Not sorry - DivorceBusting.com

Simply put, moving forward with acceptance and self-care seems impossible when WAH is so cold. I just feel pain all day long. Can't stand it. Running myself ragged this week has resulted in the flu. Miserable physically and mentally.

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ILYNILWY and it's done? Gift of 1 month

Butterc...so sorry you are feeling poorly. The flu is no fun, especially on top of everything else.

WAH being cold is a normal part of the script, especially when under A fog. They are getting their needs met elsewhere and don't feel like they need anything from you. That's what makes it so difficult to do anything positive to repair your M when they are at this stage of the game. But fog is not permanent, and H's freeze out behavior is probably not either. You just have to hang in there and wait. You will get your chance to try to repair your M.

Take care of yourself and hope you feel better soon!!

Originally Posted By: Butterc

Simply put, moving forward with acceptance and self-care seems impossible when WAH is so cold. I just feel pain all day long. Can't stand it. Running myself ragged this week has resulted in the flu. Miserable physically and mentally.

At a time like this I remember an old saying my mom always quoted.

"This too shall pass".

There will be a time when this is behind you and you are happy and healthy. When you're down just think about that. I've consciously done that at hard points in my life and it does help.

Butterec the beginning is always the hard part. Trust me my friend. But there is light after the tunnel. I always thought there was no light and really thought my world was coming to an end. I know it's better said than done. Get out of the house , explore! Have some fun here and there. Even though at times when you go out , you will always remember your wife and will tell yourself " my wife would love to be here". The emotional roller coaster is real. You will think you are at the top and everything is ok ,but next day it will feel like the first day.

Keep you head up, love yourself first. WW being a cold hearted woman is normal right now. The fog is thick. I know it feels impossible.

Oh no love, that isnt good at all! You need to find a way to relax..candles, book a massage, go away and stay with a girlfriend at her house overnight, anything..something! Don't let this ruin you physically on top of mentally. Try to rest and feel better.

AnnaB. You said You just have to hang in there and wait. You will get your chance to try to repair your M.

I'm afraid I won't get that chance. I wonder if I have the stamina to be patient. Even though I want to be in this for the long haul. 15+ years of commitment has crumbled into this horrible end result. I see no end.

I keep replaying the obscure "You're the Buddha" by the fantastic Howard Jones

Txhubby. "This too shall pass. "

I'll add that to the constant repetition of the Serenity prayer. It's got to sink in eventually, right?

Angelr: love myself first? Very hard because I've been thrown out with the trash. Feeling worthless today.

It shall pass. Today is heavy on the pity party

Rednail, thanks. I have actually done all that. In fact, I bawled during half of my massage this week

Originally Posted By: Butterc

I'm afraid I won't get that chance. I wonder if I have the stamina to be patient. Even though I want to be in this for the long haul. 15+ years of commitment has crumbled into this horrible end result. I see no end.

When you're going through a dark tunnel, it's brighter in the beginning when you can still see light from the outside. As you get closer to the other side, it's really, really dark in the middle because you can't see the light anymore. The darkest point is always just before you turn the corner to the other side. Don't let the dark discourage you. Just because you can't see the end doesn't mean you aren't just about to break through into the light.

You are stronger than you think. If someone had told me nearly 20 months ago that I would keep going this long, I would have thought they were crazy too. But you do it because you have to if you want a chance at repairing your M. It's not over until you decide you've had enough and walk away. And maybe, not even then. Life is funny like that.

AnnaB, I like your middle of the tunnel analogy. Middle Earth, here I come, LOL

H wants to talk finances tomorrow. No written plan. Just going in circles like before.

When I challenge the point, he says he will have one.

First he says No written plan. When I text it's a waste of time he says he'll bring one. Good to know he's really thought this out. Or that he's just a mastermind in being able to come up with something in a day

Too much telling me what I want to hear just so he doesn't have to hear me b1tch

I hate how I feel like I'm unreasonable when he caused the whole situation

Please remember when your feeling down, this was not your fault. We love you here and care about you. Treat yourself well and be strong Buttercup.

Watch some good comedies. A massage can release a lot of emotion, so maybe better to distract yourself? And a good movie or upbeat music can impact the mood tremendously!

I'm sorry you're feeling so bad. Fortunately, feelings can change very quickly and tomorrow you may wake up and feel completely different, at least for a while.

Originally Posted By: Butterc

AnnaB, I like your middle of the tunnel analogy. Middle Earth, here I come, LOL

Buttercup, you made me laugh! That was really funny. I don't think you're going to have to go that far in before you start to see the light on the other side. LOL

I'm really sorry that you're hurting so much right now. And, to have the flu on top of it just stinks. I really hope you feel better soon. My H isn't being the nicest right now either. We don't have kids together, so we basically just NEVER see or talk to each other. I miss him all the time. It helps to go out with friends and stay busy. The thing that helped me the most was going out and talking to a friend that has a very UPBEAT, strong, and independent personality. If someone doesn't want to be with her, she couldn't care less because she'll just find someone who does. I sat there and listened to her talk about her XH and their divorce (it was recent). Then, instead of telling me how crappy my H is and that I'm "better off without him."like everyone else would say to me, she didn't talk about him at all....she just told me how great I[b][/b] am and how someone out there would really appreciate me. It just felt like instead of focusing on him, she built me up. I felt SO much better after our talk . That awesome feeling eventually wore off, but I haven't ever felt as bad since our talk as I did before it. This lady is NOT a close friend of mine at all. All of my close friends that I talk to didnt' ever make me feel better because all they did was criticize H and tell me how much better off I am now. I can assure you that I do NOT feel better. So, their talks never worked. If you could find the RIGHT person to talk to like I did, it will help you some.

Take care Buttercup. It hurts like heck, but you WILL get through this.

Thanks,MB

Well, we do have to laugh, don't we?

Last evening was better because a good friend used her college cheerleading experience to brighten me up. She is more than indignant than anyone else about my sitch, knowing WAH quite well. She even got her mom on the bandwagon! And she will support me even if WAH was returns, with the only stipulation that I am not being treated as a doormat.

Listened to Seinfeld on my 30 minute drive to work on the comedy channel. Love my Sirius radio!

Laughter is a good medicine, be well

There was nothing to laugh about last evening. WAH has rewritten our history and now it's been "years" since he loved me. He is caught up in his OW fog, whose relationship history includes previous affairs, and is convinced he had no choice in the matter. "It just happened " "I never meant to hurt you " and the best "I'm sorry "

I can hold my head up and be proud of my beliefs and of commitment. I was a damn good wife. And I certainly don't need the verification of one who no longer cherishes this ideal.

As much as I wish it were otherwise, his reality decided this course and he is following his own path. My young husband was kind and generous. This guy... Not sure what selfishness lets him sleep at night.

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