Is There Anything Left...pt 3 - DivorceBusting.com

1st thread: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2379644#Post2379644
2nd thread: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2379954#Post2379954
3rd thread: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2387679#Post2387679

Better start a new thread before my old one gets locked.......

Originally Posted By: MileHigh

My spices, and everything else from the cabinets, are piled all over the table and countertops. The easy part was pulling everything out and throwing out the stuff that was not fit for consumption. Now I have to do the hard part and find a better way to organize the cabinets.

I�ve now got a whole shelf that is empty, at least for now. I�ll add reorganizing the kitchen cupboards to my to-do list

Originally Posted By: MileHigh

TTD, There's no deadline on that bookcase. At least we won't hold you to one! NQ, seems you had a bookshelf project going on, too.... this reminds me that I have another box of books to go through, so I may have to re-think my previous arrangement and might have to keep one shelf I was going to send to with W.

Yes, I do have a bookshelf project. Main problem is that H still hasn�t picked up the rest of his stuff � which means that one of my bookshelves is completely full with his books. I would box them myself but why should I do the work? Saying that though, I'll give him another week or two (he's on late shift this week so it isn't gong to happen this week) and then I'll just do it myself. I have a box of ornaments sitting in the basement that was never unpacked when we moved into my dad�s place. I�m going to go through it and find a few to put out in some of the empty spaces. The upstairs bookshelf will be partly donated to my son so his overflowing bookshelf can be reorganized, but again H's sbooks are still there at the mo.

Originally Posted By: MileHigh

I've decided that since I didn't get to move (move house for my non-American friends) last Spring like I was planning, I'm going to have a thorough non-moving party. I'm going through everything from the garage to the shed to the storage room, all the closets and other hiding places. It's all going to be sorted for disposal, recycling, donation, burning.

What's left is going to be put back in as organized a fashion as I can manage.
I'm getting started on this project right away... Well, maybe after work. Er... after I'm done watching TV. Or tomorrow. Or next weekend. Or as soon as I schedule some vacation time...

I know that feeling. My to-do list is growing

but I keep finding other things that need to be done before I can even think about decluttering or reorganizing. And on top of that S13 keeps making plans for the weekends so that we don�t spend the day just sitting indoors. He does get bored so easily so I don�t really mind if he plans something to do and lately he�s been finding free stuff so that�s an added bonus

. And while my teeenage son still wants to spend time with his mum I'm going to make the most of it

- it won't last long.

Definatly, spending time with your son is a priority over book sorting!

Just remember, if you end up dealing with H's books, you don't have to do a good job. Stack them in the corner, put them in plastic bags, or the worst moth-eaten box you can find.

Did you already threaten him with donating his stuff if he doesn't take care of it, or was that TTD?

Hmmm, I think we have mice in the garage. Maybe some cheese in the bottom of the box, then the books, then into the garage

Or is that just being evil

Here I was, being nice...

I kind of like the idea of putting his stuff front and letting him know that you he can pick it up if he gets there before the charity pickup. Letting him think you called them first, of course.

Originally Posted By: MileHigh

Did you already threaten him with donating his stuff if he doesn't take care of it, or was that TTD?

Not guilty of that I'm afraid

I've not got it in me to do something like that unfortunately. I may think it but I'd never carry anything like that out. I mean I couldn't even get the rotting shrimp right could I? lol.
I know what you mean about priorities, my priority at the mo is getting enough sleep which I'm still not doing! lol.

I couldn't do it either - nor the boxes in the mouse-infested garage LOL - no matter how tempting it might be

.

Besides, it might encourage the mice to either stay in the garage when we're trying to get rid of them, or move into the house which we definitely don't want.

And I haven't forgotten about the goodreads app. I'm just trying to figure out if setting up a new Apple account will have any impact on the apps I already have on my iPhone. My H would know the answer but I'm not about to ask him

. I wouldn't think it would but I'm making a list of what I've already got so that I can download them again if I have to.

Here I was worrying about S13 and he goes and shows me he's fine. Last week he came home from Cadets and wanted to quit but couldn't say why, which was really strange because he's loved Cadets since his first day. All weekend he was fine and quite happy out fundraising for the Corps, but he kept saying that doesn't want to go to the weekend camp in October. Anyway, he came home from Cadets last night and proudly announced that he has been made mentor to one of the newbies - who also happens to be a buddy of his from school. And he's also decided that maybe he does want to go to camp after all. Guess he just needed a little shot of self-confidence

.

Tonight is Meet The Teacher night at his school. Normally H would swap shifts if he was on nights so that he could go as well, but not this year. It's going to just be me and S13 as H simply said "I'm on lates so I can't go". S13 is really looking forward to having me meet his teachers for some reason - more so than usual. On the way home it'll be our usual Wednesday night stop at the library. Might even take S13 for a donut after the library as a treat

Maybe he's been doing well at school and get some good marks from the tutors

My H is exactly the same, I don't even bother asking him anymore!
Good to hear as well that he's decided to stay on at cadets

His weekend at camp will give you a break, unless you're going as well? lol.
Hope all goes well tonight, I'm sure he'll be fine

OMG, I must be having a bad day. I just re-read my last post and realized why this week seems to have gone so quickly. I said about tonight being the school visit - it's not, it's tomorrow

. I've been sitting here all day thinking it's Wednesday - duh

If I didn't ask H if he wanted to come to the school with us, I'd have gotten an earful about not including him when he found out we'd been. At least by telling him and giving him the option, he can't say he wasn't told about it. I'm not about to give him any excuse to moan, whine or complain.

Speaking of "whine", I guess that thinking it's a day later than it really is counts as a good reason to have a nice glass of wine later

. I've got a bottle chilling in the fridge at home.

I'm having one at the mo

A spritzer

My H doesn't care whether or not he misses an appt, I think he'd rather I didn't ask him. He won't go anywhere with me! I can count the number of time we actually were seen out together, lol.

Originally Posted By: Not Quitting

OMG, I must be having a bad day. I just re-read my last post and realized why this week seems to have gone so quickly. I said about tonight being the school visit - it's not, it's tomorrow

. I've been sitting here all day thinking it's Wednesday - duh

Haha! I do this a lot, and get so upset when I think it is Friday and it is actually only Thursday!

Originally Posted By: Not Quitting

Speaking of "whine", I guess that thinking it's a day later than it really is counts as a good reason to have a nice glass of wine later

. I've got a bottle chilling in the fridge at home.

Yum! I hope you enjoyed it!

And hope you are having a good week so far. Happy Hump Day!

I do this a lot as well

My hump day doesn't count as it's my last day at college for the week on Weds

It will be soon when I start working the rest of the week which will be fairly soon

School visit went well, except now I feel old - a lot of the teachers look too young to even be out of school. S13's English/History teacher and his Math/Science teacher both explained that they have a system in place where he can excuse himself from class for a while and go to see the guidance counsellor if he starts to feel overwhelmed for any reason. It was good to hear that, and that so far he's only had to use the system twice - both times when the class was working on a project about their families.

S13 still finds it hard to believe that I went to that school when I was his age. Must find my yearbook and show it to him. I'm sure it will turn up when I eventually get to work the decluttering - I'm pretty sure it's in one of the boxes in the bedroom closet.

H is coming over on Sunday as usual to visit S13, and has said he'll spend part of that time sorting out what he's taking and what can go. He's then planning on one or two evenings next week to actually box the stuff up and get it out. All being well, I can start seriously decluttering and re-organizing the weekend after - at least that's my goal

.

Well hopefully he'll keep to his word this weekend and then you can get on with your decluttering

I'm hoping to bag up some more of my H's stuff that he left behind and then get him to go through a bag on Sunday.

MH & TTD180, just so you two know, my iPhone is playing up - think its the new software update and it's not letting me download the Goodreads app to my phone. I did however google Goodreads and found that they have a website so I've registered that way - I'm Nq63 and I've sent you both friend requests.

Told you I hadn't forgotten

Yeah

Just added you as a friend

Got it

. And guess what, my dad isn't as Black Country as I thought if your location on Goodreads is where you're living and it's not classed as Black Country - that's where he was born in, at least according to his birth certificate.

Me, too.

So, since I was feeling a bit unwell, my chore activity has fallen off a bit - the dishes were piled up, the yard wasn't mowed, the... <sigh> But then a flog of birds and a bunch of mice and stuff came and helped and then a fairy godmother.... oh, wait, that was Cinderella. Sorry.

Originally Posted By: MileHigh

So, since I was feeling a bit unwell, my chore activity has fallen off a bit - the dishes were piled up, the yard wasn't mowed, the... <sigh> But then a flog of birds and a bunch of mice and stuff came and helped and then a fairy godmother.... oh, wait, that was Cinderella. Sorry.

So when you're done with the mice, birds and fairy godmother would you send them my way please

. Could really do with the help decluttering - dishes and lawn are handled by my wonderful dad

Dads can be awesome to have around! I miss being near my family.

Originally Posted By: MileHigh

Dads can be awesome to have around! I miss being near my family.

They can also be a pain in the butt at times, but we get through those times

. Being the oldest daughter though, and the one living the closest to him, does mean the responsibility of looking after him is on my shoulders, but so far his health is pretty good and his diabetes is under control. In fact his doc commented last check-up that I must be doing a good job looking after him as he's lost nearly 20 lbs since his partner passed away at the end of last year and he moved back into his house with me full-time.

I need those birds, mice, etc. to come and do my house as well

Snow White had the animals helping her as well

NQ, my location is wrong on Goodreads but it's fairly near that location as we've discussed

I quite like having a location that isn't correct in case anyone else cares to join us

I've sent you another message on goodreads by the way NQ

I managed to get a little tiny bit of decluttering tonight without even trying. I've had a box of books in my cupboard from when I was in Girl Guides (and that's going back a few years

) that I was going to donate to one of the local Guide companies. Anyway, I was talking to the neighbour whose daughter I drive to school in the mornings and we ended up talking about how our respective kids. The daughter is in Guides so I offered her the box of books. I told her to keep whatever was of interest to her and to give the rest to the Guide leader with the message that the leader could keep whatever was of use to her/the company and do whatever she wanted to with the rest.

One box down, unknown number left to deal with. Now if only the rest would be so simple I'd be done in no time

.

Baby steps! I'm still feeling overwhelmed. Happens around this time every year, because I have so many outside chores that need to be done before the weather turns.

But just think of all that fresh air and exercise you'll get working on the yard

. I'm thinking of borrowing the across-the-road neighbour's leaves just to get in an hour of fresh air and exercise

- for some reason there's none on my side of the street so far this year, but he's got a huge pile on his front lawn.

Surely decluttering and reorganizing can wait for a rainy or, dare I say it, snowy day

Wow you both make me feel lazy! I've not had chance to do anything today, I've been too busy GALing, lol

Met a friend for a coffee this morning, went to have some lunch, went to see a friend afterwards to talk about having her back room for my business, came home to see my IC and she's only just left.

GALing is good too TTD. I'm at work until 5 so the only GALing I'm going to be doing is socializing with the ladies here at work. Of course, one of them is celebrating her birthday today so it'll be cake at lunchtime

.

There's a "Doors Open" event in the city tomorrow, where a lot of buildings that aren't normally open to the public are for one day - and best of all it's a free event

. S13 has seen the list and wants to go to the fire station and paramedic station and possibly a couple others, so that's tomorrow sorted. Of course, I'll have to fit in groceries and laundry before we go (at least Doors Open doesn't start til 10 so I'll have a couple of hours to get the chores done first).

At some point, I've got to fit in cleaning the car - it's looking rather grubby inside and out - not to mention vacuuming and dusting, and general tidy-up. Where's Snow White's little helpers when you need them?

lol NQ, I need them here as well

That open doors event sounds good, I'm sure we get those over here as well. Tomorrow I'm spending the day with my friend and my son and hers. We're going over to the Cathedral City and going to have a game of crazy golf, a picnic if it's nice and a cup of tea in the cafe

It's a fairly big park, so there'll be lots of other things there as well

NQ- I too wish I had snow whites helpers too to help with all the cleaning around the house. I had couple days of surprise's from my 9 year old. He has been helping picking things up around the house and he has been on his 13 year old brother about keep The house clean so that way I don't have to do everything myself. Oh how I love my 9 year old he just keeps me laughing all The time.

Kids are great. I know my son has been the one thing that has really kept me strong through all this. He helps around the house - although I do have to "bribe" him with pocket money but I guess that's to be expected from a teenager

.

Great news K

I know what you mean about teens, I just give up with mine, lol

Had a great day with S13. The fire station wasn't actually open when we got there but we did find a few of the other open buildings. One of them used to be small arms factory and they had an army display as part of their exhibition. S13 had a ball climbing on the tank they had there. Some of his Cadet corps were there as well - the building was their original base before they outgrew that site, and the parent auxiliary were running a fund-raising BBQ as well.

Got home to find my dad doing some more clearing out in the garage - another two bags of garbage to go out on Tuesday (looks like I'm going to have to "borrow" the neighbour's bag allowance again I think). At least we can move around in there now without having to climb over stuff all the time

We spent some of this evening catching up on the recorded TV shows - now we're ready for next week's episodes

. S13 is now crawling round the floor playing one of his games and I've finally got time to catch up on this forum.

H should be around tomorrow and hopefully he'll get some more packing done - I've found him a couple of empty boxes he can use (hint, hint

) . The sooner his stuff is packed up, the sooner I can get serious with the reorganizing and decluttering. I did make some notes with ideas of what I want to do - just in case I forget by the time I get around to actually doing it.

Sounds like a great day

Can I borrow your dad please? lol. Hope your H comes round today and takes more of his things

Originally Posted By: TryingToDo180

Can I borrow your dad please? lol.

Anytime TTD - it'll give me a break from him for a while LOL

Although I don't know if he wants to go back to England now that he's only got 2 in-laws and their respective kids living there and none of his own family. He'd more likely accept a trip to Boston to see his nephew and his family

As long as he declutters the place, lol

I can;t afford to pay for his plane fare though! Hope everything's ok your end

H did turn up - but I didn't think he'd dare cancel after arranging for me to pick him up this morning. He happily handed over gas money as well without me asking for it. And he paid for brunch for the three of us at our favourite all-day breakfast cafe as well.

I had to bite my tongue at one point. He was talking about his beer buddy (my across the street neighbour) and commented that he seemed to be somewhat offish lately. I just sat there thinking "funny, that's what he said about you on Thursday when I was talking to him". H then asked if I'd seen beer buddy at all and how had he seemed to me. I just said that he seemed fine when I dropped some books off to him for his daughter.

H made no attempt to pack anything today; just said that he was going to make up a list of what he is going to take and that he'd arrange to come over one evening this week to do that. Guess that's another week of having his stuff still here. I really need to get tougher about him getting his stuff out of here. I didn't push it too much today as it is S13's time with his dad and I didn't really want to have S13 spend it helping his dad pack.

NQ, it might be worth the investment in some nice new moving boxes if he'd take the hint.

Sounds like H and BB (beer buddy) are in a vicious circle - he's acting strange. No, he'sacting strange!

TTD, I've often felt it would be worth the expense to fly some family members out to help me with stuff. It costs so much to hire so-called professionals, and most of the time they just want to do a quick and dirty fix and be on their way. And you know how I feel about contractors these days... ahem....

Have you guys ever noticed how much easier it is to help someone else with their projects than to do your own?

I must repeat my biggest problem is that "perfect is the enemy of finished." Now, if I could just decide on the perfect allocation of storage in the kitchen I could get all the food off the countertops.... LOL

Originally Posted By: MileHigh

NQ, it might be worth the investment in some nice new moving boxes if he'd take the hint.

Sounds like H and BB (beer buddy) are in a vicious circle - he's acting strange. No, he'sacting strange!

Actually, if I was to talk to many of H�s old friends, they�d probably all say the same thing about him as well. He�s cutting off a lot of his old friends � of course, the few that I know and that have spoken to me since BD aren�t too worried about it as they disagree with what he did, and is still doing, to his M and his family. I�ve told them that I�m moving on with my life and if he wants to catch up at some point, that�ll be up to him, but that I do appreciate their support

.

I could bring some of the empty packing boxes in from the garage where they�ve been since we moved into my dad�s place, but then I�d just have to deal with them until he decides what he is or isn�t taking. I did get him to go through one pile of clothing � told him the charity pick-up is this week so I needed to know if any of them could be donated � but he was more interested in spending time with S13 (for a change) .

Originally Posted By: MileHigh

TTD, I've often felt it would be worth the expense to fly some family members out to help me with stuff. It costs so much to hire so-called professionals, and most of the time they just want to do a quick and dirty fix and be on their way. And you know how I feel about contractors these days... ahem....

Hmmm, Mike Holmes for the inside and Charlie Dimmock and the Ground Force team (if they'd travel from the UK that is) for the yard??? I know your feelings about contractors MH, but just think what a TV crew could do for your place

Originally Posted By: MileHigh

Have you guys ever noticed how much easier it is to help someone else with their projects than to do your own?

Kind of like it being easier to help someone with their sitch than to take your own advice when it comes to your own?

Originally Posted By: MileHigh

I must repeat my biggest problem is that "perfect is the enemy of finished." Now, if I could just decide on the perfect allocation of storage in the kitchen I could get all the food off the countertops.... LOL

Perfection is over-rated MH

.

I agree with your analysis of perfection NQ, lol. Guess what? I knew he wasn't going to be doing his packing! He's exactly like my H! When H left he promised that he'll finish decorating the living room, he's been gone nearly 6 months now and STILL it's not finished! lol. I think that's what's putting me off moving the bookcase, knowing that I've got the stripping left to do anf then the painting

I agree about having the TV crew in to sort out my house. It's in drastic need of some TLC. My H has never been good at DIY or decorating and it shows! The house is looking tired! I'd love to be able to start colour co-ordinating my rooms like some of my single friends do. I'll get there one day I'm sure

Oh and BTW I bet it was a nice change to be going out with the family for brunch

I hope he moves his stuff out soon or you'll be tearing your hair out! lol.

To be honest, TTD, I knew he wasn't going to do it yesterday as well - and the fact that he and S13 were playing nicely I wasn't going to push it. But so much for coming over two nights this week - I'd already told him tonight and Thursday are out as I'm out (S13 has Cadets tonight and I'm at a Pampered Chef party and S13 is trying out for the Cadet shooting team on Thursday) which leaves Tuesday, Wednesday and Friday. Well Friday is automatically out because it's Friday and he's always busy on Fridays. Turns out he has a meeting tomorrow night so now we're down to Wednesday. Somehow I think yet another week is going to pass and no packing is going to have been done

.

As it happens, I could have let him come over tonight - S13 came home from school with a hamstring injury

so isn't going to Cadets tonight. I'm not about to call H and tell him though as he'd probably expect me to go and collect him. And I'm not telling him about S13's leg either as H will just say he's being a wimp and that he needs to man up. The poor kid was in tears just hobbling from the living room to the dining room table

.

H is pretty good at DIY and will paint - no wallpapering for him. The house needs some work, but as it's dad's place we were always reluctant to put too much money into it as dad will get the benefit when it eventually sells. We did paint my son's room but that was only because my son decided the wallpaper was girly (it did used to be my room when I was growing up

) and he stripped a lot of the wallpaper off (and hid it behind and under his bed). My bedroom and both bathrooms could do with having the wallpaper stripped and a fresh coat of paint being applied. The living room could also do with new carpet or hardwood floor. Actually the whole house would benefit from a fresh coat of paint, come to think of it

.

NQ, the house sounds like a good project to keep your mind occupied, other than thinking about all this marriage stuff.

I've started painting cabinets in my bathroom and sprucing up my bedroom for feel goods. It feels nice to create an environment that makes you feel good.

We have packing boxes that have survived several moves and many years. They slowly drop off from natural causes or accidents or being left behind with thrift store donations. It's like an archaeological layering of packing tape at the seams.

Yeah, perfection. phhhhht. I'm already a recovering pack rat, why not be a recovering perfectionist?

I miss Ground Force. Haven't seen it for years. It was the first BBC DIY show I ever saw when we first got digital cable and BBC America. Charlie could be a distraction, though. She has that famous disinclination for wearing brassieres.

NQ and TTD - your H's continue to be The MLC Twins.

Originally Posted By: MileHigh

NQ and TTD - your H's continue to be The MLC Twins.

I agree MH

Yes Charlie Dimmock is well known for not wearing any bras

I should get started on this house, I've got plans for it that also involve painting the furniture. I need to borrow your sisters round to it sign NQ

Originally Posted By: MileHigh

NQ and TTD - your H's continue to be The MLC Twins.

That's not surprising MH. TTD and I have been chatting on Goodreads and have discovered that it's an amazingly small world as far as our family's locations are concerned

.

Originally Posted By: MileHigh

We have packing boxes that have survived several moves and many years. They slowly drop off from natural causes or accidents or being left behind with thrift store donations. It's like an archaeological layering of packing tape at the seams.

A lot of my packing boxes are still full of household items I shipped from the UK � Dad�s place was fully equipped so my stuff stayed in the boxes when we moved in. At least I know that I won�t have to go out and buy kitchenware and a lot of other smaller household items when I eventually get myself sorted enough to get into my own place

.

Originally Posted By: MileHigh

Yeah, perfection. phhhhht. I'm already a recovering pack rat, why not be a recovering perfectionist?

As long as you�re not OCD with the pack rat/perfectionist thing. Let me guess, all the pack rat items are stored perfectly

. My dad�s a bit of a pack rat but he seems to be improving over the last month or so, as shown by the extra bags of garbage we keep sneaking onto the neighbour�s pile each week � this two bag limit can be a real pain when we�re trying to clean out stuff

.

Originally Posted By: MileHigh

I miss Ground Force. Haven't seen it for years. It was the first BBC DIY show I ever saw when we first got digital cable and BBC America. Charlie could be a distraction, though. She has that famous disinclination for wearing brassieres.

The BBC knew what they were doing when they hired her - how else do you get the male audience

It really is amazing how near to each other our families are NQ

I'm going to make a curry tonight, I think I might do it in the slow cooker, yum!

You and my dad would get on very well - he has to make his own curries as I've never been much of a fan. I reckon that's because my mom wasn't either and she did majority of the cooking so I wasn't really introduced to curries until I was grown up and I've never really taken a liking to them. The only time dad cooked was on the BBQ, and we haven't done that in quite a while.

We only have mild curries - Kormas mainly because my tum can't cope with anything too spicy

I get IBS so I've got to be careful what I eat.

It's more the smell of curry than the taste that gets me. If I don't like the smell of any food, I find that I'm really turned off. The ladies at work love going for sushi but again the smell is too much for me, not to mention the thought of eating raw fish

.

I don't like sushi either.

As expected, there isn't going to be any packing done yet again. H texted me this morning asking if it would be okay to pop by the house and pick up his drill and the bits as he needs them for a reno job he's doing on the weekend. It was easy not responding right away this time as I was in a training session at work when he sent the text (my phone was on vibrate and I missed the text)

. When I eventually responded I simply said "Thought you were coming round to do some packing tonight?" His response was almost immediate and was simply "Oh yeah, I'd forgotten that. I've slept once or twice since saying that."

He asked if he could stay for a little while to visit with S13 but that it wouldn't be long as he'll have to head back to the flat for dinner. Not sure if I should have, but I offered to him dinner (there's going to be leftovers either way

) - he declined. I'm pretty sure that if it was just S13 and I he'd have accepted the offer. He finds it very hard to be in the same room as my dad right now for very long. H always used to say he liked my dad and that he was the closest thing he had to a dad these days - he had a bad R with his own father after about age 9 when he was sent back to live with his mother because his father's GF's son didn't get on with him.

Of course, cutting people out of his life is one his actions that hasn't made any sense

. He's been alienating a lot of his old friends. He went back to the UK in January for a time-out to sort his head out and try and figure out what he wanted from life. While he was there he informed his sister, brother, XW1 and mother that he was never ever going back to England, not even for his mother's funeral when that time comes. I was still in contact with SIL at that time and she found it very hard to understand why he would say something like that.

Of course, the last time he visited with S13 in the middle of the week, he cancelled his Sunday visit. Guess I'd better come with some alternate plan just in case the same thing happens this week.

hmm that sounds about right! I'm not sure if H has given up his friends or not as I didn't know his new friends in the first place!
Personally I would start deluttering when you've got time and just dump his things into a box. He might take forever to pack his stuff up and I should know

I don't bothering inviting my H for dinner anymore as I know he's going to refuse. I've not even got my dad living with me either!

Wow, NQ. That was a heavy MLC fog bank rolling through your H's mind on his trip.

I can't do curry either. Tried Indian and Thai versions. I do like spicy food - Asian, or Mexican. Yum. But just can't handle curry! No sushi for me, either. I don't like fish much cooked. Never mind raw! Was goaded into it once and I felt sick all day!

I think it was Thai food that I had one time. It was so spicy it made my eyes water! I had this spicey prawn soup for starters. I only had a couple of mouthfuls and my head nearly blew off! My son had chicken satay which was much more my taste

We didn't end up eating his food though, lol.
The caretaker at college had brought in a chinese to eat and we could smell it in the salon. It was making us all hungry for Chinese! I may have to order one in one night

I've not done that for ages!

The local hole-in-the-wall Thai place (aren't those always the best?) by my old office spoiled me for life. Haven't ever found one I like the same way. I liked that they called the spice levels mild, medium, hot and Thai-hot! Some of the guys got into stupid macho hot escalations until their stomachs couldn't take it anymore. It was funny to watch the bald guy's head bead up with sweat, though.

All this talk of Indian and Thai food is making me hungry! I love pad thai and yellow curry. Yellow curry is pretty mild. I find my kids will eat some milder dishes like biryani, butter chicken, korma, and of course... naan bread

Maybe I will make some green curry tomorrow.. ..

It's making me hungry as well

I've just remembered that I've got some poppadums left over from last night's curry. Might have a nibble

So I was right that had it only been S13 and I at home last night, H would have accepted the dinner invitation.

He eventually turned up to pick up his drill and the bits - well sort of. He said that he either "need you to do me a favour or to play nice". He then proceeds to tell me that the work he needs the tools for is at OW's place, and could I drop them off to him at work Thursday night as he's done a shift change and is on late shift. If I can't or won't, then she's picking him up after work Friday and they'd have to come round the house to collect the tools (hence the "play nice"). Told him Friday doesn't work for me as no one was going to be home and he no longer has the key (and, unsaid, I don't want her anywhere near my house

), so I would drop the boxes off Thursday evening.

So much for a short visit with S13. He was there until S13 went to bed and for another hour or more afterwards. He was going through the list of his stuff he's going to take and asked me if there was anything he'd forgotten to add. We came up with a few other items that are his. He now says he'll pack up his stuff on Sunday - we'll see if that actually happens.

Shortly after S13 had gone to bed, H went outside for a smoke and asked me to join him. What followed was an interesting convo - if you can call it that as he did majority of the talking, I just listened and validated where appropriate. And before any 2x4s come - I'm not ready to believe a single word that comes out of his mouth. He tells me that he can't see a future with OW, that he's just out doing his own thing most of the time, that he never stopped caring for me or loving me. He says that I must know that he's not coming back and that I know why (gesturing towards the house where my dad is). He tells me that we've been through so much, both good and bad, and that he doesn't want to forget or lose that. He mentioned messing up and making mistakes but that he can't go back and change that. And when he'd finished talking he reached out and hugged me - not a quick friends only type hug either. Of course by this time I'd blown it and was bawling my eyes out

. He then decided it was time to leave and off he went.

Like I said, I'm not ready to believe anything that comes out of his mouth yet, but it's the first time in months that he's opened up to me like that, and definitely the first time he's mentioned not seeing a future with OW. I won't believe that last bit until first he removes her picture from his FB profile and second he unfriends her on FB - especially as he'd only a short while before said he's spending most of the weekend at her place. I've suspected for a while that he's not happy, so maybe he's now starting to realize what he's walked away from.

Hmmm, it's a shame that you can't tell him that if he really wants it to work again then you can both get your own place (or can you not leave your dad on his own?) I don't blame you for not believing him, but then if he was lying why would he say something like that? When H said to me that he doesn't want to live in a one bedroomed flat all his life, two thoughts crossed my mind - 1. He shouldn't have left in the first place and 2. He can always move in with OW! lol. I know you will but I'll remind you to take things slowly and remember babysteps

Keep us posted with the new developments

Everyone on here seems to be moving forwards with their spouses apart from me it seems! Well that's how it feels anyway! Sorry I'm on a bit of a downer today.

NQ, that's a lot to process. Think of it as a storm at sea. Just hang on, keep the ship on course, and wait for calmer waters.

You have the right idea. Take it at face value. H said what he felt at that moment (or thinks he felt...). Remember the mantra (Don't believe half of what he says...). The more important thing is that he opened up and communicated.

You were very brave to listen and not react - crying is ok, we can't always fight that - I mean not saying anything. It [censored] that he put you in a bind like that, where you have to choose from the lesser of two evils.

When things got really tough for me, I would think about the last thing my DB coach said, and that was "promise me you won't make any major decisions or changes while your feeling down or depressed." That really helped me focus enough to get through those stormy seas!

No 2x4s, but a virtual hug. ((())) Haven't seen many of those on the forums these days.

Originally Posted By: TryingToDo180

Hmmm, it's a shame that you can't tell him that if he really wants it to work again then you can both get your own place (or can you not leave your dad on his own

I�d be in my own place in a heartbeat if I had the money each month for rent or mortgage. Getting into my own place again is the second two major goals I�ve set myself � the first being getting a better paying job, which I need in order to be able to achieve the getting my own place goal. Dad�s health isn�t bad enough for me to worry about letting him live on his own, as long as one of the sisters (including me) lived close enough to be able to get to him reasonably quickly if needed.

Originally Posted By: TryingToDo180

I don't blame you for not believing him, but then if he was lying why would he say something like that? When H said to me that he doesn't want to live in a one bedroomed flat all his life, two thoughts crossed my mind - 1. He shouldn't have left in the first place and 2. He can always move in with OW!

It�s not that I don�t believe him, because I really want to, but it�s not the first time he�s said some of those things, maybe worded differently. It�s also the contradictions � his FB profile picture is one of him and OW, he said earlier in the evening he�s at her place over the weekend, etc, etc. I�ll give him one bonus point in that she called during our convo (he didn�t turn his phone away far enough for me not to see the caller ID on the screen) and he declined the call and turned his phone off. That�s another rarity for him when it comes to calls or texts from her.

Originally Posted By: TryingToDo180

Everyone on here seems to be moving forwards with their spouses apart from me it seems! Well that's how it feels anyway! Sorry I'm on a bit of a downer today.

Your day will come TTD! Hang in there. We all have our down days.

Originally Posted By: MileHigh

NQ, that's a lot to process. Think of it as a storm at sea. Just hang on, keep the ship on course, and wait for calmer waters.

And I�m getting seasick

but it�s a change from that rollercoaster LOL.

Originally Posted By: MileHigh

You have the right idea. Take it at face value. H said what he felt at that moment (or thinks he felt...). Remember the mantra (Don't believe half of what he says...). The more important thing is that he opened up and communicated.

It�s not easy for him to open up to anyone. I�ll take what I can get for now

.

Originally Posted By: MileHigh

You were very brave to listen and not react - crying is ok, we can't always fight that - I mean not saying anything. It [censored] that he put you in a bind like that, where you have to choose from the lesser of two evils.

The worst thing is that if I had the money to afford rent or a mortgage, I�d be in my own place in a heartbeat � I mean, 50 and still living with dad

. Things just didn�t go according to plan when we moved from the UK � starting with the fact that too many companies in this country are unwilling to accept foreign work experience, even when the candidate has a Canadian university degree

. Yet when I went to the UK from here, I had a really good full-time job within weeks of getting off the plane with no UK experience or education

. And any time we were just about in the position to move into our own place something happened, like getting laid off from work

.

Originally Posted By: MileHigh

When things got really tough for me, I would think about the last thing my DB coach said, and that was "promise me you won't make any major decisions or changes while your feeling down or depressed." That really helped me focus enough to get through those stormy seas!

Don�t worry, I have no intention of making any major decisions or changes yet. I would say I�ve never been one to rush into anything but I�d be lying � I married H within 4 months of meeting him - but normally I like to think things through thoroughly before jumping in.

Originally Posted By: MileHigh

No 2x4s, but a virtual hug. ((())) Haven't seen many of those on the forums these days.

Thanks for the hug � not your testerone overload again is it? LOL

here's a virtual hug from me to you both as well

((((milehigh and notquitting))). Do you know sometimes I do feel like quitting but then how do I quit? I've no intention of hooking up with anyone else at the mo and it's darn hard to try and let go on H!

I think I have it under control. If not, I still have firewood, and this time I can pick up the axe and really work it off!

Thanks for the hug, TTD. We got this. We got this. Repeat after me. Deep breath (all that yoga and meditation is getting to me). Let's all have a virtual coffee, and maybe a nice sweet treat, too, as long as we're at it.

Your blood sugar a bit low MH - didn't you say you're diabetic?

Be careful with those sweet treats, virtual or not

Group hugs are great therapy ((((

))))

Yup. Must watch that sugar. <sigh>

Let's not forget that laughter is also good medicine.

Originally Posted By: MileHigh

Yup. Must watch that sugar. <sigh>

Let's not forget that laughter is also good medicine.

Laughter is much better medicine that sweet treats - it's better on the waistline for a start

Wow NQ! I just caught up on your sitch and I must say I think your H had a breakthrough moment. True, you can't believe everything you hear right now, but what positive things he said. My jaw is still on the floor...

He may still retreat too, but I think this is tremendous progress for you, I hope you can see that. He still has to "defend" himself because of the bad choices he made and he may not know right now how to dig himself out. His fantasy life he created ain't so unicorns and rainbows anymore is it? Hmmmmmmmmm?

Good for you, I'm happy for you.

Thanks for dropping by my thread Pud.

It would be nice to think you're right about a breakthrough. I'll just continue one day at a time as I have been. I need a few more positives before I start to believe it

.

I hear you on that. If my H said anything like that I would be exactly the same way. Cautious kitty! approach slooowly...

Mustn't spook the squirrel. They startle easily.

I thought at first that you've gone nuts MH, lol. Then I remembered about the squirrel from another thread. You're forgiven hehe

Yes I've cheered up now

Had some of the women at the Pampered Chef party wondering just what kind of mom I am for a few minutes tonight. When I arrived there were only a couple of ladies already there and the hostess said she thought I was going to be late because S13 was shooting tonight. The looks we got when the other ladies heard that. What kind of mom lets her 13-year son spend the evening at a shooting range

? They laughed when it was explained that he's in Army Cadets, the shooting range is at a police station and he's only shooting an air rifle.

He didn't make the team, but he's not too upset as he wasn't really expecting to. We need to build up his upper body strength. The air rifles are 10 lbs and he struggles to hold it still enough to shoot straight. H bought him a set of weights just before he moved out but they're too heavy for S13. Gonna have to look into a smaller set for him to start with. Looks like I've got a fitness partner as he won't do the training on his own. No excuse for not getting fitter

It's a good job I've got a fully equipped kitchen and no money. Some of that Pampered Chef stuff is really cool

. I could probably spend an awful lot of money on that stuff.

That sounds like a good night

I wondered what a pampered chef party was, I thought it was just like a pamper party, lol. Good luck with the fitness training, I need to do that as well

When I get round to it of course, lol.

Originally Posted By: TryingToDo180

Good luck with the fitness training, I need to do that as well

When I get round to it of course, lol.

I think it's going to be more a case of motivating S13 to put down the video game controller and pick up the dumb bells

. He agrees that he needs the training but when it comes to actually starting he's probably worse than I am. Don't know where he gets that from - LOL

. He's suffering from the typical teenager case of idle-itis

- unfortunately there's not much of a cure for that

No you're right there NQ, there isn't a cure for idle-itis, lol.

Hopefully it's not a terminal case of idle-itis he's got - LOL

I won't have any problems getting him off the video games when I get home from work this evening. He's been going on for days about the visit to his aunt's. She lives in a rural area so it's okay to have bonfires in the backyard - as long as the rain we've got at the mo goes away. We had to stop on the way home from shooting team tryouts to buy marshmallows so that he can toast them over the bonfire.

After doing some google searches to see if there's anything interesting going on in the area I found that our provincial police motorcycle display team is doing a show not far from my sister's place and it's for a good cause - Convoy for a Cure (cancer research). Again, hopefully the rain will hold off as the show is weather permitting.

Have a fab time

I love roasting marshmallows over an open fire

Have you ever tried smores?

I haven't made smores since the last Guide camp I went to. S13 isn't a big chocaholic so he'll be happiest with just the marshmallows. In fact, the Easter Bunny doesn't bring chocolate to my son as it would still be there at Halloween - he brings Lego. And we've been known to throw out the Halloween candy as well after many months of it still being there.

I've still got easter eggs in the fridge as well, lol. Since being on this diet, I've not eaten much chocolate, I can put on weight without it

Takeaway pizza tomorrow night, will put a few pounds on there, lol. Meeting mum next week and you know how obsessed she is about weight! grrrr!

MMmmmm.. I love smores!

I don't understand how some people don't like chocolate. I am a chocolate freak.. I get crazy chocolate cravings!! My daughter just brought home a case of chocolate mint Girl Guide cookies to sell. Bad news for me! They are SOO good!

Glad to hear things are going well with you NQ and you sound happy. It's great that you and your son are going to do the fitness training together.. so good for both of you!

Take care and have a great weekend, are you getting this crazy warm October weather? Feels like 86 degrees today?! I was joking with my neighbour that lately we get all 4 seasons every week here.

-cp

I'm getting crazy October weather, lol. It's raining and yet it's hot at the same time. not 86 degrees though, lol.

I hate it when it rains and it's still hot. Makes for a lot of humidity, which I really hate!

Im ready for some fall like weather.........87 degrees here in NC today...

Well we normally have our heating on by now, but it's still too warm to put it on. I'm off to Church this morning in a short sleeved top!

Originally Posted By: chasingpavements

My daughter just brought home a case of chocolate mint Girl Guide cookies to sell. Bad news for me! They are SOO good!

Our neighbour�s daughter is in Guides. If it�s the mint cookies this year, I�d better send her dad a message soon telling him I�ll take a box or two. They are yummy.

Originally Posted By: chasingpavements

Glad to hear things are going well with you NQ and you sound happy. It's great that you and your son are going to do the fitness training together.. so good for both of you!

Just need the motivation to actually get a training program started�.

Originally Posted By: chasingpavements

Take care and have a great weekend, are you getting this crazy warm October weather? Feels like 86 degrees today?! I was joking with my neighbour that lately we get all 4 seasons every week here.

No kidding � warm one day, freezing the next. My sister lives just over an hour west and slightly north of me, and while driving to her place on Friday night the fog was getting thicker the further west I went. At least the rain held off long enough for us to spend some time around the bonfire, and get a few marshmallows toasted. It was the first time S13 had toasted marshmallows. He liked the marshmallows but not having to sit so close to the fire to toast them - the smoke seemed to be attracted to him. Awesome thunderstorm overnight, but nice weather most of the day, then rain again Saturday evening just after we got in.

Had a fantastic weekend visiting my sis. I�d forgotten how much hard work her son is with his learning disability, especially as he thinks he knows everything and doesn�t take finding out he�s wrong very well. His biggest problem is that he takes advantage of the disability benefits and won�t even bother trying to find any sort of a job despite the fact that he is capable of doing some things. The highlight of the weekend was watching our provincial police precision motorcycle display team. What a combination � Harleys and men in uniform

. Oh, and just for MH

, there were a few women in uniform, including the one that is the ride master of the display team.

H turned up as promised this morning for his weekly visit. Surprise, surprise (not) only two small items were taken with him when he left. I'm really going to have to set a time limit for him to get his stuff packed and moved out.

Don't you just love it when the holes appear in their stories

. Quick refresher - H on Wednesday says he didn't see a future with OW, just half hour after admits that he would be working at her place on the weekend.

Yesterday during his visit he was talking about having installed a punch bag in a basement so he can step up his training with kick boxing or sparring. There's that hole in his story - why install fitness equipment at her place if there isn't a future with her

.

All I can say is glad I didn't believe a word he said on Wednesday

. Of course, he's probably forgotten his entire conversation from Wednesday night as when I mentioned that he had said he would pack up the rest of his stuff during his weekly visit, he looked at me blankly and said "did I? Oh well, it'll have to be another time now".

It's just like a drug, isn't it?

A drug addiction, I mean. Trying to type with a needy cat attached to me and oozing onto my keyboard.

I know what you mean. And just like a drug addiction, there's nothing anyone can do until the addict decides that he (or she) needs help.

I agree

H always puts massive holes in his stories

If I did confront him about OW or his car tyres, I wonder how he's wriggle out of that one! hehe

anyway NQ, I should say sorry that holes have appeared in his story already

Good job you weren't 100% convinced! I forgot about H taking the tent, camping chair and sleeping bag. That had a huuuuuge hole in his story! Well if you can call it a story, he was as transparent as a window, lol.

Seriously girls! I can't tell you how many convos I've had to repeat to H or he tells me the same thing he told me a few hours/days ago. He can't keep all his stories straight and who he tells what!

It is a drug addiction, temporary high, thinking it makes them feel better, but it is not permanent.

In the early days of BD I would tell him "you can't understand right now you are on a drug". I don't do that anymore of course, but he would be like "what? I'm not on a drug". I would hold his chin and look into his eyes deeply and just look. You can tell by the eyes.

Originally Posted By: Not Quitting

Oh, and just for MH

, there were a few women in uniform, including the one that is the ride master of the display team.

I'd be afraid of getting out of line and being corrected with a riding crop!

Originally Posted By: MileHigh

Originally Posted By: Not Quitting

Oh, and just for MH

, there were a few women in uniform, including the one that is the ride master of the display team.

I'd be afraid of getting out of line and being corrected with a riding crop!

More like a Glock 7 or 36 police special LOL - we are talking motorcycle cops.

Some of us actually look good (or that should be looked as I was 16 years younger) in uniform LOL

- but from what BIL said not the women that were there Saturday

Originally Posted By: Pudmuddle

I would hold his chin and look into his eyes deeply and just look. You can tell by the eyes.

Yep, when the old them peeps out the eyes are a lot clearer and more focused. Not to mention that at those times, H will actually make eye contact with me a lot more. The rest of the time he'll avoid eye contact and his eyes aren't very focused when he does accidentally make eye contact.

Hmmmm I'll have to watch for that! H doesn't give me eye contact very much either, but then again neither do I!

Originally Posted By: TryingToDo180

anyway NQ, I should say sorry that holes have appeared in his story already

Good job you weren't 100% convinced! I forgot about H taking the tent, camping chair and sleeping bag. That had a huuuuuge hole in his story! Well if you can call it a story, he was as transparent as a window, lol.

I actually can't say I'm sorry - it's just more proof that he's still deep in that MLC fog of his, and proof that I was right not to believe a word he said.

Paranoia is another symptom he's been showing lately. He's been going on for a few weeks about the our camping equipment and the fact that the dining shelter isn't where he left it. I'm sure he loaned it to his buddy a couple years ago and it wasn't returned, but he swears blind that my dad gave it away to one of my sisters - neither of whom need one as one doesn't camp and the other has a trailer and dining shelter of her own. He also accused dad of snooping through our room

.

This ones a puzzler for me - When H comes round he always gets the pig mug out of the cupboard because he says he's a pig! My life coach told me to hide it, I've done one better than that, I've thrown it away

Doh! Got the wrong form of riding there. I *will* behave then!

My H has two coffee mugs in my kitchen cupboard at the mo and he's already said he's going to take them with him when he packs his stuff. Don't know what he's going to have his coffee in then as he's kind of OCD about using the other mugs in the cupboard

. Guess I won't have to make him coffee anymore once those two mugs go

lol NQ. I think my H is ocd about this pig mug, so maybe that means I don't have to make him a coffee anymore either

I can always lie and say I broke it by mistake. What's good for the goose eh? lol.

Starting new thread....

http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2391880#Post2391880