post! It's wonderful to hear such encouraging news. Please tell your friend how much we would like to hear her story............especially those of us who are D'ed. I am very curious about what it looked like when her XH began to reconnect with her and how she was able to rekindle her feelings for him after she had moved on.
GAG
wow CW...share that friend's story! was there an OW?
CW,
No surprise as to someone sending you the gas cards. You have obviously touched people's lives and they are giving back. What a wonderful testament to the kind of person you are.
Thank you for sharing the R story. I do hope they will come back and share an update with us.
Have a great weekend!
When I picked up the mail the other day, I noticed a letter with no return address. Inside was a note that read "praying for you and your family everyday, we hope this helps" and enclosed were 2 gift cards to local gas stations!
CW, I forgot to add how wonderful I think it is that your guardian angel sent you this gift! God is working behind the scenes to take care of you! He is working on H too........
GAG
Hi CW - That's really heart warming that someone would send you the gift cards....
And as everyone else in here I would also love to hear about your friend's reconciliation....
(((Hugs)))
God does bless us when and in ways we least expect.
Hi WN, NM,SA,GAG, Mila and Mystik
I have sent her a message on the alt asking her to please consider coming back and posting her story...waiting for her reply!
I am getting ready to head to my second job here in a little bit! Hope everyone has a good weekend...
CW where are you? What is happening in your life? It has been a week, but I swear that even 2 days without an update is an eternity on the DB forum !!
I'm right behind you again NM!
CW, checking in on you. Let us know what's happening, OK? We want to hear about your week, even if everything is routine.
Best,
GAG
Hello! Am I being beckoned?
Honestly nothing much happening but the mundane day to day stuff!!!
My son spent the weekend with a friend of his so my D12 and I ran errands and cleaned and rented "The Last Song" and "Karate Kid" and had a girl's night! We went to Walmart on a Saturday...now there is an adventure!
Today, we went to the pumpkin patch and had a great time! Haunted house, corn maze, hay rack ride, pig races but the most important thing...kettle corn!!! It rained lightly on us off and on but was no big deal!
School conferences tomorrow...yuck!
That is about it!!!
Hope everyone has a great week!!!
CW thanks for reporting! Glad you are doing ok and you have been gone do toa full life it sounds...well as full as it can be at this time. I love the pumpkin patch- and yours sounded like a really fun one! Why are you dreading conferences?
Hi Nm
Actually, conferences weren't as bad as I thought they were going to be...the kids both have most of the same teachers they had last year and all of them said that they can see improvements and maturity happening! S15 still needs to show some "enthusiasm" in English and D12 needs ask for help more in Math but other than that they had good reports...phew!
Hello! Am I being beckoned?
(Love this!)
I've always wanted to do a corn maize!!!!! I hear they are much more difficult than you would think they might be. This sounds like a lot of fun.......and what are pig races? I don't think we do those in this part of the country.
Maybe next year I could rent your kids to take me to the corn maize????????? I hear that it's much harder to find your way out if you are an adult.
GAG
GAG
OH! OH! Let me answer that one. I'm from Arkansas, ya know. Pig races round these parts is when you choose a pig to back according to the colored ribbon around their neck, sit in that pig's corresponding colored hay bale section, and root them on as they race around the track to reach the feed on the other side. No money in it but it sure is fun to watch. We have a horse track, Oaklawn, in Hot Springs, that isn't half as fun.
And a corn maze is where you take your feller to 'get lost' for a little while. They have a huge one in Texas. Now, all this is from the teenage POV, but it's more fun than the adult pov of this one.
Punking,
Thanks for explaining! I LOVE the idea of pig races. Are they held year round? Or is that a seasonal phenomenon?
And a corn maze is where you take your feller to 'get lost' for a little while. They have a huge one in Texas. Now, all this is from the teenage POV, but it's more fun than the adult pov of this one.
I'm feeling that I missed a developmental stage!
GAG
GAG
You can borrow my kids rent free!
I let my D12 lead the way and we only hit 2 dead ends! It was fun! As far as the pig races go...I have only seen them at this pumpkin patch...not sure if they have them anywhere else here or not! BTW, that was MY first time in a corn maze!
Next year, the kids want to check out haunted houses...think they are outgrowing the pumpkin patch! Sad....
Crazy day today...went to work...had nothing on the books for this morning...a man called and made an appt for 10:30...a little later he calls and asks if he can come early...great! I just got started on his hair and IN walks D'd guy!!!! Aaaahhh!!! He gets his hair cut somewhere else but buys his hairspray from us...this is the first time "I" have been working when he has come in to buy it....I KNOW the Lord was there with me sending my haircut guy in early otherwise I would have been there ALONE with no escape!
Then...I had to travel 15mi to go to see dermatologist and went in early since I wasn't busy to look for shoes...they had nothing so I was only in there maybe 10mins and the truck wouldn't start (it has been acting up)...GREAT! Wouldn't even try to start...totally dead! My first thought was to call H and then...duh!...I remembered I didn't have him to call anymore! Called a friend, she took me to the appt and DIL picked me up...TG they both have flexible schedules and work nearby!!! DIL brought jumper cables and we got it started. I still had plenty of time before I had to be back to work and it just hit me to stop at Autozone. A girl waited on me...told her what happened and she grabbed the "thingy" and put it on the truck and the alternator was fine but the battery was bad...so...bought a dang battery and SHE put it in for me right there! I probably could have brought it home and S15 or SS could have put it in but didn't want to take a chance at it not starting again and D'd man drives the only tow truck around....AGAIN...I believe God was at work by putting the thought of Autozone in my head! Good thing I didn't find any shoes since I had to buy a battery!
The appt w/the dermatologist went fine..he said it was good I came in...said it looked like the basal cell type stuff and he took it off...he also took off another mole from my upper hip area...it was black and honestly...I didn't even know it was there. He said "you don't look like you worship the sun" so I told him I do use the tanning bed in the spring and he said no more! Gammit!!! (sorry) Luckily, they are coming out with all kinds of good self tanners now...
Tomorrow I go see the oncologist...went for bloodwork last week...making sure that I am indeed post-menopausal as he wants to switch me from tamoxifen to something newer....last week when I went for bloodwork, they had me sit in the room that I had to go to for chemo. No one was getting chemo at that time but it really triggered some memories of that time...I swear they had the same halloween decorations up! My stomach was in knots the whole time!
Who asked me to post stuff about my life? There ya go!!!
Next year, the kids want to check out haunted houses...think they are outgrowing the pumpkin patch! Sad....
I actually just took my kids S8 and D5 on a Haunted Hayride this past weekend. It was a first for me and we all loved it! It was mildly scary and after we were done (it was like 40 mins long) both kids said "Can we do it again???" lol!!!
Fun stuff!!
CW,
You had me laughing with stories about your day. My day yesterday was similar in many respects. I spent the whole day & my lunch hour and accomplished nothing.
As for the chemo, etc., you know you are in all our prayers and thoughts. I had no idea they changed you from Tamoxifen if you were post menopausal. What's the supposed hitch?
My grands are getting older, too. Oldest is 10, and she is a step-granddaughter to D24 going through divorce. They can do as they like, but I WILL NOT LOSE MY GRANDCHILDREN. One thing they will never had to wonder about is Does Grandma Punkin luv me?
Hi CW - just catching up on your life
....you are sounding good, strong...going on with your life...We are on these boards for about the same length of time and yes we have come a long way...we seem to be more at peace...for the most part anyways.
Take care my friend
Hi-
Your thread is large, please start a new one.
Thanks,
sg
Well, this seems to be a good time to start a new thread...got papers in the mail today from my L...H is proceding with the D.
To be continued...
CW,
I'm sorry. I know that this feels like a kick in the gut but there is a long way to go before any D can become final. Make H do the work and make him pay for as much of the attorneys' fees as possible.
Thinking of you.
GAG
Thanks GAG
Let's look at the bright side...it was time to go back on the LBS diet as I have gained 6bls back in the last 4mos since my last checkup.
SG-I promise I will get a new thread started later today.
CW sorry to hear that.
GAG is right, make him do the work!
(((((((HUGS)))))))))
CW,
How are you today? Keep breathing.
Seems like there is a lot of crap happening around here these days. Sometimes this awful stuff needs to happen in order for the MLCer to face their demons.
Thinking of you.
GAG