Being grateful for normalcy.......................

It's been a long week, I am strung out of Halloween candy, watching HSM2 with the kids and relaxing....finally!

I finally look forward to the weekends again, after dreading them for so long.

Normalcy feels good........

My Husband is leaving on Monday for 2 weeks for a business trip again. Although I am not looking forward to it, I know it will be OK.

My boss is amazingly easy to work for and will allow me to be flexible with my schedule so I can work around the kids school hours.

So today....I am happy and content and incredibly grateful for miracles $\:\)$

thanks for helping the newbies $\:\)$

Good for you, BND. And I am glad you have such an understanding boss.

BND,
I'm glad to see that things have finally settled down for you. You have a rough couple of years and it appears that your h is within the "settling down" period. In a way, it's good that he's going on travel for a couple of weeks. The reason that I say this is that it will give him something to look forward to upon his return. You, on the other hand, need a little break just to relax and plan something extra special for his return.

I'm glad your supervisor is easy to work for. That's important.

Take care and enjoy the weekend.

Snodderly,
Thank you.

I know it is getting harder for him to take these trips, he doesn't enjoy them anymore and sends loads of texts when he is away telling me how much he misses "home" and me and the kids.

Sometimes it is very strange, because I find myself somewhere between "normalcy" and "MLCBS".

There are times when things are absolutely perfect at home and it seems as though nothing ever happened. That we are the happy family.

At other times, when he gets into a "mood", like if work is stressing him out, or the kids have done something to make a huge mess or noise, I see glimpses of the MLC'er peeking through.

I like having a partner to help me with the home and the family. I like having someone to talk to that is over the age of 7. I like having someone to run errands with me. I like having the whole family around the dinner table.

But I also like my space, and my "me" time.

I had never been alone before MLC hit. I met my Husband when I was 18 and we had kids right way. And as you know, we kept on having children and I was always in my Mommy mode.

I do feel selfish at times because my Husband wants so much of my time. I feel as though he is trying so hard to make up for lost time, while I adapted to being alone and became OK with it.
I stopped feeling as though I had to have him around to be happy, and learned to make myself happy, by myself.

No, I am not having a MLC of my own, I guess in some ways I am still trying to find a balance of sorts. Working has been good for me, it helps not only financially, but gives me a sense of feeling that I am being creative and I am doing something for myself.

I know I am just rambling now, but sometimes when I read the threads here, I want so much to tell so many of the LBS that there is so much more to life then our WAS.

That if we could just get it into our heads that this horrible experience can also be an opportunity for ourselves to grow and make changes and do things that make us happy.

That life doesn't mean to just exist, and count babysteps and wait by the phone to hear "their" voice.

I don't want to sound like a hypocrite either. I did the desperate wife thing, I refused to detach, I waited around like a lost puppy dog on so many occasions, just to hear his voice on the other end of the phone. I snooped, I cried, I lost too much weight and I watched life pass me by.

I wish I had spent more time fixing "me" not the Marriage.

Anyways, I am off to the store, we need groceries....again. I swear my kids graze all day!!

(((((huge hugs))))

BND,
I am glad you have achieved what you perceive as 'normal'. I'm also glad that you continue to be honest and tell others (particularly newbies) how they have to 'save themselves' in this process.

Like you it took me far to long to realise that but now that I am starting to do it life is getting easier. It will get harder for a while once I have had to borrow the huge amount of money that I need to buy H out of the house but I know that even that will sort itself out one way or the other.

My M will not be saved. I've accepted that now. But I am determined to save me.

A,

You are NOT the same person that started posting here 3 years ago.

We have to do this journey at our own pace and work through our emotions in our own time.

Yes, financially it will be hard for you, but it is a small price to pay because you have gained so much more then money can buy.

(((((hugs))))

I don't want to sound like a hypocrite either. I did the desperate wife thing, I refused to detach, I waited around like a lost puppy dog on so many occasions, just to hear his voice on the other end of the phone. I snooped, I cried, I lost too much weight and I watched life pass me by.

I wish I had spent more time fixing "me" not the Marriage.
So what's the trick? Surely you were on the board as others were telling you: "work on yourself!" Surely you heard the messages and you maybe even thought you were working on yourself. But you didn't really work on yourself until later. So what was the tipping point? How do you break on through to the other side? What's the trick?

I'm with SirPrize...I wanna know the secret! Spill it, please! $;\)$

Quote:

So what's the trick? Surely you were on the board as others were telling you: "work on yourself!" Surely you heard the messages and you maybe even thought you were working on yourself. But you didn't really work on yourself until later. So what was the tipping point? How do you break on through to the other side? What's the trick?

You are so funny...the trick?

I think it had alot to do with me and making a choice to live my life and not just exist.

I think the changes we make have to be real and one can only fake it for so long. I knew that as much as I tried to change, it wasn't really happening because inside, I was doing it for the wrong reasons.

I desperately wanted to save my Marriage at any cost and basically faked alot of it in the begining. I kept hoping that if my Husband could see the new me, then he would change his mind and come home.

I see the same thing from other posters also. They totally regress or backslide when something happens and all of the work they have supposedly been doing on themselves dissapears after one major spew session.

After playing games for so long, and seeing that nothing was working, I "got real" with God.

I saw myself in the mirror and saw all of the ugliness and the anger and the bitterness.

These were my issues, things that had nothing to do with my Husband, but did help cause the demise of my Marriage.

My Husband had a MLC and it was absolutely awful. I know that there are tons of threads about it, but basically he snapped when his Dad passed away. To me, it seemed as though he changed overnight.

I heard every single one of the typical MLCBS lines. I think he actually wrote the script! BUT...I also learned from many of the wise posters here, that there was some truth to his words. I had neglected him and paid more attention to the children. I had made myself more available to my friends then my Husband. I did not make him feel loved as much as I should have.

When he moved out of the family home I finally had the space I needed to actually work on my own issues. I also had an amazing therapist and did EMDR therapy.

I personally could not have survived his crisis had he stayed in the home, even though I thought I could at the time. I was devastated when he moved 3000 miles away and I was finally all alone with the kids, the bills and the house.

I was a late bloomer. It took me about 18 months from the bomb to truly learn how to detach. It was so hard for me. As I posted before, I made my Husband my reason for living and lost total perpective of who I was. I lost all control and had a complete breakdown.

I wanted to be happy again, I was so tired of watching life pass me by and so I made the decision to take one day at a time. Baby steps, for me, not the Marriage.

I also knew that my Husband may never come back again because so much damage had been done to our family and because he lived so far away, his pride may keep him away.

I had to become the person I was meant to be, the Woman God designed me to be. That meant going back to the begining and not trying to please anyone but God and myself.

My Husband and I began to talk more, although it was on the phone. He noticed the difference in me, just by my attitude and the tone of my voice.

He was gone for 2 1/2 years, and I only saw him for a total of 12 days during that time. I tell you this because so many LBS believe that if they do not see their WAS regularly or talk to them often, that things can't change in their Marriage.

It is true, NOT every single Marriage will be saved, but you will definately save yourself and become a better "you" IF the changes you make are real and are doing them for the "right" reasons.

You are so right BND.... I have just been in this journey for 1 1/2 yrs....I think letting go and grieving for our marriage... crying out to God on our knees and getting in the word of God has been the only way to survive this...

I have just now recently totally let go.... it was the hardest thing i have ever had to do... but I did it...when you finally let go there is a heavy burden that has finally been lifted off of your shoulders.. at least for me that is how I feel..an inner peace...as a matter of fact.My H has moved in the O/W and that is when I knew I had let go because this is when I had that peace inside of me.....

I actually spoke to him today concerning child support and our daughter....we had a very nice talk....like friends should talk...after all we started of as friends....I asked him if he was happy with his new life and he said yes....and it did not hurt.....just a different talk felt good...

I told him I was still praying for him and our marriage.. and he said he was still praying for me too...

I cant understand all this inner peace I have but I do know I have it..... that ever happen to you????

I feel good right now in my life I still miss him...think about him from time to time but not like I was before my peace..

I guess I have grieved over my old marriage...and have started a new chapter in MY NEW LIFE...without him for now...I know that I know one day all this will come to pass....and I will be a better person....a better mom...grandma....and hopefully by God's grace a better wife.....thanks for all you do in here....God will keep blessing you for your kind words and support....have a Blessed Day In Jesus Name

Unveiling the Hidden
Jeremiah 33:1-3

Every decade, it seems as though there's a fresh crop of books on the topic of communication. We can walk down the aisle of any bookstore and take our pick from the many volumes dedicated to public speaking, preaching, verbal delivery, and even interpersonal communication. Learning how to speak is definitely a big industry these days.

What tends to be lacking, however, is good teaching on how to communicate with the Lord. Too often, we take what we learn about mass communication and try to apply it to prayer. We carefully craft each word of our petitions, laboring over every phrase and peppering in some fancy "biblical" words like "thou," "thee," and "shalt." Sometimes, we seem to believe that it's possible to unlock the mysteries of heaven if we just learn how to phrase our prayers.

Friend, this is a misguided approach. We should never come before God's throne with the presumption that we just have to find the right combination of words in order to get Him to speak. The power is not in what we say, but in what He says. Our role in prayer is not to impress the Lord with our fine phrasing and fancy vocabulary. Rather, it is to cry out to Him, to express our needs, and then to listen. Sadly, we often miss out on what God wants to say because we're too busy doing all the talking!

This week, take a different approach to prayer. Practice solitude and quiet meditation in your time with God, and open yourself up to what He may be telling you.

BND
Just wanted to say hi and have a lovely week. (((HUGS)))

Amen to that!

God's Three Answers to Prayer
Matthew 7:7-11

Too often, believers view almighty God as a great cosmic Santa Claus in the sky: we think of our prayers not as petitions, but as demands. Then, if God does not grant our request, we're thrown into a faith crisis, believing He no longer answers us. The real problem, however, is that we misunderstand the Lord's three answers to prayer:

Yes. We love this response! There's nothing more exhilarating or faith-inspiring than watching the Lord move mountains in order to provide what we once saw as impossible.

No. Here is where the problems begin for us. But we must accept the fact that God says "no" to some of our requests. This is certainly not because He's greedy or uncaring--on the contrary, He is generous, loving, and concerned about His children. Matthew 7:11 does not say God will give "everything to those who ask Him," does it? No, it says that the heavenly Father will give what is good to those who ask. Quite often, giving "what is good" means that He doesn't agree to things He knows are wrong for us.

Wait. This answer can be even harder than a flat-out "no." Yet some things that are good and right and godly may still be wrong for us today. Remember, God is eternal; He sees all time at the same time. If He regards tomorrow's blessing as a curse today, He'll withhold it for a season until we're ready to receive it.
Friend, do not be misled if God's response is not what you expected--or wanted--to hear. Instead, praise the Lord for answering our requests the way He knows they should be answered

God is always looking out for our best interest. Because he can see what we can't. Thanks for sharing this BND

I respect you very much....and I dont want to cause any disrespect.But the word of God does say he will give us whatever we ask for in prayer..I have been reading the bible daily and this is what I see....if I am wrong please point me in the right direction...
Please dont take this the wrong way...I am new at reading the bible and at standing....but I read Matthew 7 vs 11 and it seems to contradict these other scriptures...
Could you clarify????
I know you are not a preacher or anything... at least not that I have seen that you are in here...but I do know you have been in Gods word alot longer than I have...
Just trying to make sense of all the different scriptures

It says in Matthew 21 vs 22
If you believe... you will recieve, WHATEVER you ask for in prayer.....

John 14 vs 14
You may ask me for ANYTHING in my name and I will do it...

Irmat,

First of all, please don't ever think that by having a difference of opinion you are disrespecting me.

I think it is great that we can discuss these things together, like adults.

Quote:

If you then, being evil, know how to give good gifts to your children,how much more will your Father who is in heaven give what is good to those who ask Him!

It is my interpretation from these scriptures, that God is NOT a Genie. As our Heavenly Father, He will not always give us what we want if He doesn't feel it is the best thing for us.

For example, if you prayed earnestly for Him to give the OW a deadly disease so she would die and your Husband would come home, do you honestly believe that God would give you this, just because you asked?

There have been times in my life that I have prayed earnestly for something to happen for months and months. And it didn't happen, but instead something else happened which was better for me. Does that make sense?

There is also a whole other issue with prayer, especially when it comes to another human being. God also gave man free will. We can pray for another person, we can pray for their salvation, we can pray for them to return to the Marriage, but our prayers do NOT guarantee anything other then Gods will be done.

I want to wrote more about this, but I am very tired right now, and if it is OK with you, I will finish this tomorrow.

Have a great evening.

(((hugs)))

This is a point of much aching on the LBS' side. And this is where I have come to.

AND FIRST AND FOREMOST GOOD GOOD GOOD -- you read that Word. LET GOD seep into your soul and be the GREAT COMFORTOR that He promises to be.

When you read the Word try really really hard to read it all...teh scripture above and below. Always- get the context...it is very very important.

You referenced Matthew 21:22 and John 14:14

Matthew is talking about Faith..YOUR faith. GOD CAN AND WILL MOVE MOUNTAINS FOR YOU! Isn't that just awesome!! HE will!! AND HE DOES!! But He will NOT mess with someone elses FREE WILL. Taht is the kicker in all of this. AND I BELIEVE the hardest part for all of us.. Will he do His work in them..sure..but see THEY HAVE TO CHOOSE Him. AND THAT is on THEM. GOD WILL ENABLE them...it also says in the Word that teh HOLY SPIRIT has to begin the work within them...but if they choose to ignore it...GOD won't push. He wants us by OUR will. NOT BY HIS...

The same with John 14:14 it is scripture pointed at that individual. YES we are praying that our WAS will get a clue...and that GOD will work on thier hearts...and He IS it just may not "LOOK LIKE" we expect it to.

Remember teh Word also says to "Lean not to our OWN understanding.." We get our HOPE set on teh WAS coming home instead leaving OUR HOPE in GOD and GOD ALONE.

I know that God loves YOU and wants the best for you. Right now - teh way your WAS is that teh BEST for YOU right now? ask yourself that... it is a VERY VERY hard question to answer because sometimes WE don't like the answer. (For now). WHO KNOWS what plans that God has for you..

Jeremiah 29:11 says "For I knwo the plans I have for you declares teh Lord...plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future...." go read that there is MORE!

See if I look with my own eyes (leaning on my own understanding) I get pretty bumbed... I have prayed the same prayers that you have..yet my xh said nope (so far). BUT then there are all these other awesome promises.... YES BELIEVE. BELEIVE taht GOD CAN do a WORK in your WAS. AND KNOW that He is in UTTER control of YOUR LIFE---

(Sorry didn't mean to chime in ...but well this one is all over my own heart!!) =)

BND, thanks for the "What's the trick" response.
That's a pretty good trick!

First of all thank you for your response....but as a follower of Christ...we should never want harm to come to the O/P....we should be asking for their salvation...because as much as I hate thinking about this..God loves them too..and he wants no one to perish....

I hope we dont get in trouble in here for discussing this on this thread....but I know I feel moved to do so..
And yes... we are not to lean unto our own understanding...because that will definetly get us... in our minds into trouble...

John 21 vs 22 I read the scripture before and after and I just dont see what you see....I know he gives us free will...but I also know that he is an all mighty and powerful God...that NOTHING is impossible for him....

This why sometimes christians... per say.. will get so confused in what they read...what they hear...what they see that they would just rather back off and go on and try to figure everything out by themselves....

But I appreciate all this from you guys... and I know God has a plan for us and I believe his will will be done....I will pray for more guidance and ask in prayer for more clarity on this..

One more question... I read Charlene Cares Devotionals daily...
Is she misinterpreting the word of God????She seems so adamant in her beliefs and what she reads....there is scripture after scripture there where restoration does and will happen if we just believe and let God take control over it.... what about the transforming of our H hearts??? she does say that our H do have or will have an ear to listen to the holy spirit....and be obedient to when it speaks to them.

But she says never to give up that God does answer our prayers and the desires of our heart...just a thought....maybe MWG can also direct me in this ... she reads those devotionals daily also... and who k nows maybe you guys do to....

Anyways I have totally let go and I do have a peace within me...just waiting on the mighty power of God to manifest in our marriage one day...

better get back to work hope to hear from some of you..
Be blessed in Jesus name
MWG believes and reads as do alot of you in here....

I wanted to jump in here because I see this come up a lot as a topic of confusion.

"Free will" is actually a Calvinist belief. Sure God lets us make decisions but God has many many persuasive ways to make sure that the decisions we make line up with His Will as He guides us back to Him.

God is soveriegn which mean NOTHING is impossible for him at all. That includes changing the path and heart of a man.

Many are the plans in a man's heart, but it is the LORD's purpose that prevails. Proverbs 19:21

The king's heart is in the hand of the LORD, as the rivers of water: he turneth it whithersoever he will. Proverbs 21:1

Another aspect of this is that when a husband and wife marry they form a covenant with God. Marriage is not between two, it is between three.

For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband, 1 Corinthians 7:14

It is IMPORTANT though that as we pray we are not praying to exert 'our' will upon our spouses and that we are praying from a pure heart and pure love. It is important that we focus our prayer on having God lead us and change us and for the salvation of our spouses to gain a relationship with God. We need to pray for God's Will to be done.

Often God speaks to people in a very profound way. Damascus road experiences happen all the time in people who have fallen away from God or maybe never even have known them.

(A Damascus road experience is when a person has an "awakening" and God speaks to them in a such a profound way that they immediately decide to make changes that line up with God's will for them. Saul's Damascus road ecperience is found in Acts 9.)

So naturally it comes back to our FAITH. Having a faith in God that all things are possible and having faith in God that His Will is the best choice for you and your family's life.

I wanted to include that not all heart changes happen instantly.

Many heart changes take time, but they DO happen.

Free will" is actually a Calvinist belief. Sure God lets us make decisions but God has many many persuasive ways to make sure that the decisions we make line up with His Will as He guides us back to Him.

'It is important that we focus our prayer on having God lead us and change us and for the salvation of our spouses to gain a relationship with God. We need to pray for God's Will to be done.

I truly believe that...but look at Hoosiermama / MWG....their husbands were christians who know the bible inside and out...but yet they abandoned their families....

Many heart changes take time, but they DO happen

glad you are joining in... I am so new at all this...MLC.....

So I still stand on the understanding on the scripture Matthew 21 vs 22

My Husband was also a believer when MLC happened.

He used to teach and he also led the music worship for years at our church.

But he is also human, which means he has a sin nature.

For a long time during the crisis he made fun of me for taking the kids to church.

At other times he would tell me that I was not at all concerned about their Spirituality.

My Husband basically turned his back on God, and my prayers were daily.

I would pray that the Lord would soften his heart and remove the scales that blinded him.

And when I reached a point of having no more words to pray, I would read the POPW which really helped me to stay focused.

After many years, he did finally come home and is again worshiping and praying.

IRMAT, by the way, I only used the example of praying for something bad to happen to OW, as basically an axample. I would never think for a minute that that was what you are doing.

BND...... before I came to really know Christ....I did want bad things to happen to the O/W .... I had thougths of harmimg her...had dreams of me hitting her with a bat....it was pretty scarry to think I could actually be thinking such thoughts... but as I have grew with God, I ask God daily for her salvation...

My family thinks I have lost my marbles....doing that.... most people would want to hurt and get revenge....but all that would do bring embarressment to my family...my testimony of God's love and the mighty power he has.

I often think about how it was over a year ago today....how hopeless....depressed...suicidal I was.How I couldnt even get out of bed....but right away I got into God's word and I can honestly say to those who are just starting......IT DOES GET BETTER....

When you finally and truly let go and let God...... WOW what a difference that makes....

And my H is still involved in his church, still planning to work on being an Episcopal priest. And still divorcing me and working on a committed relationship to his old girlfriend, the Wicca woman. That's just how crazy all of this is. He sees nothing inconsistent with any of these things, and has found a way to blame me for everything and believes we should never have gotten married. I suppose that's how he justifies his behavior.

Since he started all this has he ever been cival to you????has he never asked for forgiveness????Have you met the O/W face to face before????? how long ago did this happen??? I am at work and dont have much time to read the threads.. just wondering about all these questions.....hope you dont mind

Sure, at times he's civil. He's kinda Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. No, he's never asked for forgiveness because he doesn't feel he's done anything wrong--I'm at fault. He's never even admitted to the A, even after I showed him proof--he just got hostile. No, I have not met her face to face, but I have emailed her. This all happened in May; he changed jobs in March, ran into an old girlfriend on one of the nursing units where he has chaplaincy students and got himself assigned there instead. In early May he began pursuing her, and one Friday in May she acknowledged the mutual attraction. Two days later our marriage was over--3 days before our 14th anniversary. He's not been on the fence for even a moment, refused counseling, never looked back. There's been no db'ing for me, because I don't really even exist to him as a person, only an inconvenience. It doesn't appear that any friends or family members have confronted him about any of this, and most of them probably don't know the truth. I don't know what he's told them. At some point over the summer he told a friend or two that he'd reconnected with an old friend, and they thought it was so nice for him since our marriage fell apart. Didn't bother to disclose the timing on all of that--that the marriage fell apart because of that reconnection.

Hoozh, I know it's hard. But I'm calling BS on you.
There's been no db'ing for me, because I don't really even exist to him as a person, only an inconvenience.
He is watching. You think he isn't but he is.
You can DB just fine. Get a life. Find happiness. He is watching and wondering. I guarantee it.

Originally Posted By: SirPrizeMe

Hoozh, I know it's hard. But I'm calling BS on you.
There's been no db'ing for me, because I don't really even exist to him as a person, only an inconvenience.
He is watching. You think he isn't but he is.
You can DB just fine. Get a life. Find happiness. He is watching and wondering. I guarantee it.

Do you really believe that? Well, gal'ing is the only thing I can do, and I'm doing it. Trying, anyway. All the rest--going dark, 180's, etc. he completely doesn't notice. In fact, I've been dark since June, only contact him if absolutely necessary about finances or D--and that's less than once a week. And gal'ing I do for me and D, anyway. Now this most recent thing (see my thread)--yes, I had to draw a boundary. Which required mentioning the A. And it got the predictable response. But that's fine--I needed to draw the boundary, and when he kept pressing about "why?" I told him.

i wonder too if they really notice.

SO MANY people say that they do-- but i too dont think so.
at least not with my xh. shoot he WANTS me to go be intimate with someone else...told me himself he wants me to be happy and "fulfilled"..

at least not with my xh. shoot he WANTS me to go be intimate with someone else...told me himself he wants me to be happy and "fulfilled"..
Oh, COME ON! Are you kidding me??? cagzmom, that is the same line THEY ALL have.

THEY ALL SAY THAT.

Think about it.
They say it to let themselves off the hook.
They say that because they are thinking about what they did.

YES, I think he is thinking about you. It hurts - It hurts HIM to think about it, so he doesn't want to. But yes, he is thinking about everything. He tries anything to avoid it, to hide, to run away from it. But when he awakes in the middle of the night, there it is, staring him in the face. There it is, all red eyes and full of malice. The monster. Yes, he is thinking about it. He cannot escape it. It's torture.

Did you ever read Crime and Punishment?

oh yes.

And I don't say this gleefully. I am not rejoicing because of it. But the plain fact is that it does not go away. Unless your husband is psychotic or sociopathic, he he cannot help but think about it.

You have no idea as to what goes through their heads.

You think they are out having fun and living the good life....

It really isn't what you think it is.

My therapist told me once to stop allowing the monsters in my head to come out and play, which basically means that the stuff in our heads is way worse then the reality of the situation.

Hang in there, it gets so much better and you will be OK, I promise.

(((((hugs))))

Hi BND,
Have a lovely week-end.(((HUGS)))

Had a hellacious week...

They had to fire someone and so I had to cover his hours. I have been working 10 hour days and trying to juggle my life.

Tomorrow my Husband will be home, he has been gone for almost 2 weeks, so that will help alot with the kids.

I have been playing Christmas music at work and driving everyone nuts, it has been alot of fun.

I spent all morning baking which I really enjoyed.

So now I am off to get my eyebrows waxed and then come home and make dinner and watch a movie with the kids.

The house looks like a bomb went off, so I guess I will be cleaning all day tomorrow and making things nice again before my Husband arrives....He hates it when the house is a mess. I guess this is my act of rebellion..HA!

Oh well, what the eye doesn't see the heart doesn't grieve over.

Ouch...sounds like you are in for a busy weekend Dearie!!!

I like what you said about not letting the monsters come out to play...I have done a bit of that this week so it was nice to know I am not crazy.

I am so glad things are settling down for you!!!

Hi BND,
Just wanted to say that I am often thinking of your. I hope you will be able to relax a bit in between clearing up and cleaning the house. (((HUGS)))

The house is still spotless and everything looked lovely......He will never know how bad the house looked when he was away

Oh life is so hard being a domestic Goddess...ha!

Nothing to update, I am not looking forward to my week at work because of the insane hours, but it will pass quickly...

Have a blessed week everyone...

Sending love and prayers.

(((hugs)))

Hi BND,

I've had to fire someone before & I hate it!!!

I'm so glad things have worked out for you & your H!!!! If you have time check out my thread, things just keep getting stranger.

I guess I should just give up, but in my heart I can't right now.

((((HUGS))))

Found this website....thought someone would want to check it out.......I am at work so cant really check it out dont know if it's free or just reading material....I am guessing you have to pay some where down the line .....please let me know if I was right....have a blessed day in Jesus name

http://www.ezinearticles.com

YAY!!!!
The weekend is here and I can finally relax!
The last couple of weeks have been so hectic, I am so looking forward to resting and getting back to normalcy.

Hi BND,
Have a great week-end and relax. (((HUGS)))

YAY!!!

Thanksgiving is almost here and I am so grateful and thankful to be able to have my whole family together.

I was talking with my friend Judy today and she and her Husband will be coming over to my house a few days before Christmas with a guitar and a keyboard and we will be getting together for dinner and singing Christmas carols and praise songs.

I asked D20 to sing me a song as my Christmas gift. She has the most beautiful voice. I have asked her to sing, "Mary have you heard". She and Judy harmonize beautifully together.

Judy and her Husband also had their Marriage restored after he had a MLC many years ago. They were separated for over 3 years, that was 15 years ago. She has a wonderful ministry and is a huge support to others going through this. I have ben praying about joining her ministry.

I am just so thankful to be able to have normalcy again, and have other couples come to my home and not feel awkward.

On Saturday, my Husband and I went out for dinner with my boss and her Husband and we had a really great evening. It has been so long since we have done things like that.

I guess I am getting to a point where the MLC stuff is getting further and further in the past, and I no longer dwell on the BS that happened to our family.

I have not forgotten the lessons I have learned about keeping love alive in our Marriage.

I have chosen to pick my battles wisely, and not over react to every stupid little thing.

The kids seem very settled and happy with their homelife.

Just in case I don't get to post, I wanted to wish everyone here a fabulous and happy Thanksgiving.

Sending love and prayers and huge hugs.

(((((((hugs))))))

(((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))) right back at you, and may you have a WONDERFUL Thanksgiving with your ENTIRE family !!! xxxxxxxx

Happy Thanksgiving to you BND, that was a beautiful post and I am so happy you have "normal" in your life.

Have a safe, blessed and happy Thanksgiving! You have so much to be thankful for! In fact, we all do!

Hi BND,
Thank you for your kind words on my thread. I often think of you and always enjoy reading your thread. I am so happy for you that you have normalcy again.

I wish you a good week and a lovely Thanksgiving. ((HUGS)))

Happy Thanksgiving!!!

I am so happy that you have your normalcy back!!

The holidays will be wonderful for you this year!! (((hug))) all those beautiful kids.

God Bless

Happy Thanksgiving BND!!!!! Lots of hugs to you and your family!!!

Y

BND:

I'm happy you will have your family around you for the holidays! I'm sure glad to read that things are becoming more normal for you!

Thinking of you...enjoy your Thanksgiving!

$\:\)$

BA

We had a great Thanksgiving.

I love having all of the kids at home, even though it is rather chaotic at times, I love that tyow of chaos $\:\)$

I started decorating the house and making it Christmasy and pretty. We already started baking goodies, but the kids eat them as soon as they cmeout of the oven.

We had some snow over the past few days, and it is getting colder in this part of the country. Thankfully the cost of oil is getting to be more affordable.

My Husband did most of the Christmas wrapping last night which really helped, and I am pretty much done with the shopping. We are having a simple Christmas this year and I am happy about that.

My Sister asked her Husband for a Divorce. She has endured his nonsense for about 18 years now and he refused to change. I am not sure if she will really go through with it, but I feel strange about giving her advice.

I have never liked her Husband. He is lazy and slothful. My Sister works hard to make ends meet, and he keeps the couch warm and drinks beer.

I guess I support her choice, and I will just keep my mouth shut about my personal opinion. She is not having an affair, and is not interested in dating anyone else, she just wants to stop being miserable.

Thanks for listening......

((((hugs))))

I love the holiday season. We put up all the Christmas decorations this weekend and D had a good time with me and was asking about all the ornaments, etc. Then we got hit with snow last night too. So if it wasn't festive enough, it is now. $\:\)$

Sounds like you've had a really nice time BND and that's great!

Hi BND,
Great to hear you had a great Thanksgiving. Just wanted to say that I am thinking of you. Take care.

(((HUGS)))

We have snow here too today.

Hi BND,
You must be so busy this time of your. I wish you fun and a lovely week-end. Take care.

Originally Posted By: brandnewday

We had a great Thanksgiving.

I love having all of the kids at home, even though it is rather chaotic at times, I love that tyow of chaos $\:\)$

I started decorating the house and making it Christmasy and pretty. We already started baking goodies, but the kids eat them as soon as they cmeout of the oven.

We had some snow over the past few days, and it is getting colder in this part of the country. Thankfully the cost of oil is getting to be more affordable.

My Husband did most of the Christmas wrapping last night which really helped, and I am pretty much done with the shopping. We are having a simple Christmas this year and I am happy about that.

Thanks for listening......

((((hugs))))

Hi BND
Just popping by to send {{{{HUGS}}}}
I'm looking forward to the baking with Baby Genius in our new home if all goes through as we're praying for
Byron & I will be Closing on our new home Dec 19th

This past 18 months has been a wild roller coaster for me
but now Byron & I are riding in the same car!
The coaster still rolls along but at a much slower pace
& not so many hair raising twists & turns
just seems to be more & more pleasant surprises around each corner that we twist around

Merry Christmas & Happy New Year in case I don't get back to the board for another few months lol

God is so AWESOME in how He had things in control all of this time & worked things out in His Time not Mine

I am whining again......I have a bad cold and I hate being sick..BLECH!!!

I had to work today and loaded up on cold meds and liquids.

Now I am camped out on the couch watching T.V. and trying to get some rest.

Not too much going on in my little corner of the world right now, just doing the big countdown til Christmas.

Hi BND,
I hope your cold is better today. Enjoy your rest in front of the TV. Take care.

Finally......

We have power and heat again.

Last Thursday night an ice storm hit and knocked out power lines and trees. Our little Town has been at a standstill. The dept of power said that full power won't be restored for up to another 10 - 14 days.

They have set up a shelter in a local church as many lost their homes. A neighbor had a tree go through his roof!!

My chicken coop prevented a tree from going through my house, as it was balanced on the corner, and had to be removed and cut down by a tree guy. He said that it would have gone through the house and caused a lot of damage.

My 2 older kids away at College also had to be evacuated as the generators were working overtime.

The temps have been low, and we have snow again.

The kids school has been closed since last Thursday, and they won't be returning until January 5th.

My H and I and the 6 younger kids all stayed in one room upstairs as my house got to be 40 degrees indoors.

We have had one helluva week, but we survived and hope to try and enjoy the rest of the holiday season.

Sending huge ((((hugs))))

BND
X

BND:

Thank goodness you are all okay and that nothing happened to your home.

I was wondering how long you would be without power.

I can't even imagine.

One year, we had a major summer storm which knocked out power for about 3-4 days. You would think summer sounds better than winter but when it is 110+ degrees outside, you had better get to a cooler location!

I hope that your power stays on.

I'm glad to hear you all are ok!

I'm glad God was watching over you and your family and kept you safe.

BND

Thank goodness you all are okay!!! God was watching over you and the family!

Y

Hi BND,
I am so happy for you and you family that you are alright after the ice storm. I saw it on the news.

I would like to wish you and your family a merry Christmas and a very happy and healthy New Year. (((HUGS)))

It is almost 2009, WOW!!!

I am DB-ing again, but this time it isn't my Husband it is my D20, she will be 21 next month.

She has turned into such a rude and disrespectful person, and I am the target of all of her spew.

Nothing I do is ever good enough for her, she looks at me with such contempt and speaks to me as if I am totally beneath her.

She recently broke up with her boyfriend, who cheated on her. I didn't like him anyway, and told her that when I first met him. I did keep my mouth shut and one day I got a call telling me that I was right about him.

During the relationship she was in she had decided to share all of our family's dirty laundry regarding the MLC episode and all of the crap our family had gone through.

I did receive a phone call from the little [censored] telling me that I ought to be ashamed of myself for allowing my Husband to put our family through hell and then allow him to come home again. He told me that I was the one who caused all of S20's issues.

And yes I did tell him what I thought of him at that time, and told him that we could have this conversation in 20 years after he had experienced a little more growing up.

I remember being her age, and I also thought I knew it all, but I was Married, and I had a child and another one on the way. I didn't have parents to help me out of my messes.

Perhaps I have spoiled her, maybe I overcompensated when my Husband was gone, I have no idea. She was an amazing support to me when I was alone with all of the younger kids, she helped me out so much.

She has always been a really great Daughter, she gets good grades in College,she has always worked, doesn't do drugs, doesn't drink or smoke or sleep around. She is very loving to her siblings and lately she and her Dad have been getting along much better.

She and my Mother have been emailing back and forth about me. My Mother is very manipulative and also has a mental illness. I have never really shared all of the details about my Mother with my children, as I thought they would eventually figure it out on their own when they are older.

My Mother has never gotten over her Divorce from my Dad, which was almost 40 years ago. To this day, I am not allowed to mention him in any way. The bitterness she holds onto is so ugly, and at times very scarey.

My Mother knows that D20 and I have been having issues and she is using it to her advantage. She even promised to send D20 money.

I am not sure what happened to my wonderful daughter.

I would appreciate your prayers and advice.

Happy New Year to all of us..........

awe Faith, I am really sorry to read this. I know you and her were doing so great during all of this.

I think you hit the nail on the head though, DB her. You know the routines here. Patience and a good attitude is all you need here.

Ian

I too remember being her age. Hopefully she's just trying to throw around her new found independence from being away at college. But DB'ing her couldn't hurt. $\:\)$

BND,

Her whole leaving the nest and the subsequent and almost mandatory fights with the parents might have been put on hold during the whole MLC... which means it might be happening now. Which is much better than say....when she is married and 30-40ish.

Must be something in the air...I am having major issues with S21. You described exactly how he acts with and talks to me terribly. In fact yesterday was the worst day of my life. I had to tell him that he can't come back to our home. He is going to have to stay with his dad. He is talking to me horribly and has an uncontrollable temper. I deal with it anymore. He needs counseling and keeps refusing to seek it. It breaks my heart but he needs a reality check and living with his dad may accomplish that.

I know that I am doing what I need to do right now and that our relationship will get better eventually but I can't make it alright to continue to disrespect me. Good luck!

HAPPY HAPPY 2009 TO EVERYONE HERE!!!!

I pray that this year will bring with it an abundance of love, peace and joy.

(((((hugs)))))

Happy New Year!

What a way to begin the new year.....

D20 sent me a text inviting me and her Dad out for dinner....her treat.

I was out at the time and she called her Dad and for some reason they got into a huge yelling match....

And....

She reamed him out for his MLC and for being gone for 2 1/2 years and for all of the crap he put our family through.

He said he had to go and hung up.

She called me crying.

We had a long talk while I was in Borders, but I listened to her and validated and told her that she still needed to be respectful to her Dad.

I told her she was very brave to talk about that stuff with him and that she needed to finish the conversation with no expectations of him.

So....

She called him back, and they talked.

He apologized, and asked for her forgiveness and told her that he was very sorry for hurting her and that he was ashamed of his actions.

So, now we are getting ready to go and join her for dinner.

My Husband has not mentioned any of the conversation he had with her, but I am sure he wil during the long car ride up there.

WOW!!!!

Will wonders never cease........

Happy New Year BND. I hope all goes well with D20.

Wow, BND that was some post!

I love the way you handled the situation and I like (well, sorta) the way your H handled it too. Would love to hear how things shook out, when you have a chance.

poet
(who would like to hear your comments on my latest thread post too, if you get a chance).

We were both texting while both of us were at dinner? Sorry abou that! $\:\)$
I too love the way you handled that call. When you said that D is being disrespectful to you, maybe all the MLC stuff is just catching up to her since this convo with your H just took place too.

We had a nice evening with my Daughter.
We kept things light and fun.

I hope this was the begining of something good.

Thank you for your prayers!!

(((BND)))

I hope you had a great start to the new year. Glad to hear things went well with your daughter.

God bless,
Trapt

Hi Faith !!!!!

Happy New Year to you and your family !! May this year bring more healing and laughter than the last one and may you all be happy and greatful for one another !

Much love and thanks for YOUR love,

Cinders xxx

Happy New Year BND

Divorcebusting now has a fan club on Facebook.

Uhmmmm, what if you're not ON facebook because you want to avoid being there ? Can I still keep up with that fanclub ? What is it about ?

Cinders -
No - you gotta be on FB to be in any FB-based fan club.
Not sure what getting into the fan club gets you. A free T-shirt? (No.) Really I think a FB fanclub is good for two things:

advertising that you support a particular thing, like a sports team, a high school band, a rock star, or etc. In this case, DB itself.
networking with other people who feel similarly.

BND - your daughter sounds like a cool young lady, and I love the advice and guidance you gave her about her dad. That is the stuff of families, and the work you are doing is really good for you and your kids and your husband and (excuse me while I channel the dalai lama) for the rest of the world, too.

on NYE, I was talking to my kids about what they wished for in the new year and one of them said "world peace". (he is 12) And I asked - ok, how can we work towards world peace? and the thought I offered to them is that we have little direct influence on what happens in Sudan, but if we focus on living peacefully RIGHT HERE, if we all lived peacefully with our families and neighbors, then the world would be a much better, more peaceful place. Sure we can give aid to Sudan, and we should; but living well with our families is the best way each of us can contribute to world peace.

Happy 2009!

Hi BND,
HAPPY NEW YEAR. I hope for you that this year will be a good one and all you wishes come true. I also hope that your daughter will find the way to her father again. Take care.

Thanks SirPrizeMe !

Guess I'm not much of a fanclub member then ! Still don't feel comfortable to go on facebook, I see too many con's ...

But thanks x

For those of us who do use FB (but aren't experts) how do we get on?

Hi Alison,
You just go to http://www.facebook.com and sign up.
If you add divorcebusting to your "group" you will see many of us posters over there.
You have my email so you can search for me that way and get many of my "friends" info from me.
See you over there......

Thanks BND. I tried adding DB as a group but it didn't recognise it so I think I've added you as a 'friend'. Hope it's you! The picture was a bit small and I couldn't compare it with the pics you already sent me. So if you don't get my 'friends' request I email me and then I'll know it didn't go to the right person!

Hey Alison,
I added you!!
And your photo is absolutely gorgeous!!!

So, through DB-ing we have learned how to be independent and not to be needy and not to be controlling and not to "Mother" our Husbands.

So here is the problem.

My Husband has gained quite a bit of weight. He is actually about 30 pounds overweight, and his blood pressure is high.

I cook healthy meals, he has a gym membership, I bought vitamins.

I have given the schpiel of how his Dad died of Diabetes and I am worried about him. That I have worked my arse off to get our Marriage back on track and I am not going to lose my Husband again to some illness.

He doesn't want to go to the Doctor.

He said he is working on it.

I do not want to nag.

He is alone all day as the kids are in school and I am at work.
As he works from home, nobody is here to monitor the fridge, or trips to McDonalds.

Any advice???

That is a tough one because even if you bought all the right foods, he could go out and head to the nearest fast food or whatever it is he loves to eat.

I don't think there is anything you can do since he is a grown man but I understand what you are saying--you have worked hard and you do not want to lose him again to his health issues.

Take the car keys away but not tell him???!!!!!

Hi BND...great to see you are still posting!! I love seeing that you are still loyal to both God and your husband and family. Have missed this board and some of the other wonderful people who saved my life during my early days of standing.

I am still standing after 7 years. My husband is making noises about a separation, but I don't want to agree, so have a lawyer for the first time in this. Mostly though, I still have my faith in God - he saved my husband from a massive stroke in Oct. It should have been fatal and he improved in a miraculous way. Unfortunately, the other woman (who was drunk with him when the stroke happened) has more control than ever. He and I used to talk several times a week and that ended last summer. God has been there for me - by healing me several times over, by allowing me to live a purposeful life (in my own way) and by saving my husband's life until he gets his soul ready to meet God.

Hope some of the old-timers see my post - I noticed Naej and Missing Hubby and a few others who seemed fimiliar. I think of all of you often.

For anyone reading this who is suffering a loss of faith or hope as they suffer from adultery/addiction/abandonment: remember that our Lord suffered the utmost rejection when his own people decided to put him to death. As you think of that, know that he suffers with you for the terrible sins our spouses are committing. They do have free will - it's only logical - but we know that the Holy Spirit is working on them. They then face the greatest sin of all - rejection of God's mercy and love.

I have endured countless indignities and painful times due to my husband's and the owhore's actions. I just remember either to offer up my suffering for the conversion of my husband's soul and even ask God to turn her away from him. I get down lots of times, but do know that ultimately God is with me - and with him no one can be against me.

God bless and love to all - stand faithfully and you will be rewarded.

(Oh, can't offer much help with the weight on your husband - have my own struggles there. A kind word about how great a body he has when it's toned and healthy might work...)

Libnor

Hi Lib!! Great to see you posting again.

I had no idea about your Hs stroke in Oct (at least I don't remember you posting about it) I'm glad to hear that he's improved dramatically...and that you're still fighting the battle.

I have no idea on what 'tricks' BND could use either. I DO know that men hate to be told to take care of themselves..generally. Usually, they already know that they're not living as healthy as they should. And suggestions and pleading usually don't do much to change their minds.

And you can't babysit them...they'll always find a way to sneak in the 'bad stuff', one way or the other.

I guess one idea might be to take a lot of photos. You know, just candid ones. If you 'accidentally' seem to snap alot of 'unattractive' ones of H that show the extra weight..without making any comments about it...and put up these photos around the house ( do it in a way where it looks 'normal', not like you had a photo shoot for a specific reason), he'll notice..I'll guarantee you. If he doesn't like what the camera shows, he'll do something about it. Just an idea.

Hi Lib and BND.
Sorry to hear about your H's stroke but pleased he made a full recovery.
Maybe the move he is making towards a separation(how much more separated can you be though? he has been gone 7 years hasn't he)
will work out ok. may make him finally realise all he is losing.
You will just continue as you have been doing and life will be as it was.
I hope you continue to do things for you and make your own live the best it can be.
I know New Year is hard for you so hope now that's passed you will find some joy in your life again.
Hope all the children and g/children are doing well.
Take care.

Lib:

I am sorry to hear of your h's stroke but God is always in control as you well know.

Thank you for sharing with us your struggles and your faith.

((((Libnor))))

I am so happy to hear from you!!!
I am sorry that your Husband is still living in his own world, and has still not come to his senses.

I so admire your grace and courage you are simply amazing!!

Sending you huge ((((hugs))))

BND maybe you should approach it from an 'animalistic' point of view and tell him how much sexier he looks without love handles

So I found the FB 'fanclub for DB. What I'm not sure about is does that mean that everyone who has access to me via FB can now see that I might use this site?

No,

I don't believe they can see you belong to the group unless they are your friends. On FB go to the upper right corner in settings then privacy, there are a few options you can chose from to make things even more private.

Just posting my new 180...........

Went to a Karaoke place with my Husband and some girlfriends of mine.

And.....

After some liquid courage.....

I sang.......

He was totally floored!!

We had an awesome time!!

I have never had the nerve to do it before, and have always been so self conscious.

Another fear I have conquered!!!!

ACJ,
Just "popping in" to answer to you, no one can see DB on your profile on FB, it's 'secret group" to avoid possible issues/questions from Spouses for those using their "real" account. Only people that are members can see you in the members's list... Most of us created accounts under our DB name.
I am talking about our "own" DB group (145 members!!!). Not the official page Michelle has for Divorce Busting...
K

Snow........so much of it!!!

Glad S22 is home this week, he is good at shoveling.

Nothing much going on today, sometimes the quiet boring days are best...NO DRAMA!!!

BND,
How is the house hunting coming down south? I'm sure w/the snow you are still thinking of warm, sunny FL? Isn't it nice to have a young man at home to do the shoveling? I'm sure he'll be more than happy to help out.

How is your daughter doing these days?

Enjoy the quiet...for there is always something brewing by the middle of the week.

Worth the Wait
Isaiah 57:10

Abraham didn't wait for the Lord to provide him a son. He took matters into his own hands. His decision not to wait for God's time and method revealed several things about him.

First, he was impatient. Second, he doubted. Though he believed God would give him a son, as time passed, he sensed he was losing the opportunity. Third, he was prideful. Abraham wanted it done by his own schedule and assumed his way should be good enough. Finally, he was selfish. By acting without the Lord's leading, Abraham showed he expected God's will to revolve around him. In reality, he was stepping out of the Father's plan.

When we choose to manipulate circumstances or timing, these same things are revealed about us. Instead, we should wait for God's plan and path, both of which flow from His love and wisdom. He is certain of what's best for us. Our role is to seek His guidance and depend on Him.

Sometimes we know what God is going to do but are unclear when He'll act. Other times, we're unsure of the outcome. Regardless, we can be confident that God loves us and He's all-powerful. If we truly understand who He is, we'll be able to trust Him. And when we're trusting Him, we'll be able to wait for His perfect timing.

God makes a promise. Faith believes it. Hope anticipates it. And patience waits quietly for it. Do you trust the Lord enough to be patient for His way and His time?

BND you have no idea how much that passage meant...it spoke volumes to me. Thank you...

((((hugs))))

It is a lesson for all of us.....

Patience is sooo hard!!!

So....

How come everytime I think things are calm, something else pops up!!

My Husband got an email letting him know that he needs to be in CA for 2 weeks, again.

The thing that sucks is that S22 goes back to school a couple of days before he leaves so I will have to do all of the juggleing of everyone's schedule and my job.

I am grateful that he has this job, I just hate the traveling part of it.

I am sorry to hear you have to mom and dad again for 2 weeks. I completely understand as I did that with my oldest for years. However, it doesn't compare to your situation because you have more than one to juggle.

Thanks for the post about Abraham. I have been struggling so much lately and I have been trying to be patient...I think the upcoming 5th anniversary of the bomb...makes things feel so hopeless because H and I have been D for almost 18 months and our sons seem to be accepting the OW and seem to have given up on H and I reconciling. I got a reminder from our Pastor in church this morning but another reminder that this will happen in God's time was needed.

H is taking S19 back to school and spends little to no one-to-one time with him. However, when he came to pick him up he pulled all the way into our driveway so when I got up to give S19 a hug, I was almost face to face with OW in the vehicle with him. I don't know why it bothers me so much but I went from feeling furious that he can't even take spend an hour alone with our S to feeling like the whole situation is hopeless and maybe he doesn't want to be without her for that long.

Take care, BND...at least you know yours will be home at the end of the 2 weeks.

Got a call from D20 today.......

She has decided to change her Major...

In High school she had wanted to become an Orthodontist, but when MLC hit our home she was afraid of not being able to complete her schooling, so she settled for Spanish Communications.

So.....Now we are back to being an Orthodontist.

She will be meeting with an advisor next week.

I am happy, but she is going to be in school for another 6 years or so. I sure hope she realizes that!!

BND,

Life is life, good bumps and bad ones. Its how we deal that makes it Life what it is to us. And you have a pretty decent one, don't dwell in the past certainly, but its ok to look back at it and judge how much better it is. : )

((((((((hugs))))))))))

Kalni,
I think I must have joined the 'official' group then b/c it does show in my profile (or at least it did until I deleted it) and also there is the obligatory photo of Michelle on there. So guess I need one of you to invite me to join your 'secret' group

Hi BND,
(((HUGS)))

BND,

What your wrote about Abraham was so right on in my situation, on my way to work today, I told the Lord that I think I had blown it.It was not anything major, but something just did not feel right. I had bought my own car insurance, it is the only bill we have divided up other than her apartment rent. I was frustrated and impatient and wanted to move the process along. Kapow!!!!

We have all done those things...
We get tired of living in limbo and get to a place where we really don't care anymore,and just want things to move one way or the other!!
Rock the boat......BUT don't tip the boat over.....ya know what I mean?

Yes, I understand , I need to pray before I do anything rash.

I like the 48 hour rule.
I would write it all out and save it to draft.
I realize now that most of my "bad" reactions and rash decisions were based on emotion.
The more I detached, the less I got caught up in the MLCBS.

Our MLC'er can NOT be our focus, or our reason for living.
Yes, we love them, we want our Marriages saved, BUT we are also worth something, we are the prize, NOT them.

Keep working on you, keep living your life, and sooner or later they will come sniffing around.

To Forgive or To Blame
Colossians 3:12-17

It's not my fault" is a prevalent attitude in our culture. To avoid responsibility for their own actions, people blame others: "I wouldn't yell at my kids so much if my own mother had loved me more" or "I wouldn't speak unkindly about my boss if he showed me some respect." Resentment wells up until the victim is blind to everything except how his life is impacted by someone else's hurtful deeds. Then casting blame is easy. But God has a challenge for believers: Forgive those who wound you.

The Lord's Prayer mentions several of God's duties but lists only one for believers: to forgive debtors (Matt. 6:12). The metaphor of debt describes sin well. A wronged person often feels that the responsible party owes something, such as an apology or compensation. But by showing mercy to one who has sinned, you stamp his or her obligation to you "paid in full." Reparations and retribution are no longer required.

Sometimes our wounds are so deep that forgiveness does not come easily. Remember that Jesus bears the scars of others' sins, too, and His Holy Spirit enables believers to carry out this difficult task. While your debtor may have done nothing to deserve grace, choose to give it anyway, just as Jesus did for you

When God forgives, He remembers wrongs no more (Jer. 31:34). That doesn't mean that a transgression magically never happened. Instead, the Lord refuses to use past wrongs as a reason to punish His people. He set the pattern of debt cancellation. For the good of our spiritual life, we must follow His example (Matt 6:15).

Focusing on God or Obstacles?
Numbers 13:25-14:10

The Lord gave the Israelites a commission to go in and possess the land of Canaan. The people needed a separate place in which to thrive as a God-centered nation. And He chose an exceptionally good country for their development.

So at the Lord's direction, Moses sent 12 men to spy out the land. What a surprise when ten of them returned with frightening negative stories. All that these spies could see were the obstacles to taking ownership.

However, Caleb was certain that they'd "surely overcome" (Num. 13:30), because he was focused on God's promises rather than the obvious difficulties. He based his confidence on God's words to Abraham: "To your descendants I will give this land" (Gen. 12:7).

The people didn't share Caleb's faith--tales of giants and fortified cities scared them. Ordinarily, those would have been obstacles worth fearing. But the Israelites served a God who had proven that He could overcome anything: He'd parted the Red Sea to facilitate their escape from Pharaoh. And He fed them for two years in the desert.

Focusing on obstacles distorts our vision. Problems seem to loom so large that we can't see to take the next step in faith. In reality, if God has called us to do something, the only hindrance is between our temples! He has already planned a way around, over, or through any barriers that might lie on the path to fulfilling His purpose.And when we, like the Israelites, give in to fear and refuse to move forward, we miss out on the great reward found in doing God's will.

Thanks BND for that last post about overcoming obstacles. Just what I need to read at the moment. You always commeth out with just the right words.

forever,
poet

Hi BND,
Just wanted to wish you a good week. (((HUGS)))

I am sooo tired...

I was up really early this morning because I had to drive my Husband to the airport.

He will be gone for 2 weeks.

The timing is so bad as we are short staffed at work and I have nobody to help me with the kids. I know I shouldn't complain, or whine.

I know he is coming home again, but these business trips are becoming more and more frequent, and it is never at a convenient time.

Hi BND,
I hope you will find the time to rest a bit. I am sorry that your H's trips are very inconvenient and hope that his schedule will change in time.

Have a good week despite it. (((HUGS)))

Times of Trouble
Psalm 46:2-11

During this life, hard times are inevitable. Some watch a loved one suffer and die; others are wrongly accused or mistreated. Then there are people who endure crippling ailments. The range of human pain is broad, but there's only one place of true comfort.

Today's passage speaks of great calamities, some due to natural causes and some caused by men (vv. 2, 6). We often feel bewildered during such trials, but verse 10 tells us where to turn: God's followers should be still and remember that He's the sovereign Lord of the universe. In our world of cell phones and deadlines, it's hard to stop for even a moment. But the key to dealing with difficulty lies in trusting the One in control of all things.

Instead of trying to manage the situation ourselves or pointing a finger in blame, we should actively wait, watching for God to move and trusting that He will act on our behalf (Isa. 64:4). This involves taking time to be alone with our Father--crying out to Him, meditating on His truth, and listening.

Human instinct urges us to take matters into our own hands; in contrast, the Lord requires that we patiently and expectantly wait upon Him. He also tells us to surrender what we think is right and instead submit to His plan. Unless our focus remains steady on Jesus, circumstances can overwhelm us.

What is your response when trouble arises? You can choose to accept difficulty as a blessing by letting it deepen your relationship with Christ. Whether your current circumstances are good or painful, take time to be still before the Lord

OK........

I want to know why it is that when my Husband is away I am super organized.

The house is clean, laundry is done, and everyone is on time to all the places they need to go.

Dinner is made on time, the kids are calmer and better behaved.

Homework is done.

Chores are done.

I am not getting "it", whatever "it" is.

My Husband works from home so I don't know if that has anything to do with it or not.

I feel like I am getting into some type of a rut here and perhaps I am too close to the situation to see what the problem is.

HELP!!!!

Well, could it be that he is messy?

Hi BND,
Could it be that H says one thing and you another and the kids don't know who they should listen to? Other than this I have no explanation.

Have a lovely week-end. (((HUGS)))