The illusion of motion..... - 08/20/09 11:18 PM
Looking for viewpoints from the good folks here...
in Feb. my W dropped the bomb on me- EA/PA with OW (we are a lesbian couple). I am pretty sure she's in a MLC. In the last year she has gone skydiving for the 1st time, took up golf & is now immersed in it (OW plays), got a tattoo, just bought a new Beamer convertible (two weeks after telling me she is worried her job could be a target for layoff). I got the ILYBINILWY speech...
In Feb. she said "to be clear, we are separating, and we are getting a divorce". This in spite of the fact that she also said the OW was "not a long term thing", she "didn't want to marry her", "did not want to introduce her to her family and was not interested in meeting hers". Now of course she is "in love with her".
The funny thing is this: she has retained a lawyer, but no papers have been filed (so the clock isn't really ticking yet). Says she wants a "quick, clean break so she can get settled", but won't have her attorney draw up a proposal for me & my attorney to review (doesn't want to pay a lot of money to the lawyers). She wants the two of us to work out an agreement we can take back to our lawyers, so we have had two meetings where we talk about how we might divide things, but have not come to agreement on anything because we have no hard real numbers we are working with.
She has done some concrete things, such as closing out lines of credit, taking me off her credit cards, talking to our insurance agent about separating the car insurance bills, but nothing earth-shaking or that isn't a financial arrangement that a still-married couple might have.
I am getting the feeling that she is making motions to appease the OW, our friends that are telling her to "make a quick clean break to cause as little pain as possible", and maybe convince herself she is actually doing something- all without doing much of anything. I am waiting for the booming voice that says "pay no attention to the man behind the curtain"!
Am I seeing real signs of ambivalence here, or just looking too hard and hoping? Thoughts?
in Feb. my W dropped the bomb on me- EA/PA with OW (we are a lesbian couple). I am pretty sure she's in a MLC. In the last year she has gone skydiving for the 1st time, took up golf & is now immersed in it (OW plays), got a tattoo, just bought a new Beamer convertible (two weeks after telling me she is worried her job could be a target for layoff). I got the ILYBINILWY speech...
In Feb. she said "to be clear, we are separating, and we are getting a divorce". This in spite of the fact that she also said the OW was "not a long term thing", she "didn't want to marry her", "did not want to introduce her to her family and was not interested in meeting hers". Now of course she is "in love with her".
The funny thing is this: she has retained a lawyer, but no papers have been filed (so the clock isn't really ticking yet). Says she wants a "quick, clean break so she can get settled", but won't have her attorney draw up a proposal for me & my attorney to review (doesn't want to pay a lot of money to the lawyers). She wants the two of us to work out an agreement we can take back to our lawyers, so we have had two meetings where we talk about how we might divide things, but have not come to agreement on anything because we have no hard real numbers we are working with.
She has done some concrete things, such as closing out lines of credit, taking me off her credit cards, talking to our insurance agent about separating the car insurance bills, but nothing earth-shaking or that isn't a financial arrangement that a still-married couple might have.
I am getting the feeling that she is making motions to appease the OW, our friends that are telling her to "make a quick clean break to cause as little pain as possible", and maybe convince herself she is actually doing something- all without doing much of anything. I am waiting for the booming voice that says "pay no attention to the man behind the curtain"!
Am I seeing real signs of ambivalence here, or just looking too hard and hoping? Thoughts?