May have just lost her forever, sorry long! - 11/10/09 06:45 AM
Well went to our first MC session yesterday and I completely backslid after the session as I had done the whole weekend.
My W started by saying that she was only there out of respect and that she was finished, that was hard to hear as she had told me she would go with an open heart.
During the session the MC asked what she fell in love with about me. She could only answer "my smile" the MC asked if there was anything else and she said she could not think of anything.
What made me realize that my W is really looking at things from a very skewed angle was when the MC asked if there had been any physical abuse in the R and my W said YES! When we were younger we had a few arguments where we would throw things at each other, grab each others arms, she would dig her nails into my arms or I would grab her by the arm and say don't walk away from me etc. but I have never struck, hit kicked or done anything to my W and for the last 8 years I have not even touched her like I described above, so that was a low blow.
She basically painted a picture of me as an abusive drug addict, and she was not prepared to take any blame what so ever in the M being in the stage it is in.
At the end of the session the MC asked if we would like to book any more sessions and surprisingly my W said yeas and booked another session next week.
On the way home I was shell shocked by what had been said an leveled at me. After she had dropped me off at the office I decided I need to tell her Farther (I work for him) what was going on. I told him everything including that I had smoked Marijuana until the beginning of this year as I did not want it to come out from my W, He was understanding and said he would try to support in any way he could.
After this my W phoned she said something that provoked me and I lost it and told her that the picture she painted of me in MC was not who I was and that she is seeing the world through very different eyes. I whent on to say that I was not perfect but that I was a good person etc. When I got home we continued to fight and she said to me that there was almost no hope from her side, She did not want me to have any false hope & that too much had been done etc. I then reverted back to my old ways of saying we needed to give at least 1 good try, that it was worth saving for our S etc. etc, the usual.
I for the first time do not think that there is a way forward anymore and don't know if I have the strength to try to make it work. I love her with all my heart, my life will be turned upside down, but I feel broken and don't know how to get up after this, I did not sleep at all night, Tried to talk again to W this morning even though I know each time I do I push her further & further away. I really do not know what to do from here.
my sitch http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...643#Post1869643
My W started by saying that she was only there out of respect and that she was finished, that was hard to hear as she had told me she would go with an open heart.
During the session the MC asked what she fell in love with about me. She could only answer "my smile" the MC asked if there was anything else and she said she could not think of anything.
What made me realize that my W is really looking at things from a very skewed angle was when the MC asked if there had been any physical abuse in the R and my W said YES! When we were younger we had a few arguments where we would throw things at each other, grab each others arms, she would dig her nails into my arms or I would grab her by the arm and say don't walk away from me etc. but I have never struck, hit kicked or done anything to my W and for the last 8 years I have not even touched her like I described above, so that was a low blow.
She basically painted a picture of me as an abusive drug addict, and she was not prepared to take any blame what so ever in the M being in the stage it is in.
At the end of the session the MC asked if we would like to book any more sessions and surprisingly my W said yeas and booked another session next week.
On the way home I was shell shocked by what had been said an leveled at me. After she had dropped me off at the office I decided I need to tell her Farther (I work for him) what was going on. I told him everything including that I had smoked Marijuana until the beginning of this year as I did not want it to come out from my W, He was understanding and said he would try to support in any way he could.
After this my W phoned she said something that provoked me and I lost it and told her that the picture she painted of me in MC was not who I was and that she is seeing the world through very different eyes. I whent on to say that I was not perfect but that I was a good person etc. When I got home we continued to fight and she said to me that there was almost no hope from her side, She did not want me to have any false hope & that too much had been done etc. I then reverted back to my old ways of saying we needed to give at least 1 good try, that it was worth saving for our S etc. etc, the usual.
I for the first time do not think that there is a way forward anymore and don't know if I have the strength to try to make it work. I love her with all my heart, my life will be turned upside down, but I feel broken and don't know how to get up after this, I did not sleep at all night, Tried to talk again to W this morning even though I know each time I do I push her further & further away. I really do not know what to do from here.
my sitch http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...643#Post1869643