new to board, have Walk-away-wife - 05/06/15 10:19 PM
Hello,
I've been married almost 8 years. My wife and I have two boys, ages 4 and 2. We've had a really rough year, including: relocating across the country, myself starting a new job, buying a new house, the hospitalization of our 2 year old, and a 5 month job-related separation as I attended an academy. When I returned from the academy, that night I got the jaw-dropping, life-shattering "I'm not in love with you anymore. I want to get a job and move out. I want to date other people." This caught me, and her extremely close-knit family, by complete surprise. She is still living with me, but is having an emotional affair at the very least (not sure if it's become physical yet) and she's still intent on not attempting to save, or work on, our marriage and she still intends to move out as soon as she is able. About 4 days ago I began the Last Resort / 180 technique after a month of zero progress or change from her.
I have a zillion questions but here are some of the first i can think of:
1. Now that I'm doing the 180, should I still wear my wedding ring? I want to, to my mind it says "i've kept my oath and i always will, i'm still committed to our marriage". (She of course hasnt been wearing hers). Or should I stop wearing it as a frightening (to her) token that I'm "moving on"?
2. One of the points of the 180 is don't seek help from her family. What if I don't have to seek help from her family? Her parents, grand-parents, 3 sisters, and 3 brothers-in-law are 100 percent behind our marriage. In her mind they've taken "my side". But as everyone has attempted to explain to her they are taking "the side" of the marriage and what's best for her, me, and our children. Now as I begin the 180 and begin to "move on", they're all wondering what they should do? Her mother is trying to keep lines of communication open, listening to her, but also trying to speak some sense to her. Her father isn't really talking to her because he wants to strangle her. And the reactions of her sisters sort of range between the actions of their parents. So, advice for the family? Back off, or keep up the communication? Is it appropriate for her father to lecture her? (historically when he lectures her, she listens). Or will this create a sort of Romeo-Juliet effect, where it only drives her further away?
Thanks for your help,
VingT
I've been married almost 8 years. My wife and I have two boys, ages 4 and 2. We've had a really rough year, including: relocating across the country, myself starting a new job, buying a new house, the hospitalization of our 2 year old, and a 5 month job-related separation as I attended an academy. When I returned from the academy, that night I got the jaw-dropping, life-shattering "I'm not in love with you anymore. I want to get a job and move out. I want to date other people." This caught me, and her extremely close-knit family, by complete surprise. She is still living with me, but is having an emotional affair at the very least (not sure if it's become physical yet) and she's still intent on not attempting to save, or work on, our marriage and she still intends to move out as soon as she is able. About 4 days ago I began the Last Resort / 180 technique after a month of zero progress or change from her.
I have a zillion questions but here are some of the first i can think of:
1. Now that I'm doing the 180, should I still wear my wedding ring? I want to, to my mind it says "i've kept my oath and i always will, i'm still committed to our marriage". (She of course hasnt been wearing hers). Or should I stop wearing it as a frightening (to her) token that I'm "moving on"?
2. One of the points of the 180 is don't seek help from her family. What if I don't have to seek help from her family? Her parents, grand-parents, 3 sisters, and 3 brothers-in-law are 100 percent behind our marriage. In her mind they've taken "my side". But as everyone has attempted to explain to her they are taking "the side" of the marriage and what's best for her, me, and our children. Now as I begin the 180 and begin to "move on", they're all wondering what they should do? Her mother is trying to keep lines of communication open, listening to her, but also trying to speak some sense to her. Her father isn't really talking to her because he wants to strangle her. And the reactions of her sisters sort of range between the actions of their parents. So, advice for the family? Back off, or keep up the communication? Is it appropriate for her father to lecture her? (historically when he lectures her, she listens). Or will this create a sort of Romeo-Juliet effect, where it only drives her further away?
Thanks for your help,
VingT