Quick synposis...
My H and I are both military, were in a long distance R, and got married this past summer. Right before he deployed to Iraq in December he filed for D - 4 months after M - stating our M won't work out for him. Months later I am no closer to understanding why?? I am still accepting I will never know the truth.
I am currently waiting to be served D papers. I will deploy this summer to Afghanistan for at least 12 months. The outcome on the D before I leave or after I come back is still yet to be determined....
Our communication & friendliness had improved for awhile, but has taken a recent turn down. My H told me a few outrageous fibs to get me to sign the D papers..... but the truth came out and he's been withdrawn ever since.
Thank goodness for my faith. It has pulled me through and renewed me over and over again. I would be a complete mess if it weren't for Him! I am continuing to pray for my H and his will in our M.
I had a busy few days! I am taking a great emergency medicine course but the days are long! I came home last night and wiped out by 8:00 :-).
I came up with a new middle road solution that made me feel a lot better today. My dilemma is do I push to get the D finalized before I deploy or put a military act into effect that allows everything to be delayed until after I get back. Both thoughts left my mind uneasy. I would like our M to work out and will always have some hope.... but realize it would be a miracle sent by up above at this point and have to be realistic.
But the wheels upstairs finally started turning.... and I thought I could probably get a L to handle my case and let it play out the way it's going to without any interventions by me. Seems silly b/c the end result is still the same. But I would have a hard time forcing things through quickly to get a D finalized before I leave. I could change my mind but do not think I'll be comfortable doing that. I feel a lot of relief that I have a third option.
Otherwise, nothing to note. I got an e-mail back from my H saying he's doing fine and been busy... Very friendly and informative! He has been very withdrawn ever since he told a huge, nasty fabrication several weeks ago. I wonder why that is... :-)
It's ok. I didn't sleep well at all. My mind has been racing lately and it's on my nerves! Some days I am at peace and feel good about everything... and others I am still a mess. I've found that when I'm busy during the day and don't think about my sitch, it catches up to me at night. I get hit by a lot of thoughts when I finally get home and try to go to sleep. I need to problem solve this one so I start sleeping better.
I had a lot of tears and frustration thinking about how my H has let me down last night. I typed out an e-mail to get my feelings out (didn't send it) but I still didn't feel better. My mind kept turning. I don't want to rely on meds but I might need to every once in a while.
Do you have family in the area?
I don't. Mine is on the east coast. I am gradually making new friends and a support system... but still don't really have a lot of people I feel comfortable relying on through all of this.
I really appreciate everyone on here and their support. It's wonderful to be able to share the challenges and struggles with y'all, get 2x4s when needed, get advice, and receive encouragement. It has helped me out immensely and I am very thankful. :-)
Ditto, I would have gone nuts without you guys. My Spurs didn't show up tonight.:(
I have a busy weekend....which is a good thing. I'm going on a long, hard hike tomorrow morning, which will probably take 5-6 hrs. And then I am working a night shift Sat night. Any extra time will be study time and going to church.
I have not seen my H since November. He deployed in December and has been gone ever since. He will have 2 wks to come back to the states in July. I will deploy in July for 12 months - so our dates may not overlap at all. Any thoughts about asking my H if he plans to see me?
Of course part of me wants to see him.... but it would be very difficult. We have never talked about any of this D stuff in person! He decided to file for D without ever bringing it up to me in person (probably b/c it was easy not to with his deployment - which I think it complete crap!). It's been difficult to have all of this happen without discussing any of it in person. And the other hiccup is home for him in Pennsylvania or Texas and I am out in Washington.
I am torn. I probably will not bring it up unless he does.
Any thoughts?
I would continue to do what you are doing. Just prep yourself for worst case, if he does show up - then maybe you guys could have a talk about the sitch.
You're doing great, remember you're working on you. The hiking, the praying, staying busy at work, going to church, planning trips with your girlfriend. Stay focused on you and you'll be fine.
I'm expecting him not to visit me. I have no reason to assume otherwise.
I had a good weekend. I went hiking on Sat - which was a killer uphill hike and no view at the top b/c of fog & clouds! But still a great workout. I worked night shift last night and managed to squeeze in a few hours of sleep this morning. I am looking forward to crashing hard soon.
I'm in a weird place right now. I still have a strong spirit/conviction to stand for our M and hope for a miracle. At the same time I have big doubts about my H and the type of man he would be in our M. He clearly has a lot of personal issues to sort through and I honestly doubt he will - maybe never. I know there is nothing I can do for that and it breaks my heart. I am having a lot of anger & hard feelings towards him right now.
For myself I am not ready to give up on our M.... but the realistic part of me is accepting that nothing has changed in our sitch for months now. My H still wants a D and has given me no reasons to think otherwise. So what am I holding onto or fighting for? However the sanctity of M is very important to me and I find it difficult to completely let go. I am stuck in the wonderful land of limbo.
I have sought God's will & guidance all along and I will continue to do so. I am at the end of my LONG fast and He has done wonderful things through me. I have learned a lot and have a much stronger faith & understanding of God. I know God will continue to speak & guide me. I just need to be patient! Oh how I would love to see the master plans......
I finally was served tonight. I'm guessing my H hired a private company to do it - b/c he was an a***hole! He banged on my door so hard I thought it was going to break and was yelling out - My Full Name! You are being sued! If you do not answer the door, I will go to work and have you served in front of the commanding general!
And continued to scream until my neighbor came outside and asked if everything was ok! I didn't answer at first to see how long he would yell!! haha! But figured I didn't want this smuck banging on my door multiples times a day!
What a job! He was obviously delighted to get me to come to the door and gave me the funniest look. I guess I should just pray for him :-)
Yes, pray for him. His job probably sucks.
Kevin
Haha... I think he enjoys it! He is a rough, motorcycle riding guy who probably got his kicks out of serving me and then hits up happy hour.... telling his buds about embarassing this woman and raising ruckus outside her door. I actually find it quite funny :-). But humor tends to be a diversion tactic for me....
At least you are able to find humor and keep it helping you. That is healthy. I'm glad to hear that.
Kevin
Yup... me too. I've been waiting for months to be served and it finally happened. It was nothing I have been avoiding or not expecting.
It's still a bit stressful being served, the shock and the feeling that you get. You should have answered the door in your military gear, hair rollers and AK-47 and asked what the hell he wanted. That would have been a site.
LOL. Ya, that would have been a good one. On the other hand, he might have asked you out on a date if you did that.
Kevin
Haha! I like it. I actually answered in my robe and say, hey guy! I was about to get into the shower while you were carring on out here! :-)
I really wanted to say a few things to this guy...... Let him that know the "commanding general" he threatened to serve me in front of is actually over in Iraq right now protecting his freedom! and I also really wanted to tell him that the person he was yelling for was not home since the legal name he shouted out and the name on my D papers are incorrect (use my maiden name). The least my H could do is have enough respect to serve me with my correct legal name..... which just happens to be his last name! All I can think of is 4 letter words so I will keep quiet on that note.....
FC--
Sorry that the process server caught you. while inevitable right now in your sitch, it is still hard. Keep your spirit up and lean on God for these difficult ties.
Living God's blessings with grace and dignity~
SMW
Hey Fit -- process servers have pretty crappy jobs. They know they're hated. But it's a job. Like being the tax man, I guess.
No one but you knows if you should see H in the event your dep starts after he rotates back.
One consideration -- going into the box, would you be better off mentally or worse off mentally having seen him? Your eyes are going to have to be on the prize once you put boots on ground, and your people are going to be depending on that.
Thanks SMW. It was no surprise and actually quite comical. There is a perfect fit job for everyone out there :-)
Smileys - You gave me something I will need to think about. I haven't given it much thought yet. I honestly do not think he will even attempt to see me so I won't have to decide......
Not much going on here....
I've had a very busy, tiring 2 weeks at work. I had a lot of great training but I'm pooped! I am taking the day off tomorrow :-) for some R&R and then I'm flying home to see my family. It will be great to see them.
I got very frustrated again with H but am getting very used to it at this point! He has completely avoided me since his absurd fabrication several weeks ago, never apologized, and when asked about it is just silent. I honestly don't expect an answer or apology from him - but his silent response certainly tells me a lot about his character and current state of well-being.
I am trying to remind myself I have no control over his actions or behaviors and should not expect anything from him. Its hard to accept he has no remorse in hurting me.... but that's how it is. Sigh....
The good part about my H being a grumpy, mean man is I am able to detach from him more :-)
Hey FitChik,
Just stopping by to let you know I'm thinking about you and still praying for you. Been a tough week for many of us, but it's great to see that you are keeping a PMA in spite of being served. I admire your ability to rise above it all.
Thanks song. I am trying to. I'm waffling back & forth but trying to remain strong. I am home with my family now. I am glad to see them and be home. But it is hard not have my H here with me. I miss him a lot. It's frustrating still having tears over him and missing him.
Hey, how was the weekend? You still hanging out with family?
FitChik, just checking on you. I know it is tough but it will get better. Remember to stay in the present...it always works.
Thanks for stopping by JWM! I hope you are doing well!
I am back from hanging out with my fam. It was a fun visit and great to see them again. I will not get to see them again before deploying.... so it was precious time spent.
I think being with my fam again for the first time since all this drama happened was difficult. It is hard seeing people you love when you feel like you've let them down. I know this has been hard on my family. And then I was triggered several times and missed my H. Uugggghhh... I am just glad these occasions are getting farther and farther apart.
My H and I have e-mailed a few times. H told me that reason me lied was to hurt me.... b/c I hurt him. He feels I have put him down through this whole sitch. He can be sensitive and doesn't handle criticism well sometimes. I know I can be blunt at times but do not feel I put him down. I try to be gentle and kind but I have lost my cool on more than one occasion through all of this. I certainly do not hurt him intentionally.... I am not one to retaliate so I do not understand why he would try to hurt me but I know it happens.
I am going to hire a L next week. I will be glad to have someone take care of the legalities and have that load off my back. I am praying for God to lead me to the right L for my sitch.... as it is definitely unique.
Otherwise I am focusing on getting in all the training I need before deploying and on the fun activities I have planned. I have less than 2 weeks before I climb Rainier and am getting very excited! I hope the weather cooperates and we are able to summit! Then in early June I am going to Vegas with my best friend who I have not seen in several years. We will be trouble :-).
FitChik, don't take on too much because of what he said. Lying does not proceed from hurt. He has not been honest in the relationship...that's the problem.
Be careful in Vegas...
Hey Fit,
How goes your weekend?
Thanks JWM. I take no responsibility for his lying.
Hey Jag. Weekend has been ok. I went for a hard hike today with some amazing views. The top 2 miles of the trail were still covered in deep snow - which is new to me! I have never lived anywhere with snow year round. Otherwise I have been catching up on work & stuff around the house.
How's your weekend?
It was pretty good. It was way too short but a great time anyway.
I have to share while I'm feeling great.....
I have been amazed how God has renewed me over and over again. Just when I feel like I'm at the end of my rope and feel like I'm going to lose it, God lifts me up and strengthens me to go on. It is an incredible feeling. He has shown me the meaning of true, unconditional love towards my H - enduring through the good, the bad, and the ugly. I am just so thankful for the good works I am watching God do in my life and all around me. The peace of God is an undescribable feeling....
Glad you have found peace!
I have! It is a great feeling. I wish I could capture it in a jar and have it with me all the time! Too bad I get in the way of it sometimes.... :-)
It's funny...we are often our own worst enemies!
It's been a busy, long week for me. With our deployment coming up, there are a lot of details to get done. I have stepped up at work and taken over a big leadership role since losing one of our other docs, which has been very challenging but will teach me a lot. So things are hectic all around......
I received a brief e-mail from H early in the week saying his internet has been down and has not been able to respond to me. I have barely heard from him in the past 2 weeks, which has been ok but gets frustrating when I think about it. Most of the time I deal ok with everything. But I still have moments where I think about how bad my H has hurt me and let me down.... and I get emotional. This morning is one of those times.
Especially with my first deployment coming up.... it's going to be rough and I really counted on my H's support.... but it's nowhere to be found. I don't know if he just doesn't care or is not processing it b/c it's hard??? But it hurts me a lot. I try to suck it up and drive on.... but it still hurts.
I found out from the court that the man who served me has not submitted a statement.... so the court does not know I have been served. For a man who wanted a D so badly and quickly, things have been dragged out a long time....... It's kind of weird. I am still trying to find a L to discuss my options.
Staying busy helps me a lot and having family and friends listen too.
Just checking in...... Not much going on with my sitch. No communication with my H in over a week now. I asked him to call me to discuss legal matters but nothing..... Sigh. It's hard not to hear from him at all. I am trying to deal with it the best I can but it's difficult.
I have spoken with several lawyers. There really isn't a lot I can do. I filed my answer with the court today. The only thing I contest is paying his L fees!!! Which I will not do! I would also like to contest the divorce itself but I don't think that would win in court :-) My sis is a lawyer and has helped me out a lot! I'm glad she can explain all this legal crap to me.
Big excitement in my personal life! I am climbing Mt. Rainier this weekend! It's a 9 mile ascent gaining over 9000 ft to summit at 14,410!!! I have never done anything like this! It is a once in a lifetime experience.... unless I'm crazy to do it again.... which I might be :-). I have been training hard for it and am ready to go! The big part of our climb will be on Sunday. I would appreciate prayers for our group's safety. I am going to wear my camera out!!
Hope everyone has a great weekend.
Yea, I got the same, pay for her legal fees. She wants a D and but she wants me to pay for it. I don't get it. I know its L talk.
Mr. Rainier, good luck. That's gonna be awesome.
Have fun and take lots of pics!
Yeah, it's great huh?? How do I get stuck paying for a D when I do not want a D? What strange creatures our WASs are.....
Time for an update....
I was away this past week climbing a big mountain in Washington. It was a good break away from civilization and had spectacular views. I met some great people from all over the world and endured some serious pain!
I have had a lot of stress and frustration on me from my sitch. I was able to put it behind for my trip.... but I still felt the weight of it all. I would think about everything from time to time while alone or at night while trying to sleep. There was also such a young, cute, fun, happy couple on the trip I really enjoyed.... but it also made me sad at times....
The week prior to the trip was very frustrating and challenging. I talked to several Ls without any clear cut answer. Some do not think I need a L and of course some do. My sis (who is a L) helped me draft up my answer and I submitted it to the court & to his L. I addressed several things on my behave I wished for, such as marriage counseling and the possibility to use a military service act while I am deployed.
I asked my H to contact me regarding legal issues last week but he would not. I finally e-mailed him and told him my concerns (that he was asking me to pay for his legal fees!). He told me not to worry, he's take care of it, and supposedly fixed our paperwork. I will believe it when I see it.
I have been guilty of being emotional with him lately. I am so frustrated with our situation. There are multiple reasons....
I absolutely hate that we never discussed our M in person before he deployed (even though there was time-he chose not to several times). I do not understand how you can end a M without having face to face time with that person. It really makes me angry. My H comes home in July right before I leave to deploy for one year.... but his only response to seeing me is.... I don't want to see you!!
I also hate deploying knowing my H has so much hatred and bitterness for me b/c I will not agree to a D. I am facing my own morality before leaving and I have a hard time being on such bad terms with my H. I hate knowing something could happen to me when things are such a mess between us.....
I still have so much sadness & frustration that my H has treated our M and myself this way. I know it has been months now since our D was announced and filed.... but it is still raw. I see lots of ways I have healed and grown stronger..... but there is still so much work and progress to be made.
I don't know if I'm backsliding or still going through the grieving process. I really feel like a large part of it is due to deploying next month. I want so much to be on better terms with my H and reach middle ground.... but it has not happened. I feel so much frustration and stress to make something positive & good come out of our situation but he is so angry with me.
The only way to solve my H's anger is have the D finalized..... but I cannot disregard my own values and beliefs to accomodate his desires in this situation.
Just venting.... I have a lot of raw emotions stirring in me right now and it is great to get them out. Any thoughts or advice is appreciated.
I've been away again and want to update...
It's been a rough few weeks. I continue to feel anxious, sad, and hopeless. I am very frustrated with my sitch. Communication between my H are few and far between and when we do talk, my H is very angry and non-cooperative. It is very difficult for me to cope with. I want to smooth out the bumps we're having and he wants nothing to do with fixing anything between us.... I'm trying to accept it but I'm not doing well with it.
I went to Vegas with my sis & best friend. We had a great time! Got to see the sights and get some sun! But again, I kept having thoughts about my H and missed him. I had a lot of fun but still felt like there was a level of sadness I couldn't shake.
I deploy in several weeks. I either need to decide to let the L go through whenver it will or decide to put in place a military act to delay the D until I come back from deployment (12 mos). I need to pray about this a lot for the next few weeks....
I also know my H is returning from Iraq for break right before I deploying for 12 mos (he's been gone 6 months now) and he no desire to see me. I would like to see him and talk about our M - as we never talked about our M or the D in person before he left. But I'm sure he wlll not agree. It's hard for me to accept a M ending without talking about it in person. I guess it's another thing I need to try to accept.
I'm just having a rotten time coping with everything right now.
Hello Fit,
I was thinking about you and Vegas. Glad to hear you had a great time.
We can all give you advice on what to do but in the end it's up to you.
Stay strong and focused.
Fit,
Thats hard when they won't talk to you about it. On top of that we are told not to bring up any R talk. Its frusturating. I can see how it would make you feel like you are having a rotten time.
Keep praying and staying faithful to God. Ask for his will to be done.
Kevin
Missing you Fit!
Living God's blessings with grace nd dignity~
SMW
oh boy ...it is about time that I resume my visits to Marie-ville.
don't know how much time you have or haven't been spending on here since I haven't been around to notice but I will have to scroll up to see what U R up to.
Be well. May your days be Holy Spirit driven.
T
Thanks for checking in Kevin, SMW, and T :-)
I haven't been spending much time on the site. I am super busy getting ready to deploy! I stop by and follow other threads but have not updated mine a lot.
It has been a very tough month now and I finally feel like I'm starting to come out of it. It has been very hard for me to deploy having our sitch unresolved. If something were to happen to me or my H, it's hard knowing my H has so much anger towards me. And there is nothing I can do to fix it. It's been difficult to accept. I hate going to bed when mad at someone :-)
I went through several short periods where I felt hopeless and it was very difficult for me to continue pouring my heart into prayer and seeking God. I am not angry with God in anyway but felt frustrated. The chaplain I see for MC gave me an assignment to get angry with God and tell Him anything that was on my mind..... good and bad. It helped some and I have continued to be renewed. I am thankful my faith has been my stronghold this entire trial..... I think I would have jumped off a cliff by now :-).
My H has been very angry and has probably been emotionally abusive at times due to his anger. When he gets that angry, I have told him I will not tolerate him talking with me that way and get off the phone. Any conversation we have now is in regards to legalities....
I have prayed a lot about using a military act to delay everything through the time I'm away (12 months). Considering the D was filed in December and it is now June, our D has continued to be delayed for multiple reasons. I often wonder if it was purely a coincidence or if God is involved in the delay..... I am not completely sure what I will do but I am leaning towards not using the military act and letting everything play out while I'm gone. If God truly wants our M reconcilled, He does not "need" me to use an act that delays it a year. If it is truly meant to be, it will work itself out on its own w/o forcing my H to stayed married to me against his will. Any thoughts are appreciated......
I leave in 2 weeks for Afghanistan. I know I will be very busy getting packed up and moved out. I have a lot of loose ends to tie up. I also have a few fun social events I am looking forward to before leaving. I feel like I have little time left to have complete freedom and feel like a woman! It is bittersweet to leave for an entire year.
Hey Fit,
Just checking in with you...
it was cool that you posted jag so as to recirculate FC's thread which then brought to my mind that I need to be praying for her and the others while she is over in Afghanistan fightingand supporting the fight for mine and your freedom.
T
it would appear she headed over to the region rife with unrest and war just a little bit ago.
May the Lord keep her heart, mind, and body growing, healthy and alive above all else.
T
Hey Jag and T,
I'm still here! My time was extending was another 2 weeks.
Ironically my H returns home from Iraq this week. We lived in diff't states - so he has no plans to see me. However I might push the issue as I will deploy for 12 months also. I haven't seen my H since November and we have NEVER talked about the D in person. It's been very difficult. I know seeing him will help me make everything real and have closure.
Otherwise I'm just trying to be strong and hold firm with my faith. Our engagement date was this past weekend - so it was very emotional for me. As of now, we have a courtdate in the middle of August. I am finishing up my end of the paperwork. It seems surreal that a M of less than a year could be over so soon. It realy breaks my heart. I feel like I'm healing in some ways but my wounds are still wide open.
My church has a neat program. They made dog tags for all of the soldiers deployed/deploying and gave them to prayer partners to pray for them while they're away. I got my H's dog tags and will probably give them to a godly man who can pray for him while he's away. I think it's such a great concept.
I would appreciate prayers for our M and for both of our deployments. I am excited but nervous to deploy. It's going to be a crazy year - let alone dealing with a D on top of everything. I am so thankful for my faith as I do not know how I would still be here and standing strong.
good the MC (of the non DB sort ..haha) has made her appearance.
so nice to "see" ya.
crazy year or not. I am sure you will be ready for it. I will be praying for you as you continue to serve our country with courage and professionalism.
The Lord is our rock, refuge and constant source of all essential things good. In that I have confidence.
Ted
I have about one week left before deploying. I am fairly calm and peaceful but my emotions get the best of me when it comes to our M and my H.
My H is back in the states this week after being over in Iraq for 7 months. He will be here for 2 weeks. I have no idea where he is or who he is with. I have not seen him since November. He does not want to see me and "just wants me out of his life". I am trying to be strong but it is still hurtful and devastating to hear after all of these months away.
His emotions this past month from extreme anger & bitterness to friendly to crying his eyes out..... I honestly feel for him as he seems to have an inner struggle always going on and it creates many troubles and anxieties for him.
If the choice were up to me, I would see H while he is home. But he is not cooperative. He agreed to meet with me "for one hour" at the airport or at a restaurant close by and I would be the one flying from the west coast to the east coast to accomodate it (and paying for it). H is not willing to fly here to see me (even when I deploy next week). I am not sure any person it worth that much effort..... Shelling out over $500 and flying over 12 hrs to spend 1 hr with my H!!! Is he crazy?
I still long to have the chance to sit down with him and talk about our M in person, as we never have! He filed for D without ever talking about it with me in person. It has been hard for me to accept the reality of a D without having my H tell me in person. I think in the end it will give me closure that he didn't have enough courage and respect to do it... but it's frustrating now.
The really hard part for me now if we have a court date in August - which will be one of the hardest months of combat for us. I hope I will be able to solely focus on my job but I just don't know how I will react. I have never been in a combat situation and am still having a very, very hard time with our D. It scares me.
I am tempted to request an extension on our hearing date or postpone the D until I return.... but don't know what to do. I am having a very hard time deciding. I could let it go through in August but I am very uncertain about being able to cope with everything.
I am honestly very angry at my H for putting both of us in this position during deployment. It is incredibly selfish and dangerous to both of us. He is in a fairly stable area that sees few casualties. I am heading to an area that is extremely underdeveloped and very, very hostile right now. I am angry he would do this to me in such a challenging time.
deployment is on the horizon. just want to say what an honor it is for me to have you and your fellow soldiers serving our nation as you do. thanks for defending our freedoms against hostile vengeful America-haters.
I need to pray a bunch for you just so that things will settle down some and you'll get to have some peace within. I don't know the logistics of how it would be best for things to go with you and that conflicted H of your's.
Just keep trying ...try to continually excercise a pressure relief valve by continually stepping back from what seems like the many variables and permutations and decisions and what not. I don't think that our masterful and sovereign Lord wishes for you to be burdened by as much as you are thinking that you are burdened by. He is more than capable. He is more than a little loving. Use Him as the mighty resource that He wishes to be for you.
There will be stepped up prayers for you sister M.
Trust and obey and you will find your way.
Peace be in your heart.
Ted
Thanks to everyone on this board! This board has been a precious gift this past year in helping me understand and cope with the difficulties of M. Thanks for your continued support and advice along the way. A special thanks to John, Ted, Song, SMW, and Jag.
As of now, we have our hearing date in August. I am using a military act to delay the proceeding through the end of September to allow myself to deploy and adjust to life in Afghanistan - as it will be no treat :-). After that, I will remove the military act and allow the D proceedings to go forward.
I trust God will take care of things His way and in His timing. I have all the faith and hope that if our M is meant to be, God will heal and restore it in His timing. The hardest part is completely surrendering it to Him and trusting him for His outcome - but I know it is simply a big test of faith for me and I am up to the challenge. In the mean time, I will continue to pray for my H's salvation and his future and take care of myself.
Thanks again for everyone's support. I would appreciate your prayers for our deployment to Afghanistan as it will be a very difficult, challenging year. Please continue to pray for my H and our R as well.
Everyone here is in my prayers! I wish you a great year. For now, Adios my Amigos!!
Marie
that was a very graceful post there Marie ..it represents you well. My supportive prayers go on as you head overseas. Be safe and keep growing in the Lord. He has made you special and I thank Him for the privilege of getting to know you on here. May the Holy Ghost continue to serve as a shield during this time.
God bless you.
Ted